Ask Dick: My Girlfriend is Needy
I was sent this question by Max.
Dick, I’ve met this woman who obviously likes me, but she keeps her guard up as far as dating goes. She even told me thats why she got her dog a few years ago. Because the dog will always love her no matter what. What should I do?
I would have thought a man who shared his name with one of the manliest men in cinema, Mad Max, would know a thing or two about seeing through women and their endless bullshit.
Grab a sword and a piece of paper, Max. You and your shitty girlfriend are about to enter the Thunderdome.
Women are obsessed with control. That’s why they hate things like sports, midgets, and penises. Those things can never be controlled. And that’s exactly what women do when they put their “guard” up. They control what cannot be controlled.
The Penis.
Women have no reason to be afraid of anything. Imagine that you could say whatever you wanted without getting punched in the mouth. Imagine you could have a millionaire pay for your entire life with the right combination of make-up and shut-up. Imagine you were born with the unlimited line of credit that is a vagina. It doesn’t even have to be well maintained!
Why the fuck would you keep your guard up if you had nothing to be afraid of?
Man Lesson #1: Do not get a girlfriend.
Getting a girlfriend is like getting a running start before you jump off a cliff. No matter how fast you’re going, it’s still a step in the wrong direction.
Men Lesson #2: Fuck women’s dogs.
It takes a dog to love a woman. Any creature who can feed itself has little use for a permanently wound up Bitch-in-the-Box, ready to spring out at the spill of a soda.
Women need dogs the way men need brains, blood, and beer. Women need the concept of “unconditional love”. It pumps through their veins instead of blood and it nourishes their every waking moment. Unconditional love, which is stupid and insane, is the Sports of woman-kind.
Sports are an eternal test of skill and wits for the sole purpose of honing them both. It is very manly. Unconditional love can be used to describe the actions of mental patients and psychotics.
Man Lesson #3: Do not get a girlfriend.
We’ve all seen a cartoon donkey with a carrot hanging off of a stick just inches away from its face. Well that’s exactly what having a girlfriend will do to you, except instead of a carrot hanging in front of your face, it’ll be a big red STOP sign and a shitload of complaining. What needy girlfriends never seem to need is a reason to bitch and complain. If she’s complaining so much, why not give her a reason to be doing it. Hide all her pants or underwear or something.
There are few men who’ve gotten rich by listening to a bunch of fucking complaining all day. Usually, those men become priests.
The real question here, Max, is not what your girlfriend is keeping her guard up to keep out, it’s what she’s keeping her guard up to keep in. Control.
And also she’s probably a foul-mouthed sex maniac. All women are.
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October 19th, 2007 at 7:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 0c5221ee9fc57
Meet the girl.
She looks nice, she smiles all the time and everything you say is hilarious even if you haven’t finished your joke yet. She likes that you do the things you do and understands there are many psycho women out there and she is not one of them. She’s a good girl and she isn’t attracted to assholes, because she had her share of it, like her ex. She is not a slut and wouldn’t sleep with someone right off, she has to know him better.
Date the girl.
She pays for her meal and drinks, she is fine with your choice of movie and she even likes the music in your car. She thinks you have great tastes. You are the brightest man she’s ever hooked up with and she wonders how much money a guy like you is doing because you have such an interesting job. She’s into hot sex and lesbianism from time to time and she fantasies about having threesomes. She is not that needy and she acts smart with your friends, she can hold “it” for the whole evening so every body likes her. She can buy you a few small presents, mostly kitchen stuff she feels you need, saying she was at the mall and was thinking about you.
Having the girl.
The hot sex turns into something where she lies on her back and you pretty much do everything until she cums and she’s too tired to do the same back to you. Now she wants you to take her out and pay for her food and drinks out of romance, to make her feel special, like a princess. She now counts the number of glasses of wine you drink out that bottle you bought for her and you and complains if you drink more than she does. She wants her share of music, so basically she will complain every time yours is on and not hers. She won’t be kine on your tastes of movie anymore and will complain and threatens you not to watch it with you if it’s not the one of her choice. She will now find all your clothes awe full and assumes if was your ex’s tastes and she will want to change everything on you. She will read your emails and seek for anything asshole related, go through your pockets and wants explanation for every phone calls you had since she was last with you, looking at the incoming calls on your phone. Now she asks you where you go when you leave the room, even if you just take a piss. At some point she will start to lies to you about what she does/did in her free time, keeping on the grill a bunch of guys via her email, msn or facebook (or any type of dating system) and have drinks or meals with them, inventing some old friends. At some point she will piss you off so bad that you have to send her back to her place, which is what she wanted from the beginning of that fake argument so she can feel rejected by you and so go cheat on you. From her point of view it won’t be cheating because you kick her off for the evening and she was just seeking a shoulder to lean on to cry about you, it ended up in sex but it wasn’t her fault. She won’t tell it to you of course, instead she will give you hot sex so she actually auto-forgives herself. The hotter the sex, the worse she did to you. she can invoke the PMS card as an excuse to her poor behavior and she swears to watch out from now on. She is less ans less classy and gets drunker and drunker at parties and will now leave a door open for every jurk to come around to talk to her and pay her drinks. She is now bitching about every other girl and starts inner-group-of-friends manipulation and tearing-aparts. She now blows all her money on cloths and shoes and she never ever has anything to wear and she complains on how expensive it is to be a girl. She will act like poor so you will pay for her extras (food, drinks, cinema, car gas, you name it), even if she has more money than you do. She can now starts and argument for no reason and will try to push you on the edge further everytime and tries to makes you snap and want to beat her off with every insult and low hits she can find.
Breaking up with the girl.
At this point you can’t take anymore of it, so you try to have a mature conversation about what’s wrong but she will deny doing anything bad and it’s all your fault, and if she ever tells you something bad she did, it would only be in response to some shit you did to her. There is no conversation anymore because there has been so many lies that no story does even look real to you, with a shit loads of contradictions. You kick her out and she goes “fine!” with it, she will now fuck the whole bunch of dudes on her msn/facebook/dating site
October 19th, 2007 at 7:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 0c5221ee9fc57
She now calls you 24/7 and during the night, she accuses you to have meet to new girl and that you have been lying to her the whole time and that’s the real reason why you dump her. She tells a load of BS to anyone around her about you and she will try to get back in your life to make you suffer for that and dump you this time so she can have the final word.
October 19th, 2007 at 8:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 41f6de747e750
Thats why I applaud jerks, really. They treat women how they deserve to be treated : Like shit. Since thats the way women wish to play the game, it shall be done.
October 19th, 2007 at 9:28 am - IP Man-Hash: e1caec5062137
All women are whores. period.
October 19th, 2007 at 10:04 am - IP Man-Hash: d7677dd907e52
This article and all of its replies thus far are made of pure truth. Much obliged, gentlemen.
October 19th, 2007 at 12:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: c7d23fcc862e5
Not everyone can follow Dick’s excellent advice to avoid girlfriends (myself included) and I am sure the worldly men visiting this site where a spade is a spade and not yet censored by the polictically correct police can come with advice when dealing with NEEDY (all) women:
1. Never set up a “joint banking” account
2. Buy the house in your name only (and before any marriage date) and don’t let her pay anything related to the equity
3. If she asks you to do brainless tasks fuck them up in a major way so she won’t ask again
4. Let her know she has competition (playboy channel and mags recommended). Post pics of beautiful women in garage or workshop.
5. Don’t get her pregnant (it’s her anchor to 1/2 of all that is yours)
6. Never let her make any major decisions- and when i mean major I mean like ever driving when you are in the car and everything above that.
I’m sure this list could go on long enough to overload the server and look forward to other’s additions.
October 19th, 2007 at 2:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 191d005c2ce6a
Hammer has definitely got it right. I have lived with 3 women in total (which is 4 too many) and I have always followed the kind of guidelines Hammer has laid out or something similar.
The first one I lived with I was fucking stupid enough to marry her. Well after a very short time of having to deal with her feminist, socialist tendencies the time to kick her ass arrived. She went back to mother and I stayed on my own until my contract ran out (I was working in Holland and my wife was dutch) and then I left the country. 3 years later I got a letter from her solicitor in Holland telling me I was divorced. Great!! I sold everything before I left, never had to lift a finger to get a divorce and it never cost me a dime!
The second one I lived with pestered me for 12 years to marry her and each time the response she got was “Fuck off.” She had her wages paid into MY account and we lived off both our earnings. When I kicked her out she took what was hers, ie her clothes, and left me with the home. The money that was in my bank account stayed there. She got fuck all.
The third bitch was too materialistic for me. In the bedroom we were electric but I came to realise that the rest of the time we were chalk and cheese. Another foot up the arse, another one gone. I tried one more after that (didn’t let her move in) but decided she was just the same as all the rest. Money-grabbing sluts and whores so I fucked her off too and have been alone ever since and I intend to stay that way. I don’t need a woman anymore and they have no hold over me whatsoever.
But the main point is that out of all the women I actually lived with, not a single one of them got anything from me when they left other than my boot print on their arses and that is because I followed guidelines like Hammer laid out. Most men get fleeced when their relationship goes sour but nowadays there is no excuse for letting it happen to you as there have been enough examples for you without you having to learn the hard way. Take note, fellas and don’t let the bitches trap you.
Good thread so far……probably because a bitch hasn’t poked her hooter in yet.
October 19th, 2007 at 4:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7381abe25f9d0
………….believe me haven’t even started to get my game on-i am just just doin the warmup stretch for dealing with needy GF’s ….
7. The most important word for a needy GF or wife is “No” or better yet 2 words “Fuck No” followed by “just because you say it is so doesn’t make it so” or “just because you want it to be so doesn’t make it so”.
The latter must be phrased with the same intonation one would use to admonish a 6 year old that has decided to use a crayon on your walls.
8. Never fall for the needy GF excuse “You told me i could” or “you told me it was alright”. By covert easedropping years ago I once heard a potential motherinlaw tell her daughter to maliciously say this. They can lie with this one whilst using a poker face.
Time for me to go hammer something to prevent posting the next 100.
October 19th, 2007 at 5:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 191d005c2ce6a
Forget the hammering, Hammer…..just post the next 100. There are guys out there that need this info as very few have seen the light yet and are getting taken for a ride by all the sluts out there. They need every bit of help they can get.
October 19th, 2007 at 6:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7381abe25f9d0
…………..back from the workshop.
9. Install a home surveillance system (inside and out). They can be installed by your mansdrive to conquer all challenges . Put the DVR in a closet /deadbolted (like any nondike woman could even attempt to wire the 110v outlet required). There won’t be any Duke Lacross scenarios happenin at mi casa.
As an aside by using another alternative method of verification i once gleaned a GF was still allowing her cat in the master bedroom status post banning.
Have ya ever seen the credit card commercial about what is “priceless”? If so you can relate this to the look on her face when each time thereafter the cat got a whiff of my manpresence for some reason would run under the coach and not come out for hours.
October 19th, 2007 at 6:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7381abe25f9d0
Addend: please substitute couch not coach
October 19th, 2007 at 6:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 10f81783c253b
Aha, sounds you guys are a little extreme. Im an old guy dating at the niche dating SeniorWoo.com. At my age, I still find that women are really helpful on keeping me young, healthy and energetic.
October 19th, 2007 at 6:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2e9b52f9da52f
Uli, I like your style. Pure paragraphs of undoctored manliness. Epic post and welcome aboard.
Western women are spoiled princesses, and the reason Asia, Africa, and Free Europe fight these wretched cum-dumpsters is because they, who understand the importance of an honest living, see what happens. They understand that all feminism is just a series of long-winded, awkward, and well-rehearsed excuses for selective promiscuity and a God complex.
As men, however, we prove that the oppressed always outlive the oppressors. The truth leaks out throughout the internet - for we have used their own methods of perversion and ignorance against them - and is now beginning to take effect outside intelligencia. The Duke Rape Case may very well signal a turning-point in the war for universal equality. While the War on Terror brings out the absolute worst in people, manipulating language to limit the infinite reaches of our man-brains, people have begun to fight the forces of oppression, perversion, and exploitation that allow anthrophobia.
The fateful debarring of Nifong proves that if you exploit men you will be punished.
October 19th, 2007 at 6:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7381abe25f9d0
….10. Read The art of seduction, The Game, the code, and every interpeting body language text you can find. Can be used either way- one time i cast off a pesty female at party by telling her I could read body language so of course she challenged me to tell her something I saw in her. I explained that rubbing one’s thigh was a sign of masturbation and she quickly exited my table for the remainder.
October 19th, 2007 at 6:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2e9b52f9da52f
And hammer, of course, very true man-facts.
It seems all of us are doing alright without that feminine presence in the forums. It’s strange, I assumed the entire site’s source code would peel out of the monitor and fall to a heap on my keyboard without the small-penis one-liners and comedic misspellings, but… we live…
October 19th, 2007 at 7:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7381abe25f9d0
…11. To avoid the needy GF requests to dance when the day of the big work xmas party or equivalent I either play mansport or blame my “back injury” on transporting my miter saw or manly activity. Then if I get the urge when a really hot chick is ready to dance I explain to my needy GF that i am able to dance with her hotfriend as the alcohol has dulled the pain. The alternate is to tell her dancing is a silly ass activity only compulsing those who have an unquenching desire to be seen or be the center of attention. Be prepared to duck the wine glass when her forced insight strikes the truth.
October 19th, 2007 at 7:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 191d005c2ce6a
And long may that continue, Doubt, but please don’t hold your breath as one of those little leeches will appear out of the cess-pool that is called feminism to try to make fun of us but, as you know, all they succeed in doing in the end is proving what this site says:
Men are better than women.
October 19th, 2007 at 7:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2e9b52f9da52f
Duck the wineglass? Let it hit you full-force! We’ll see who wears the pants in the relationship when you bail her ass out.
October 19th, 2007 at 11:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 92db72c86765b
hee hee hee
You’re going to pay to get her out of jail after she strikes you with a wine-glass? Yeah, I think it’s pretty obvious whose wearing the pants in that relationship.
October 20th, 2007 at 1:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 6d3bb32787b07
Doesnt that somehow go against your principles of equality, female?