Childbirth is Not a Big Deal
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again because it was funny and completely true. Women having babies is like an octopus shooting ink at a shark come dinner time — except this octopus has six tentacles in the shark’s wallet and also a layer of whore paint all over its face.
And one of its other tentacles has a foot for sticking down it’s fucking throat in front of the shark’s boss and parents.
Please allow me to quote from 3 billion of the worst writers in the world today:
“You men think you’re so tough, you gay faggots? Try pushing something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a lemon which is also called your vagina!”
-Every woman ever
That is an inaccurate depiction of childbirth.
First of all, childbirth, whether it’s completely disgusting or not, is a beautiful thing. In the case of baby boys being born, you could be witnessing the first breaths of the next Picasso or Pavarotti or the guy who played Herman Munster. In the case of baby women, you’re witnessing something special too probably. The point is, as a man I would never sink so low as to equate the act of childbirth to some perverse squishing of fruits and vegetables through other fruits and vegetables. Is this human life we’re talking about or a fruit salad Physical Challenge? What the fuck? Unlike women, men float effortlessly on the sea of indiscretion by inflatable rafts called our class — Man Class.
Secondly, a baby is not the size of a watermelon. It’s more like like size of a grapefruit or maybe a slightly larger than average lemon. Have I ever squeezed something the size of a slightly larger than average lemon through something the size of a regular sized lemon? Believe me I have. But go bigger you say? You must be a man then! And I say why the fuck not!
It’s called putting on my undershirt, which women don’t know about because they’re whores and wear things like spaghetti strap tank tops and bras and other silly things designed to maximize their flesh showcase. I don’t hear my undershirt complaining about my head being the size of a fucking watermelon, which it isn’t, but it is bigger than my shirt’s neck hole.
The fact of the matter is today’s modern mother is so doped up on morphine and chocolate that she doesn’t even know who the father is when it comes time to popping the poor bastard out. Men in the Napoleonic Age got their legs and shit cut off with no antestetic and gangrenous saws. Now that’s some pain! Where’s your fucking cute, stupid fruit analogy now? Have you ever had a zucchini the size of your leg cut in half by a carrot which was a rusty saw? Fuck off.
My last piece of evidence is what I call The Clencher.
The only women who use this argument are teenage women or childless, unmarried harpies. The world has truly known no more useless swine. They’ve never done anything for anyone ever. Congratulate your nearest mother. She won the race by pulling her head out of the sand.
It’s a good thing all babies have a 50/50 shot of being men — or else we’d all be fucked.
Related Articles:
Actually, since women aren’t hardly hurt by anything physically, Men accumulate more pain. Childbirth on a pain scale is say 8/10, getting kicked in the penis is probably well, 9/10, but let’s count it down anyway, to, say, 3/10. (NOT AT ALL TRUE) And getting kicked in the nuts happens say, everytime a man make a women mad ever, which happens about 48 times, and that’s holding back too. So were already to 144 pain points. women usually have around 2 children. Thats 18 pain points, yeah, men have it off worse.
1) It’s spelled, “Cesarean” or sometimes, “Caesarean”.
Learn to spell.
2) C-section was first used to remove a baby from the mother’s womb who died during child birth. Let me guess, your going to say you can feel pain when your dead, right?
3) Kidney Stones. All I have to say.
4) You have no idea what it feels like to get punched in the balls. Take getting punched in the gut, breast, and face and multiply it 10. Now add the sensation of you about to take a shit and puke. Thats the pain of a groin shot. It’s why the only time you see men cry, is when the afore-mention ball breaker is used.
“i hope your mother is dead. if she isn’t, my heart goes out to her. P.S. i wouldn’t comment back with anything too demeaning my old man is a force to reckon with.”
Ooh, your Big Bad Daddy is going to fight your battles for you. What are you, 12 years old?
You tell your Big Daddy to come to my house. I’ll show him another force to be reckoned with - Smith & Wesson.
Cunt.
Its kind of sad-funny that when these females have nothing to brag about they brag about motherhood, like this is one thing only they can be experts on. And then they say something dumb like ” I hope your mother is dead, if no then my heart goes out to her….” Stop right there> She doesn’t know anything about being a mother. It is obvious your mother know you very well. The female doesn’t know you at all, plus she is totally incompetent about men, so she knows about you even less that nothing. I mean if she stoped for a moment using slogans, maybe she would realize how proud your mother is of you.
He’s talking about the head of the baby. That’s the largest part that needs to go through.
You are not allowed to join my Classy Broads.
-Dick
hey if you hate women so much then why don’t you be gay. it only makes sense. i mean, you can tell how extremely uneducated you are by just reading your opinions. i’m a little over 5 months pregnant now. my baby is already bigger than a large grapefruit. i still have 4 more months to go. ah, let me guess, my baby has already stopped growing? wrong. when my husband was born he weighed 10lbs 7oz. and i have yet to see a ” large lemon ” weigh that much. before you go running your mouth you need to get your facts straight. for a man who supposedly knows all this stuff about women you really are stupid. i bet if you took your glasses off you would look like a broke-ass bald walter cronkite. and your whole napoleonic analogy is just stupid. have you ever had your legs or whatever cut off? you act like men go through that every day. that was then this is now. guys have an easy ride. women have babies and have had babies since the beginning of time. i hope your mother is dead. if she isn’t, my heart goes out to her. P.S. i wouldn’t comment back with anything too demeaning my old man is a force to reckon with.
you boys are so childish…..first of all a child comming out is not the size of a grape…..some times the womens vagina can tear……you boys should get your facts right…….im guessing this dick is a teenage boy but even if hes a grown man there is not diff……lets agree that we will never know whats more painful child birth or getting kicked in the testicles………child birth is beautiful and the dick really is not….but dont make stupid statements……ask your mother about how you were born,ask for the painful details…..from here we can see that a lot of boys are insensitive creatures
Well, the amount of times a man has been kicked in his testicles in his whole life is equal to the birth of once child. I am not a sexist and I don’t really agree with this website but I believe Dick’s article is more understandable.
W/out women to have babies no men would be here. You would not be here, none of us would. You are right child birth is a beautiful thing. But it is very painful and can become complicated sometimes. Until you give birth, you really can not speak on the topic.
you know what I’ve heard, as well? Women that have babies on their own at home and deliver it themselves without drugs and stuff tend to have little to no pain. I can’t remember the reason for it, but I think it had something to do with either stress, or thinking negatively about childbirth itself.
When the rapper Jay-Zs mom had him, she didnt feel any pain.
Actually, idiot, I have had both, and I’ve also had kidney stones while I was pregnant. I would much rather have a kidney stone than give birth again anyday. By the way, all knowing smart guy, no one ever said pregnancy was painful, because it isn’t. The birthing process is, however. Something doesnt have to be painful to make it a big deal.
Besides above and you being a horrible person, it’s already been agreed upon by men AND women that kidney stones are more painful then pregnancy. Stop whining.
Make sense already. You don’t have to have something happen to you to judge it you can look at it.You don’t have to be killed to say murdering people is bad, you don’t have to be stolen from to understand it’s wrong to steal unless you’re a totally self-centered person. Besides, pregnancy is somethng chosen and planned by a woman in 9 months, comparing it to some random life changing event like cancer is like comparing a tattoo to a shotgun wound.
Besides even without drugs there are so many ways to lower the pain of pregnancy it’s not funny.No matter what your body type is every culture has ways to lower or eliminate pain completely. Acupuncture, massages, C-sections, pregnancy can be handled and dealt with propper planing and knowledge. Therefore it is NOT that big of a deal, just stop complaining and plan.
This is ridiculous. What right do you (or any other man) have to say childbirth isnt a big deal? Have you experienced it first hand? You cant judge something until you have been part of it. That would be like me saying “erectile disfunction isnt a big deal” or “having an enlarged prostate isnt a big deal.” How the fuck should I know? I dont because I’ve never experienced it! Now Im not saying its a big deal for every woman, because some of us have easier labors, a higher pain tolerance, or better care at the hospital. Some of our bodies are better equipped to handle childbirth than others. But also, for men certain things arent a big deal to one man, while to another man it might be a life changing matter. What Im trying to say is that we cant just go around judging something that we have never experienced. You have to wait until you know first hand what it is like, because it might affect you differently.
I took a shit once that was about the size of a baby.
How can you say childbirth is not a big deal, but getting kicked in the balls is? Are you unaware that recovery from child takes at least 4 weeks,and recovery from getting kicked in the balls takes approximately 4 minutes? You didnt stop to realize that women had it as rough as men did in ancient times. We had to give birth completly free of any anestheisia but also endure episiotomies and cesarian sections with no medicine. Somehow I think I might rather get my leg chopped off than be disemboweled while fully awake. By the way, most babies in fact are the size of watermelons, granted it may not be a particularly large watermelon (depending on the baby), but an average one to say the least. When is the last time you seen an 8 pound lemon, or grapefruit even? Probably never. By the way a vagina is around the size of a walnut at rest (obviously you havent seen one in quite some time). So, next time you get kicked in you poor man-balls, just be thankful the person doing the kicking isnt taking their foot and shoving inside your penis.
True.
They play this (childbirth) victim card too often, and fail to realize, women in poorer countries have it far worse (primitive medical help) and yet these women complain far less.
Its all about being a victim Missy. That is what most modern western women believe they are.
I thought your article Dick, had some very good points.
I am a mother of 2 teenagers. Their births were approx. 6 hours duration each.
It was painful, but I believe the pain serves to give you an appreciation for the new life that has been brought into the world.
As soon as my second child was born, I can honestly say, I forgot about the pain and even left the hospital 12 hours later.
Like all pain, the memory of it passes once the pain is no longer there.
Women who use childbirth as a means to make men feel inferior, need to look at pain as a whole.
Dick, your point about men in the Napoleonic Age getting their legs cut off without anaesthetic is a great example.
Also, what about the many P.O.W’s (prisoner of war) who endured years of torture and horrific conditions.
And I would much rather give birth again, than suffer what William Wallace went through just before he died.
Ladies, we have (as Buddha in the post above mine has pointed out) painkillers. Use them if the pain becomes too much and enjoy this special time, it’s well worth it.
I’ve had 4 surgeries and the pain killers you get do just what there called.
Kelly, all your posts give all of us hope.
Childbirth is much more painful.
Again, I have no children, so I can’t say my personal experiences, but my mother went through 30 hours of labor.
So I would say childbirth is more painful.
So wait… you break out crackling every time you force a small penis joke into a conversation but you don’t find that funny? Damn, hoe, you girly-girls have absolutely no sense of humor. No wonder you never get anything done - how the fuck could you when you’re so busy getting yourself oppressed?
Always a brilliant little fuck-of-all-trades until somebody who does not exploit himself for a living - affirmative action is exploitation of the victim mentality and basically admits that no, no qualified girly-girls can exist in a free market economy - comes along. Whoops, better crack another small penis or a nut-kicking joke!
Ah, hypocrite bitches, how the fuck would I live without you? Oh, yes, with some sluts who know their place and don’t barge into my locker room and start laughing awkwardly as she questions our sexuality. How brilliant, the annoying cunt subculture - you sure are independent, sweet-tits.
I do run. for one hour every single morning, as well as do gymnasitcs 4 days a week, 3 houres each day I do it.
Apparantly, regardless of girly-girl’s opinions about things, they’re still getting knocked up and still having babies. It’s not the female orgasm that counts during sex, it’s the male one.
Of course, I know that trying to reason with you is a losing battle here, because you’re going to keep on spamming and laughing awkwardly at your own forced small penis jokes. You just have low pain tolerances, like SCIENCE says you do, and girly-girls don’t have high sex drives, they’re just addicted to attention and know that the only way anybody will give two shits about them is if they put out.
Stupid whore, do you really think that I’m stupid enough to be duped into your little girly-girl philosophy? That’s just self-serving bullshit that glorifies your petty existence and is good for girly-girls and only girly-girls. D-uh, use that head of yours, sweetie!
That is a running joke that will never ever end, huh?
Yeah? There is the *potential* that I *may* ensnare my penis in my zipper. So what? It isn’t something you can change, its biological, even animals give birth…IMAGINE!
Want to impress me? Hit the treadmill.
Also, adding to what proudathiest said, married couples also have children, and it hurts just as much as if they weren’t.
Whatever the situation, equally painful
Some girls DO have an abnormal sex drive. You can’t deny it, they just do. As for childbirth, if no woman had a child, where would we be in this day and age?…. thats right, no where. Ill bet childbirth DOES hurt alot (although I can not identify the ammount of pain through personal experience, which is the only kind of experience that I truely trust). I also understand that it must be hard for men, having a high sex drive and all. I think that we all can honestly say that men and women BOTH have pains caused by their gender, and that is just the way it is.
How about being kicked in the balls, or teased by a little girly-girl when you have 10 times the sex drive on a regular day that she does at her absolute horniest - and are expected to repress it. You don’t know what kind of character and responsibility it takes for such moderation and control.
I know that childbirth would hurt a lot. I also know that there are ways to prevent it in this day in age - many of which are the exact same fucking thing they were millions of years ago: Don’t wave your ass and titties everywhere. Chances are if you keep doing that in a crowd some guy is going to take the message, drag you home, and give you that fucking you were so blatantly begging for. Now, most men will try to see the best in women - thanks to feminism and a disgusting bastardized school system. They’ll assume that you love sex for the sake of fucking anytime, everytime. They won’t want to think that you spend all of the fucking time wondering what Sheryl will think when they realized that you fucked a man who didn’t quite buy you enough shit beforehand.
*Ahem*
The point being, childbirth is not a big deal, and if it was you wouldn’t choose to have it. It’s like crying like a bitch every day and then wondering why guys seem to only like you for your ass and titties. It’s because you’re a quick fuck that can be duped easily, honey!
When Dick goes through childbirth, maybe I will consider it liable.
I realize that considering that I haven’t had any children, I can’t say any personal experiences, but I know that it is hours of agony
Imagine an entire watermelon coming out of your mouth, now, going through 60 hours of that would not be pleasant.
So, when any of you have the experience, then come on this, and say, “Well I had it and it was no big deal.” Then good for you, but considering none of you have ever had childbirth, don’t say that it’s nothing, because it most certaintly is
What wass it like?
Yes, was, being the relevant aspect.
So you were a fatty?
It really isn’t a big deal, this childbirth thing. Not in the context whimmin try to argue their “equality” with us through it anyway - the “labor” component (among other aspects, albeit).
I went to the Internist a few weeks ago. He said I’d been carrying around about twenty extra pounds of old steaks and burgers in my gut for a while. He gave me a prescription for some fiber-like drug, and within the week I was straining away like crazy on the pot until it all took a bath.
Who am I “equal” to now. Where’s my f****** society medal. Somebody owes me now, dammit!
Yep, because through point/counterpoint of human accomplishment, the whimmin can’t measure up, they almost invariably pull the Childbirth or Name-Calling cards.
Because you prove us right.
You prove Dick right. Just keep bringing all your feminazi friends onto the site to bitch, you’re just increasing traffic and making Dick more popular.
Childbirth is not a big deal. But being kicked in the nuts is.
Holy shit. That is the best thing I have read ever.
I hope your father rapes your sister/daughter everyday of her life because she’s built for it
You must be imagining raping your mother or your daughter-hahaha
Dick
dicky darling your site wouldn’t be half so interesting if women weren’t on it , all the men on this site need to do is ignore our postings, but you don’t, you respond why?
“Nina” is a “kristina” clone. I am genuinely amazed by the arrogant ignorance. Additionally, the absolute absence of logic and reason in these human females is an extraordinary thing to repeatedly witness.
That phenomenon is intriguing. Whilst opposition to the successful commissioning of an accredited study would likely be fierce, I suspect the acquired dataset would be an extremely valuable addition to the sum of human knowledge.
My hypothesis is that female ILLogic and irrationality are EVOLUTIONARY traits which prevail via favorable genetic selection. This might be similar to the “crying” instinct babies evolved to trigger protective responses and ensure their survival whilst essentially helpless.
It would certainly go a long way towards explaining the prevalence of whining as a commonly observed characteristic in human females. Prior to modern times, their whining would have had similar evolutionary survival benefits to that of babies “whining” - Stronger Men leaped in to protect the physically weak female.
See http://www.millerandlevine.com/km/evol/ for more detailed information about human evolution (by Professor Kenneth Miller).
With the advent of modernism, this female trait seems to be invoking a rather different evolutionary response in modern males…that of wanting to strangle the living bejesus out of the annoying bitches.
As an evolutionary survival mechanism, whining has had its day.
Nothing good ever comes from listening to a woman. Nothing good ever comes of listening to a woman who thinks 4 episodes of Dr. Phil makes her a therapist either. How about you listen for once Nina? Stop acting like you actually know the people here, or what brought them here. You don’t. Shall we stop the pretending now? Why is it that when a woman says things like “I love men”, the next thing out of her mouth is the complete opposite? Hypocritical creatures to say the least.
Your grammar speaks volumes of the female gender madame, indeed it does. Nicely put.
Wouldn’t that be a Ram? Study up a little bit Nina.
Ahh threats on the internet, how mature. Women certainly do mature faster than Men do, if one were to take this as an example. Allow me to be the first to tell you that I am a FULL believer in equality amongst the sexes. More than one woman has found that out the hard way. All the “smart hot manly men” as you put it probably don’t have the time to waste talking to you as you are wasting your time talking here.
How exactly are you “kicking our ass”? On that computer (box that makes the noise, its right next to the box with the glass screen) you’re typing on? I wonder who made that? How about that house you’re living in, oh sorry, THE box with the roof on it. I wonder what the majority of construction workers are? Or the power it takes to make these words appear on that monitor(box with the glass screen)? Who discovered that? How about those almighty tax dollars that women suck up in federal grants, social funding, welfare, gender-specific programs (equality right) and “alimony” payments ? I wonder WHO pays for a majority of that? You aren’t independant from anything. You live in a dream world, which is slowly collapsing around you, as Men are become tired of hearing the same ignorant bullshit from women that is coming out of your mouth. Seriously, girl power is a joke that stopped being funny a long time ago. It’s an old hat, and you will see it for what it is soon enough.
BTW, most of you “cow” down to us either way, except today all you need is “money” and all that shit you’re talking goes right out the window.
-Strength and Honor-
and this is coming from what exprience of child birth.. oh none because you never have or never will have a child, you really shouldnt write if you cant relate
I have given birth, and I have had a bad kidney infection. I’ll take childbirth every time. It hurts far less.
Look, this whole “feminist strong and independent woman” thing is nothing but an excuse to behave like a whore, this whole feminism thing is nothing but giving more freedom to women to do their shits as well as justify them. There was a reason of why women didn’t have as many freedom as men in the past and they were subyugated to men and it’s because they’re like animals, they act based on what they feel and on what their impulses are, they don’t think at all, they are emotional driven and that’s why they all are whores, if they feel it, they do it, that’s why there is no difference between them and animals (well, actually animals don’t talk, so i guess in that perspective animals beat women). So, now with more freedom in society they are allowed (unleashed) to behave just how they know and they cover and justify themselves behind the screen of feminism articulating a bunch of stupid racionalizations such as “men don’t want women to rise” or “men are afraid of independent, strong women”, well guess what, real men don’t give a fuck about those things, because we all know that by the end of the night those same feminists will end up in the bed of some jerk (like me) who knows how to treat women (wich is how they want and deserve to be treated, no matter how much they deny it). I bet that you princess (you’re only 16) will always choose a bad boy or a jerk over a guy that will treat you well and you know this is true, so stop talking shit just because you don’t know what to do with your free time. Go find yourself a hobby or buy a dildo or something.
The thing with all of this is that women use this whole act of birth as an excuse for doing nothing. Everytime someone says we are better than them they come out with the “we carry a baby for nine months and we give birth” card, always, everytime because honestly, they don’t come up with any other reason because they don’t know how to fucking do anything else! well, guess what, this is how nature made things and giving birth is nothing compared with us men hunting and defending the family, they carry a baby for nine months, that’s not difficult and the most difficult part is at the end when she gives birth wich only last like two hours!, and even then we have to be there to give them “support”, try to compare that with the fact of us men breaking our asses off every single day in order to garantee the survival of the family and in those moments women are there for “support”?, no!, they are doing nothing but complaining about how we don’t spend too much time at home and about how they need “attention” and demmanding a bunch of other crap, i mean are you an adult or what?, you’re not a kid, why would you need attention?. We men are giving and giving and what are women doing? selfishly asking and asking and if the man doesn’t fullfill her “needs” she find another one who does it (read: Cheat). Childbirth is important and as a matter of fact i believe is something beatiful but that doesn’t mean they’re better than us, or (LOL) stronger, it’s just their fucking role it’s what they were designed for, only for that, it’s the only good thing they do and they should just do it instead of trying to make a big deal out of it, but of course, since is the ONLY good thing they do they try to glorify it in order to believe they’re special, heck, and even this only good thing they do they can’t do it alone! fuck it, as i said, is nothing compared to what our job is and the many good things we do, just because women give birth it doesn’t mean they stop being what they are.
Haven’t women ever heard of a kidney stone. some men have to piss out a kidney stone. consider this ladies.
a man’s piss hole is about the size of a needle point
a kidney stone is the size of a rock in a pile of gravel
DO YOU NOT THINK THAT SHIT HURTS?
Nina (did you know that if you shift your right hand one space to the left as you type Nina you get Buba?) indeed appears to be a moron.
I salute DrZ. I think she is an idiot for posting here, but I salute her. Well played ma’am.
In the inane babble that permeates so much of the ‘net, Z has been concisely funny here. On a Monday (no less) I do not hesitate to award her the “wolfe’s funniest remark of the week” award. Congratulations.
Nina had a vague attempt, but her poor command of the English language, coupled with shoddy spelling and grammar reduced her to being a moron.
And seriously Z. While I will always speak up when I think you are genuinely funny or brilliant here, I will say little if stupid men roll all over you (and you’re neither funny or brilliant IMO). It’s terms of service. Start your own blog woman! Be like Luka.
-wolfe
LMAO
@Elitist_Prick:
While I can’t say whether or not Nina is a moron, there are indeed female donkeys. They are called “jennys.” Donkey is simply another word for ass, and those come in both genders.
What you can’t read… he said it comes out the hole a size of a lemon you stupid cunt. (As in your Vagina dumbshit)
There are no female donkeys. Donkeys are only males you fuckin moron.
Nope, not a yank, but she is a rather big disgrace to Australia. I’m just glad that they can’t deport their own stupid, so I won’t have to worry about bumping into her in my neck of the woods.
Oops. You’re not a yank, are you? Excuse me for overlooking your latest dribble. Carry on.
BJ, like, what time is it where you live? It’s a quarter passed 1 pm here. I presume it must be somewhere between 4:15 and 7:15 where you live. This on the assumption you live somewhere in the continental mainland USA.
You have no life, do you?
It’s not women that are so fucked up- it’s americans. Fuck all you yankee red-neck sexist cunts.
Guilded, diamatik.
Would match the bizarreness of the feminazi’s here…
Clitn, are you saying that childbirth only hurt women when they are having sons?
But human babies’ heads are bigger, caused by better developed brains.
Bottom line - The vast majority of mammals give birth without complaint, doctoral assistance, drugs, respiratory aids, caesarian sections, or water births.
Women = Bunch of shrieking pussys!
Wow! You told me to shut the hell up! Good job!
Shut the hell up!
This one is very stupid. You must have gave birth. Babies do not come out the size of a damn lemon. Are you stupid? I never have seen a 8 pound lemon. Your mother must have been something horrible.
This one is very stupid. You must have gave birth. Babies do not come out the size of a damn lemon. Are you stupid? I never have seen a 8 pound lemon. Your mother must have been something horrible i
Nina, copying and pasting everything to several articles will just show your ignorance.
Ya but we take rape very serious but perverting the justice system not seriously. Hows it fair for a girl to falsely accuse me of raping her and I spend 2-10 years in jail? And even if shes found out on average women spend an amount of MONTHS in jail with no restitute to the man she destroyed. So lets see the man cant get a job anymore. His reputation of decentcy is gone. Thats why theirs two sides to that coin or should be. Rape can be used because its so though to be true undoubtedly. The most common reasons for false accusations is guilt(husband or bf know) or revenge( he dumped her for another girl or just left). Still in these countries your guilty until proven innocent and your life is destroyed regardless.