Science Says…


It’s no surprise to men that science has a lot to say about men being better than women.

Television, Syphilis, and Cats!

Posted in Science Says... on February 22nd, 2006

Like every man in the world, I fucking hate cats.

Women can’t get enough of them though. Apparently women also can’t get enough of having their brains eaten parasites.

Guess what that explains! [Read more]

The Subconscious Man Brain

Posted in Science Says... on February 17th, 2006

Science should be renamed as man’s best friend. Or better yet — if science could combine itself and a dog, well then we’d be talking.

We’d not be talking about those Sony Aibo’s either. Those things are pieces of crap. [Read more]

Big Fat Potatoes

Posted in Science Says... on January 27th, 2006

Men are better than women at being coach potatoes. As a man I can tell you that this is certainly true. Whenever a woman sits on a couch she is the same frail ball of nerves and neuroses that she was behind the wheel or when she tried to “help” a man do goddamn anything at all.

When a man sits on a couch, however, he is one thing and one thing only — totally relaxed. That’s why a woman should never talk to a man if he’s sitting on the couch. Not only is she shrill, annoying, full of shit, and has nothing of worth to talk about; but that man is so relaxed right then he has actually relaxed his hearing completely. As a man, that’s his prerogative. [Read more]

The Pregnant Brain

Posted in Science Says... on January 23rd, 2006

I mentioned at some point in the not so distant man-past that a woman’s brain works better while it’s being consumed by venereal disease. That was only half true though. It turns out that women’s brains also work much better while they’re pregnant!

Again we see that good old Napoleon had women pegged from the get go.

“Women are only meant for making babies.” -Napoleon

And now science supports that claim. It’s like when you read about ancient astronomers who figured out the distance from the Earth to the moon using only telescopes and their wits. That’s Napoleon and sociology. He was a prophet. [Read more]

Men Have Bouncier Brains

Posted in Science Says... on December 14th, 2005

Women are whores of many things. First of all, they are actual whores, which I’ve already proven. They’re also attention whores of course. That’s another obvious one. Then clothing whores and jewelry whores and shoe whores, but that’s all pretty much the same kind of whore — a money whore.

It comes as a major shock to me — which as a man I express in a simple, “Hmm, that’s interesting,” that women are also whores of a completely different colour.

Women are also memory whores. [Read more]

The Proof is in the Penguins

Posted in Science Says... on December 2nd, 2005

Once upon a time there was a shitload of penguins that lived in Antarctica. One day every year all the penguins would get together and have sex with each other. Eggs would be born and everyone knows what happens next.

The women assume that they are done, fuck off completely, go and eat to their hearts’ content while their mate starves, and don’t come back until they are so bloated on fish carcass they can barely walk. Needless to say, their demeanors have not improved.

Sound familiar? [Read more]

You’re Not Pregnant? I Don’t Believe You

Posted in Honorary Man of the Month, Science Says... on September 23rd, 2005

It’s impossible to know which gender is the fatter. Mostly because women are so good at concealing additional bulk.

No, of course I’m joking. That’s not true at all. A large woman trying to cover herself up always ends up looking like a couch with one of those old lady doilies thrown on the top. Is that a big fat couch over there? I didn’t notice because of that dainty little scrap of lace on top.

Loss of a dozen Man Points for using the word ‘dainty’ I know, but my point is that in the case of weight, there’s no way to know if men are better than women at not becoming fat, or if men are better than women at being fat. Let me explain. [Read more]

Where’s Waldo’s Y Chromosome

Posted in Science Says... on September 16th, 2005

People who know nothing about science and even less about talking about it (women) say that the Y-chromosome is slowly vanishing from the human species of Earth.

That means in a billion years, there won’t be any more men. There also won’t be any more working machines, libraries, people to type women’s school papers for them, or anyone around to explain scientifically what the fuck happened to all the men. What a woman paradise that would be. No machines to get anything done, no learning or reading, no explanations for fucking anything. No responsibility or causality.

Too bad that that Y-chromosome shit is a bunch of shit. [Read more]