What Do You Call a Woman With Nowhere To Live?
It’s time for another one of my Dick’s Manly Jokes.
What do you call a woman with nowhere to live?
Chaste? No. Nuns won’t fuck anyone (even though God says women are supposed to) and they still have a place to live.
What do you call a woman with nowhere to live?
Call her anything that starts with ‘b’ and rhymes with ‘bitch’. Homeless women are the rudest women with whom it has ever been my misfortune to share a street corner. They ought to be given homes just so their smelliness and grotesqueries are kept far away from children, and more importantly me.
Men are better than women at being homeless.
I have told two lady bums to get the fuck away from me in the last two weeks. This is a true story and something I would never have to say to a man bum. Both of them were as filthy as they were extremely rude. One of these lady vagrants accosted me while I had a large soda in one hand and a large sandwich in the other hand. She wanted me to feel her forehead because she thought she was coming down with some kind of bum-heat-stroke.
“Feel it with what?” I asked her. “Should I grow a third arm out of my ass.”
Like usual when it comes to employing logic and impossibility in a discussion with a woman, the conversation deteriorated rapidly into creative epithets.
The male homeless of the world have brewed up a Thunderbird-sized reputation of class and enduring dignity over the years. Not dignity in the traditional sense, where what you ate for dinner was prepared by a human and not a rummaging snout, but the dignity of providing a token service for a token amount of money and at all times having a positive attitude — and also hilarious hobo top hats. That’s classy.
You will never find a more positive attitude than in a man-bum. Frankly, I don’t know where they get the energy. They’re always singing, or dancing, or telling jokes. Some of my best jokes I’ve gotten from a bum for a dollar. That’s a good fucking deal. Who needs Danny Gans when you can just walk through a bad neighborhood and get the same experience.
I know of one homeless woman who broke into a family pizza restaurant at 3 in the morning and shit on their counter. What was the purpose of that? Whatever the purpose was, I assure you nothing of that sort ever appeared in anything Mark Twain ever wrote.
Bums represent the pure and unadulterated spirit of us that lurks neath the surface of societal trappings and accoutrement. Without a house, a car, vaccinations, money, or any foreseeable success, a man can be joyous and positive as long as he has his man mates. He also might want some booze, but there’s nothing wrong with that — legally or morally.
Women bums are all degenerate and crass meth addicts. They couldn’t tell a joke if you hung an eight ball in front of their nose. But that should be no surprise. They’re still women even though they have no kitchen to wash dishes in.
That’s Man Zen.
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According to The Tibetan Book of the Dead, each of the six game worlds or levels of existence is associated with a characteristic sort of thraldom, from which non-game experiences give temporary freedom: (1) existence as a deva, or saint, although more desirable than the others, is concomitant with an ever-recurring round of pleasure, free game ecstasy; (2) existence as an asura, or titan, is concomitant with incessant heroic warfare; (3) helplessness and slavery are characteristic of animal existence; (4) torments of unsatisfied needs and wants are characteristic of the existence of pretas, or unhappy spirits; (5) the characteristic impediments of human existence are inertia, smug ignorance, physical or psychological handicaps or various sorts.
According to the Bardo Thodol, the level one is detined for is determined by one’s karma. During the period of the Third Bardo premonitory signs and visions of the different levels appear, that for which one is heading appearing most clearly. For example, the voyager may feel full of godlike power (asuras), or he may feel himself stirred by primitive or bestial impulses, or he may experience that all-pervasive frustration of the unhappy neurotics, or shudder at the tortures of a self-created hell.
The chances of making a favorable re-entry are increased if the process is allowed to take its own natural course, without effort or struggle. One should avoid pursuing or fleeing any of the visions, but meditate calmly on the knowledge that all levels exist in the Buddha also.
One can recognize and examine the signs as they appear and learn a great deal about oneself in a very short time. Although it is unwise to struggle against or flee the visions that come in this period, the Instructions for Re-entry Visions are designed to help the voyager regain First Bardo transcendence. In this way, if the person finds himself about to return to a personality or ego which he finds inappropriate to his new knowledge about himself, he can, by following the instructions, prevent this and make a fresh re-entry.
Don’t sentences usually end with a period?
he he. Never fails.
i beg to differ my dear Katt…i think he is quite funny
actaully it was a guy bum who lived under a bridge who taught my aunt trish to read :D
XY > XX .com
Sweet! Great idea there, Mad Ogre.
@Mad Ogre - Hah! That is a funny name for a site.
-wolfe
This site should be called ‘The XX Files’
You deserve to be shot.
You’re not funny and cursing doesn’t make you any cooler. It’s important to have a point when you rant. Believe me, I’ve read plenty of ranters and you just plain flat-out suck.
I know that someone intelligent enough to set up a website is intelligent enough to not generalise billions of people.
Being controversial does not a good author/ranter make.
I wonder how much rehearsal that took to type out. It does seem vaguely familiar. Has Miss Proud Pussy discovered the wide world of network cafes? If so, congratulations!
You’ve spent 2 weeks figuring out what would have taken your average man 2 seconds. Give yourself a pat on the back, I know thinking hurts that little brain of yours. Now yall look forwards to “The Eclipses of Society” - ‘eclipses’, such a big word! How very deep, an astrological term applied to a social setting - did you look that up on the Husband’s 10 Commandments section on Google?
Google, good for you! And copying and pasting - you’re just a computer whiz, aren’t ya? Now reading over what you plagiarize is going to take a bit of work, but you’re getting there. It just takes you a longer time to grasp a concept than most people. Disconnected sex does that to the mind and body - you only have yourself to blame for being a waddling, jiggling embodiment of every cruel girl ’stereotype.’
You may want to work that through - learning how to read and write properly, and not obsessing over your pussy and titties will be a good first step. Also, you may want to dress a bit more like an adult human being, not a 12-year-old, if you want people to take you seriously. You could also take the time to actually learn about the culture and dialect of your local area, instead of sounding like any other slut from coast to coast would be another step in the right direction.
Of course, I am just doing this to humiliate you further. Anyone could realize that, but then it takes something that can’t be read or learned - maturity.
You can’t even take responsible for your own shitty life - you can’t even see it! How the hell are you going to change it when those peep-toe sandals that no one gives a fuck about come before basic needs? You are a creature of consumerism - on borrowed time. You exist on ignorance, and attack any free speech or knowledge that dares to scrape at your conditioning.
Well it’s the cunt’s fantasy versus reality. Don’t let my hand smack your ass on the way out.
We don’t have to be gays. There are women that will sleep with us because if you have enough money, women will bring the pussy to you on a platter.
I’m having some trouble recalling the word used in English to describe women, but I think it starts with a ‘W’ and rhymes with the word ‘hoar”.
Y’all have to be a bunch of gay guys or something, ’cause there’s no way any woman’s gonna sleep with you.
We should have known this woman was full of crap. Women don’t make any sense and can argue about it for hours. She got caught and had to lie to cover up her nonsensical comments. Typical woman….
Dick, here is a topic for your next rant: Women are they human? What animal do you know can bleed for a week straight every month and live to bitch about it?
How well will a three page book sell, though?.
-wolfe
I’m actually relying on that for my next fantasy book haha.
I beg to disagree, good sir. The editors will clean up all that rubbish and leave only the bullshit ‘content,’ thus giving the false impression that the author isn’t a complete idiot.
I just read what I found using recent comments.
It’s probably the cheesecake and cups of tea, but eh?
I just read what I found using recent comments.
Talon, you read all of what he said? I didn’t even bother.
I do not think you offended anyone, but it sure looked like you tried.
Ahh, manipulation. Wonderful.
I hope you draw some lines to our thinking and the thinking of the more “feminine” posters, if you know what I mean.
Next time, I suggest you actually try asking one of the “more friendly” posters on their opinions.
I think any person here could tell you that what you did would scare away most sensible males.
So you are completely fine with being a troll and disrupting constructive debates for the good of you and your gender?
“What does not kill you, makes you stronger”.
You can go to http://www.womenarebetterthanmen.com , I am assured that you will find the crowd to your liking.