Britney Spears: Not Just Jailbat Anymore (Apparently)
I’ve always wanted to name a phony whore MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month. Little did I know today would be my lucky day! I guess I should have read my horoscope, but I’m not a woman so I don’t waste my time reading fucking self-fulfilling bullshit and if I did I would give a fuck about it.
Gentlemen and all the women here who behave like little girls and not ladies and are fucking forbidden from reading this anyway, may I present MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month for July:
Britney Spears.
Britney “Hit me” Spears recently posed for the cover of Bazaar magazine. No big deal right? Women whore for attention every day. Who fucking cares?
Well, I care because this time the whore was pregnant as fuck! And boy does she show it!
Don’t believe me? I envy you. You, unlike me, won’t subject yourself to looking for the pictures of said mother-to-be in all their travesty. You’ll likely have a good laugh at an unappetizing by comically absurd future that may have been and go on your merry man-way. Besides, babies are like a James fucking Bond License to Whore. This is almost a non-event.
Then I got to thinking: where have I seen this kind of behavior before? Being a man, I immediately thought of an answer.
Men; that’s where I’ve seen it. Men do this type of man-shit all the time. We don’t whore for attention; we don’t pose for pregnant photos; and we don’t hold our babies like they’re heads of cabbage whilst we’re walking recklessly around New York or driving down to the fucking market for more scotch and hopefully a pack of condoms for fuck’s sake, but what we do do is not give any kind of a fuck how we look for pictures.
That’s what I see on this month’s cover of Bazaar; someone who clearly gives absolutely no fuck about looking like shit in front of a lot of people — and I mean a lot of people. I can’t think of anything more manly and mantastic.
Go look at wedding photos. Go back to the 70’s if you want. See all those moustmanstaches (moustaches) in your face? See those guys grinning like they’re doing a good thing? They are. Moustaches are fucking hideous, but so is everything done by Jackson Pollock. That doesn’t mean they’re also not precious works of fucking art that will blow your man-ass completely off and also the pants of all the hot ladies who get too close.
Congratulations Miss July. I think I can speak for everyone when I say I would absolutely love to hit you one more time.
Related Articles:
September 19th, 2006 at 4:13 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Judging by the life-expectancy (circa 56 years for those who play 5 or more years of pro-ball) of American football players, I’m not sure there’s strong evidence for it being an overly protected, pansified sport.
As Billy says, the padding lets people hit (and be hit) much harder. Looking at years of road accident statistics, it’s apparent that we humans adjust automatically to compensate for risk. Reduce the risk of being hit, and we’ll hit more and harder. Make safer cars, and roads, and people will drive faster, partially obviating the safety improvements.
I’m not a great fan of (American) football, and only marginally more a fan of rugby. But soccer is excellent… whenever I’m feeling insomnia, watching a few minutes of soccer is a great cure.
If I have to watch a sport as opposed to particpate, make it cricket, baseball or hockey.
-wolfe
September 19th, 2006 at 6:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Awesome, Big Al, clearly those people don’t think with their helmets.
September 19th, 2006 at 6:37 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Oh, and this one goes out to Wolfe.
September 19th, 2006 at 8:42 am - IP Man-Hash: c4290183cb9ca
Great link Big Al.
AFL umps look very gay, yet despite such inflammatory garments and behaviour (waves arm like some kind of camp musical dancer, floppy wrist and all…) the players don’t always give as much shit to the umps as they appear to in soccer.
“The football pads allow players to hit each other much harder than rugby players could and survive.”
Yep spot on Billy. American football players are HUGE; I’m guessing around 110-120kg 1/4 back up to 150-170kg+ for linebacker (or other relative big position). Guys that size smashing into each other without padding will totally fuck themselves in short order. As men, they are sensible and use pads. No shame…brains.
Gridiron is a power/strength sport. Short burst of intense activity followed by a break then at it again. Doesn’t a gridiron team have offensive and defensive “teams” that swap dependent upon possession?
Rugby (league and union), AFL, Gaelic football, and soccer are primarily cardio intensive sports with a lesser or greater degree of strength/power thrown in depending on the code, greater for Rugby (L/U), much less for soccer, where less power more ball control (easier with a round ball) is required.
Fuck I love sport!
wolfe, I’m cricket mad mate. Cricket is a truly glorious game that produced one of the worlds all time sporting freaks in Sir Donald Bradman. Compared to his contemporaries, or even today’s greats, he is head and shoulders above them all statistically (cricket is very manly, chock full of statistics). There are facts everywhere. It scares many women.
September 19th, 2006 at 8:49 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Haha. That’s good, Sony. I can’t resist commenting.
Why the Yanks hate Football (oops..soccer)
Darn right. We still think we won the war of 1812. And Korea. And poor Vietnam, lets not go there.
Ditto. Got to have something for the wimminfolks to do other than fetch beer. Besides, as Dick says in today’s post, it’s one of their core competences… at which sadly so many still fail.
True dat.
Basketball would have been a funnier analogy. Still, true enough.
Darn tootin’. Unlike Hockey (Russia, Czechs) or Baseball (Cuba), those great all-American sports.
Quite true.
This is actually weak… Americans didn’t invent most of our sports. Put Rugby down to the UK/Celts, and American football probably down to the Canadians. Basketball was definitely invented by a Canadian. Ditto Hockey. That leaves uh… Baseball. NASCAR is all ours though! Well, ‘cept for the Europeans inventing motor-racing. But that’s a detail.
Also weak. Baseball is more strategically complex.
This one made me laugh out loud. Too true. You do know Sam Clemens’ comment on golf? “A good walk spoiled”.
Very true. Sadly, even if we didn’t, it wouldn’t change interest levels much.
I still maintain that watching soccer is one of the greatest soporifics going. But I’ll gladly add watching golf.
-wolfe
September 19th, 2006 at 8:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
I agree 100%, JD.
-wolfe
September 19th, 2006 at 9:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Woaaa! Football’s boring, but cricket isn’t?!
Does not compute.
Besides, I’m of the opinion that any sport’s boring to some lesser or greater extent if you’re only just watching. Except for fishbladiating. Which is plain annoying anyway you cut it.
September 20th, 2006 at 5:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6897e3ddf8ad0
Interesting statistic. Where did you find that one wolfe?
-Dick
September 20th, 2006 at 8:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 84bc19e646e38
Put Rugby down to the UK/Celts, and American football probably down to the Canadians. Basketball was definitely invented by a Canadian. Ditto Hockey. That leaves uh… Baseball. NASCAR is all ours though! Well, ‘cept for the Europeans inventing motor-racing. But that’s a detail.
-wolfe
1869
Rutgers and Princeton played a college soccer football game, the first ever, November 6. The game used modified London Football Association rules. During the next seven years, rugby gained favor with the major eastern schools over soccer, and modern football began to develop from rugby
September 20th, 2006 at 8:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4290183cb9ca
“That leaves uh… Baseball.”
There are lots of differing opinions on that one wolfe. Many claim it’s a descendent of another English game, rounders. Some also claim that cricket and baseball share that common heritage, although a 2000 year old cricket bat was found on the banks of the Tames and cricket bats are made for cricket, not rounders.
The Poms may suck at sport these days, with the singular exception of their cricket team (English football teams all currently suck), but we owe the existence of almost every major sport we play across the globe today to an EnglishMAN.
As for motor racing wolfe we, have V8 supercars in Aus. Like many things we do, it’s kind of a bastard Euro-American hybrid. Two make, Holden (GM) or Ford, 1.5 tonne 4 door saloons with 700hp 5 litre fuel injected pushrod V8 (rev limit 7,500) 6 speed crash box, Custom 9″ independent diff, top speed around 300kph (’bout 290-300kph down Condrod straight at Bathurst). All circuit racing no ovals (you yanks can keep that). The Holden(GM) car, the commodore, is the 4 door version of the car Oz made for America, the last comaro. Check out video of last years race at Bathurst at http://bigpondguide.com/055C01936F27B218F98AEE9B7C96DD63_3_11_ToddKell y-Holden-Racing-Team-Bathurst01-Bathurst-T-Kelly-Skaife-Ambrose-Lownds e-Murphy-McConville-Bathurst-crash-Richards-Whincup-Besnard-Baird-Bat
September 21st, 2006 at 1:10 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
@Dick re: stats of players dying younger. There’s tons of anecdotal evidence. No one, to my knowledge, has done a really good study (though people have done ’sports-stats’ kinds of studies). This google search is strongly suggestive that something’s going on (most believe it to be weight related, but even that’s controversial).
The Living Heart Foundation, an NFL associated operation is trying to “separate truth from fiction related to player’s [sic] health.”. They note:
-wolfe
September 21st, 2006 at 1:36 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
@Billy (re 23 on who ‘invented’ football.
After 200-some years of informal play, the first set of written rules for rugby appears to date to 1845 at, obviously, Rugby School in England.
By the late 1860’s, the game was well-established in England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Australia, Canada and New Zealand. (In many cases, including in Quebec, British soldiers introduced the game to locals).
While informal games were played between Canadians and Americans in the 1867 to 1870 (including one at Kingston), it’s generally held that a McGill-Harvard series (with codified rules) in 1874 propelled the game solidly into the Ivy league.
On this, the balance of the evidence suggests to me that it came from Britain to the US primarily via the way of Canada, though no doubt secondarily via other sources. Research shows no enormous impact of the games played — including the one you note — prior to the McGill-Harvard series.
Given Harvard’s preeminence in the Ivy League, it seems likely that was decisive.
A stretch to say Canada invented it? Perhaps, though the rules started to change in Montreal. But my main point was that the US didn’t, and that was the main joke in my response to the list. We do love to think we’ve invented everything, and, in the field of sports, it’s sadly not much!
@JD I agree entirely with that; that said, I think baseball is sufficiently well-developed as a distinct sport, that I’m comfortable saying it was invented/developed/created (pick a verb) in the US, admittedly as a descendant from rounders.
After all, you guys have to leave us with something we invented!
Not a bad description of Australia… As for ovals, I think they’re great for stress-testing engines, not so great for uh… anything much else. Nascar driving does have genuine skill, and the track reproducibility is of some value, but, I confess as a spectator sport it leaves me looking for the exit. Much like about 99.9% of off-Broadway and 95% of Broadway. [live theater in New York for non-USAians].
-wolfe
September 21st, 2006 at 2:11 am - IP Man-Hash: c4290183cb9ca
There’s no doubt in my mind wolfe that baseball as it is today is, very much American.
Hey didn’t you guys invent Basketball? I don’t here anyone else claiming it.
You would have to say it is the American sport with the most widespread international appeal.
BTW a common nickname for Aussie Rules (AFL) is cross-country basketball.
I think aerial ping pong is a more apt description.
September 21st, 2006 at 3:08 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Nope, Basketball was definitely invented by a Canadian, though he’d been living and working in the US for a year when he first codified the rules.
-wolfe
September 28th, 2006 at 9:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 54f297af1830d
On the other hand JD the round ball is far less predictable in flight. As a former goalkeeper I can assure you of the truth of this. While in flight the round ball presents a far greater surface area to the air.
Aussie rules has far more in common with basketball than with rugby. Both, unlike rugby, are sports for seriously good athletes. And don’t for a minute think that basketball is a soft sport. I’ve had seven foot, twenty stone, muscle bound behemoths coming straight at me at full speed. Not a pretty site and very dangerous particularly if you’ve got no choice but to try and stop them.
September 30th, 2006 at 5:31 am - IP Man-Hash: bdb2b567d985d
No one in the World cares about American “football”. And Americans don’t care about any of the things the rest of the World cares about. The real football is played wih the feet - hence, “foot”ball -, and only Americans don’t care about it. Two hundred million people watch the Super Bowl; twenty times more people watch the World Cup. Football wins. I rest my case.
September 30th, 2006 at 5:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
P Coderch, I see myself obliged to intervene. American footballiatoros play with only their feet as well. They’ve just got an extra pair, that’s all.
I contend that the reason they’ll never concede and admit allegiance to the Sport King is cause they suck unbelievably at it.
January 20th, 2008 at 5:57 am - IP Man-Hash: aa871a3792e9a
This thread started because Dick Masterson named Spear Britney ( I wish the fuck someone would) Honorary man of the month, because she in a rancid little drunken whore. And then it seems sonyad ( the pus exuding slut ) made some comment regarding football……..Typical woman shit…….exactly what this web community is here to demonstrate. Distract from the issue when you don’t have a brain to make a relevant, on topic comment to make. And sadly, the bulk of replies to her menstrual outbursts only served to encourage her, notwithstanding the fact that CUNTS are not allowed here. I cannot even comprehend why you reply to her with anything other than venom, given that she is trespassing here, having chosen in her CLIT POWER wisdom to ignore the fucking sign. Anyhow, she hijacked the thread, and you all permitted her to do so with NON MANLY INACTION, by not telling her to go and fuck herself with a chainsaw. ALL women are dumb, bombastic, attention seeking whores, who should really only open their mouths when I need to take a DUMP in it.
January 20th, 2008 at 6:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 86162533819d9
Just picking up on the discussion over sports. I say every man to his own.
If you really want to see a piss poor game, take ANY sport and allow women to play it.
How can any woman call herself the best at any sport when she could easily be beaten by a man. What the fuck happened to equality there?
January 21st, 2008 at 12:36 am - IP Man-Hash: aa871a3792e9a
Ok man, fair comment, but you are not the only one here who is guilty of the aforementioned crime.