Bachelor Parties vs. Bachelorette Bitchfests
Do you know why wedding dresses are white? So the dishwasher will match the stove.
Back when women at least pretended to have class, a bachelorette party was something you might read about in a crudely published pornographic newsletter: a marauding gang of drunk sluts scavenging small towns for attention after midnight.
Prurient Fiction.
Imagine a bachelorette party in the context of a show like Leave it to Beaver. Are you going out with your fiancee this weekend Wally? No I’m not, Beave. Because she’s going out with 8 of her friends to get drunk as fuck, act like a whore, and cry, fight, and slobber over anything with a cock.
Bachelor parties are the epitome of a healthy human society. Bachelorette parties are the opposite. What a fucking surprise it is that bachelor parties are just like this website: by men, for men only. If any women want in, prepare to bare your tits.
Here’s another joke. Do lesbians have separate bridal showers when they get married?
Answer: Who the fuck cares what lesbians do?
Men Are Better Than Women at Bachelor Parties
The problem with a bunch of women getting together and doing things on their own, is that with no man around to tell them what to do and think, they revert to their default behaviors of greed and bitchiness. Women are as short-sighted as junkyard dogs. The only thing they know how to do is eat and fuck whatever is in front of them. That is never more obvious than at a bachelorette party.
Bachelor parties are efficient, precision strikes of bonding and mantertainment. You can’t puke at a bachelor party without hitting a good time or a good dude, and the reason for that is simple. Men know how to put things together. Men know how to do things.
Women only know how to have things done for them.
That’s why women can be trained to make breakfast or whiskey and sodas for you — or to do your laundry and fold the shirts properly even though their mother taught them to fold shirts a different way. I don’t care how your mom taught you to fold them. They fit in the fucking drawers better this way.
Learn how to forget. That’s the secret to a successful relationship.
Women understand the concept of having things done for them so they can do things for you. Ask a woman to do something, however, like get her car serviced or rent a truck to move her bed and all her shit from one apartment to another when you’re already doing to be doing all the lifting and actual fucking moving, and it’s like asking a Chinese person to play Monopoly with you. He won’t know where to start.
Penis Shit
And what is with all the penis shit at bachelorette parties? Penis straws, penis cakes, penis cards, penis dildos, penis hats, penis wands, penis novelty sunglasses, penis candles, penis shirts, penis napkins, penis plates — I could go on.
Women are so immature when it comes to sex, a bachelorette party is their first desperate chance to enjoy something men have been enjoying for millions of years. The other genders sex organs.
Whether you believe in God or evolution, the only reason women were put on Earth was to have babies. Biologically, it doesn’t matter if Hanna Montana has launched two music careers and trained millions of girls worldwide to act like snotty little cunts — how fucking hard is that? She’ll never be more important than her ovaries. That goes for Hilary Clinton too, but Hilary never actually achieved anything, so she’s a shitty example.
Men have been celebrating women’s sex organs since the day we invented drawing stick boobs on cave walls. Women, however, are awkward delinquents about it.
Jealousy, Envy, and the Inability to Recognize Either One
There has never been a more concise description of female personal relationships.
At a bachelor party, no one is jealous of the groom. Fuck, it’s just the opposite! That’s the whole point of a bachelor party. You take the groom out one last time and try to convince him that he’s making a huge fucking mistake. It’s half wake, half wake-up call.
That was pretty fucking clever.
Bachelorette parties, on the other hand, are like buying an XBox 960 Mark 2 the day it comes out, inviting all your friends over for the night, and then only having bought one controller. What’s everyone supposed to do? Be happy that your obnoxious ass is about to have the time of your life?
If your friends are women, and that XBox 960 is a lawyer with blue eyes, get ready for tears, snot, and backhanded compliments.
If you think life is a cake-walk of freebies for women — and it is — then marriage is ten times that. Marriage is the Sucker Lottery, and when a woman wins it, all of her best friends know it and hate the fuck out of her for doing so.
Bachelorette parties are as many sobbing bitchfests and petty arguments as can be crammed into the maximum number of nights a woman can spend around her best friends — like two. Bachelorette parties are an embarrassing spectacle of the modern “independent” woman and a good reminder of why women shouldn’t bring cameras to a bar, shouldn’t have MySpace accounts, and shouldn’t ever be listened to regarding anything.
Women can’t even have fun properly. What could they possibly know about anything else?
The Smurfs
The Smurfs is one of the greatest cartoons ever made because it taught young people of the 80′s one very important lesson: women are irrelevant. They can’t do shit on their own, they can’t figure shit out on their own, and when left to their own devices, they will get picked up by Gargamel like oblivious retards every fucking time.
Men are just fine on their own. In fact, we’re fucking better off. Just because you have to use a toilet once a day, doesn’t mean you owe it any respect.
Manclusion
Bachelor parties are fun as fuck because they have to be. They end in a funeral. That’s pronounced “fun”-eral, as in the death of all fun for the poor sap who’s getting married off. Bachelor parties are where men get together and do fun and awesome shit because that’s what we enjoy. If it was up to men, fun is what we would have all the time. The world is our bachelor party. If a woman isn’t ready to strip, she doesn’t belong there.
The reason bachelorette parties are such shit is because women are shit.
Update: New Shirts!
I ordered 10
Related Articles:
Pages: [6] 5 4 3 2 1 » Show All
Hanna Montana was miley cyrus’s ticket to stardome. she got really famous because of that show”~.
You actually believe in God? You actually believe a man made it to the moon? You’re a fool and a hypocrite. Nothing happens to you when you die. Get over it.
WE MEN ARE FAR MORE IMPORTANT AND SUPERIOR THAN WOMEN and that’s the fact!! Wanna know why? then here it is ->
God made Adam first and then Eve, so if God made a male first that means MEN ARE IMPORTANT AND MORE SUPERIOR THAN WOMEN! WE MEN MADE ALL THESE BUILDING, ATOMS, SPACESHIPS, WE MEN ARE STRONGER, A MAN EXPLORED AMERICA and another MAN DID A FIRST STEP TO THE MOON!! Donna, you’re dumb cunt, you don’t know the facts, we can make clones wich is far better than you’re pregnancy! We don’t neeed women, women are redundant!! You women just need to get use to it
hi dick masterson i ve read all of your articles and they represents a true and clear picture of the women .but what about the marc rudov. who is saying that its our fault that we have not trained them enough.and he says that a peer to peer relationship is possible. as you have said its a hard work to train a bitch. is it worth it? just tell me cause i am on the verge of getting married .and yet i have not decided yet.
@suzie: Men want women who respect/submit to them and women who don’t follow or are influenced by feminism. Men are not into women who rebel against them and follow the feminist way. In short, a man prefers a woman who displays her true nature: feminine, submissive, respectful as opposed to following feminist bitches who ask females to behave more like men. A man always leads in a relationship and a female follows. Men dont respect and are against feminists or feminism.
Most men here dont hate women in the least, just anti-feminist. If a female earns a man’s respect and trust, he will in turn respect and love her. Most females today are influenced by feminism, cheat without remorse and are very disrespectful towards their men. So, men generally will feel that most females dont deserve to be treated right if they behave like that.
I’m doing a research paper and came across this site when I googled “what do men think of women?” I wanted a broad nation-wide view of what men sincerely think of women, after asking the men in my current city. None of them said anything like what you have said. I would like to know is there any women you do not hate? Can you give me an example of a women you like or have ever truly loved? And could I have permission to quote you in my paper?
Sad attempt at a come back, and that you came here to post anyway, even with “Women not allowed” in the home page is proof enough he attained his fame, foolish woman.
Sad attempt at fame :/
Okay I’m not gonna be like the rest of the women on here that are like “OMG THAT IS SOOO NOT TRUE ABOUT WOMEN BLA BLA BLA”
I’d just like to say that you’re being too general. You can’t judge every single woman on the whole planet. Some wouldn’t even be capable of doing all these things you’ve mentioned (I’m reffering to the mentally ill , doesn’t mean i’m reffering to total retards, just mentally ill in some way, it also applies to some others in other conditions), also you always talk about how bad women are, yet you never talk about men. And if you think you’re so better than us, I’d like to see how you’d live without us.
That’s all.
If I have contradicted myself in any way… well that’s just too bad. You do too. Live with it.
My God!!!
They’re actually starting to write in ‘tongues’!
WTF? You say women are only on this planet to make babies – but men are only here to supply the sperm!
Your argument is horribly flawed, you fucking idiot.
This is all very entertaining, I just can’t take it seriously. I guess I’d be bitter too if I’d been rejected time after time by women who are better-looking, more intelligent and more successful than this man. I am a United States Marine, and as a woman, I have accomplished more than this man could ever hope to.
I can’t help but feel that this entire web site is written tongue in cheek, so maybe it isn’t _meant_ to be taken seriously. ;)
some of this is a little far.. but most of it sits on a bed of truth, not ALL, but many women do only care about money, many do get bitchy when they dont get their way, ALL women try to change their man whether they say they do or not, and seriously.. why do women hold grudges for so long? my girlfriends from highschool dont even talk to each other anymore because they hate each other.. and they cant even remember why. ALL of my friends that are men are still hanging out and still friends.. clearly there is something flawed with women here..
also, why the hell do you have to put your makeup on in the car.. that has always pissed me off.. wake up 10 minutes earlier and fucking put that shit on at home.. ive been in 3 wrecks, neither my fault and BOTH caused by women drivers.. one of which claiming she was pregnant only to be proven that she was just FAT.. DUMB BITCHES
I don’t like girls’ their too bitchy.
“ive been in 3 wrecks, neither my fault and BOTH caused by women drivers” BOTH refers to two, same with neither.
As for makeup in the car, ever since my ex decided that slamming on the breaks which almost resulted in my eye being taken out by an eyeliner pencil was a good idea- I haven’t been game to.
Men are better than women……… couldn’t say it any better. Wome try to take our money by selling their fat bodies.
it’s like you never grew up from when boys thought girls had cuties.
btw your name suites you
What’s with the lack of posts Dick?
What’s with the lack of posts, Dick?
Very “original”, just like my comment below.
Fucking cunt, what kind of “man” posts girly comments like this. You are the most pathetic dumb cunt posing as a man. Now fuck off this site.
dick you realy are a dick
im
a
girl
and
im
very
very
proud
i know that you are gay
every girl dident want you as a boyfreind in the past thats why you are racies against women
I’m impressed you can type whilst wearing a straitjacket, you should be proud.
That’s still no excuse for the cunt’s horrid spelling and failure to capitalise sentences.
typical woman response.. if a guy says something a girl doesn’t agree with.. he MUST be gay! if that were true, the human race would be doomed.. congrats on being proud of being a chick.. but just because a man has these ideas, doesn’t mean that he is gay, just accept that people out there wont always agree with you sweetie
i agree dick. also i think that all women who drive should be arrested for DUI because they are all driving under the influence of stupidity.