Ask Dick: My Girlfriend is Needy
I was sent this question by Max.
Dick, I’ve met this woman who obviously likes me, but she keeps her guard up as far as dating goes. She even told me thats why she got her dog a few years ago. Because the dog will always love her no matter what. What should I do?
I would have thought a man who shared his name with one of the manliest men in cinema, Mad Max, would know a thing or two about seeing through women and their endless bullshit.
Grab a sword and a piece of paper, Max. You and your shitty girlfriend are about to enter the Thunderdome.
Women are obsessed with control. That’s why they hate things like sports, midgets, and penises. Those things can never be controlled. And that’s exactly what women do when they put their “guard” up. They control what cannot be controlled.
The Penis.
Women have no reason to be afraid of anything. Imagine that you could say whatever you wanted without getting punched in the mouth. Imagine you could have a millionaire pay for your entire life with the right combination of make-up and shut-up. Imagine you were born with the unlimited line of credit that is a vagina. It doesn’t even have to be well maintained!
Why the fuck would you keep your guard up if you had nothing to be afraid of?
Man Lesson #1: Do not get a girlfriend.
Getting a girlfriend is like getting a running start before you jump off a cliff. No matter how fast you’re going, it’s still a step in the wrong direction.
Men Lesson #2: Fuck women’s dogs.
It takes a dog to love a woman. Any creature who can feed itself has little use for a permanently wound up Bitch-in-the-Box, ready to spring out at the spill of a soda.
Women need dogs the way men need brains, blood, and beer. Women need the concept of “unconditional love”. It pumps through their veins instead of blood and it nourishes their every waking moment. Unconditional love, which is stupid and insane, is the Sports of woman-kind.
Sports are an eternal test of skill and wits for the sole purpose of honing them both. It is very manly. Unconditional love can be used to describe the actions of mental patients and psychotics.
Man Lesson #3: Do not get a girlfriend.
We’ve all seen a cartoon donkey with a carrot hanging off of a stick just inches away from its face. Well that’s exactly what having a girlfriend will do to you, except instead of a carrot hanging in front of your face, it’ll be a big red STOP sign and a shitload of complaining. What needy girlfriends never seem to need is a reason to bitch and complain. If she’s complaining so much, why not give her a reason to be doing it. Hide all her pants or underwear or something.
There are few men who’ve gotten rich by listening to a bunch of fucking complaining all day. Usually, those men become priests.
The real question here, Max, is not what your girlfriend is keeping her guard up to keep out, it’s what she’s keeping her guard up to keep in. Control.
And also she’s probably a foul-mouthed sex maniac. All women are.
Related Articles:
October 29th, 2007 at 4:18 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Umm, ok. It sounds like you think that I was talking about this…
When I was talking about this…
That’s an joke. You say it when someone says a statistic that you don’t believe.
Anyway, if I thought the way you do, and judged like you do, I would have to say women are smarter then men. After all there hasn’t been a male dux at my school for a while (yes, I’m the same age as you, for some reason at one point you thought I was 40 something. Where you got that from I’ve no idea) . All the girls get statistically higher grades then boys despite the same education for both and believe it or not our two best sports people are a girls and a boy (and know they can’t compete against each other, the is an athlete in all areas swimming, running ect the boy is a soccer champ).
But guess what, I don’t think like you. I know that men and women are different but equal, and deserve to be treated as such. Neither is better then the other.
October 29th, 2007 at 8:27 am - IP Man-Hash: de55713197a6e
I dont give a shit about you or your life story. Girls like to be complete nerds in schools and yet achieve jackshit in real life. Guess what, top honours like Valedictorian which I was honoured with recognises holistic individuals.
Women suck at leadership and basically.. competency in the real world.
I have never said you were 40. I just think you are a worthless individual whom I dont give a shit about. Equal, my ass. If women were capable, they would push to say “Women are better”… but they suck balls and can only try to pretend that we are “equal” to make themselves feel better.
I will give you an analogy through two atheletes. One is a champion athelete while the other is only mediocre. The champion wins every tournament he participates in…achieving numerous accolades. What does the loser mediocre athelete say? “Oh we are all competing in the name of the game itself so we are all ‘equal’”. Yeah, fucking right. You only push for equality when you are weak . Women will never be able to beat men in a real competition faceout between both genders.
October 29th, 2007 at 10:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 955ecd7b9aea4
You mean GIRLS, dear fellow - and you’re comparing them to BOYS who are more practical than studious, who would rather construct and design bridges, or computer networks, than be forced to write essays entitled, “How far did the Feminist Movement advance under Gloria Steinem?”.
And you do realise you’ve cheapened whatever argument you could of had by bringing in the La-La land of academia into this? Men - not boys - excel in the REAL world, where it matters, where commerce is done, deals tied, wealth GENERATED. Even scholastically underdeveloped boys often grow into skilled manual workers - and the last time I checked, a Plumber - the vast majority of whom are MEN - outearn Nail ‘Technicians’ (what a laugh!!), the vast majority of whom are - rightly - a bunch of cunts.
October 29th, 2007 at 10:15 am - IP Man-Hash: 955ecd7b9aea4
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/4183166.stm
“There were twice as many men with IQ scores of 125, for example, a level said to correspond with people getting first-class degrees.
“At scores of 155, associated with genius, there were 5.5 men for every woman. “
October 29th, 2007 at 12:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: c14d471d83006
Mike, that was the precise meaning of my reply to you. The only problem is that you are guilty of voicing your hateful stereotypes while I am not. I was merely pointing out your hypocritical argument to make an observation. I hope you don’t think it’s an apt enough response to simply repeat what I said to you…
October 29th, 2007 at 11:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Ok sw and MansVoice, explain to me why most of the men in the ‘real world’ in my area are laborers while the women have office jobs (and no, they are not all sectary’s to men.) There is actually a minority of men in any academic job. So my point still stands. If I were to have your mentality I would think women are smarter then men, in school and out of school, but guess what? I don’t think like you. It just so happens that men and womens ’smarts’ are in different areas, and neither is better then the other. They actually compliment each other.
October 29th, 2007 at 11:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Where I live the vast majority of nail technicians are women , and they may not earn as much as a plumber. But they are vastly Asian immigrants, I’ve only heard of one that isn’t, but I haven’t seen any. I don’t think that’s fair of you to make fun of them, they’re starting a new life in a new country for what ever reason, and however small you think their contribution is, the fact remains it is a contribution which is warmly welcomed and appreciated.
October 29th, 2007 at 11:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Eliza it’s not apt enough to repeat at all. I’m just glad you can read.
October 29th, 2007 at 11:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Clair laborers in many places make more than people with office jobs. Women often hire others to fill office positions. They only hire other women and gays.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:12 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
You sound a little spiteful there mike. Ok there are laborers that make more then office workers, there are office workers that make more then laborers. Like it or not, the two profession count on each other. They need each other. So guess what? Neither is better, otherwise one could easily do with out the other.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 1b282541e5f4b
Are you fucking kidding me? Most of the men in the ‘real world’ arent in offices working? Which part of the fucking planet do you live in? “Femland”? That is fucking hilarious.
The number of men at managerial positions in countries around the world are roughly 70 odd percent. In singapore, it is roughly 77% so what bullshit are you trying to pull? Show us some stats instead of using your bullshit “life story” as some kind of “reality”.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:36 am - IP Man-Hash: c14d471d83006
Oh… I get it. Insulting my intelligence is how you respond to being a hypocrite. Well, when you can’t win…
October 30th, 2007 at 12:38 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
*sigh* MansVoice…God you frustrate me. Ok, virtually everyone here draws on personal experience. I’m just saying, if I did the same thing that’s the conclusion I would be drawn to, not only that but I would have to say that all men are horny, sex crazed animals that think nothing of others emotions.
But thankfully, I am mature enough to realise there is a world beyond my own, with people that i have not met and I there-fore can not make a judgment on. Further more, the few boys/men that I have met that do not fall into the above mentioned criteria (which I know that there must be many all though I have only met a few), do not deserved to be labeled the same as the men who do.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 50da02be8381c
Wow, you are evading the issue at hand again.
*applause*
Frustruated? That is because you are a fucking moron who is rehashing bullshit. I called you out on your lies and deceit by pointing out to you… that men are indeed in the workplace working and you responded with some other bullshit. You failed your english classes? I am an Asian but I can comprehend way better than you … Heck, a kid would probably be smarter than yourself.
Yadyaydayay. Boofucking hoo. “I am matured” again eh Clair? Well, guess what? Fuck off. No one thinks so. At least, not us. Maybe your boyfriend who is the guest of honour at your pants doesnt “think” so but who am I to comment? Lmao.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:01 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
I never denied there are men in the work place. Why would I? I said there was. Everyone is drawing on personal experience. If I did the same thing, that would be the result. Except I don’t.
What is with you always saying “matured” in inverted commas? And when did I mention your maturity in that post?
October 30th, 2007 at 1:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 1b282541e5f4b
I did that because I was referring to a quote of yours thus I use the inverted commas. You are wondering why it has become a sort of a repetition? Well, ask yourself why you keep repeating that you are matured then…
Self praise is no praise.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:12 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
I’m far far FAR from mature. But I am mature enough to know certain things. Such as not to judge other people that I haven’t met based on people I have met.
October 30th, 2007 at 2:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 92db72c86765b
Does anyone know where the gun is?
November 1st, 2007 at 1:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Fuck it. Judge everyone, that is why men created kick-ass fucking BMG .50 caliber rifles to kill people from very long distances.
War baby. I won’t judge you until right before I nuke you.
November 7th, 2007 at 4:59 am - IP Man-Hash: 7e3566f4d99e0
You”Mr. Dick Head” are a fucking retard. Who do you think you are? You have NO CLASS, you are a pedophile, a hypocrite and I am positive the reason you down women are that…hmmmm…lets see-you”ve never had a date in your life. For one thing you a pussy for not showing your face on the Dr. Phil show. What are you afraid of? What woman would want you? The answer to that is NONE! I am positive that you won’t even post this because you are afraid of the truth. Believe me your not so great and no one in this world could possibly agree with a mindless fuck like you. Who are you to tell that lady in the audience to go work out on a treadmill. Why don’t you go get your bald head a labotomy? I think you have already had one RETARD. You make me sick. I am sure you won’t post this because you can’t face the truth. You must not work to have the time for all this nonsence. I am sure you must be on disability for being mentally challenged. I am not saying anything bad about that believe me. Some people deserve it but not you. You deserve a swift kick in the ASS! For your comment for ending up in jail for being with a 17 year old. You wouldn’t last a minute in jail. The inmates would eat you for breakfast.PIG