Ask Dick: What’s The Deal With Transexuals?
The following question was sent to me by a reader, darzie:
I have an Ask Dick question.
What’s the deal with gals who try to turn themselves into guys? Female to Male transsexuals is the term. Do they count as men?
Well, darzie, you certainly do have an Ask Dick question. Lucky for you, I have a Dick Answer.
Men are better than women at being transsexuals and also at being gay. It’s the same thing anyway.
Here’s an interesting set of scientific Man Facts proving my point. Proving points with science is manly. And gloating about it afterward? That’s so many Man Points you’ll need a Man Bag to carry them all to the Man Bank.
A recent study at the University of East London determined gay men use their brains like women, but also like men. Sex with women may not be a gay’s cup of tea, but apparently using their brains for more than a pillow weight is! Gay women, however (or as I like to call them, fake-biens), are unable to jump start their pudding-brains into any kind of man mode at all. Color me unsurprised.
“Gay men adopt male and female strategies. Therefore their brains are a sexual mosaic,” says a doctor who is probably a man. “As we expected, straight men used more compass directions than gay men or women, and used distances as well…but gay men recalled more landmarks than straight men, as well as using typically male orientation strategies.”
The study goes on to say that women, even when gay, are out of brain-gas before the garage of life is even open.
Men are better than women at directions and are therefore better than women at life. What’s more important in life than knowing where the fuck you are? You can probably think of something, but that’s only because you’re a man and men can do anything.
Women use landmarks when giving and following directions. Landmarks like, “Turn left where my husband yelled at me last week,” and, “Remember that coffee commercial in the 80’s with those whores reminiscing about ski trips and shit? I wish Starbucks sold Sex-achinos!”
Sex-achinos. That’s real fucking useful on the road. It’s also not a landmark and yet another account of charitable men bending the fuck over backwards to convince women they’re not completely useless.
A friend of mine has a favorite saying that’s appropriate here. “You can’t polish a turd.” I don’t know where he learned it, probably from another man. That’s how wisdom is passed down through the ages. One man tells a younger man who tells a younger man and so on. That’s how we have rocket ships and penicillin and not donkey carts and Syphilis — because of men. Women keep any wisdom they manage to scrape together locked up in their rusty minds like it’s their pin number. I guess grandmothers just love watching young women fuck up too much to every once in a while say, “Hey, sweetheart, shut the fuck up while men are talking. You’ll learn this in twenty years if you’re lucky, but you don’t actually know a goddamn thing. That’s for men to do.”
Female to Male transsexuals are not men. They’re just the same old bullshit with a new coat of paint. If you think that makes you a man, I’ve got a brand new Ferrari to sell you. I painted it on the side of a sack of shit.
Since When Do Brains Mean Anything?
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but what if they are?
and what if men who turn ionto women are really women? just born with the wrogn genitals, but the right mind.
Maxime, it’s because they’re not. Thats it.
-Strength and Honor-
Its a long word to them.
i think transsexual males, those who are female and then become male are actually sometoimes just as sexist as you guys.
then, how can you call them not worthy of being real men???
you are abviously lost in your gender divisions which you base upon who can identify, seperate and protect male privielge most firecely.
How interesting. Are you able to reveal the accommodations? Did the company have to provide another type of unisex restroom?
If the individual in question was originally a man, I don’t think the female employees would have had that difficult a time adjusting to occasionally seeing this person in their restroom, however, if the person was originally a woman (unlikely) I can imagine men wouldn’t have taken kindly to suddenly seeing this person at the urinal next to them. They’d know the person shouldn’t be standing directly next to them, but, how to explain this to a new member of the man club?
They’d also know that they shouldn’t be trying to get a look at the equipment on the new person next to them and that this would not only violate bathroom etiquette but possibly get them charged with harrassment, but some might feel they are entitled to a cursory glance in order to ascertain whether the person is as they say now say they are, and that they are therefore in the correct bathroom. You would think though that someone with a man-made appendage wouldn’t exactly be exhibiting it for curious onlookers and would probably use a cubicle.
Gawd, I can just imagine the mindfield of bathroom etiquette to be traversed in order to avoid the inevitable murderous rampage from occurring.
Like what, poop-chucking?
Oh my god, this is so original! I’ve never seen this before in a site like this. It totally revolutionises all our believes. We hail to you!
Note: That was sarcasm.
Go fuck off somewhere else bitch and leave the argueing to the REAL men. You shouldn’t even be here. This is yet another attention seeking whore going ‘Oh look at me, I know big words!’
Don’t forget
- inventing science
- inventing mathematics
- inventing politics
- inventing medicine
- inventing beer
- actually having a job
So much like a woman to resort to childish name-calling, even though she really wasn’t asked for a response in the first place. Way to set the standard for your gender.
Conclusive list. That’s funny. You sound like a little girl who just learned a new word, and doesn’t think everyone is tired of hearing her say it.
Yeah if men could lick themselves… err… did I type that?
Cheers Anita,
Check out her website guys, it’s funny.
-wolfe
Haha … I’ll bet men are better than women at a lot of things:
- Peeing standing up
- Licking themselves (OK, maybe this is just male dogs)
- Armpit hair curling
- Poop chucking
- General grossness
Wow, after such a conclusive list, I guess I don’t even need to come up with a rebuttal for the ladies.
I was just gobsmacked by the accommodations we had to make to a (suddenly revealed to be) transexual contract employee. The individual in question wasn’t great and would never have been renewed, but we wound up with literally tens of thousands in lawyer’s bills in the hopes of avoiding a lawsuit, because of the state s/he’d been technically employed in.
#$)*)#$ lawyers. Sorry, Dick.
If a longstanding (at least 2 years, preferably 5+) employee had said “hey, I’m transexual… then, well, fine. I wouldn’t really understand it, but if we employed a person for 2+ years (let alone 5) it’d be because s/he was competent. We’d value that person as a person, not just an employee. Though I’d suspect s/he was crazy.
F—ing contractors who sense they’re about to be fired? #_)$*#$.
It’s probably a good thing I was no longer a vice-president of the corporation, and was merely sitting on the board.
Anyone who wants ‘his’(her?) meat and 2 veg chopped off because he is ‘transgendered’ is either very crazy or on the money. No one would go through that for fun. I just don’t honestly know which it is. Either way, they need help.
-wolfe
Post a link somewhere.
-Dick
haha good article yet again. I hope this site reaches every man on earth.
this makes perfect man sense. i was at a bar once and there were these two ‘lesbians’ there with us…they made a huge stink because the one girl’s cosmopolitan “tasted too much like vodka.” It turned out to be a huge scene.
To sum it up, men are better than women, gay men included.