Childbirth is Not a Big Deal
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again because it was funny and completely true. Women having babies is like an octopus shooting ink at a shark come dinner time — except this octopus has six tentacles in the shark’s wallet and also a layer of whore paint all over its face.
And one of its other tentacles has a foot for sticking down it’s fucking throat in front of the shark’s boss and parents.
Please allow me to quote from 3 billion of the worst writers in the world today:
“You men think you’re so tough, you gay faggots? Try pushing something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a lemon which is also called your vagina!”
-Every woman ever
That is an inaccurate depiction of childbirth.
First of all, childbirth, whether it’s completely disgusting or not, is a beautiful thing. In the case of baby boys being born, you could be witnessing the first breaths of the next Picasso or Pavarotti or the guy who played Herman Munster. In the case of baby women, you’re witnessing something special too probably. The point is, as a man I would never sink so low as to equate the act of childbirth to some perverse squishing of fruits and vegetables through other fruits and vegetables. Is this human life we’re talking about or a fruit salad Physical Challenge? What the fuck? Unlike women, men float effortlessly on the sea of indiscretion by inflatable rafts called our class — Man Class.
Secondly, a baby is not the size of a watermelon. It’s more like like size of a grapefruit or maybe a slightly larger than average lemon. Have I ever squeezed something the size of a slightly larger than average lemon through something the size of a regular sized lemon? Believe me I have. But go bigger you say? You must be a man then! And I say why the fuck not!
It’s called putting on my undershirt, which women don’t know about because they’re whores and wear things like spaghetti strap tank tops and bras and other silly things designed to maximize their flesh showcase. I don’t hear my undershirt complaining about my head being the size of a fucking watermelon, which it isn’t, but it is bigger than my shirt’s neck hole.
The fact of the matter is today’s modern mother is so doped up on morphine and chocolate that she doesn’t even know who the father is when it comes time to popping the poor bastard out. Men in the Napoleonic Age got their legs and shit cut off with no antestetic and gangrenous saws. Now that’s some pain! Where’s your fucking cute, stupid fruit analogy now? Have you ever had a zucchini the size of your leg cut in half by a carrot which was a rusty saw? Fuck off.
My last piece of evidence is what I call The Clencher.
The only women who use this argument are teenage women or childless, unmarried harpies. The world has truly known no more useless swine. They’ve never done anything for anyone ever. Congratulate your nearest mother. She won the race by pulling her head out of the sand.
It’s a good thing all babies have a 50/50 shot of being men — or else we’d all be fucked.
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Every human comes from a womans body. A men cannot tell another men how painfull a childbirth is, because its a woman expiërence.
Done with it.
Sandra says; bla bla woman this, woman that, bla ( from the Netherlands).
Actually, since women aren’t hardly hurt by anything physically, Men accumulate more pain. Childbirth on a pain scale is say 8/10, getting kicked in the penis is probably well, 9/10, but let’s count it down anyway, to, say, 3/10. (NOT AT ALL TRUE) And getting kicked in the nuts happens say, everytime a man make a women mad ever, which happens about 48 times, and that’s holding back too. So were already to 144 pain points. women usually have around 2 children. Thats 18 pain points, yeah, men have it off worse.
Perhaps if you weren’t such an ass, you wouldn’t be kicked as much.
1) It’s spelled, “Cesarean” or sometimes, “Caesarean”.
Learn to spell.
2) C-section was first used to remove a baby from the mother’s womb who died during child birth. Let me guess, your going to say you can feel pain when your dead, right?
3) Kidney Stones. All I have to say.
4) You have no idea what it feels like to get punched in the balls. Take getting punched in the gut, breast, and face and multiply it 10. Now add the sensation of you about to take a shit and puke. Thats the pain of a groin shot. It’s why the only time you see men cry, is when the afore-mention ball breaker is used.
“i hope your mother is dead. if she isn’t, my heart goes out to her. P.S. i wouldn’t comment back with anything too demeaning my old man is a force to reckon with.”
Ooh, your Big Bad Daddy is going to fight your battles for you. What are you, 12 years old?
You tell your Big Daddy to come to my house. I’ll show him another force to be reckoned with - Smith & Wesson.
Cunt.
Its kind of sad-funny that when these females have nothing to brag about they brag about motherhood, like this is one thing only they can be experts on. And then they say something dumb like ” I hope your mother is dead, if no then my heart goes out to her….” Stop right there> She doesn’t know anything about being a mother. It is obvious your mother know you very well. The female doesn’t know you at all, plus she is totally incompetent about men, so she knows about you even less that nothing. I mean if she stoped for a moment using slogans, maybe she would realize how proud your mother is of you.
He’s talking about the head of the baby. That’s the largest part that needs to go through.
You are not allowed to join my Classy Broads.
-Dick
hey if you hate women so much then why don’t you be gay. it only makes sense. i mean, you can tell how extremely uneducated you are by just reading your opinions. i’m a little over 5 months pregnant now. my baby is already bigger than a large grapefruit. i still have 4 more months to go. ah, let me guess, my baby has already stopped growing? wrong. when my husband was born he weighed 10lbs 7oz. and i have yet to see a ” large lemon ” weigh that much. before you go running your mouth you need to get your facts straight. for a man who supposedly knows all this stuff about women you really are stupid. i bet if you took your glasses off you would look like a broke-ass bald walter cronkite. and your whole napoleonic analogy is just stupid. have you ever had your legs or whatever cut off? you act like men go through that every day. that was then this is now. guys have an easy ride. women have babies and have had babies since the beginning of time. i hope your mother is dead. if she isn’t, my heart goes out to her. P.S. i wouldn’t comment back with anything too demeaning my old man is a force to reckon with.
you boys are so childish…..first of all a child comming out is not the size of a grape…..some times the womens vagina can tear……you boys should get your facts right…….im guessing this dick is a teenage boy but even if hes a grown man there is not diff……lets agree that we will never know whats more painful child birth or getting kicked in the testicles………child birth is beautiful and the dick really is not….but dont make stupid statements……ask your mother about how you were born,ask for the painful details…..from here we can see that a lot of boys are insensitive creatures
Well, the amount of times a man has been kicked in his testicles in his whole life is equal to the birth of once child. I am not a sexist and I don’t really agree with this website but I believe Dick’s article is more understandable.
W/out women to have babies no men would be here. You would not be here, none of us would. You are right child birth is a beautiful thing. But it is very painful and can become complicated sometimes. Until you give birth, you really can not speak on the topic.
you know what I’ve heard, as well? Women that have babies on their own at home and deliver it themselves without drugs and stuff tend to have little to no pain. I can’t remember the reason for it, but I think it had something to do with either stress, or thinking negatively about childbirth itself.
When the rapper Jay-Zs mom had him, she didnt feel any pain.
Actually, idiot, I have had both, and I’ve also had kidney stones while I was pregnant. I would much rather have a kidney stone than give birth again anyday. By the way, all knowing smart guy, no one ever said pregnancy was painful, because it isn’t. The birthing process is, however. Something doesnt have to be painful to make it a big deal.
Besides above and you being a horrible person, it’s already been agreed upon by men AND women that kidney stones are more painful then pregnancy. Stop whining.
Make sense already. You don’t have to have something happen to you to judge it you can look at it.You don’t have to be killed to say murdering people is bad, you don’t have to be stolen from to understand it’s wrong to steal unless you’re a totally self-centered person. Besides, pregnancy is somethng chosen and planned by a woman in 9 months, comparing it to some random life changing event like cancer is like comparing a tattoo to a shotgun wound.
Besides even without drugs there are so many ways to lower the pain of pregnancy it’s not funny.No matter what your body type is every culture has ways to lower or eliminate pain completely. Acupuncture, massages, C-sections, pregnancy can be handled and dealt with propper planing and knowledge. Therefore it is NOT that big of a deal, just stop complaining and plan.
This is ridiculous. What right do you (or any other man) have to say childbirth isnt a big deal? Have you experienced it first hand? You cant judge something until you have been part of it. That would be like me saying “erectile disfunction isnt a big deal” or “having an enlarged prostate isnt a big deal.” How the fuck should I know? I dont because I’ve never experienced it! Now Im not saying its a big deal for every woman, because some of us have easier labors, a higher pain tolerance, or better care at the hospital. Some of our bodies are better equipped to handle childbirth than others. But also, for men certain things arent a big deal to one man, while to another man it might be a life changing matter. What Im trying to say is that we cant just go around judging something that we have never experienced. You have to wait until you know first hand what it is like, because it might affect you differently.
I took a shit once that was about the size of a baby.
How can you say childbirth is not a big deal, but getting kicked in the balls is? Are you unaware that recovery from child takes at least 4 weeks,and recovery from getting kicked in the balls takes approximately 4 minutes? You didnt stop to realize that women had it as rough as men did in ancient times. We had to give birth completly free of any anestheisia but also endure episiotomies and cesarian sections with no medicine. Somehow I think I might rather get my leg chopped off than be disemboweled while fully awake. By the way, most babies in fact are the size of watermelons, granted it may not be a particularly large watermelon (depending on the baby), but an average one to say the least. When is the last time you seen an 8 pound lemon, or grapefruit even? Probably never. By the way a vagina is around the size of a walnut at rest (obviously you havent seen one in quite some time). So, next time you get kicked in you poor man-balls, just be thankful the person doing the kicking isnt taking their foot and shoving inside your penis.
True.
They play this (childbirth) victim card too often, and fail to realize, women in poorer countries have it far worse (primitive medical help) and yet these women complain far less.