Ask Dick: My Girlfriend is Needy

I was sent this question by Max.

Dick, I’ve met this woman who obviously likes me, but she keeps her guard up as far as dating goes. She even told me thats why she got her dog a few years ago. Because the dog will always love her no matter what. What should I do?

I would have thought a man who shared his name with one of the manliest men in cinema, Mad Max, would know a thing or two about seeing through women and their endless bullshit.

Grab a sword and a piece of paper, Max. You and your shitty girlfriend are about to enter the Thunderdome.

Women are obsessed with control. That’s why they hate things like sports, midgets, and penises. Those things can never be controlled. And that’s exactly what women do when they put their “guard” up. They control what cannot be controlled.

The Penis.

Women have no reason to be afraid of anything. Imagine that you could say whatever you wanted without getting punched in the mouth. Imagine you could have a millionaire pay for your entire life with the right combination of make-up and shut-up. Imagine you were born with the unlimited line of credit that is a vagina. It doesn’t even have to be well maintained!

Why the fuck would you keep your guard up if you had nothing to be afraid of?

Man Lesson #1: Do not get a girlfriend.

Getting a girlfriend is like getting a running start before you jump off a cliff. No matter how fast you’re going, it’s still a step in the wrong direction.

Men Lesson #2: Fuck women’s dogs.

It takes a dog to love a woman. Any creature who can feed itself has little use for a permanently wound up Bitch-in-the-Box, ready to spring out at the spill of a soda.

Women need dogs the way men need brains, blood, and beer. Women need the concept of “unconditional love”. It pumps through their veins instead of blood and it nourishes their every waking moment. Unconditional love, which is stupid and insane, is the Sports of woman-kind.

Sports are an eternal test of skill and wits for the sole purpose of honing them both. It is very manly. Unconditional love can be used to describe the actions of mental patients and psychotics.

Man Lesson #3: Do not get a girlfriend.

We’ve all seen a cartoon donkey with a carrot hanging off of a stick just inches away from its face. Well that’s exactly what having a girlfriend will do to you, except instead of a carrot hanging in front of your face, it’ll be a big red STOP sign and a shitload of complaining. What needy girlfriends never seem to need is a reason to bitch and complain. If she’s complaining so much, why not give her a reason to be doing it. Hide all her pants or underwear or something.

There are few men who’ve gotten rich by listening to a bunch of fucking complaining all day. Usually, those men become priests.

The real question here, Max, is not what your girlfriend is keeping her guard up to keep out, it’s what she’s keeping her guard up to keep in. Control.

And also she’s probably a foul-mouthed sex maniac. All women are.

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Comment by Doubt
2007-10-26 16:25:23

Female said:

I think it’s time this site was banned and promoting rape ought to do it.

This site isn’t going to be banned. You cunts tried that once - it didn’t work, slut.
See, there are those little bitches trying to get their way again. Honey, if you’re only good for fucking - which you keep reminding us with your ‘good luck getting laid’ comments - rape should apparently be a compliment to your purpose. It would be like an emotionally mature human getting a raise or promotion for an honest day’s work - if a whorish secretary gets raped in an alleyway drunk off her wits, apparently she was asking for it just by advertising her pussy.
Rape claims are just a little girl’s cry for help - you cunts glorify man-rape all the time because you just can’t stop thinking about it. Ah, the joy of being able to un-fuck anyone you made the mistake of fucking - and getting all that attention!
Oh, attention is everything for you cunts, isn’t it?
Now run along, slut. It’s time for man-talk, and if you bitch to the provider after you are unable to counter our logic with your speculation, it will start right back up.
There are numerous men here who run servers/hosting programs who have made it clear that the second that a little miss gets this site shut down, it will be right back up again.
You can’t fight us, female. You’ll never win.

 
Comment by Female
2007-10-26 16:08:51

I think it’s time this site was banned and promoting rape ought to do it.

 
Comment by MansVoice
2007-10-26 08:59:05

Doubt said:I were you, female, I would keep my hands to myself and stop fucking around with other people’s business. There is a reason the rest of the world hates all Americans for that, you know.
You just can’t leave people the fuck alone - you always know what’s best for them. So far, what you feminists have done, with your halter-tops, God complexes, and long-winded, awkward excuses for personal weakness has just been to get other people to hate you.

Yeah, fuck off. Did these women cry for help? Fuck, no. Why the hell must you impose your doctrine upon others? I am Asian and I would know that this is pretty commonplace in Asian societies. Cancel out the hyberbole of wives starving(they dont) - Most women do respect men.

Its the feminists who fuck things up with their belief that they are helping others. Yeah right. They cant help their own marriage for fucks sake.

 
Comment by Doubt
2007-10-26 08:35:42

Missy is a fucking girl Says:
August 20th, 2007 at 8:52 pm- IP Man-Hash: cc1d350da2aab

e v i l e d d y said: From how women act and portray themselves in society today. I would not come running to the aid of a female being raped if I seen it happen.

I swear, you are all going to hell. Fucking dick shitters. You all make me sick. Bastards, I’ll kill you all if you raped me, or anyone else. Pieces of shit!!!!!

Girls are cute when they’re angry. Oh, you’d kill me. That’s just your period honey, you’ll get over it. Rape can be a very pleasant and enjoyable experience if you can accept the fact that you naturally invite it. After all, the rapist had to make a choice out of all of the shallow, slutty, physically rapeable whores in the club/strip club/bar and he chose you! What an honor, you really are good for something after those implants!

 
Comment by Doubt
2007-10-26 08:32:22

Red Spot said:
How brainless ARE you, garbage? I bet you are fat and ugly, too? LOL

Play russian roulette with a loaded pistol, shit for brains. The world doesn’t need crap like you, prick.

How clever, a little cunt who makes penis jokes. Well I like jokes too.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice!

And the whole encouraging suicide thing - it doesn’t really make you look intelligent or powerful. It just makes you look like you’re bat-shit crazy and too emotionally immature/stupid to know any better. Now you could go on to explain how having that lukewarm hole in your crotch makes you better than me, but we all know the drill.
And I must admit, it is pretty funny that you have to specify to play Russian Roulette with a loaded pistol. I mean, how stupid can you be? Are you some porn star/strip teaser who feels a little grimy after getting two cocks in her ass at the same time? I’m sure the ability to feel love will return to you. It really will - sluts un-cunt themselves all the time - it really does happen. Those years of neglect can just magically melt away, just like unicorns are real and exploiting your sexuality does not make that your only purpose.
Now run along, slut. I know you’re all crampy from your cute little period and all, but no one here can plug up that twat with some get-well-soon sex, so you’re going to just have to let the blood run down your legs. Unless you plan on wearing underwear under your miniskirt this time… no, that would be oppression, not acting like a cunt and sucking every rich-guy cock around. And if someone lies, you charge them with rape!

 
Comment by Doubt
2007-10-26 08:17:38

Yes, but then again, I think that a woman would know better about what is good for her than a middle-class suburban white girl. The fact that this long-standing culture has survived for so long is a testament to a society untainted by feminism. If I were you, female, I would keep my hands to myself and stop fucking around with other people’s business. There is a reason the rest of the world hates all Americans for that, you know.
You just can’t leave people the fuck alone - you always know what’s best for them. So far, what you feminists have done, with your halter-tops, God complexes, and long-winded, awkward excuses for personal weakness has just been to get other people to hate you.
Stop being concerned about other womyn - they aren’t your sisters. You need to stop being so fucking autistic and learn about the concept of personal space and social skills so that you do not have to continuously have to live out your confusing excuses for exploiting your sexuality for ‘power’ and then claiming girls are not just a pussy and two tits.
You are not a miniature Einstein because you have gland issues, back problems, and a hole in your crotch. Intelligence and respect must be earned - you are not entitled to them by society. Men do not owe you respect, women do not owe you respect, you are not royalty. You may have been raised with Barbies convinced that being a slut makes you a little princess for daring to exploit your body for attention, but in the end, everyone just wants to fuck you.

 
Comment by Female
2007-10-26 06:57:30

My friend who works with me in a software concern often goes home late cause of heavy work. Sometimes even at midnight. And his wife waits for him awake and hungry. Yes you heard me right. His wife does not sleep or eat dinner till he reaches home.

That’s sweet.

Clair, that isn’t sweet, that’s oppression. What if he doesn’t go home every night? Is it good that she just starves? What happens when she’s pregnant? Is it sweet that she starves her developing child along with herself just because her husband isn’t present? It’s ridiculous and backwards mentality.

I’m be concerned about this post if I actually believed it was authentic.

 
Comment by MansVoice
2007-10-26 06:38:56

@ Stop_discrimination: I am saddened by the domestic abuse suffered by the women but I am pretty sure its a minority. Kudos to the women!

 
Comment by Clair
2007-10-26 05:30:53

stop_discrimination said:

Hello, I am from India where in many parts, even today women have not forgotten their true purpose - serving men.

If you have chosen that to be your purpose then thats fine, but as long as you know you are worth just as much as men.

My friend who works with me in a software concern often goes home late cause of heavy work. Sometimes even at midnight. And his wife waits for him awake and hungry. Yes you heard me right. His wife does not sleep or eat dinner till he reaches home.

That’s sweet.

Now that’s what all women are supposed to do. Their sole purpose in life is to give birth to men and serve men so men can go ahead with their important duties.

No women shouldn’t have to do that, neither should men. It’s up to the individual. Everyone should get to choose their own life path.

I have seen many women in India, who get beaten up by their husbands, but still remain loyal to them.

That’s so sad. This is an awful case of power imbalance being abused. I hate domestic violence so much.

They kick off so called feminists who reach to their aid, asking them to mind their own business and not interfere with their family matters.

I wish they wouldn’t. These women, these men, these families need help.

These women consider their husbands as their God.

That’s sweet.

They will stay with the husband no matter what he does. Even if he sleeps with other women.

How can these men do that to a woman that loves them so much?

And they are clever enough to understand that the objective of these stupid feminists is to break their family and create unnecessary nonsense to support their useless cause.

Useless? I like not being beaten. I like not being labeled disrespectful if my man cheats on me or if I leave him for it. I like being able to vote. I like freedom and choice. It’s up to you, take it or leave, but don’t call it useless because it has been beneficial for girls like me.

 
Comment by Clair
2007-10-26 05:14:31

Woman Hear Me Roar, pricks said:

Women can spell. You are just an ugly, uneducated, brainless creep.

Run along now, shit. Continue being the lazy, unloved, worthless PRICK your parents raised you to be.

What’s the matter, your 8 year old girlfriend/sister wouldn’t go down on you? That’s illegal by the way, shit.

What the hell is wrong with you? What kind of sick pervert concocts such events in their mind?

MansVoice said:

Woman Hear Me Roar, pricks said:

Is Clair a male who is obviously retarded, worthless and ugly, or one of those deluded, homely right wing women?

Clair, you are garbage. Stupid garbage. Smelly garbage. Homely garbage.

Grow a brain and get a life, you soul-less NOTHING.

Actually, Clair is a woman. You are a fucking moron. *Rippwned*.
Even though you were probably just correcting her, that came off as kind of sweet.

 
Comment by Dick Masterson
2007-10-25 17:16:54

Chris said:

Holy shit - I cannot believe this was almost a word-by-word reply of the arsehole I was supposed to marry!
During the 24-7 calls, I eventually had to tell her I was moving to another country. Then I changed my number and unlisted my name.

Do not get a girlfriend.

-Dick

 
Comment by Chris
2007-10-25 17:04:55

Uli said:

Meet the girl.
She looks nice, she smiles all the time and everything you say is hilarious even if you haven’t finished your joke yet. She likes that you do the things you do and understands there are many psycho women out there and she is not one of them. She’s a good girl and she isn’t attracted to assholes, because she had her share of it, like her ex. She is not a slut and wouldn’t sleep with someone right off, she has to know him better.

Date the girl.
She pays for her meal and drinks, she is fine with your choice of movie and she even likes the music in your car. She thinks you have great tastes. You are the brightest man she’s ever hooked up with and she wonders how much money a guy like you is doing because you have such an interesting job. She’s into hot sex and lesbianism from time to time and she fantasies about having threesomes. She is not that needy and she acts smart with your friends, she can hold “it” for the whole evening so every body likes her. She can buy you a few small presents, mostly kitchen stuff she feels you need, saying she was at the mall and was thinking about you.

Having the girl.
The hot sex turns into something where she lies on her back and you pretty much do everything until she cums and she’s too tired to do the same back to you. Now she wants you to take her out and pay for her food and drinks out of romance, to make her feel special, like a princess. She now counts the number of glasses of wine you drink out that bottle you bought for her and you and complains if you drink more than she does. She wants her share of music, so basically she will complain every time yours is on and not hers. She won’t be kine on your tastes of movie anymore and will complain and threatens you not to watch it with you if it’s not the one of her choice. She will now find all your clothes awe full and assumes if was your ex’s tastes and she will want to change everything on you. She will read your emails and seek for anything asshole related, go through your pockets and wants explanation for every phone calls you had since she was last with you, looking at the incoming calls on your phone. Now she asks you where you go when you leave the room, even if you just take a piss. At some point she will start to lies to you about what she does/did in her free time, keeping on the grill a bunch of guys via her email, msn or facebook (or any type of dating system) and have drinks or meals with them, inventing some old friends. At some point she will piss you off so bad that you have to send her back to her place, which is what she wanted from the beginning of that fake argument so she can feel rejected by you and so go cheat on you. From her point of view it won’t be cheating because you kick her off for the evening and she was just seeking a shoulder to lean on to cry about you, it ended up in sex but it wasn’t her fault. She won’t tell it to you of course, instead she will give you hot sex so she actually auto-forgives herself. The hotter the sex, the worse she did to you. she can invoke the PMS card as an excuse to her poor behavior and she swears to watch out from now on. She is less ans less classy and gets drunker and drunker at parties and will now leave a door open for every jurk to come around to talk to her and pay her drinks. She is now bitching about every other girl and starts inner-group-of-friends manipulation and tearing-aparts. She now blows all her money on cloths and shoes and she never ever has anything to wear and she complains on how expensive it is to be a girl. She will act like poor so you will pay for her extras (food, drinks, cinema, car gas, you name it), even if she has more money than you do. She can now starts and argument for no reason and will try to push you on the edge further everytime and tries to makes you snap and want to beat her off with every insult and low hits she can find.

Breaking up with the girl.
At this point you can’t take anymore of it, so you try to have a mature conversation about what’s wrong but she will deny doing anything bad and it’s all your fault, and if she ever tells you something bad she did, it would only be in response to some shit you did to her. There is no conversation anymore because there has been so many lies that no story does even look real to you, with a shit loads of contradictions. You kick her out and she goes “fine!” with it, she will now fuck the whole bunch of dudes on her msn/facebook/dating site

Holy shit - I cannot believe this was almost a word-by-word reply of the arsehole I was supposed to marry!
During the 24-7 calls, I eventually had to tell her I was moving to another country. Then I changed my number and unlisted my name.
Of course, everything that went wrong was my fault; she kept a few in waiting while still “trying to make it work” with me; and she constantly rifled through my shit looking for evidence of whatever.

 
Comment by Dutch269
2007-10-24 12:41:41

Female said:

The way I understand it Luka, he doesn’t believe women should be firefighters. He probably does think it’s okay for courts to treat women equally, but they just shouldn’t be out there putting out fires if they can’t control the spray of the hose. It’s a man thing.

So its a man thing to expect the women to be able to control that fire hose?

I guess if you were standing there watching your house burn, and only female firefighters were there, and they couldnt stop the fire because the fire hose was too much for them… you wouldnt be angry?

That must be what your saying, thats fine for you, but I want firefighters to be able to do the job, or they shouldnt be there. It has nothing at all to do with gender.

 
Comment by son of the suns
2007-10-23 10:30:58

What’s your number?

 
Comment by stop_discrimination
2007-10-23 10:24:13

Hello, I am from India where in many parts, even today women have not forgotten their true purpose - serving men.

My friend who works with me in a software concern often goes home late cause of heavy work. Sometimes even at midnight. And his wife waits for him awake and hungry. Yes you heard me right. His wife does not sleep or eat dinner till he reaches home. Now that’s what all women are supposed to do. Their sole purpose in life is to give birth to men and serve men so men can go ahead with their important duties.

I have seen many women in India, who get beaten up by their husbands, but still remain loyal to them. They kick off so called feminists who reach to their aid, asking them to mind their own business and not interfere with their family matters.

These women consider their husbands as their God. They will stay with the husband no matter what he does. Even if he sleeps with other women. And they are clever enough to understand that the objective of these stupid feminists is to break their family and create unnecessary nonsense to support their useless cause.

 
Comment by dazedandconfused
2007-10-23 07:27:58

Woman Hear Me Roar, pricks is just a dumbfuck who likes to say shit and prick excessively. I think thats called Tourettes and I also think there should be some sort of treatment for it. I’d call it a-foot-in-the-mouth.

*D3C*

 
Comment by MansVoice
2007-10-23 05:59:41

Woman Hear Me Roar, pricks said:

Is Clair a male who is obviously retarded, worthless and ugly, or one of those deluded, homely right wing women?

Clair, you are garbage. Stupid garbage. Smelly garbage. Homely garbage.

Grow a brain and get a life, you soul-less NOTHING.

Actually, Clair is a woman. You are a fucking moron. *Rippwned*.

 
Comment by MansVoice
2007-10-23 05:58:46

Billy said:

I tend to agree with Luka here.
We men are powerless today even if society is ruled by men these mancunts are giving away our freedoms to women by design even.

I would respond to both of you here. Forgive me if my answers are vague. I shall try my best.

Luka, the patriarchy and matriarchy are mutually exclusive. I am very sure you know that. Women do not wish for equality, they wish to rule over men. I am not going to stand for that. What I meant by keeping the “patriarchy” is keeping a system or building up a system whereby men are in charge. It doesnt matter really, if its a minority of men. Who would I rather have leading me? A man or a woman? Fuck, of course its going to be a man.

Btw, you mentioned that “men have never ruled over women”. I got a question, seriously - werent women treated like meat back then? How is that not “ruling over women”? In the past, that is.

Billy, not everyone suffers under “mancunt” feminized politicians. But what would you have it? A man or a woman leading you? No woman should ever be in charge of anything, much less men.

 
Comment by Woman Hear Me Roar, pricks
2007-10-23 05:52:23

Women can spell. You are just an ugly, uneducated, brainless creep.

Run along now, shit. Continue being the lazy, unloved, worthless PRICK your parents raised you to be.

What’s the matter, your 8 year old girlfriend/sister wouldn’t go down on you? That’s illegal by the way, shit.

 
Comment by Woman Hear Me Roar, pricks
2007-10-23 05:49:34

Is Clair a male who is obviously retarded, worthless and ugly, or one of those deluded, homely right wing women?

Clair, you are garbage. Stupid garbage. Smelly garbage. Homely garbage.

Grow a brain and get a life, you soul-less NOTHING.

 
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