Cleanliness is Onto Manliness
When you think of a woman, you think of a shrill harpy whirring around the house with a duster and a vacuum cleaner under the watchful eye of some imaginary deity of clutter. One errant bill or remote control earns her an eternity of stacking in the Trash Yard of Damnation. That’s how I see it anyway. A tornado of nerves frantically stacking the debris of everyday life into neat little piles and shoving them into drawers like a five year old with learning disability on a reverse scavenger hunt.
That’s what women call cleaning. Women can’t clean for shit.
Men know that the cleaning of things (cars, houses, clothing) is not a one step process. Doing anything in one step is a sure way to fuck it up — especially quitting drinking. It’s called being thorough, and it means that the cleaning of anything can sometimes take several days.
Not that women don’t understand that process. Women can take several days to do things too, like get over a headache or break the rules of a new diet by downing two pieces of German chocolate cake.
That’s right, ladies. In your face. 3000 calories in your face to be precise.
It’s an old stereotype, but just like every stereotype with women, it’s completely true. Women don’t clean they just hide shit. Here’s the proof.
The remote.
The remote can never be cleaned up. It can’t be put away, it can’t be clutter inherently because it is in a constant state of use. When was the last time that a day went by and someone didn’t have an urgent need for a remote control? Putting the remote in some kind of little basket or lock box under the coffee table is the equivalent of putting a piano in front of the bathroom door. Sure, it may look best there, but there’s a fucking piano in front of the bathroom. I sure hope one of those keys is flush!
The bills.
Since women don’t pay any bills they don’t know how the fuck they work. For example, if a bill gets put into some random drawer near the kitchen sink and doesn’t get paid because bill paying time is not supposed to include treasure maps and interrogations. That’s something that women don’t understand. It’s like a child grappling with probate.
Also, when a check is written and put in an envelope, affixed with a stamp of postage, and set on the edge of the counter only to disappear — no that isn’t the bill fairy whisking your monies away to the gas company, it’s a woman “cleaning” shit up and throwing a handful of tacks on the road that is your life.
Soap.
That body wash shit doesn’t work. I know because one time I used it to wash my dog as an experiment. Guess what it smelled like when I was done. A fucking dog.
There’s a whole psychology behind this cleaning business, but it’s as simple as women neurotically clean their homes because they’re lives are exactly the opposite. That’s it. You can sum up all of womankind like a box full of fortune cookies.
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hello wolfe, nice to meet you
quote: She did not say that men could not see these things, she said they did not notice them.
thx for helping me. Yes i think i misunderstood the word “notice”, and even though i am consider myself quite good at english, i do make mistakes, as i am a foreigner and thus i don´t have the qualifications that you have.
quote: it is not one of physics and light, but rather psychology.
you may be right, i don´t know much about this pheneomena, but i am of the nature to find out those things i don´t know much about. perhaps you have a good link or could recomend a good book on men´s psycology? thanks again…oh i almost forgot Arielle :D sorry to make you “eat” some rather complicated phycics heh
Care, do you?
You’re not out of suggestions. You never had anything worth a damn to say in the first place. What could you possibly hold a degree in.
-Dick
For all you men sick of your partner’s clean freak habits and the associated nagging/huffing/puffing/bitchin’/fighting/yelling et cetera, there is one simple solution. Pay for a cleaner.
Yeah, yeah, I know, the wife will say the cleaner is no good after 3 weeks, which is generally the amount of time it takes for said cleaner to decide she’d rather bludge than clean your house. Or maybe the wife doesn’t like someone going through your things etc etc. Hmmm, I’m out of suggestions. Luckily my eyesights pretty bad and I can’t see dust either.
Columbus didnt bang into the New World after not reading a map and not stopping to ask for directions by making sure the top of the fridge and underside of the tv for free of dust. Oh, of course there were no TVs or fridges back then. Thankfully men were not distracted with dusting and polishing else we would still be throwing the milk out after two days.
Wolfe,
Thank you for the clarification. That was indeed the gist of the study, as I recall it. They also pointed out that men were usually much more observant of detail outside of their own homes than women were.
Half-Soul, I believe you may be suffering from a language barrier here. While I am not endorsing what Arielle says, it has a plausible ring.
She did not say that men could not see these things, she said they did not notice them. There is a distinction; it is not one of physics and light, but rather psychology.
Men’s brains evolved to deal with a rapidly changing world in situations where decisions had to be made quickly and fairly well. Hunting requires this. In order to operate efficiently, one must separate the wheat from the chaff — distinguish what truly matters from what is merely trivia.
A flickering light is serious; it could be an intermittent short that could burn the house down. A man will check the circuitbreakers, upgrade the fusebox if need be, test the wiring, etc. A woman will probably ignore this and assume “it’s the wiring or something strange”, viewing it as out of her control.
Some dust on the mantle? Who cares. As long as no one is dying of asthma, this is genuinely trivial. One could have it cleaned up before a party perhaps, but otherwise it is trivia that is literally not worth noticing.
The man sees, but his efficient brain quickly files it in the “not worth noticing” department.
I hope this clarifies what I believe she meant.
Best,
-wolfe.
hi Arielle i have a few comments for you
Quote: Most women don’t really clean for men, they clean for other women
Arielle, I am sorry to say this, but you don’t make any sense. Most women who live with men, can’t avoid cleaning up for them, as they live with them and love them. It’s absurd to say that most women clean for other women; I think you are seeing too much Oprah, that crap is also on danish tv hehe
Quote: Scientific studies have shown that most men observe clutter, but will not notice dust on the mantle, or grime on the tile floor, or crumbs on the counters. Women will notice all of that.
I’d like to see those scientific studies made by the bullshit squad, because all first of all men generally have better eye sight than women, moreover if we focus on i.e. dust in a less scientific way, then you can’t say that men won’t see dust, because it really depends on the light: because the dust particles are much larger than the wavelength of the visible light. When i.e. the sun light hits these large particles, it gets reflected in different directions. This means, that the different colours of light are all reflected by the particle in the same way and thus the reflected light appears white because it still contains all of the same colours, and so you can’t say, that men can’t see dust or anything else and women can. be sensible. i am not a scientist,(i study latin/philosohy) but i had to study about this in order to critizise your socalled scientific study, which in my point of view didn´t make sense.
Most women don’t really clean for men, they clean for other women.
Scientific studies have shown that most men observe clutter, but will not notice dust on the mantle, or grime on the tile floor, or crumbs on the counters. Women will notice all of that. Most of the women I have observed that are obsessive about cleaning are afraid of being looked down on if their house is a mess - and it isn’t going to be men that notice the mess or look down on the woman for having a messy house. So, therefore, they’re cleaning for other women.
l know of a woman who compulsively turns every label in the fridge and pantry so that it faces fowrard. If anything isnt facing fwd she gets irrate. Upset even. Gee wiz… is that a bottle of oil or is it a packet of pasta? Wahahaha… l cant tell, one of the labels is facing the wrong way.
Also think its hillarious how women quibble over house work and use it as a spring board for projecting all of their incessant, well, er, uh… projections. You know fellas, their constant use of who does wot and how much as a way of constantly brow beating you with their obsessive relationship issue about gender based power balances. Wah, fucking wah, it makes no difference to me if you clean, wax, polish and shine behind every friggin foot step. l like much more sex than you usually want to share the work of, so lets see, that makes us even. Anyway, enuff with the the fuckin mind games and word plays of my feminine side.
Time for a blunt awfully true pig dog bastard meesogeenust deferral lo logic… blindingly powerful logic in all its ephemeral simplicity.
Your cleaning ‘relationship issue’ is about YOUR (large yet fragile) EGO.
That’s it. Now go away. Think about it. And you should really consider paying me for this, hmmmm wots a good feminine side word? … amazing apparition.
Anyway, l’ll interpret it for you. Call it benevolent meesogeenee if you like or step back 100 yrs and call it chivallree.
You are attempting to exercise POWER over your partner by unilaterally setting YOUR standards. Ergo, making the RULES.
What you finally realise is that you cant make your old dog learn new tricks. Nor can you teach a cat fetch. You might get some play outta playing you man if you have a finely honed bag of (often) dirty tricks. But it all wears a bit thin eventually and the charade of your campaign becomes obvious to even an old dawg. At which point you settle for pissing into the wind. Then yelling into the void.
Then you get irredeemably frustrated and in your typically accountable way, blame him for not submitting. Funny, that. Would’ve thought that a woman of all people would be intuitively aware of how much of a drag it is to submit.
If you are at this point… you need to take a few hundred steps back and start again.
I only clean my apartment when walking becomes difficult, or if I am bringing some friends or a girl over. Women are in point of view generally much more hygienic, and when it comes to cleaning the house, they are also better. None of my friends enjoys or care about cleaning, and every time they clean up, they only do it of practical reasons and essential hygienic reasons hehe.
Yes I like to have a laugh, crack a smile and not take myself too seriously 24/7. You should try it.
Women revel in their immaturity. It’s one of the many things they call empowerment. Female has just been dull enough to demonstrate it for us.
-Dick
I love you too Dick
You are a horrible person, Female. You are a cancer on the people around you.
-Dick
Not women Wolfe, just Christian’s former wife.
Good Lord, Female.
Do you really have such a pathetic view of women?
That’s all they’re capable of being; cleaning junkies or alcoholics or both?
You’re missing the entire thrust (no, that’s not a masculinist word implying sex) of this post and discussion.
You really don’t grasp it? You really view women like that?
Good Lord.
Christian: “dust police”. Heh. Nailed it.
-wolfe.
It’s often thought that a woman who obsessively cleans is really trying to avoid straightening out her own thoughts/ideas on possibly uncomfortable subjects. Seems like the urge to straighten something out cannot be avoided, and luckily for you men, it goes into dealing with the physical dirt.
If you think about it, it would become a robotic, mindless, habitual exercise. Better than the bottle, no?
They also have to put everything into little slots or holes or containers. Everything has to be in it’s place regardless, whether or not it’s warranted is irrelevant.
I banned my former wife from my private areas, that is my office, kitchen and shed.
If she really had to move anything in the kitchen, it had to be returned.
Anyone that has had to suffer a women cleaning up anywhere knows that the majority of items will never be found again.
It’s more concerned with the act of cleaning then it is in preserving a proper place to put things.
Take the third draw down in the kitchen, full of junk. That’s where she puts it all. Everything that does not go on a doily gets thrown in there.
It’s a habitual creature, every routine must happen every week at the same time otherwise she hyperventilates.
And look…….that window has a smear on it.
There is dirt on the mantlepiece, it would not be right to leave it there just in case the dust police come around for an inspection.
It’s got it bad…
[quote]A tornado of nerves frantically stacking the debris of everyday life into neat little piles and shoving them into drawers like a five year old with learning disability on a reverse scavenger hunt.[/quote]In the hierarchy of great mabtw posts, this ranks up there.
We’ve all observed this; most of us have lived it. Actually needing tools to pry open a drawer that has become so jammed with the detritus of life via a woman’s “cleaning”. She looks at you with that wonderful combination of guilt, humility, and anger that women master as you patiently disassemble that end table that she overstuffed.
Yes, they desperately seek some level of order in their lives, Dick, but more than that, clearly, women’s concern over initial appearance trumps all. It’s rather sad that this is so, and one of the great problems of their gender.
-wolfe.