Boys Turn to Tech, Girls Turn to Poundcake
It’s long been true that unpopular young men turn to science and innovation for companionship during their awkward years. These men are the Bill Gates and Philo T. Farnsworth’s of the world — and to a lesser extent the George Taylor’s. In 1869, Taylor invented a steam-powered, vibrator called “The Manipulator” designed to relieve female patients of “hysteria”. It took up two rooms and required physicians to shovel coal into a furnace while it was in operation. A grand idea it was, but in my experience, Taylor’s invention only seems to encourage “hysteria”. Perhaps that was the true genius of it.
Men who are faced with unpopularity in their teens prepare themselves for adult success because of it.
Girls who are unpopular get fat as fuck.
At least that’s what a new study says.
Men are better than women at being unpopular. When men are unpopular, we dedicate ourselves to things; making up our own worlds so we can be popular there, like film nerds who later become filthy rich directors, or poseurs who overstate their filmic achievements in order to get laid. When women are unpopular they turn to drama class, black nail polish, and start pumping cheese into their veins like it’s an antidote for lameness.
There is only one antidote for lameness. It starts with “M”, rhymes with “money”, and cannot be found at the bottom of a Funyuns bag.
Here is an excerpt from a recent study detailing to what extent loserness and pig-fatness are related in young women.
“Those who believed they were unpopular gained more weight over a two-year period than girls who viewed themselves as more popular… Those who rated themselves low in popularity were 69 percent more likely than other girls to increase their body mass index by two units, the equivalent of gaining about 11 pounds.”
There’s only one thing that disgusts me more than a fat woman, and that’s a fat little girl. Lift a finger, you fucking butterball. It’s easy for children to lose weight. It’s never a glandular problem, and even if it is, broken glands are nothing that running 10 miles every day won’t fix.
If there’s one area of the human condition that needs no further research, it’s girls and their epic battle with low self-esteem. Girls shouldn’t have any self-esteem at all. What have they ever done but annoy everyone and spend their father’s money? That’s nothing to be proud of. It’s true that some little girls dress like sluts and we all appreciate it, but no little girl can take credit for that. Only her mother can.
The reason unpopular young girls eat like garbage disposals is the same reason they’re killing themselves at increasing rates. Someone told them they should feel good about themselves without effort. When they don’t, they start shoveling candy into their guts to fill the void. Way to go, women. That’s what happens when you teach life lessons to kids while having no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.
If women weren’t as dumb as rocks and as easy to sell things to as tossing sardines to seals in a cage, they wouldn’t let their cosmetics companies shovel delusions of self-esteem down the throats of their young.
Men don’t let beer companies teach young boys to be happy with who they are, or that girls will like them for it. That’s a quicker route to being a virgin in college than home school. Men teach boys that they need to change if they’re not good enough, they need to make money if they’re not rich enough, and if they feel bad about it, they need to shut their fucking mouths.
You can’t turn into a teenage blimp if you keep your mouth shut. Either way, the problem is solved.
Read more about Fat Bottom Girls.
Read more about the history of vibrators.
Read more about Funyuns.
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I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening. What was your question again?
and btw, ‘an old fashioned girl…with a twist’? What is this ‘twist’ you speak of? If it’s the same kind of twist as in “the Crying Game”…. =/
Honestly, I didn’t even notice Dick making fun of you, or even Zardoz so much. And also, who cares if you get attacked? It’s the fucking internet. You don’t need my approval to carry on day to day in here so why the fuck do you care so much?
Why do most women care about the views of other posters in here when they know very damn well they are going to be reamed (regardless of by what sex)?
Lastly,
Way to brag about your sluttiness. Commendable even.
@LadyXX- what you are stating is simply your opinion, your truth. i have never once been called dumb by anyone who knows me, male or female. and you may not find me funny, but lots of people do.
you know nothing about me or my views on life and the issues raised here. I’m actually something of a fan of Mr. Masterson and certainly there is some truth to be found here amongst all the hyperbole.
i love men. i love doing things to, with, and (especially) for them.
i’m an old fashioned girl. with a twist.
you didn’t answer my question, though.
because you can’t.
Women are such herdlike critters.
“But Tiffany likes me!”
That was my initial idea, but you worded it better-thanks.
*sigh*
You are just like the rest of them that do this bit: I call out a woman for being ‘unfunny’ or ‘dumb’ etc (just speaking the truth), but because I’m the female that just so happens to have the same mindset as the rest of the fellas here, I am lucky enough to get the sad sobbing dog eyes interrogation of “b-b-b-but WHY? Why would you say those mean things to me?’ And the answer is quite simple:
Because I can.
It’s discrimination that prevents women from going into mens clubs, schools etc. But it’s a woman right to have their own seperate clubs, schools et al.
Double standards r us
A true or False test would work since most women hate the truth.
:)
@Lady XX- you know, i hesitate to ask, but you can tell me please what exactly in my comments on this post demonstrates that i am stupid, shallow or superficial? again, i couldn’t be less interested in having any sort of argument with you- i’m just curious.
i’m also curious as to why if Mr Masterson and Zardoz weren’t rude to me, you felt you had to attack me?
Exactly. Though, it wouldn’t hurt to ask a few questions that are demeaning to women (obviously they would be offended, thus lessening their score)… if that makes any sense.
Oh a test like that would be easy. Just leave a simple IQ test as an entry form. LMAO!
- Sgt. Reyes
It’s bad enough they have to annoy any man around them in person; now they have to annoy the fuck out of any VIRTUAL man as well.
I wish there was a special ‘men are better then women’ test a woman would have to take before she’s allowed to post on this site.
I believe she is trying to convince herself. But I’m sure some desperate mangina would build her ego to jump her bones. Of course in this virtual world and you can be whatever you want to be.
You go Whore.. I mean grrl!
‘Super hot and awesome’ — So easy to project on a blog. So very hard to convince Male counterparts in college unless they’re drunk. Another show of insecurity which is exactly what this blog is targeting. You don’t have to lie to convince us of your beauty.
– Sgt. Reyes
Oh my. That’s a fucking fantastic quote if there ever was one.
Perhaps both. Never underestimate the lows a woman will stoop to, especially if it involves money and their own self interest.
@Jenn: If you’re that easily confused, you must be doing a course in women’s studies. Master’s degree? Am I supposed to be impressed by that? I suppose “super hot” is useful if you plan to be a prostitute when you grow up. But I somehow doubt that that you are any such thing. In fact, your whole self-aggrandising parade smells like horse-shit to me quite frankly. Not to mention whoring for attention on a men’s issues website is the last bastion of the lonely and dysfunctional wistfully wannabe-princess.
I deem it far more likely that you’re grotesquely obese, too obnoxious to even have close female friends let alone male companionship, mentally disturbed, or just plain ugly enough to frighten children. Perhaps even your supposed educational studies are horse-shit too, and you’re actually a single mother college drop out operating a computer set up by one of the men you picked up at a sleazy nightclub when your mother was babysitting, whom chose to stick around for a while on account of the fact you were prepared to do anything in order to have a man’s ongoing attention.
The only thing “awesome” about you though, is your clearly demonstrated stupidity. No matter how anyone looks at it, you’re nothing but a puerile social waste product attempting to argue with a man that has no need to prove anything whatsoever. Best you save your ridiculous boyhood insults for your school peers, if you actually do have a scholarly pursuit.
Should you ever actually achieve something useful in society, then you might validly call yourself a winner. Until then, have half a dog biscuit and get the fuck off this website.
No, January is the official man-divorce month due to the kick ass man-points you get by not allowing a woman to get a free ticket the rest of her life. 50,000 or so if I recall correctly.
Win? Not really, if you have to gloat to nameless people online who really don’t care it’s only a sign of low self-esteem and loneliness? If anything you win pity and not much.
Reading that quote actually sickened me, Zardoz. I wonder if this means I am naive to the lows a woman will stoop to, or it’s just plain sickening behaviour.
Jenn, just because you go to a 2-bit college, wasting money on a non-sense degree, and compare yourself to your fat friends; doesn’t mean you’re the least bit interesting to us.
@at Zardoz (at? at?) are you trying to confuse me? Whilst you are busy being erudite and reading Dick’s blog, I am busy working on my masters AND being super hot and awesome….so no matter how you look at it, I win. :) Cheers!