30 Feet of Stupid
Did you know that a staggering 7% of the top grossing 200 films of 2005 were directed by women? I was shocked as well, but then I remembered that on a slow weekend in summer when it’s hot outside just about everywhere on Earth, even seeing a miserable piece of woman-directed shit is better than sitting around and listening to the house-marm gab about nothing.
Perhaps we’re the lucky men. Perhaps someday women will forget their manners even during film and theatres will sound like hair salons or bird sanctuaries. Then again maybe that kind of shit will actually lower the price of a ticket.
That’s a man for you: always looking on the bright side.
The reason I know 7% of the top grossing films in 2005 were directed by a handful of the luckiest women in history (and that only 3 token women have ever been nominated for an academy awards for directing), is because some group of lady-roosters bought a giant billboard in Hollywood professing the following:
UNCHAIN THE WOMEN DIRECTORS
Women directed only 7% of the top 200 grossing films of 2005.
No women director has ever won the Oscar.
Only 3 have ever been nominated.
Fittingly, the facts are accompanied by a hideous picture of King Kong in drag. At first, I assumed this was some kind of hilarious propaganda aimed at publicizing the uglery of women directors at large. They are quite ugly you understand, and what a perfect way of adding insult to that rather nasty injury.
You’re ugly and you suck you bunch of silly cows!
I couldn’t have been more partially mistaken.
As it turns out, this billboard was paid for by a group of women calling themselves the Guerrilla Girls. Obviously, they use “girls” instead of women because it makes them feel naughty and capricious even though per capita the group probably outweighs the teamsters. Per capita means that each one is fat as fuck.
Like all women, these Gorilla Girls put absolutely no thought into how their “message” might be perceived by anyone else — probably because they were spending someone else’s money at the time. What am I saying! Of course they’re spending someone else’s money. A billboard is not stickers or shoes and that’s the only thing a woman spends her own money on.
What these broads see in this travesty is a blistering although clumsily-worded indictment of Hollywood at large and a thirty foot vindication of every failure in their silly, man-less lives. What they don’t see, however, is the confused look on the faces of all of us filthy male consumers with our filthy hard earned money that we’re going to take with us to the nearest filthy theatre and make another blockbuster.
So what the fuck is their message?
Is the message that men need to pay more attention to women directors? It can’t possibly be a call to women and sisterhood because no woman has ever paid for a movie. Blowing the night manager doesn’t count as paying, it’s a barter system and you can’t tax it.
Maybe the message is a simple: “Women can’t fucking direct!” After looking at the billboard for a few seconds I was struck with the humorous notion of a similar billboard that said in very large letters:
Jimmy Turner in Mrs. Wehrman’s 5th grade class sucks at spelling!
Brought to you by Jimmy’s mom and dad.
And that’s when I stopped thinking about it. Like everything else a woman says, it’s just meant to spin you around in circles while she looks around for some free money or something to pawn.
By the way, why give King Kong lipstick? Isn’t it sexist to assume the gorilla was male in the first place?
Of course it isn’t. It’s common sense. People gave a fuck about King Kong. No one has ever given a fuck about an ugly woman.
A 7/10 on the How Women Waste Money scale.
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March 13th, 2006 at 1:49 am - IP Man-Hash: 33fcf4d0fa775
omfg
The facts say it all.
“Women directed only 7% of the top 200 grossing films of 2005.”
That much? That just goes to show the men that make previews can make a piece of shit look like something to some people. Cuase I know it isn’t women that make previews. Then directing and acting would be flushed down the toilet in a hurry cause people would ruther shoot themselves then go watch that crap.
“No women director has ever won the Oscar.”
That is cause no women director has ever made a movie worthy. That award isn’t a damn hand-me-down. It takes skill and thinking to win, thus the results are obvious.
“Only 3 have ever been nominated.”
That makes sense, I am sure a man did the work on that to. A blowjob can get a woman a long way, if performed on the right person at the right time.
March 13th, 2006 at 1:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 3b440d3c156ea
Omny, you’re absolutely right. Can you imagine a woman making a preview? What a bunch of shit that would be.
-Dick
March 13th, 2006 at 6:12 am - IP Man-Hash: da2d54a6e4b81
If a woman made a preview, it would be longer than the damn movie.
March 13th, 2006 at 6:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 3b440d3c156ea
And it would be 100% dialogue. Brilliant!
-Dick
March 13th, 2006 at 7:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Let’s see. Talented women directors. Get ready to use your scrollbars, lads, because this is going to be quite the lengthy list.
Leni Riefenstahl.
And of course, she voted for Hitler.
Oh and there’s ‘Laurenca’ Wachowski, but, come to think of it, maybe that’s why the last two Matrix movies were crap.
-wolfe
March 13th, 2006 at 8:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 340da95569b9b
I like how they attempted (miserably) to show that somehow women directors are being “oppressed” (thier favourite word) rather than just being shitty at directing.
Feminists fail at life.
March 14th, 2006 at 12:46 am - IP Man-Hash: b09524cfe42bd
You know the only tolerable films that ever involved a woman are porno’s. Even then, they are STILL horrible at acting and still cant direct for shit.
March 14th, 2006 at 12:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 3b440d3c156ea
D, are you ever right about their acting.
Or maybe they’re incredible actresses — acting like they don’t love it.
-Dick
March 15th, 2006 at 1:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1e9dacab61935
Women dont make movies because 99% of them have no imagination. They spend their time thinking about things like weddings, shoes, emotions, feelings etc. Basically mundane, everyday things.
Men, however strive to push the boundaries of our imaginations, to make the impossible, possible. Always seeking a grander experience and concept of ourselves. Forever dreaming new dreams and ways to keep the world spinning.
Part of the reason for these characteristics, I believe is because women are pussies who never take any risks larger than trying a different chocolate bar. Women tend to stick to what they know, they focus only on the real world, always playing it safe.
I mean just listen to the inane shit women talk to each other about.
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” - Albert Einstein
March 15th, 2006 at 1:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Well said, mike. Well said, Albert. Man Points all around.
-Dick
March 15th, 2006 at 5:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5ee64f99bb92c
Indeed, I agree with you Mike. Women have no imagination, just listen to any feminist. Once you listen to one, you’ve heard them all talk. No originality, no original thought, nothing.
March 29th, 2006 at 7:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b2724cf3f725
Its amazing, as further proof that they have no imaginations, they cant even imagine that the reason no woman has ever won an Oscar for directing is not because of sexism, but because women suck at directing.
May 23rd, 2006 at 11:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 744a7e9c85c03
As a sidenote, I noticed that there are no comments left by a woman here. I found this reading almost as pleasant as having Carmen Electra in a bikini on hand serving my buddies and me beer while watching the Superbowl, mouth shut the entire game. Beautiful.
I couldn’t help but notice that the only statistics stated by these women went on to prove no point at all because it was incomplete in the first place. They failed to mention exactly how many women directors there are total, in ratio to men directors, for a valid comparison to be made. Which probably is impossible anyways, making their arguement even more useless.
Just as a woman would, they used only the portion of the facts in which they can make themselves look like bitches the most with.
Truth is, even if 50% of all directors were women, the said 7% would still be an outrageous number.
…ok I take that back,
even if 99% of all directors were women, the said 7% would still be an outrageous number.
May 23rd, 2006 at 11:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 920fbe879a674
Definitely true, RAP.
-Dick
November 7th, 2007 at 1:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 074dd7af3d692
Women should not direct. They should not make movies. All of the movies written/directed by women suck.
Case in point, “An American Haunting”. It took a wonderful ghost story from Tennessee and turned into a “father molesting daughter” piece of shit storyline.
Women can’t do anything productive. I’m ashamed to be one. I, along with all other women, belong in the house.
This makes me wonder why “obey” was taken out of traditional wedding vows in the first place. I, for one, opted to say it.
December 31st, 2007 at 1:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7b9c80548d676
Sarah is obviously a man. No woman would write such garbage.
December 31st, 2007 at 2:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6d2bcc78aa95d
Further proof of how women twist the truth to make them look like victims. They take a fact like: “Women directed only 7% of the top 200 grossing films of 2005″, then twist it to make people think there is some conspiracy in Hollywood against women directors.
For many years there have been females in Hollywood who direct, write and produce, but because thier work wasn’t recognized as great or blockbuster, they have to blame somebody.
When will females grow up?
December 31st, 2007 at 10:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: ea052221d7246
When you are incompetent, useless and sore, you blame the victors. Womanly. You got owned, live with it. Grow up, women. Men > Women.
January 1st, 2008 at 4:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 60c984a618a05
I, you have nothing constructive to contribute to any argument here and you’re just here to do what you do best - make people hate you. No, women write lots of garbage. No, you’re not fighting for your rights, you’re bitching for preferential treatment and people don’t like you because you compare your invisible struggle to that of the blacks and then proceed to repeat an irreverent, tired Jew joke.
Nobody finds you funny. You’re just being an annoying bitch, and you’re just making yourself look stupid. Also, on the whole racism thing, a majority of Americans supported slavery during the 19th century. Now, a majority of Americans see our cause as a hateful, spiteful and archaic one. Does that mean that you are not going to be held accountable for your parasitism and cruelty? Of course not! You sound like a frigid bitch, so there’s going to be hell to pay as more men marry abroad, if ever, and men forgo those bullshit mail-order or myspace dating sites in favor for physically traveling for the real, physical thing. At the very best, you’ll be out competed by the thinner, more likeable grateful girlys when you’re finally a lonesome 30-something with no job skills and… depreciated physical assets. What do you do? Whoops, all of the rich hubbies are having group sex with three clean Thai girly-girls. It looks like you’re going to end up being treated like the trash you are, just like I have to work for what I get.
In essence, you’d be a poor, stupid loser from a wealthy suburban background and you’d be overlooked by the rich men who got NOTHING given to them. But then, if you ignore the future, it’ll never come - just like you, you frigid cunt!
January 1st, 2008 at 5:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 08444efbf4b03
“i” is a fusion of “worthless” and “useless”. Fuck off woman.
January 1st, 2008 at 8:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 5cfc4fdf87f79
January 1st, 2008 at 8:37 am - IP Man-Hash: 5cfc4fdf87f79
This is it again in case you missed the first one!
January 1st, 2008 at 8:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 60c984a618a05
And later this bitch will be crying and cutting herself, having all of 17 years of sheltered white suburban life experience, asking why nobody likes her.
January 1st, 2008 at 8:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 60c984a618a05
Caught that new years part. Looks like someone drank 1 too many chick drinks and then blamed the entire male population for whatever hijinks ensued.
January 1st, 2008 at 9:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 5cfc4fdf87f79
Now I’ll tell you again, I am the most narcissistic person you will ever come across, so why would I cut myself and mar my perfect being?
January 1st, 2008 at 9:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 5cfc4fdf87f79
Doubt, Another thing I’m tired of is your endless threats. I believe you have now threatened to break my nose three times, break my jaw and punch me in the cunt. You better start watching what you say, because you never know when one of these useless females will break bad on your ass (that is if you actually have the balls to say that shit to people’s face). I am the exact height and weight of Bruce Lee, the baddest man to ever live, so I just might take you! My Sensei has a wonderful saying, HE says would you rather be hit by a slow moving bus or a speeding Porsche (me being the Porsche)? So go fuck yourself!
January 1st, 2008 at 10:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 5cfc4fdf87f79
Silence equals consent, maybe you have taken my advice and gone to purchase that ticket that will take you far, far away! That is the best New Year’s present you could’ve given us!
January 1st, 2008 at 2:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: d855e3b530f63
JLA: Here’s a bone to appease you. I genuinely don’t want to think that men are better than women but time after time they keep proving it. What do I do?
January 1st, 2008 at 5:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5cfc4fdf87f79
Detached,
If you genuinely don’t want to think it then don’t! It is obvious that every man here is here for personal reasons not because men are better than women as a whole. I genuinely don’t want to believe that every man is a lying, cheating dog, but they keep proving that also. Apparently, men just take failed relationships much harder than women do. Maybe because women have been conditioned to expect it. I’m quite sure there were always women who weren’t exactly what you’d call monogamous, but it was rare in days of yore because they were put to death for such acts. So now that women have the same liberties as men, and are acting like men all of the sudden it’s not so cute anymore. All I can say is that there are shitty people on both sides of the gender fence. If you happened to get a bad one, or even two or three bad ones, chalk it up to experience and move on!
January 1st, 2008 at 5:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: d855e3b530f63
I’m not just talking about relationships. In the workplace, getting things done, driving…women are just the suck. You assume I’m some bitter dude looking for answers and in some respects thats true. Why do women suck as adults?
January 1st, 2008 at 6:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5cfc4fdf87f79
Give me a personal account of a bitter woman at work and maybe I can help.
January 6th, 2008 at 4:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: a1076a8d78fb1
JLA, I never actually threaten you being that you are not physically in my vicinity - nor do I have the ‘balls’ (HAHAHAHAHA, you’d know a lot about that!) do say that in public, seeing as your definition of balls is a desire to be maced, tazed, kicked in the balls, and then sent to prison by a ‘hero’.
My main purpose here is that I believe you have claimed that you could kick a soccer ball at 60+ mph, and yet some good man set you straight by proving that impossible.
You, bitch, are a liar who should just focus on being sweet and submissive. Whenever you try to get out and make yourself heard, people end up begging you to shut up again - just stick to teary, sloppy blowjobs. You really, really suck at lying and socializing, and yet you attempt both so, so painfully often it makes me feel how indefinitely stupid you can be!
JLA, shut the fuck up - nobody is cheering you on, you’re just an annoying bitch who thinks that her sex makes her less of a lying, bitchy loser than she already is! No, you’re just using your gender as an excuse, as do all of the spoiled, bitchy, lazy, weak, emotional, stupid little suburban girly-girls who apparently have seen it all and decided to be above God. Of course, I know that arrogance has a nasty habit of biting you in the ass, Karma and all of that.
January 6th, 2008 at 7:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5cfc4fdf87f79
Nope, never said anything about kicking a soccer ball here ever. And yes you most certainly did threaten me. You may not have come right out and said “I am going to break your nose”, but that is certainly the implication that you were making. Furthermore, you know nothing about me so I ask that you refrain from analyzing me anymore.
Thank you and have a beautiful day!
January 6th, 2008 at 7:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: a1076a8d78fb1
So you directly threaten me in response to the fact that you kind of got the jist that I threatened you. From that I can infer that you are neurotic, stupid, and somehow feel your sex makes you any less sick than a man who did the same stupid, retarded thing.
January 6th, 2008 at 7:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5cfc4fdf87f79
Never did I once directly threaten you. I simply said I was tired of your threats. I am focusing on being sweet like you said, so please cut me some slack.
May 18th, 2008 at 12:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0ae520af6d01b
Women directed only 7% of the top 200 grossing films of 2005.
No women director has ever won the Oscar.
Only 3 have ever been nominated.
Typical woman thinking. Instead of looking within themselves to figure out why they’re under-achieving, they just sit around and dream up conspiracy theories.
When guys decide which movies to see, do you think they go to the internet to research whether it’s directed by a woman or not? I don’t. Nobody does, that’s just stupid. If it’s a good flick, I don’t fucking care if it was directed by a Jack Russel terrier.
Solving your own problems: men do it through hard work, women do it by drumming up sob-stories and sympathy in hopes that enough idiots throw money their way to keep them afloat. No wonder women fail miserably in business.
May 18th, 2008 at 2:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3055f44a01c6c
Leni Riefenstahl was the only decent female director - and she was a fucking Nazi!
June 20th, 2008 at 5:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 062703d978411
“A billboard is not stickers or shoes and that’s the only thing a woman spends her money on..” Dick! Your male intuition and efficiency are showing. On the day you unveil your Men>Women stickers, you have already made provision for them never to fall into female hands. There is no, no way a woman could ever buy these (with her own money) without also hearing the divinely unintentional pun: “If the shoe fits…”
You clever, clever bastard.