Ask Dick: Why Do Women Hate Porn?
diamatik has sent me the following question:
Dick, why do women hate porn?
Oh boy do they ever. And what’s worse than a woman who hates porn? A woman who loves porn. That’s a man-bear trap set loose in the conjugal bedroom that you just can’t miss!
“You know what would be exciting? We should watch some porn.”
“Really?”
Guilty! Not if you want to have sex you shouldn’t! Women hate porn because men are better than women.
Porno is the driver of progress and the father of modern entertainment technology. Did you know that? I did because I’m a man and I know everything. Many years ago, when Harvard Brainiacs were busy fucking around with sending data that no one gave half a shit about all around the internet, pornographers were harnessing this brave new world to electrify porno right into your computer monitor at home for several dollars a minute.
That’s called footing the bill for the foundation of a new era. Porno did that.
When VHS tapes cost over 90 dollars to purchase, who funded the expansion of this nascent and ultimately world changing industry? I’ll give you a hint. His name started with P and ended with orno. Porno.
Here’s another hint: men love him.
The modern world is built on porn. In fact, that is one of the first things men have in common with pornography. We’re both owed a debt by women en masse for building this world they trash on a daily basis. Women are owed a thanks for nothing — or a sarcastic thank you at best.
Women hate porn because it reminds them of what they already know and what they try to forget on a daily basis: they’re bad in bed, they’re fucking lazy, and they’re not good enough for you.
Women are bad in bed. Every single porno actress in the world is great in bed. Someone paid her some amount of money and then she hopped in bed without bitching about it. That’s called being great in bed. And it’s not called being a prostitute either because let’s be honest, when was the last time a man got a free lunch? Never. So what? Half of Earth are prostitutes? You can say that. You’d be right. But then there would be no point in having the word “prostitute”. It wouldn’t describe anything that an already existing word doesn’t.
Women.
Porn actresses can also look their partner in the eye while they’re having sex. Women, who are all anti-porn, are too fucking ashamed of themselves and too emotionally stunted to do even that. Men are so emotionally mature we can have sex in front of a mirror. Even if we’re fatter than fuck.
Women are lazy. Even men who aren’t in porn look like they should be in porn. They’re fit as a fiddle with a six pack and they have confidence. Women who aren’t in porn look like they shouldn’t even be in public. Velor pantsuits that are two sizes too small, a fucked up tangled bush of hair atop their heads, regular shoes sans any sort of sequins; none of that is something I want to see when I’m walking around town. And if women did that more often (walked around town), maybe someone would grant them their ultimate fantasy and mistake them for a porn star.
The burden of being a man is that your woman is not good enough for you and she never will be. It’s a bitch, but it’s true. She isn’t good enough for you, your car isn’t good enough for you, your you isn’t good enough for you. You’re a man and you demand perfection — no, you demand better than perfection. You don’t stop until you can look right into the eyes of a porn and say, “Now that is what I’m talking about.” Women can’t do that. When women watch porn, they see the eyes of their mother staring disapprovingly at them and hear her passive aggressively demonstrating how to be a failure. Think about that when your girlfriend pops the question.
“Got any porn?”
Of course I have porn. I’m a man. What kind of retarded question is that?
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…wooooooooowwwww hahahhaa wooow thats just all i can say to that, hahaha
A manhole is what leads to the sewers. It’s an opening in the ground it has no biological anything…. leave it to a woman to have a shitload of bad jokes that make no fucking sense.
You should talk, idiot. If you hadn’t eaten the Kool-Aid apple, we wouldn’t be in this shit.
Dick, there are MANY sorry excuses for men on the Web, but you, my (not) friend, take the proverbial cake! Have you ever even HAD sex with a woman? You read like a guy who has a SERIOUS relationship with his hand!
this was written march 2007.
hello. hello. can you hear me? this is the future.
today is 13 July 08.
kansas and michigan are for all practicable purposes, in worse shape then during the Great Depression in 1933.
There have been a few arrests made for women attempting to sell themselves for gasoline, (now at about $4.27 per gal regular) and for 2-3 large (family sized) bages of frozen vegetables.
the values of “housing” is in free-fall, and creation of money out of thin air cannot be measured at all.
I forecast a dismal future for radical feminist lesbian bull dykes, along with their manginas.
there it is
FT
I’m out to go riding in the “Fabulous Hamptons” on Long Island, NY USA Inc.
I THINK THIS LONG LABOROUS LIST HAD TO BE COMPLIED BY SOME SORT OF A “WOMYN” CREATURE OR ANOTHER.
that said, here is a shortly worded excuse,…..
Lady, you ain’t one, so just go off and die”.
Good grief, the thoght of some radical feminist lesbian bull dyke took hours to compose and edit that schpiel amuses me beyong compare.
Now to go out to ride the MC.
Maybe I’ll pick up a dumpster slut, and fill her mouth with some jizz.
It’s summer in the Hamptons, and you’d be surprised how many times events such as that DON’T happen.
I’ll try to pick an ugly dumpsterslut hole.
later
FT
Liar. You came up with 18 words there.
If he puts up with that, then I guess he deserves you.
Good girl. Now go and make me a sandwich.
Why? It hasn’t done you any good.
Try reading the dozens of articles and not focusing on peoples comments. There is plenty to learn.
Wow. you people need to get into therapy and find out why you are so miserable and hateful. I was hoping for some real insight here…but obviously I came to the wrong place….
Haha, better be careful. Their “big man brain” wont be able to handle that!
Why don’t you try taking a cock in your ass and see if it makes you any better at life?
*
It does.
Look at you…you used to be stupid and now you’re an idiot.
You do love your anal and gay reference, don’t you?
Deathslayer
Here are the words you spelled incorrectly:
analize, overanalize, illeagle, bretheren.
Uh-oh, I have a vagina and I corrected your spelling!
Why don’t you try taking a cock in your ass and see if it makes you any better at life?
wow, that’s the biggest load of shit i’ve ever heard. i mean just read it over, and if you dont see how you’re completely wrong then go fucking kill yourself cause the world does not need you
ahahahaha, this guy is funny as fuck
You’ve made the right choice, Lomax.
What is the difference between a manhole and a onion?
No one cries when you chop up the manhole.
What is the difference between a manhole and a water melon?
One’s fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one’s a water melon.
What is the difference between a manhole and a dart-board?
Dart-boards don’t bleed.
What is the difference between a manhole and a mars bar?
About 500 calories.
Why did the manhole cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
How do you know when a manhole is dead?
It doesn’t cry if you nail its feet to the ceiling.
How do you find the live manhole in a pile of dead ones?
Jab ‘em all with a pitchfork.
How do you save a drowning manhole?
Harpoon it.
How do you turn a manhole into a dog?
Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof.
How do you turn a manhole into a cat?
Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow.
How do you get 100 manholes into a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out again?
With Doritos.
How do you make a dead manhole float?
Take your foot off its head.
or:
A glass of soda water and 2 scoops of manhole.
What is blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?
Manhole with slashed floaties.
What is red and yellow and floats at the top of the pool?
Floaties with a slashed manhole.
What is red and hangs around trees?
A manhole hit by a snow blower.
What is green and hangs around trees?
Same manhole 3 weeks later.
What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A manhole with forks in its eyes.
What is pink and goes black with a “hiss”?
A manhole thrown into a furnace.
What is red and swings back and forth?
A manhole on a meat hook.
What is red and sits in the corner?
A manhole with razor blades.
What is blue and sits in the corner?
A manhole in a baggie.
What is black and sits in a corner?
A manhole with it’s finger in a power socket.
What is green and sits in the corner?
Same manhole two weeks later.
What is black and charred?
A manhole chewing on an extension cord.
What is black and white, runs around the room, and smokes?
A manhole with her hair on fire.
What is cold, blue and doesn’t move?
A manhole in your freezer.
What is red and has more brains than the manhole you just shot?
The wall behind it.
What is white and glows pink?
A manhole with an electrode up its ass.
What is more fun than nailing a manhole to a wall?
Ripping it off again.
What is more fun than throwing a manhole off the cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What is more fun than shoveling dead manholes off your porch?
Doing it with a snow blower.
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A manhole combing it’s hair with a potato peeler.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A manhole tied to the back of a truck.
What is red and pink and can’t turn round in a corridor?
A manhole with a javelin through its throat.
What is little and can’t fit through a door?
A manhole with a spear in its head.
What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog’s mouth?
Your manhole’s leg.
What is grosser than a manhole nailed to a tree?
One manhole nailed to ten trees.
Know what’s gross?
Running over a manhole with a truck.
Know whats worse?
Skidding on it.
Worse than that?
Peeling it off the tires.
I hate the idea of my man watching porn because it makes you feel like you’re not good enough. My policy is, if he watches porn, then I am not obligated to have sex with him or touch him at all. He has his porno and does not deserve to have real sex. Going beyond that, porn is just immoral.
Words fail me on how sad a person you are to build this site. You need serious help.