Childbirth is Not a Big Deal
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again because it was funny and completely true. Women having babies is like an octopus shooting ink at a shark come dinner time — except this octopus has six tentacles in the shark’s wallet and also a layer of whore paint all over its face.
And one of its other tentacles has a foot for sticking down it’s fucking throat in front of the shark’s boss and parents.
Please allow me to quote from 3 billion of the worst writers in the world today:
“You men think you’re so tough, you gay faggots? Try pushing something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a lemon which is also called your vagina!”
-Every woman ever
That is an inaccurate depiction of childbirth.
First of all, childbirth, whether it’s completely disgusting or not, is a beautiful thing. In the case of baby boys being born, you could be witnessing the first breaths of the next Picasso or Pavarotti or the guy who played Herman Munster. In the case of baby women, you’re witnessing something special too probably. The point is, as a man I would never sink so low as to equate the act of childbirth to some perverse squishing of fruits and vegetables through other fruits and vegetables. Is this human life we’re talking about or a fruit salad Physical Challenge? What the fuck? Unlike women, men float effortlessly on the sea of indiscretion by inflatable rafts called our class — Man Class.
Secondly, a baby is not the size of a watermelon. It’s more like like size of a grapefruit or maybe a slightly larger than average lemon. Have I ever squeezed something the size of a slightly larger than average lemon through something the size of a regular sized lemon? Believe me I have. But go bigger you say? You must be a man then! And I say why the fuck not!
It’s called putting on my undershirt, which women don’t know about because they’re whores and wear things like spaghetti strap tank tops and bras and other silly things designed to maximize their flesh showcase. I don’t hear my undershirt complaining about my head being the size of a fucking watermelon, which it isn’t, but it is bigger than my shirt’s neck hole.
The fact of the matter is today’s modern mother is so doped up on morphine and chocolate that she doesn’t even know who the father is when it comes time to popping the poor bastard out. Men in the Napoleonic Age got their legs and shit cut off with no antestetic and gangrenous saws. Now that’s some pain! Where’s your fucking cute, stupid fruit analogy now? Have you ever had a zucchini the size of your leg cut in half by a carrot which was a rusty saw? Fuck off.
My last piece of evidence is what I call The Clencher.
The only women who use this argument are teenage women or childless, unmarried harpies. The world has truly known no more useless swine. They’ve never done anything for anyone ever. Congratulate your nearest mother. She won the race by pulling her head out of the sand.
It’s a good thing all babies have a 50/50 shot of being men — or else we’d all be fucked.
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February 24th, 2007 at 8:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: e360eaab3b47f
That is another lie.. Girl it hasn’t been long since you learned a man made language and stopped the goo goo stuff.
You got a lot to learn. No they don’t cut women they all the way to the anus. Please don’t speak any more as if you know anything because you prove otherwise. Yes women are doped up most always.
February 25th, 2007 at 4:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 9c404a373a8d6
So Billy you’re telling me you’d be ok if you tore from your dick to your arse? Now, I’m just guessing here, but I’m gona say no.
February 25th, 2007 at 7:06 am - IP Man-Hash: e360eaab3b47f
Damn you’re ignorant and can’t comprehend what you’ve read.
They don’t tear or cut the TAINT(taint pussy and taint asshole) to the anus.. I been with several Mommies.
I know personally and unless you had a baby at 17 then you are talking out of your ass.
Furthermore I couldn’t get a shit about your problems. As you have clearly shown you are a selfish bitch that wants to whine about what the feminuts lie to you about. You don’t care about real statistics or facts. You bitches don’t care about issues that effect men. All feminuts are the same as the other feminuts, worthless.
February 25th, 2007 at 7:14 am - IP Man-Hash: e360eaab3b47f
Things you have proven here:
3. You are a true blonde!
2. You are one hardheaded bitch..
1. That all the things posted about women here are correct.
February 25th, 2007 at 8:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 010bcabf142fc
Let’s not forget all of the rules of women.
February 25th, 2007 at 8:51 am - IP Man-Hash: 9c404a373a8d6
Actually Billy it does happen, either they are cut or they tear. We had a lecture about it in sex ed, it happened to my teacher, and upon asking my mother, I discovered that it happened to her both times. And yes, it was painful.
No man can ever know that childbirth is ‘no big deal’ because no man will ever experience it. Except perhaps Arnie.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:19 am - IP Man-Hash: 796c1d8aebfd3
Hey , i have recieved the mabtw cards from Dick. Anyone have any ideas where to put them without getting caught by a camera and still in a public place.
February 26th, 2007 at 2:10 am - IP Man-Hash: e360eaab3b47f
No you see women lie or exaggerate everything so they will have something to whine about in order to get more pity.
I’m glad I won’t experiece child birth.
It’s nice that women have to do something sometime rather than spread them legs.
February 26th, 2007 at 3:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 7611d2e551981
Oh man. Ouch. I do believe you scored on that one Billy.
However, the last time I shit a bowling ball of 10lbs was………….never.
So, according to Ma, I was a painful motherfucker. I believe her too. And I have NO doubt that mothers everywhere make more out of it than it is.
I HAVE eaten a supreme pizza by myself and pretty much shit a ship timber out that destroyed my ass for at least 2 days. I thought it was pretty painful, then realized ANY chick movie was much worse by far.
But, unless the female ACTUALLY has a child, she has no place saying jack shit, since no fucking duh, she hasn’t done the work.
Men get to talk about childbirth, hell, where the fuck do you think babies come from? Unless women start sprouting Cloacas or Hermaphrodytic organs, we were always there to help.
Childbirth is truly “no big deal”. In fact, it doesn’t even come close to when I served during Desert Storm. Want to make a wager? Go join the Army sister, go serve your tour and come back, then tell me which is worse.
And, I am sorry to say, childbirth does not even have the pain associated with “Sex in the City” or “Oprah”. Not that I ever watched, but you know how it goes………………..
February 26th, 2007 at 7:00 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
i’m busy trying to figure out a use for mine too. The old Gender Affairs office here has moved, so I have to be a bit more original. What I will do is to go to a bookstore and slip a card into all the “Men are from Mars - Women are from Venus” books that I see.
February 26th, 2007 at 9:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 6597403bb0b5b
Ain’t that the truth.
March 1st, 2007 at 5:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c404a373a8d6
“And, I am sorry to say, childbirth does not even have the pain associated with “Sex in the City” or “Oprah”. Not that I ever watched, but you know how it goes………………..”
So intelligent to make judgemental comments on something you have never watched.
March 1st, 2007 at 5:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7611d2e551981
True, just like the wars you will never fight in, but whine about, all the while judging. Tsk….Tsk.
Burns when it hurts don’t it?
March 1st, 2007 at 7:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 95e3d810afd68
i’m busy trying to figure out a use for mine too. The old Gender Affairs office here has moved, so I have to be a bit more original. What I will do is to go to a bookstore and slip a card into all the “Men are from Mars - Women are from Venus” books that I see.
Hahahahaha, that’s great!
Hey now, don’t even try to say that you’ve never generalized obviously related subjects for the sake of an argument - people do it all the time, even if unwittingly, and if the subjects are related closely enough, the generalizations are fair to make. Since “Sex and the City” and “Oprah” are obviously biased in favor of women, it’s fair to say that they make a bigger deal of the “plights” of women than those “plights” really are.
Yes, childbirth is painful (anyone with half a brain knows that, even if they can’t experience it themselves), but women have successfully managed for as long as mankind has existed.
Also, childbirth is dangerous to the mother’s health if she doesn’t have proper medical treatment available, and an enormous number of women have died in the process (though it’s extremely uncommon today, at least in more developed areas). However, men (and women) have died from equally common disorders (for lack of a better word); for example, colds used to be one of the top causes of death in the world.
However (again), women have rarely been required to go to war, and if they broke rules in order to be allowed to fight (this addresses the civil war comment from earlier), that was THEIR OWN CHOICE to do so. I’m sure there are plenty of men in the world who would be happy to carry a child in their lover’s place if they had the option, I know I would. Women have died from “insignificant” birthing complications, and men have died from “insignificant” wounds in war because of underdeveloped medicine.
Fair trade.
March 1st, 2007 at 10:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 73f9de907ea55
ive seen a woman shuve a guys whole head in her vagina and she was enjoying it. Ofcourse its gonna hurt when you have a baby because of tearing or cutting but who ever made us designed your bodies to handle it. Dont equate a marble comming out of some guys dick, and having a baby come out his ass to your stretchy vagina. Woman are the creaters of the world but alls you have is your sexuality and and ability to have babies. You will never be as pain tolerant as men. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4641567.stm
Women come into this world with a sense of entitlement even when they havent done shit to earn it. Cynthia Sommers killed her husband for insurance money to whore around. You women are gold digger, whinny, sluts which are living the drama queen life whoring around till you can find a gentleman that didnt live your life and squeeze him for your money. Women will always go on about how they had however many kids to their husbands like its a documented paper that lets her just be a lazy bitch, or whinny bitch. You women are proud you control birth but you use it for life support, maintanence or any kind of leverage. How many men through the begginning of time that died for their countries for women ect? Men die every day in Iraq while some woman is complaining she cant get a better job, a guy with a bigger dick, and an on the side husband with the $. Childbirth and rape is something women complain about but their bodies were engineered to handle. Men endure physical pain all through their lives and are more tolerant.
March 1st, 2007 at 10:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6597403bb0b5b
For all those women out there to keep saying we don’t know the pain for childbirth, well you don’t know the pain of being kicked in the nuts. Fair play really.
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 95e3d810afd68
Note to all: I don’t think that “MACHO-MAN’s” generalizations are fair ones, and they, unfortunately, hurt his overall argument because they’re so obviously stupid. Not ALL women are gold diggers, and not ALL men aren’t. Not ALL women are sluts, and I’d venture to say that few men aren’t (by the technical definition of the word). I hope that any female readers do not make the same mistake he did by generalizing his arguments as the opinion all men who post on this website, because they’re certainly not my arguments.
And as for the “ive seen a woman shuve a guys whole head in her vagina and she was enjoying it” thing…if it were real (and I’m guessing it wasn’t - did you watch it in real life or on some video? Movies can be doctored quite easily, and I’m guessing it was the case) then it’s a highly unusual “ability” that probably is an indicator that she fits your idea of who women are: she’s a slut.
March 2nd, 2007 at 8:00 am - IP Man-Hash: d2bf73bae8061
@ MACHO-Man- Don’t trivialize rape by saying that women’s bodies were engineered to handle it.
March 2nd, 2007 at 8:23 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
I agree. Real rape is a horrible crime and should be treated seriously.
March 2nd, 2007 at 8:58 am - IP Man-Hash: da92c85977ff7
Why not? It’s true.
That’s exactly why women are banned from this site, Ally. You can’t separate fact from emotion like we superior men can. Fuck off.
-Dick