Multi-Task? Don’t Make Me Multi-Laugh — Or Multi-Shit.
I was sent this question by a reader:
In the beginning, when God made men and women, it was pretty simple. God made men strong and smart so they could hunt and he made women to carry children, cook and clean. Then as women realized how much greater men were they started to attempt manly jobs. Now, women get pissed at men because they have to do their day job then come home and do what God intended for them to. What do you think?
The reason women are so fucked in their heads these days is because they invented The Career Woman. The Career Woman is like that guy in Short Circuit. Not that guy; that robot. He can’t do anything right, it takes two other guys to babysit him all day, and before he learned his lesson he caused about ten million dollars in property damage. Go watch that film with an insurance adjuster. He’ll tell you.
That’s women for you.
God certainly did make men strong and smart. God made mankind in his own image. If I had to make the opposite of a man in my own image, then I wouldn’t know what the fuck to do. If I was God, I guess I would make her totally incompetent and rude. I would also make her hate facial hair. How fucking annoying.
Women will always have to cook and clean. Ask any married woman and she’ll tell you the same thing, “I don’t mind cooking and cleaning and doing laundry for my family.” Good. Then shut up and do it because men do mind that kind of brainless shit. We’ve minded since we invented having a job.
Over the course of a million years, men have evolved into problem solvers par excellence. When out hunting woolly mammoths, men had to invent shit on the fly like flanking and sign language and the Half Nelson. Women didn’t have to evolve any of that shit into their brains. And that’s exactly the stuff we men use every day at work. It’s the extra 30 cents on the dollar women are always complaining about. When women try to match men in the job market, they’re not jumping into the deep end, they’re diving into the Grand Canyon with water wings strapped to their ankles.
Yet women still have to do the cooking and the cleaning. What are men going to do it? What next? Use the television to prop the door open and draw reruns of Coach on the doorstop? Don’t be absurd. Everything has a purpose.
Women’s purpose is to tidy up. That’s what you evolve by sitting in a cave for a million years and waiting for food to come home. You evolve the fucking invaluable skill set of tidying and fucking obsessing about tidying. Women can escape their curse of tidying as much as men can escape their curse of taking care of business and making shitloads of money. We’re fucking televisions and doorstops in here. You can use a television to hold your door open, but why the fuck would you do that?
Well you would if you were a Career Woman. You’d hold doors open from 9-5 and then come home and do the dishes like you were supposed to in the first place. That’s not multi-tasking, it’s just stupid and exhausting.
Men are better than women because we don’t think the grass is greener on the other side. We’re men. We’ve got the greenest grass in the whole fucking universe. We’ve got grass as green as 100 dollar bills.
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May 24th, 2007 at 10:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 30bb54972ba49
You really shouldn’t be addressing anyone here. You’re not welcome. Only a stupid female would hang out where they are unwanted.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
As far as I know, sperm results from haploid division there’s basically one sex chromosome x spermatozoa for each sex chromosome y spermatozoa.
Whether one or the other of any one pair of spermatozoa makes it to fertilisation as well as which of the plenitude of pairs will see one of its cells succeed is really mainly up to chance.
Motility and alkaline pH can only matter so much for so long and don’t really vary that much in sperm.
Also, the relevancy of motility and/or pH is arguably mute as a natural selection enabling indication of the viability and quality of the genetic material within.
So it’s arguably the women’s body that selects the gender. Be it even only through happenstance.
Your argument doesn’t hold water unless sperm competition for fertilisation between multiple intercourse partners is what you had in mind.
- paul oakenfold - feed your mind featuring spitfire-nvs
May 25th, 2007 at 7:00 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
And even then, the main differentiating factor is the timeline for intercourse with the various partners.
First ‘come’ most likely first served.
- ladytron - beauty 2
May 25th, 2007 at 9:10 am - IP Man-Hash: eb0193ec17432
Oh, come on, Dick. Of course, women can multi-task. And some are particularly good at it.
Why, just yesterday at the gym, I actually witnessed some little harpy sit on one of the back-strengthening machines for 30mns, text-messaging her friends, and giggling - all at the same time!
Astounding. She probably even farted at least once during that time, and perhaps had two or three pussy contractions!
Wonders never cease!
May 25th, 2007 at 9:15 am - IP Man-Hash: 497a2bd14e918
That was a terrible attempt at an analogy, as you point out Sonyad. But it’s a woman attempting to weild logic - swing and a miss!
It isn’t about whether the bullets hit or miss the target but what effect the target material has on that bullet. A steel target, the bullet flattens and possibly no penetration. A paper target … you get the point. The vaginas PH has a considerable effect on the “bullets”.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: d4fa8b220332f
…what the fuck are we talking about? Speak properly.
May 25th, 2007 at 3:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7114b06f58388
Then saying who you adress the question to might be a good idea, Female. I, for one, do not play guessing games, and I figure not many of the men here do, either.
May 25th, 2007 at 10:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3983ba43bb786
Got a little off topic with “Dr. Z” trying to create an analogy -
About Sonyad’s comment that gender while coming from the male is largely determined by the female.
I corrected the analogy to something a bit more accurate.
June 3rd, 2007 at 6:07 am - IP Man-Hash: d22c2cf91a332
“japanese anime”
is there another kind?
“Women and men are biologically inferior to women male violence is a biological inevitability”
women are inferior to themselves?
“Men are better human beings than women.”
Not me, but to balance it out, I’m better at being evil.
“No more rape trails based solely on circumstantial evidence and the testimony of the one and only witness, the said whore.”
If they can trick the judge into thinking they are telling the truth, it’s their right to do so. But I would advise against it if it doesn’t get them anything.
“No more wearing short skirts and halter tops, walking around in your platform shoes and trying to act like you can look down to people taller, smarter, stronger, bigger, and just better than you without being laughed at.”
It wouldn’t be so bad if they actually had a reason to think they were better, but sadly, they don’t seem to.
“blah blah marriage blah blah”
marriage is just a stupid party.
July 11th, 2007 at 2:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2c8448dad3d5f
I have the great misfortune of working for a company that consists of 90+ women and five (maybe six) men, including myself. And it’s way past time for me to rant about it.
Up until I started working here, I actually believed the utter bullshit that women should be treated equally in the workplace, and that women were just as competent as men in said workplace. Oh, how wrong I was.
Women do not belong in administrative or high-level management positions. They just don’t. These are not positions which are conducive to any sort of emotional outburst at all, let alone a regular emotional tidal wave that happens every 28 days or so.
Women do not belong in positions of power over anyone other than their children. Because, if you’re a man with a woman for a boss, she will always treat you as if you’re a) her son, b) her husband or c) her father.
Without fucking fail.
She will never treat you as a co-worker or a friend. She won’t even treat you as an underling. You’ll always get: a) nagged incessently about how you’re irresponsible (a.ka.: treated as a son), b) nagged incessently about how you’re doing it wrong (husband), or c) shunned, avoided, and fucked over before you can theoretically fuck her over first. Because she’s still afraid of her Dad, and somehow equates you with Him. I can’t explain it, but it happens.
Five years of this shit. I’m not just talking out my ass here. It happens every fucking day. Every other man who works here (or who worked here then quit) has noticed this as well.
By the same token, every woman you work with expects you to treat her like she’s: a) a princess, b) your favorite girlfriend or c) your Mom.
Sorry, you’re not any of those things. You’re a fucking co-worker, and you will always be treated like one from me.
Women coworkers will also use the same excuse over and over again: “Get used to it; you’re working with a woman, and we’re emotional.”
I hear this shit all the time. A female coworker bitches about me to my (female) supervisor, and I talk to the supervisor to rebut the baseless complaints. The answer is *always* “Get used to it…you’re working with a bunch of women. We’re emotional.”
What if I were to put my fist in someone’s mouth, then say, “Get used to it, you’re working with a Man. This is how we solve disputes.”
Equality my hairy ass.
Every single complaint a female co-worker has ever had against me has been because I’ve somehow hurt her fucking feelings. Not because I’ve done something wrong in my job. Not because I’ve made a mistake. Not even because I’ve been an asshole.
Because, somehow, I said or did something that “hurt her feelings”. 95% of the time, this was the direct result of me not putting her priorities above my own and/or everyone else’s in the company. I have shit I need to do. Walking into my office and smiling at me while you bitch about your problems isn’t going to make me drop everything and make it all better for you.
I’m not your fucking husband. I’m not your fucking Dad.
We all have a bunch of shit piled up on our plates that we need to take care of. Stop batting your eyelashes and/or getting bitchy behind my back when I won’t put your shit in front of my own. Harden The Fuck Up and get your shit done. That’s why it’s called “A Job” and not “A Date”.
For Fuck’s Sake.
Let this be a warning to Men Everywhere: when you’re job-hunting, be damned sure to check two things before you get hired:
1: The men-to-women ratio at the place you’re trying to get hired on, and
2: Check whether or not your boss is a woman.
Trust me: these things are well worth looking into.
July 11th, 2007 at 3:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
someone doesn’t like a woman challenging his manhood. hhahahaha
July 11th, 2007 at 3:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 160e0041dcad8
I agree.
The women in my office are on the phone half the day with other women talking about stupid drama and personal shit.. I know more about the personal lives of these women than I ever cared to.
A planned 5 min stop in a woman’s office turns into a 10 min sob story of how she didn’t complete her work because her boyfriend and her had an argument last night about going to see a movie.. yet if I tell her I don’t care.. I just want to do my job.. off she goes crying to the boss saying I’m an insensitive bastard and doesn’t understand how hard it is for a single mom to be working and raising a child.
LAME
July 15th, 2007 at 11:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 3c16a775fdb50
Leave our treehouse alone!
July 15th, 2007 at 1:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
As always. I don’t ever get that shit anymore though. My views on women and relationships have always been clear to all my co-workers, so the ladies never approach me with any sob story.
In fact, when such discussions are going on, they usually come to an abrupt pause/end when I come around. Ever since that time I joined in on a discussion and gave an overview of the three typical types of women in failed relationships I guess I may have stuck a raw nerve there, and thus my opinion on matters of realtionships is not well revered here anymore.
July 16th, 2007 at 12:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2c8448dad3d5f
How you drew that conclusion from my original comment, I have no idea.
Then again, you’re “Chantal the Feminist”, which pretty much answers that question, doesn’t it?
evileddy: Dude, I know precisely what you mean. Apparently, mothers don’t teach their daughters what my father taught me: “Excuses are bullshit. Only results matter.”
August 13th, 2007 at 7:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0e5e606711e00
@Diamatik: So, fill us in, what are the three types of women?
@Ubermensch: Dead on, man, I have worked in that kind of office, and I hit the street pronto. It’s better to not have a job than have to listen to that kind of shit.
August 14th, 2007 at 10:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
1. Ms. Settler = This is the one that does everything possible to get the man, and as soon as she thinks she’s trapped him (with marriage, children or both) she gets comfortable and lets herself go. These women are usually replaced by a more recent model (a.k.a. younger and prettier chicks).
2. Ms. Needy = This is the chick who relies on you for her happiness and her entertainment. She needs to have you around her constantly, and she expects you to de everything for her. She is the type that calls you every five minutes, and then stays silent on the other end, but expecting you to do the talking. This same woman then gets upset when you when you have nothing to say. She also expects you to be a damn mind-reader - here, she expects you to know things about her that she doesn’t even know herself.
3. Ms. Nagatha = She constantly complains.
August 14th, 2007 at 11:01 am - IP Man-Hash: a358901ed53cc
Diametik, I’m busting a gut laughing at your Three Types of Women! VERYYY true, too.
Although, I think maybe you forgot one: Ms.I’mPowerful— this is the one who “catches” a man acting demure, comely and loving and then once married/attached tells him that HER needs and HER career (especially if she’s making nice money) are more important than his…NO compromise necessary, dude.
August 14th, 2007 at 11:55 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Ms. I’mPowerful is usually an incessant nagger, and I would place her under the umbrealla of Ms. Nagatha.
August 14th, 2007 at 11:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
and my list only refers to the three typical types of women in failed relationships.