Women are the only creatures on the planet dumb enough to think their birthday is an actual holiday. Birthdays are not holidays. Just like weddings, coffee, pets, and anniversaries that don’t end in and also are “0″; birthdays are not a big deal.

A woman once told me that I had to be nicer to her because it was her “birthday week.” Are you fucking kidding me?

Men are better than women at having birthdays. Men are so much better than women at birthdays that I don’t even know when my birthday is. [Read more]

There’s only one way for a woman to get ahead in this world, and that’s by fucking.

The sooner a woman realizes that, the sooner she can begin the lifelong process of self-loathing and delusion that is known as womanhood. But at least she can do it in Versace as an international pop idol or famous lady-author.

When a woman opens her legs, she opens the door to a future of success.

Let’s see an example of this and talk about my new favorite hooker: Eliot Spitzer’s very own Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Who is also my very own Honorary Man of the Month! [Read more]

The reason it takes women two hours to go shoe shopping is because they anthropomorphise consumable goods. That’s what women are after all: consumable goods. It’s no surprise that they project their self-worth onto anything that can be purchased and used.

Women assign souls to inanimate objects. When they go shoe shopping, they have to look at each and every pair because if they miss one, a woman thinks she’s hurting its feelings. That’s why women are such cunts most of time. After a long day of running four errands before 3 PM, a woman has already exhausted her daily supply of caring. Fuck you if you wanted anything by the time you see her. You should have been on the rack with a price tag like the rest of her “babies”.

“Mother Nature” is full of consumable goods. Women think “Mother Earth” has feelings.

At least that’s what I’m going with until anyone can think of a better reason why a woman would abort a fetus in order to protect “Mother Earth” from the carbon emissions of her spawn. [Read more]

If it looks like a stripper and costs like a stripper then it’s a stripper.

This Halloween, woman-kind has lowered the bar of decency yet another inch in their eternal quest for gold at the Whore Olympics, by giving their daughters the key to the Halloween Slut closet six years ahead of schedule.

If you haven’t been watching the news, or you haven’t attended any elementary school Halloween parties, let me tell you about the trick or treat you’ve been missing.

Jailbait. [Read more]

At a dog show, even third place is still a good specimen of dog. It might not be the best, but it’s a damn good dog. No one’s showing up at the Westminster Kennel Club with a dead monkey on a leash.

Third place at the Miss Teen USA pageant, however, is a mildly-functioning, retarded jackass.

I don’t know whether to criticize the Miss Teen USA pageant for this, or congratulate them on finding such an accurate ambassador for the female gender. [Read more]

When I think of a man I think of several things: successful, smells great, nuclear explosions of brilliance and poignancy. When I think of a woman, I usually think of something retarded, like a mule or a donkey with no real friends who can’t drive and has a lifespan that stretches well beyond her years of usefulness.

Maybe that’s why women are always so pissed off. Donkeys are stubborn because they have hooves and can’t do anything. Women are opinionated loud-mouths for the same reason. They just don’t have the hooves. [Read more]

There’s nothing I love sticking to women more than a big slab of science.

Well almost nothing.

It’s every man’s dream to lead everything he does with a joke about his penis. Don’t be afraid to dream. It’s your birthright as a man.

Also, don’t be afraid to drink. As a man, drinking is not as harmful to your body and brain as it is to a woman. I question whether it’s even harmful at all. [Read more]

Since when did women know how to take a stand?

They must be putting Man Juice in the water of Scottsdale, Arizona because a local woman is finally standing up for what she believes in. This woman is defiant like a man. She believes in shit like a man. And godammit she’s making a fuss about it. Manly.

Gardenia Zakrzewski Johansson is this December’s MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month, and her message is: all women need to be immediately stripped of their children. Way to go, Gardenia. [Read more]