It’s Just Coffee. Settle the Fuck Down.
I like my coffee like I like my women: cheap and brought to me by another woman. And just like women, coffee is nothing to get excited about.
Coffee is like a penis. It’s a tool a man uses to get the job done as quickly as possible. It’s not a reason to wake up in the morning and it’s not a philosophy.
In that case, coffee is exactly like a penis because that’s what both are to women: a reason to live.
Men are better than women at coffee. First of all, women make shitty coffee. The man-invented coffee maker does a perfect job of making perfect coffee. Then women go and fuck it up with two packs of sugar and a half pint of cream. Why not just drink caffeinated honey, you big fat fucks?
Also, women are simple and retarded.
Simple and Retarded
When men drink coffee, it doesn’t become the focal point of our personalities. It’s just coffee. Settle the fuck down. Men are complex and interesting and there are better things in the world for us to base our personalities on. Faster things. Louder things. Things that are immortalized in bronze and steel. Men cost more than $3.65 plus tip.
Women are simple and boring. They only mature enough in their crappy lives to embrace a handful of simple and boring things. Things like dogs and babies and weddings. Weddings are so simple women can actually plan them with little help from men. That’s because you can’t fuck up a wedding. Weddings are already permafucked.
Women have the maturity level of circus freaks. If they’re not bored out of their skulls sitting at a nice restaurant with nothing interesting to say and no one to give a fuck about it, then they’re ecstatic with mania. Women only have two levels on their emotional thermostat: Dead and Crazy. That’s why they obsess about the simple trinkets in their lives — like coffee — with the tenacity of spoiled two year olds.
Also, women are full of shit.
Full of Shit
When a man is busy, he gives off the impression that he is busy. When a woman is an abject failure at life, she compiles a universe of quirks and preferences to give off the impression that she’s busy. An obsession with coffee is a perfect example of this.
Coffee is the first and easiest shortcut to martyrdom. After all, if a woman is so dangerously addicted to coffee, doesn’t that mean her daily struggles and Woman Workload require almost a man-sized supply of energy?
Any woman who is obsessed with coffee is trying to tell you something:
“Appreciate me for how hard I work at looking like I’m working hard.”
Man Zen.
Self-Obsession is easier than Self-Improvement.
Coffee is to women what boobs are to men. No matter what’s happening around us, we’re still partly thinking about boobs. The same goes for women and coffee. The difference is that a man-brain can be divided into many different tasks. Dividing a she-brain is like trying to fold a CD in half. If you try to, make sure you don’t wear protective goggles because that would be a loss of Man Points.
Asking a woman to embrace anything more complicated than “beans plus heat equals coffee” is like expecting a couch to fit in your buddy’s Civic. Asking a woman to obsess about nostalgia and sloth, however, is like not asking her anything at all and letting her continue about her daily business — which was obsessing about nostalgia and sloth.
Coffee is about putting fire in your brain so you can get off your ass and start pounding rivets. It’s not meant to be enjoyed.
“What’s a rivet?” says a woman.
Rivets are like men. They hold the world together.
Case Studies in the Self-Obsession and False Martyrdom of a Female Coffee Obsession:
Mommy Needs Coffee!
Busy Mom!
Coffee Mom!
*Listed in order of fatness
Leave it to a mother to think of a way to “need” a break from the permanent vacation of motherhood.
Related Articles:
March 11th, 2008 at 1:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
@Kelly B-
First and foremost I was not just talking about sex. I’ve been married for almost nine years now so I might know a thing or two about compromising and how it needs to work both ways.
Maybe your “reminding him” sounds a bit like “nagging” to him…..
March 11th, 2008 at 1:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
He’s an automotive technician. I’m on campus at 7:45am everyday and not home until 5-5:30pm (except friday I get off at noon). By the time I cook, eat and clean up a bit, it is like 7:00 p.m. I am taking more than the fulltime work load… my work load for this semester alone consists of: 1 research proposal, 5 papers, 3 presentations, 10 exams, and 11 writing assignments, all due within 2.5 months. So those things take time to prepare, eh. And in order to maintain my “A” GPA I like to actually try too. And I like to be in bed around 11:00 p.m or 12:00 at the latest, so yeah I get 4 hours a day to work on my stuff… so I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make me stupid.
And I know manual labour wears people down, which is why I dont mind doing things for my guy like I said, but I can’t just GIVE GIVE GIVE and not receive anything in return, that’s not healthy for anyone.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:19 am - IP Man-Hash: 9342b2aa308e5
Michael you’ve just demonstrated that you know nothing about porn. There is as much material out there portraying men being degraded by women if not more.
I would suggest there are more women who get off on the idea of degrading a man than the reverse. Think Lorena Bobbit and the glee women expressed, and the applause they rendered, when that story came to light. The difference for women is that they can do it openly and shamelessly.
Women degrading men is mainstream.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 921c38c0d8c30
Kelly, true acts of love do not require anything in return. While this is difficult for many people to grasp, it remains true. I am not saying that you should give give give and never get anything in return. Im saying that true love is giving without EXPECTING anything in return. Ever.
Many marriage counselors have tackled the issue of what to do when a relationship stagnates. Both parties are often unwilling to give to the other, because they never see anything in return. However, it has been shown that when one party makes the active decision to consistently give without expecting anything in return, it eventually causes the other party to do so as well. It is the concept behind “showing love without feeling love”.
You see, many people believe love is an emotion. This is not true. Love is a choice, which is coupled with an emotion. Emotions come and go, but real love is a daily decision. It is possible to show a person love without actually feeling any positive emotions from it.
Many relationships stagnate because the “feelings” of love tend to wane. This is when it is MOST important to make that conscious decision to show love even though you dont feel it. Because only by doing this will you ever cause NEW feelings of love to enter into the relationship, and keep things spicy.
You would be wise to note that I personally know the author of lady lessons, and she is very happily married. She has been for decades! So surely there must truly be something to her advice. Because if she was simply spouting nonsense, then surely her marriage would be as long lasting and fulfilling as I happen to know it is.
Also, you cannot expect to understand something by skimming it. The relations between men and women are deep and complex. To skim over the musings of someone who has years of life experience to back up her thoughts would be like skimming over a philosophy textbook and expecting you get 100% on the test.
March 12th, 2008 at 4:05 am - IP Man-Hash: 04f5baddf578b
I do love without expecting anything in return, but after a while if you never feel any of that love or respect or anything in return then it gets exhausting to not feel appreciated.
I have been with my partner since I was 15 and I am now 21, we have never broken up and we have been through a lot together- deaths, moving, career changes, etc. So I have no worries about what needs to be done to make a relationship work.
I don’t know if I consider love to be an emotion, but I definately would not call it a choice. I think it is something you feel towards someone whether you want to or not, you simply care a lot about someone and you care about their well-being regardless of anything. I have friends and family members I feel this towards even though I feel as though they have done things to hurt me. I also feel love towards my boyfriend. Even if we were not together anymore I would still want him to be happy and I would still care about him a lot.
And I couldnt care any less about what your lady friend has to say, everyone is different and every relationship is different, what I am doing and what my boyfriend is doing works for us so really that is all that matters to me.
I skimmed the article because I did not have time to read it… I may or may not sit down and read it sometime, but I dont really need some chick to dictate to me what she thinks she knows, I know enough and I plan to learn new things through exprience, not reading some blog.
March 12th, 2008 at 4:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
Nothing like a chick who thinks they know it all and don’t need input from anyone else unless it’s a pat on the back and agreement that they’re doing their right thing. Oh wait.. That’s 99.9999% of them.
March 12th, 2008 at 5:17 am - IP Man-Hash: bc9a3b4014818
Stop talking about your relationship.No one cares
March 12th, 2008 at 5:26 am - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
Societal Douche Runoff said, “You truly are a moron. You just made that you know nothing about women, or about anything and you will die a lonely old man”.
I get the feeling that was already my destiny when my ex betrayed me for no reason whatsoever. On the brightside, I’m charismatic and can mobolize millions to put arrogant trash back in its proper place.
March 12th, 2008 at 5:52 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@KellyB- it is true that love is ultimately a choice in a long term relationship. over decades there will be times of stress and angst- times when you won”t feel like you are in love with or even like your partner very much. it is during these periods most people throw in the towel, saying things like “we grew apart” or “i’m just not in love anymore”. this is partly because of our cultural influence which tells us we should feel happy all the time and if something is making us unhappy, why we should just get rid of it. we’re all instant gratification/speedy diposal. but if you ask any couple that’s been married thirty, forty years they will tell you it is a choice. the choice to stay. the choice to be faithful, and the choice to fake it til you make it. love ebbs and flows over time.
March 12th, 2008 at 6:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 35a844a1a6480
People don’t just fall out of love, deciding not to love someone anymore is also a choice, and it’s a choice that is made when only one person gives and the other simply takes. Eventually the giver will decide the taker is no longer worthy of what the giver is giving, and they’ll look for somebody else who appreciates and reciprocates in kind.
March 12th, 2008 at 6:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
i would say that the feeling of being “in love”, while intense, is fleeting at best. one of the most brilliant people i know (a man) says that people in that state have no business making decisions of any kind, let alone deciding to get married. flitty little feelings only get you so far- then it’s common interests and goals and a mutual desire to do the work it takes to make a relationship weather the various storms life throws at you. like long term illness and incapacitation.
i wonder how many people here would really stand by a partner who was very ill. who couldn’t have sex anymore. ever.
March 12th, 2008 at 6:29 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
Boy that rang with me. With my ex, all the elements were there, except a lack of commitment from her when times were not so good.
I would like to add something: I keep questioning whether unconditional love is a good thing, b/c it seems all women want it. After some contemplation, I think its a good idea IN PRINCIPLE but both people in the relationship really have to make a good effort to stay attractive to one another. If I meet a girl that puts unconditional love no matter what Ias number one in her life, I start to get a bad feeling. As what author put it, if a woman says “I want to be loved no matter how bad it gets”, the man is thinking: Just how bad is it going to get?
March 12th, 2008 at 6:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
i think “unconditional love” really only applies to parent/child relationships.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:54 am - IP Man-Hash: 04f5baddf578b
Did I say I know it all? NO! But I’m in a relationship, its a great relationship, there is mutual trust and respect… things are going great, therefore why do I need advice from some over the hill girl?
March 12th, 2008 at 9:00 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
Zardoz speaks to you, Kelly: The Gun is Good! The Penis is Evil!
March 12th, 2008 at 9:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 04f5baddf578b
Look, I know you guys dislike me because I am a woman, fine whatever. But I have actually learned SOME things while visiting this site and the site of VictorianLady or whatever, and I agree with some things. Like I recognize that females and males are completely different and I have recognized some errors in my own relationship that Im working on… well “errors” may not be the correct term but basically I want to try and understand men more and treat men how they want to be treated in so far as it doesnt cause strain on my mental well-being. And I know that some of you have experienced some pain caused by women: sexual assualt, betrayal… etc. And I do recognize that, from the very beginning (months and months ago when I first saw Dick on Dr. Phil) I automatically said to myself “they have been hurt…” when I came on this site. And this whole experience has opened my eyes up to how men have been being treated… like in my Social Problems course today we briefly talked about the era (in the 70s or whatever) when basically there was the 2nd wave of feminism and EVERYHING women said was to be believed, and how Social Problems are created in the first place to maintain certain people in power… etc, not getting into, point is I feel like women have gone through quite a bit a long time ago and now women are retaliating against men… and now you men are retaliating back… see the cycle? I think if Dick and you men fought for what you believe in differently then more people would listen but when Dick goes on national television and claims, “All women are whores!” or that we only care about money, men only wanna fuck us, we are garbage if we are fat etc…. then no we arent going to listen… get what I am saying? Basically, I respect some of the views and ideas presented here… and if you knew me you would see Im not as whore-ish or bad as u think… and perhaps the reason I get along better with men is because I understand them more, who knows. Do I think its okay to be unfaithful? No. Do I think men should degrade women and only care about our bodies? No. But I also dont think its okay for women to scope men out based on looks, money or status, I dont think its okay to get drunk as fuck, sleep with someone and then claim they “raped” you… (my friend did this), I dont think its okay degrade males… etc… I kinda dont wanna fight anymore because like I totally get that most of you probably have been hurt, otherwise why would you harvest so much hate in your hearts. Im pretty sure if my boyfriend betrayed me, or my father (who btw I dont even know because he never had the balls to stick around) abused me, I would be bitter too with men… to an extent, yes. And I know you find it hard to believe that true-love exists because you have been hurt… and who knows maybe someday if im really hurt too I might think otherwise… i doubt it, but who knows. I think it exists because my boyfriend has been there with me through so many things… things that a lot of guys would have probably taken off… and Ive been there with him through a lot too… and despite everything we are still together and our feelings are stronger… and I see him as more than a bf… hes like my bestfriend, the only friend i have ever really had that didnt betray me… and like, anyways this isnt about me but basically I think you will find someone who wont hurt you… because not all women are how you describe them…
March 12th, 2008 at 10:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 67caec8fb3425
Nobody comes here to read your book of nonsensical asswipe on paper. Shut up and go wash that filthy cunt.
Women speak nothing all day as you prove Kelly
March 12th, 2008 at 10:40 am - IP Man-Hash: dec033eefe83b
You are such a moron. Grow the fuck up, and if you had any decency you would leave my “cunt” out of this seeing how it doesnt concern you.
March 13th, 2008 at 1:52 am - IP Man-Hash: 9342b2aa308e5
@Kelly…
If I read your 650-word-paragraph-with-no-punctuation correctly what you are saying is that the hatred directed at men via feminism for nearly fifty years should simply be forgiven and forgotten and that men should continue to take it.
Like hell it will.
Women started this war and show no signs of letting up. Men are only now starting to circle their wagons.
I’d suggest you hope and pray that men continue to be as reasonable and protective towards women as they have been throughout all of history. Otherwise you will find out what true oppression really means.
Beware the swinging pendulum.
March 13th, 2008 at 1:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 67caec8fb3425
Nothing here is any of your concern you filthy cumstain.
You are only allowed here because you prove the points on this site.