Fool Me Once, Shame on Me

Men are better than women at procuring loans. Bank loans, personal loans, whatever you want. Think of this situation.

A man approaches either you or a bank and asks for 10,000 dollars or pounds sterling to start a computer repair store or a restaurant.

“Sounds interesting.” You might say. “Tell me more.”

You’ll probably get an interesting answer. Now picture this scenario. A woman approaches you and says you should give her the same amount to start a bead store or a stationary store or some fucking online shit that sells crappy, hand-made jewelry to shut-ins with seven cats. Whatever it is I have a pretty good idea of what either you as a man or you as a bank as a bank would say:

“Fuck you, bitch. That’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard.”

That’s because from their purple micro mini skirts to their puce stiletto heels women are a grab bag of mixed signals and lies. Are they a hooker? Are they blind? Is this woman some kind of chiratic vampire that feeds on clashes of colors? Whatever the truth behind the bullshit is, it will take some digging to find. It’ll take some digging to find your money too if you errantly decide to throw it into the sink hole that is a woman’s business sense.

Last time I checked banks are in the business of making money. And the last time I checked was very recently. As a man, I’m very interested in money. Money is how you keep score in life, so as a man I think about it more than I think about sex. All men do, but you’ll never read that in Cosmo. Women would hate to see their sole purpose linked with their greatest aphrodisiac and the last time I checked Cosmo was in the business of selling magazines. What else you won’t read about in Cosmo is how many Man Points you’re loosing by reading it — a shitload.

52% of men applying for a commercial bank loan receive it.
39% of women get theirs.

-National Foundation for Women Business Owners

That’s not gender discrimination. There is no such thing as gender discrimination at a bank and there has never been. The whole shit is a myth. Banks are like a hundred men crammed into a hot-box of money think. A boiler room of man brains forced to ponder on money with such extreme prejudice and deliverance that by 8:00AM the only gender they give any kind of a shit about is Green. Money. Women don’t get loans as often as men do because banks look at their proposals and say to themselves, ‘Gee, I bet giving this crazy ass Art History major five grand to tour Europe with a backpack and Birkenstocks would be a stupid fucking idea. Why the fuck does the word boyfriend show up on this chick’s loan application six times?’

Denied. Try asking the Bank of Daddy, sweetheart. He’s always open for business.

Women are less trustworthy than you can throw them. Bullshit, Dick, you say? No shit at all. If you don’t believe me measure how far you can throw a 300 pound woman. Then see how far you can walk away after trusting her with a two pound Cinnabun.

The defense rests. By the way if you do that, make sure you know the Heimlich maneuver.

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38 Responses to “Fool Me Once, Shame on Me”

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  1. One-o-Wonder Says:

    I don’t know if it’s more of a function of bullshit ideas for jobs than it is a function of women being completely undisciplined when around money. I’d wager the credit scores of these women who apply for loans equals the sum of her measurements. Who’s going to loan money to that? Who in their right mind would loan money to someone who blows everything she earns and maxes out her credit cards hoping some rich Brad Pitt-clone comes to marry her ass back into solvency?

    They could have the best idea in the world, but no one’s going to loan them so much as a turd when they lack the financial discipline to use that money appropriately.

  2. chrisvet Says:

    As correctly pointed out on this site the most common words uttered by a woman: “I want”

    The statistics in the above article fail to address the numbers of applicants.

    For example: 52% of men are granted money, out of how many? 100,000? Ok, therefore we have 52,000 men granted money.

    39% of women were granted money, out of how many? 200,000? (Remember, women always WANT things) So this could be 78,000 women.

    The point is, and always will be, that statistics used by female organizations always have 1 agenda: to portray the Western woman as a victim, and by just visiting a female “help� forum, you’ll always see “where can I get money for this, for that, for the other thing.�
    Women are parasites. That’s not bad, that’s just reality and nature.

    Now setting aside our gov’ts offers football stadiums worth of support to women to start their own business, the reality is women make up the largest group of individuals who fail within their first year of operation.

    Why? Reality sets in - because a woman’s idea of going into business for herself is a dreamed up fantasy usually concocted during her years as a stay at home mom, based on some ridiculous idea that she’ll have a craft store with some resident hippy in the corner playing a harp while she serves tea and has show and tell with her imbecile trinkets.

    You will never see women self starters dominate anything in the business world for this biological reason: 4/5 women polled throughout the western world preferred flexible hours over higher pay.

    They simply lack the testosterone, the same chemical that drives men to study some obscure thermonuclear dynamic anomaly for 40 years straight.

    The only way we will ever see men and women competing (regardless of all the gov’t intervention) is by giving women direct testosterone injections.

    And Still, they’re left with an untrained mind filled with kaotic emotions.

  3. Big Al Says:

    online shit that sells crappy, hand-made jewelry to shut-ins with seven cats

    Don’t you find women are like cats? One or two of them lying around can be charming, but large groups are sinister and smell funny.

  4. Mech Pilot Says:

    I find this article quite false. For one my father had no sense of money the man would try to take 60 dollars out of the bank when we only had 16. He’d spend 60 dollars a week on lottery tickets and he never won. He worked the lower paying shitty job with less flexible hours then my mother did. Do you know what my mother did? She owned a glass bead business. She made a good 60% more then my father ever pulled in during the month. She had more flexible hours, She was happier, and she dominated her field. She used the interent to her advantage and sold her beads on ebay and her own business site. She couldn’t make her beads fast enough, people would buy them before they had even seen them. Her business was quite a success. She sold internationally and her glass made it into some of the most prestigious jewlery store across the world.

    As for Chrisvet every organization is going to use buyist facts. It’s how they get the sympathy and support they need to further their cause. It’s called strategy.

  5. abaddon_fff Says:

    Biased

  6. jon Says:

    Mech Pilot said:

    I find this article quite false. For one my father had no sense of money the man would try to take 60 dollars out of the bank when we only had 16. He’d spend 60 dollars a week on lottery tickets and he never won. He worked the lower paying shitty job with less flexible hours then my mother did. Do you know what my mother did? She owned a glass bead business. She made a good 60% more then my father ever pulled in during the month. She had more flexible hours, She was happier, and she dominated her field. She used the interent to her advantage and sold her beads on ebay and her own business site. She couldn’t make her beads fast enough, people would buy them before they had even seen them. Her business was quite a success. She sold internationally and her glass made it into some of the most prestigious jewlery store across the world.

    As for Chrisvet every organization is going to use buyist facts. It’s how they get the sympathy and support they need to further their cause. It’s called strategy.

    You wont take any statistic we throw at you. Just acknowlege the man that knows the ins and outs not your fathers gambling and money use problems.

  7. Necroswordsman Says:

    abaddon_fff said:

    Biased

    Well duh.

  8. Billy Says:

    I’m sure the weak little fella did it all for the noookie!

  9. Necroswordsman Says:

    Billy said:

    I’m sure the weak little fella did it all for the noookie!

    Aww how cute. Like a chimp trying to paint.

  10. sonyad Says:

    Mech Pilot said:

    [...]
    As for Chrisvet every organization is going to use buyist facts. [...]

    Buyist facts? As in “bought at WallMart” or women’s studies?

    - Fatboy Slim - Right here right now

  11. Chris Says:

    Women almost always go into business to sell things to other women (e.g., beads, candles, scarves, other useless shit). Women are, for the most part, cheap (which is when they are not broke and asking their bf or hubby for more cash). So they don’t buy much and certainly rarely go back for repeat purchases (assuming anyone would want to buy a bead). Therefore, women’s businesses almost always fail. Simple equation.
    BTW: ever see some of these chicks flogging their wares (candles, beads, silly self-help CDs by some fucking slack-ass hippie, or some supposedly “spiritual shit” by another disgruntled Indian tribe) on the street corner or on the beach? It’s a fucking scream! I once told one to take a course in marketing because she didn’t have a hope in hell of ever selling her crap. Should’ve seen the look on her face…

  12. son of the suns Says:

    Chris said:

    Women almost always go into business to sell things to other women (e.g., beads, candles, scarves, other useless shit). Women are, for the most part, cheap (which is when they are not broke and asking their bf or hubby for more cash). So they don’t buy much and certainly rarely go back for repeat purchases (assuming anyone would want to buy a bead). Therefore, women’s businesses almost always fail. Simple equation.
    BTW: ever see some of these chicks flogging their wares (candles, beads, silly self-help CDs by some fucking slack-ass hippie, or some supposedly “spiritual shit” by another disgruntled Indian tribe) on the street corner or on the beach? It’s a fucking scream! I once told one to take a course in marketing because she didn’t have a hope in hell of ever selling her crap. Should’ve seen the look on her face…

    My ex bought some Indian music CD one time and told me I should leave for the night so she could “experience it”.

  13. Chris Says:

    son of the suns said:

    Chris said:

    Women almost always go into business to sell things to other women (e.g., beads, candles, scarves, other useless shit). Women are, for the most part, cheap (which is when they are not broke and asking their bf or hubby for more cash). So they don’t buy much and certainly rarely go back for repeat purchases (assuming anyone would want to buy a bead). Therefore, women’s businesses almost always fail. Simple equation.
    BTW: ever see some of these chicks flogging their wares (candles, beads, silly self-help CDs by some fucking slack-ass hippie, or some supposedly “spiritual shit” by another disgruntled Indian tribe) on the street corner or on the beach? It’s a fucking scream! I once told one to take a course in marketing because she didn’t have a hope in hell of ever selling her crap. Should’ve seen the look on her face…

    My ex bought some Indian music CD one time and told me I should leave for the night so she could “experience it”.

    LOL!

  14. Elitist_Prick Says:

    I bet the CD experienced the trash can shortly afterward.

  15. son of the suns Says:

    Elitist_Prick said:

    I bet the CD experienced the trash can shortly afterward.

    No but her car saw the bottom of a river valley when she betrayed me.

    And I didn’t even pay for it.

  16. sara Says:

    All of this is not true. I am a women and i can spend $25 dollars in 4 days on 3 meals. Most men can’t do that if their life depended on it. Second of all women are actually usually smarter than men and sooooooo much more responsible. Since my great great great grandmother fought for her rights in Russia all of the generations of women in my family have fought for women rights. I am only 13 years old and i have realized this when all of you idiots can’t even though you are really old. As a result of your backwards thinking ,probobly alone or in a horrible realtionship. This is what you do in your spare time to vent about how patheitc your lives our but guess what? If you stop hating women than you can have a relationship. I am smarter, more responsible ,and more mature than you men who constantly write on this website. All of you conservatives are only angry becasue we are catching up to you with rights and jobs and soon we will have our rightful place, above all of of you.

    Love,
    a feminist’s daughter

  17. Elitist_Prick Says:

    Yea, you’re waaaay smarter than all the guys on this site. Try spelling probably right for a change. That’ll help your argument.

    On another note, 3 meals in four days at $8 bucks a pop? That sounds pretty healthy. Idiot.

  18. diamatik Says:

    sara said:

    All of this is not true. I am a women and i can spend $25 dollars in 4 days on 3 meals.

    At age thirteen, that means your parents and your school are subsidising your meals. Dependency on subsidies aren’t considered as thrift. Go away from here and do what all the other stupid 13 year old girls do; work on your myspace page.

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