Antidepressants Are Depressing Me

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Of all the women I know who are on antidepressants, 100% of them have told me.

When it comes to women and their stupid mental problems that I don’t give a fuck about, I wish patients had to respect the doctor/client confidentiality agreement as well. That would not only make my life a lot less whiny, but it would also make every first date happening in Utah on any given Friday night about two awkward silences smoother.

If you weren’t aware, Utah has the highest per capita female usage of prescription antidepressants in the world. No one knows why, but it’s probably because Utah is extremely religious, and we all know women take to religion about as well as they take to using whiskey as a lubricant. It stings you for a minute, it stings her for a lifetime.

Men are better than women.

Men do not air our dirty laundry all over the place like we’re doing the world a favor.

First of all, men have an infinite number of classifications for “used” before we get to “dirty”. That’s how we stay attracted to women — no matter how many kids they have. Used does not equal dirty. Just because a pair of jeans are in the washing machine, doesn’t mean they’re dirty. Maybe you just sat on a Gummi Bear. It’s not like you shit yourself.

Secondly, men are better than women at taking prescription antidepressants.

I have known a friend of mine for two and a half years. Just this weekend, I found out he had a kid. I am manlighted to say that at this rate, I won’t know about his Xanax addiction until a woman is sitting in the Oval Office — which will be never.

Women can’t shut their mouths about what they shove down their throats. Zoloft, Lustral, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Zyban, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Paxil, Aropax, Cutting, Anorexia; to women those are all just another word for attention.

Why else would the depression rate for women be double that of men? It’s not like any woman ever got rich as shit in her 30’s and then realized she married way under their league. Do they have a drug for that?

Medicare should cover divorces.

Since all women were born with an unlimited debtors account at the Bank of Vagina Fargo, I see absolutely no reason why they should ever be depressed. Other than the reason that they fucking love being depressed.

For women, depression is a time machine into a world of being a good for fuck teenager, who doesn’t know shit about shit except that the refrigerator is magic, the day starts at 2PM, and money is something Republicans invented because George Bush hates black people.

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159 Responses to “Antidepressants Are Depressing Me”

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  1. zogmama Says:

    @KellyMac: When I said ‘psychiatric professional’ I should have said ‘psychiatrist’ because that title requires an MD. I was uncertain about the terminology used in other parts of the world; I believe that sony is from eastern Europe. I’m not personally a consumer of anti-depressants. I found that my divorce served the same function in my life, as my spouse suffered from untreated bipolar disorder.

    @sony: Most of the US ‘professionals’ who have you lie on a couch are counselors, psychologists, or social workers, none of whom is required to have a medical degree or license. They can’t prescribe medication of any sort, and certainly not psychotropins.

  2. Savant Says:

    Zogmama read it correctly… normal doctors have no idea what the stuff does. My doctor knew so little, she actually thought that lexapro was a type of Lithium lite. Go to the people that do it for a living.

    Sonyad also had a valid point, however. No matter what kind of doctor they are, they can still make a pretty penny off of someone’s insurance company by prescribing the latest fad in mental “health care”… and they often do.

    Everyone has a hard life. It is up to you to fix your misc. problems the best you can, whilst seeking professional and friendly counsel… and do everything you can w/o the use of chemical assistance. That should always be the last resort.

    It seems to me that people today wear their medications like a badge of honor… do they enjoy pity?

  3. Dick Masterson Says:

    Luka said:

    I am not on anti-depressants. So not quite 100%…

    “Of all the women I know who are on antidepressants, 100% of them have told me.”

    Reading comprehension. Another reason women are fucking banned from this site.

    -Dick

  4. Dick Masterson Says:

    KellyMac said:

    Aw, Dick. Catherine doesn’t like you. And she was oh-so-ladylike in telling you. Are you devastated?

    I didn’t get to read her comment before it fell off page one.

    I feel as though I’ve missed something unimportant.

    -Dick

  5. diamatik Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Reading comprehension. Another reason women are fucking banned from this site.

    -Dick

    Can’t say that I blame you.

  6. Der Ubermensch Says:

    Female said:

    I wish I had of just kept ignoring you. None of your rant may any sense whatsoever

    As opposed to the perfect sense this little blurb makes?

    English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?

  7. sonyad Says:

    zogmama said:

    @sony: Most of the US ‘professionals’ who have you lie on a couch are counselors, psychologists, or social workers, none of whom is required to have a medical degree or license. They can’t prescribe medication of any sort, and certainly not psychotropins.

    Good to know.

    Still, hard to see why anyone would cough up the dough each treatment ’session’ when they could in good stead spend the money on hours worth of exhilarating emotional catharsis through driving wheres as yet unknown.

    Just let let the throttle go and whisk you further and further away. For awhile…

    Pity.

    - Andrea Britton - Hold Me Till The End Original Mix

  8. sonyad Says:

    Just make sure you don’t lose it and stop for whatever inconsequential reason.

    - Andrea Britton - Hold Me Till The End Original Mix

  9. Female Says:

    Personally I don’t believe anyone should take antidepressants prescribed by a GP. If you need them, then you’d best get your prescription from a psychiatrist who has seen that you actually fit the criteria for a psychiatric illness and who will monitor your adjustment, side-effects and dosage.

    GPs are not trained in psychiatric diagnosis, so IMO they should not be able to prescribe drugs for mental disorders, and especially not for children. Not that it’s especially hard for anyone to pick up a DSM-IV TR and match fit the criteria, but then, has anyone ever witnessed a GP do something like that? I’ve never been on meds, so I can’t state whether they are really any good, though I have heard that they kill libido. You’d think that should be enough of an incentive for someone to seek counselling instead.

  10. Billy Says:

    Female said:

    Personally I don’t believe anyone should take antidepressants prescribed by a GP. If you need them, then you’d best get your prescription from a psychiatrist who has seen that you actually fit the criteria for a psychiatric illness and who will monitor your adjustment, side-effects and dosage.

    GPs are not trained in psychiatric diagnosis, so IMO they should not be able to prescribe drugs for mental disorders, and especially not for children. Not that it’s especially hard for anyone to pick up a DSM-IV TR and match fit the criteria, but then, has anyone ever witnessed a GP do something like that? I’ve never been on meds, so I can’t state whether they are really any good, though I have heard that they kill libido. You’d think that should be enough of an incentive for someone to seek counselling instead.

    But since every woman has a mental illness it only makes sense that GPs give out the meds otherwise shrinks would be overloaded.

    women suck as people

  11. KellyMac Says:

    Female, that’s the first sensible thing I’ve seen you say.

  12. Female Says:

    KellyMac, that’s the first sensible thing I’ve seen you say.

  13. crazybitch Says:

    I think in general american doctors are too swift to give anyone a pill for anything. Antidepressants should not be handed out like candy, for those who truly do need them, they are wonderful, but it needs to be in conjuntion with talk therapy. They are not “happy pills” and I think most poeple expect them to be. Nor can they just be taken randomly when you’re feeling assy. If you are currently on them, and you’re doctor never had you follow up, then switch doctors.

    As for oversharing, in general, when do you guys think it is OK to inform your sig o of *any* malady. I once had a date tell me on the first date of his 14 yr long dry spell due to impotence. I didn’t want to hear that shit on the first date, nor more than any guy would want to hear about any ailment of mine.

    That all said, don’t shoot your girlfriends and wives down for taking antidepressants, but if they talk about it incessantly, then you need to just kindly advise-that they need to speak to their doctor about this, that you have no way of relating, but you’ll be there for them. If anyone talks about anything too much it is annoying.

  14. Billy Says:

    Female said:

    KellyMac, that’s the first sensible thing I’ve seen you say.

    Hey Kelly says many sensible things. If you could read and comprehend I would suggest that you read her website. But we already know you fail miserably at such.

  15. P Coderch Says:

    Dick Masterson loves women. He loves them so much, in fact, that he wants to have sex with them. This is the problem with all of the guys here: they complain about how stupid women obviously are, how inferior they are, etc, but what they really hate is the fact that they can’t live without the pussy. So their real complain is that it is just not fair for men to be physicaly and mentally superior to women and yet have to bow down to them because women decide whether men get laid or not. And they will tolerate all kinds of bitchy demands from women, and accept being treated like shit by them, as long as there is even a remote chance of getting laid. The pussy gives women complete control over men, and men know it and hate it.

    P Coderch

    P Coderch

  16. P Coderch Says:

    KellyMac said:

    Wow, Female, first comment, and you aren’t even trying to address the post. I wish you would just shut up. You make all of us vagina-bearers look stupid. At least try to argue intelligently, m’kay?

    On the topic of anti-depressants, I have to admit I take them. Believe me, you’re glad I do.

    Hey, Dick…you brought it up.

    LOL…even her fellow walking cunts can’t stand “Female”. Impressive.

    P Coderch

  17. Antoine Says:

    “Women can’t shut their mouths about what they shove down their throats. Zoloft, Lustral, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Zyban, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Paxil, Aropax, Cutting, Anorexia; to women those are all just another word for attention.”

    That is so fucking true! Women are fucked.

  18. Kaiserin Says:

    I’m a woman, and I LOVE YOU! You are absolutely, 100% correct about women. The only thing I have in common with them is a freaking (non-stretched out, because I’m not gonna breed) vagina, and (better-looking) tits. I have absolutely ZERO women friends, nor do I want any. My idea of a good time is NOT talking about my “feelings”, going shopping, bitching and complaining incessantly about pointless shit, or doing the other million things that women do that are an utter waste of my time. Fuck other women, they are horrendous bitches, and I would love to live in a world of men only. Wait…isn’t that called HEAVEN? But I digress. Your site is fucking great, I can already tell I’m going to be up all goddamned night reading all your posts, and laughing my ass off because you are so spot-on. And you know what? I’m going to order your fucking book and give it to everyone I know (men only, obviously). I mean…DAMN! You fucking kick ass! LOVE IT!

  19. Devek Says:

    I heard semen is a good antidepressant.

  20. Ralohcs Denrael Says:

    Antoine said:

    “Women can’t shut their mouths about what they shove down their throats. Zoloft, Lustral, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Zyban, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Paxil, Aropax, Cutting, Anorexia; to women those are all just another word for attention.”

    That is so fucking true! Women are fucked.

    And prozac.

    P Coderch said:

    The pussy gives women complete control over men, and men know it and hate it.

    P Coderch

    Pussy does not give anything to women in terms of control. Prostitution laws do. Prostitution laws actually control women far more than men, because a prostitution law is the ultimate form of slavery.

    Prostitution laws were invented by women who didn’t want to have to compete with prostitutes for men. With the natural threat of a prostitute around the corner, a women had to know her place and act appropriately to her man. However, a prostitution law makes all women the slave property of she who controls the army who enforces the law, because now women no longer own their bodies - the government does.

    Not only that, but any women who uses her vagina for monetary gain, or as you call it “Bitchy demands”, or uses her vagina as a weapon, instantly makes herself a whore.

    So, while you thought you had such a cleaver conclusion demonstrating how upset men are about having to grovel for pussy, it looks like you’re just another women who doesn’t understand the first thing about the basics, Mrs. Coderch (Mrs. because you’re the property of the government, who controls what you are allowed to do with your own body!).

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