Childbirth is Not a Big Deal
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again because it was funny and completely true. Women having babies is like an octopus shooting ink at a shark come dinner time — except this octopus has six tentacles in the shark’s wallet and also a layer of whore paint all over its face.
And one of its other tentacles has a foot for sticking down it’s fucking throat in front of the shark’s boss and parents.
Please allow me to quote from 3 billion of the worst writers in the world today:
“You men think you’re so tough, you gay faggots? Try pushing something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a lemon which is also called your vagina!”
-Every woman ever
That is an inaccurate depiction of childbirth.
First of all, childbirth, whether it’s completely disgusting or not, is a beautiful thing. In the case of baby boys being born, you could be witnessing the first breaths of the next Picasso or Pavarotti or the guy who played Herman Munster. In the case of baby women, you’re witnessing something special too probably. The point is, as a man I would never sink so low as to equate the act of childbirth to some perverse squishing of fruits and vegetables through other fruits and vegetables. Is this human life we’re talking about or a fruit salad Physical Challenge? What the fuck? Unlike women, men float effortlessly on the sea of indiscretion by inflatable rafts called our class — Man Class.
Secondly, a baby is not the size of a watermelon. It’s more like like size of a grapefruit or maybe a slightly larger than average lemon. Have I ever squeezed something the size of a slightly larger than average lemon through something the size of a regular sized lemon? Believe me I have. But go bigger you say? You must be a man then! And I say why the fuck not!
It’s called putting on my undershirt, which women don’t know about because they’re whores and wear things like spaghetti strap tank tops and bras and other silly things designed to maximize their flesh showcase. I don’t hear my undershirt complaining about my head being the size of a fucking watermelon, which it isn’t, but it is bigger than my shirt’s neck hole.
The fact of the matter is today’s modern mother is so doped up on morphine and chocolate that she doesn’t even know who the father is when it comes time to popping the poor bastard out. Men in the Napoleonic Age got their legs and shit cut off with no antestetic and gangrenous saws. Now that’s some pain! Where’s your fucking cute, stupid fruit analogy now? Have you ever had a zucchini the size of your leg cut in half by a carrot which was a rusty saw? Fuck off.
My last piece of evidence is what I call The Clencher.
The only women who use this argument are teenage women or childless, unmarried harpies. The world has truly known no more useless swine. They’ve never done anything for anyone ever. Congratulate your nearest mother. She won the race by pulling her head out of the sand.
It’s a good thing all babies have a 50/50 shot of being men — or else we’d all be fucked.
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Clitn, are you saying that childbirth only hurt women when they are having sons?
But human babies’ heads are bigger, caused by better developed brains.
Bottom line - The vast majority of mammals give birth without complaint, doctoral assistance, drugs, respiratory aids, caesarian sections, or water births.
Women = Bunch of shrieking pussys!
Wow! You told me to shut the hell up! Good job!
Shut the hell up!
This one is very stupid. You must have gave birth. Babies do not come out the size of a damn lemon. Are you stupid? I never have seen a 8 pound lemon. Your mother must have been something horrible.
This one is very stupid. You must have gave birth. Babies do not come out the size of a damn lemon. Are you stupid? I never have seen a 8 pound lemon. Your mother must have been something horrible i
Nina, copying and pasting everything to several articles will just show your ignorance.
Ya but we take rape very serious but perverting the justice system not seriously. Hows it fair for a girl to falsely accuse me of raping her and I spend 2-10 years in jail? And even if shes found out on average women spend an amount of MONTHS in jail with no restitute to the man she destroyed. So lets see the man cant get a job anymore. His reputation of decentcy is gone. Thats why theirs two sides to that coin or should be. Rape can be used because its so though to be true undoubtedly. The most common reasons for false accusations is guilt(husband or bf know) or revenge( he dumped her for another girl or just left). Still in these countries your guilty until proven innocent and your life is destroyed regardless.
All you men who feel this way listen and listen good. “By the way if your brains think that i mean that seriously it’s a figure of speech” I love men. Well those who can see what women really are. And no you can’t really know what or who women really are because you odveously have never been near or around one. Frankly i think that your mothers or some other person sexually abused you when you were young and i’m sorry for that if they did but those people needed help. Not all women are whores, or sluts, or even stupid. In fact were pretty damn smart compared to those of you idiots out there that think women are good for nothing. Who gave birth to your stupid ass??? Ummm… I think that would be a Ewe. And just because a female sheep has a name and a male doesn’t means jack. That would be like comparing you to a male donkey. Jackass much?? But wait the female donkey doesn’t have a name?? Ya i have a feeling that you idiots won’t get far, i’m talking about the smart hot manly men, you know the one’s that arn’t you. You’d better think twice about saying that shit around me in public and be damned glad that this is just the internet, because (and i’m 16) I would kick your ass you sexist pig!! You don’t have muscles you have sacks that hang off of your arms. Look it up women are doing more now, we don’t cow down to your shit anymore, were independant and kicking your ass.
You know rape is just like the war in iraq. Men over there go through shit that you can’t even imagine. You hear everyday that people are seeing their best friend die, or get killed by a bomb and survive with only one leg and an arm. You have toexperience it to understand it. You go over to a war and come back with one arm or one leg. Or with the memory of someone cutting thier own neck. Or even better the memory of a hostage situation and the person got killed. So fuck you dont you ever say that memorys don’t hurt.
*gets evil thoughts* Sadist here so be warned.
No problem I just found something better to look at and the nausea subsided.
Anyway, as men we should be able to take shit like that hands down and shrug it off. We have minds of steel!
Sorry Billy, I just got too into the spirit. Anyway, my thing is nothign compared to evileddy’s. He actually described his. I left your imagination fill in alot.
Yeah me too. But we can do it without the mentally scarring images which will probably make us cringe forever. By the way, OPRAH NAKED COVERED IN WHIPPED CREAM SPREADING HER LEGS.
Fight the power! ^_^
Oh no.. I was starting to visualize. How disgusting.. Necro how could you do us like that?
PWNED!!
I just wanted to stick a really scarring image into evileddy’s mind.
And sticken.. you have!!!!
Think about that for a while. *me shudders*
One of the best parts of the film :D.
@ sonyad, good point!
@ Necroswordsman, if you think that was scarring, I’ve got an even scarier one for you. Remember the first Austin Powers movie?
Think about that for a while. *me shudders*