It’s Just Coffee. Settle the Fuck Down.
I like my coffee like I like my women: cheap and brought to me by another woman. And just like women, coffee is nothing to get excited about.
Coffee is like a penis. It’s a tool a man uses to get the job done as quickly as possible. It’s not a reason to wake up in the morning and it’s not a philosophy.
In that case, coffee is exactly like a penis because that’s what both are to women: a reason to live.
Men are better than women at coffee. First of all, women make shitty coffee. The man-invented coffee maker does a perfect job of making perfect coffee. Then women go and fuck it up with two packs of sugar and a half pint of cream. Why not just drink caffeinated honey, you big fat fucks?
Also, women are simple and retarded.
Simple and Retarded
When men drink coffee, it doesn’t become the focal point of our personalities. It’s just coffee. Settle the fuck down. Men are complex and interesting and there are better things in the world for us to base our personalities on. Faster things. Louder things. Things that are immortalized in bronze and steel. Men cost more than $3.65 plus tip.
Women are simple and boring. They only mature enough in their crappy lives to embrace a handful of simple and boring things. Things like dogs and babies and weddings. Weddings are so simple women can actually plan them with little help from men. That’s because you can’t fuck up a wedding. Weddings are already permafucked.
Women have the maturity level of circus freaks. If they’re not bored out of their skulls sitting at a nice restaurant with nothing interesting to say and no one to give a fuck about it, then they’re ecstatic with mania. Women only have two levels on their emotional thermostat: Dead and Crazy. That’s why they obsess about the simple trinkets in their lives — like coffee — with the tenacity of spoiled two year olds.
Also, women are full of shit.
Full of Shit
When a man is busy, he gives off the impression that he is busy. When a woman is an abject failure at life, she compiles a universe of quirks and preferences to give off the impression that she’s busy. An obsession with coffee is a perfect example of this.
Coffee is the first and easiest shortcut to martyrdom. After all, if a woman is so dangerously addicted to coffee, doesn’t that mean her daily struggles and Woman Workload require almost a man-sized supply of energy?
Any woman who is obsessed with coffee is trying to tell you something:
“Appreciate me for how hard I work at looking like I’m working hard.”
Man Zen.
Self-Obsession is easier than Self-Improvement.
Coffee is to women what boobs are to men. No matter what’s happening around us, we’re still partly thinking about boobs. The same goes for women and coffee. The difference is that a man-brain can be divided into many different tasks. Dividing a she-brain is like trying to fold a CD in half. If you try to, make sure you don’t wear protective goggles because that would be a loss of Man Points.
Asking a woman to embrace anything more complicated than “beans plus heat equals coffee” is like expecting a couch to fit in your buddy’s Civic. Asking a woman to obsess about nostalgia and sloth, however, is like not asking her anything at all and letting her continue about her daily business — which was obsessing about nostalgia and sloth.
Coffee is about putting fire in your brain so you can get off your ass and start pounding rivets. It’s not meant to be enjoyed.
“What’s a rivet?” says a woman.
Rivets are like men. They hold the world together.
Case Studies in the Self-Obsession and False Martyrdom of a Female Coffee Obsession:
Mommy Needs Coffee!
Busy Mom!
Coffee Mom!
*Listed in order of fatness
Leave it to a mother to think of a way to “need” a break from the permanent vacation of motherhood.
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March 11th, 2008 at 3:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aba00bf66121
Some of them are even contributing toward his marketing fees for a cheezy billboard ! LOL … and the crazier posters round here really believe they’re smarter than women !?
Don’t be embarrassed Michael, just be grateful you aren’t one of them ! Not a nice thought eh ?
The majority of women who are unfortunate enough to find this site aren’t going to judge all men by the standard that these pathetic creatures are setting.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 8138b486d1809
Bored, I think these guys need pity, there’s no point rubbishing them further, though I can see it’d be hard for you to be empathic or sympathetic towards them when they may have just been really fucking vulgar and abusive in what they’ve said to you.
So I wouldn’t advise you to continue posting here, if you are doing so because you actually give a shit and would like to help them change - which I imagine is why you are here - then it is a pointless waste of your time.
Your presence here serves as both a target and (erroneous) justification for their behaviour (in their own minds) which will just perpetuate their behaviour - and the only person that will benefit is the site owner, nobody else. He’s just profitting from their continual suffering, which is pretty fucking dastardly, if you ask me.
March 11th, 2008 at 5:15 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aba00bf66121
Michael, spot-on again ! You have a wonderful way with words.
However, I really wasn’t intending to put my feet up & get cosy.
I hope you’ll forward your thoughts onto all the other women that sadly find this website after my departure. It really is a pointless waste of time and I for one don’t intend to help line the pocket of the Big Dick Dastardly himself.
March 11th, 2008 at 5:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 8138b486d1809
Thanks Bored and good for you. I’m outta here right now also.
Best,
Mike
March 11th, 2008 at 6:20 am - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
Diaspora Jew science such as psychology always makes me reconsider my ways and fall to my knees in forgiveness.
Oh wait, it’s as much of a crock of shit as your right to vote, cunt.
March 11th, 2008 at 6:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 37a41536cd7fb
Kelly, please kindly fuck off the site. No women allowed.
March 11th, 2008 at 6:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 37a41536cd7fb
Same goes for you Michelle, you’re no man, either a woman or mangina. Either way, fuck off the site.
March 11th, 2008 at 8:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
That’s right Mike - hurry back to your suburban dream world where the latest Cosmo ‘research’ tells you all women have 1000 orgasms every day and you’re going to be a rock star, film star or millionaire…!
And you think THESE guys are dreamers! You think you are superior - in fact, you’re just a deluded, media saturated Anglo-American prick!
March 11th, 2008 at 9:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 558096a3a0001
You truly are a moron. You just made that you know nothing about women, or about anything and you will die a lonely old man.
March 11th, 2008 at 9:17 am - IP Man-Hash: 558096a3a0001
hmm…. let me think about it…
March 11th, 2008 at 9:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 67caec8fb3425
All men accept dying lonely or they become crazy and lonely by living with a bitch. Women do not end lonilness they only postpone it.
March 11th, 2008 at 9:55 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
@Kelly B-You should check out ladylessons.MABTW.com.
It is part of MABTW, but it is a lady who is writing the blogs. She goes by the name VictorianLady. She is very wise and very well respected around here. Sadly, she is unable to blog, but what little she had posted might shed some light to your eyes in where these fellas are coming from.
March 11th, 2008 at 10:15 am - IP Man-Hash: 0e5751c917461
Was he telling you that when you were giving him a blowjob or when you were giving him a blowjob?
Hahahahhaa, suuuuureeee.
March 11th, 2008 at 10:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 664f482126150
I read the December one… well skimmed, and I wanna vomit. It’s all GIVE GIVE GIVE. Men don’t realize how exhausting it is!! I cook my guy supper everynight after a long day at school I come home, clean, cook then do homework. THATS MY LIFE!!! I live with 2 males… guess who gets stuck cleaning the house on her afternoons off? Whos the one who remind her boyfriend to do everything plus have to remember her own shit too. Perhaps I WOULD LOVE to put on a Santa suit and do a strip-tease for my guy… but when will he ever be romantic back in return??? Guys expect a clean house, a hot meal, sex, and time to do what they want on their own without you… none of these things fulfill my needs.
March 11th, 2008 at 10:17 am - IP Man-Hash: 664f482126150
Friday afternoons off, haha I wish I had every afternoon off.*******
March 11th, 2008 at 10:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
Kelly B said-Guys expect a clean house, a hot meal, sex, and time to do what they want on their own without you… none of these things fulfill my needs.
What is it you expect in return? Wow, a hot meal, some good sex, a clean house and some time without you doesn’t seem like a whole lot to me…….try doing those things without bitching about them. You reap what you sow.
p.s. try reading more than just the December one…..
March 11th, 2008 at 10:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
Hmmmmm, according to her last post to me I don’t think she is 100% certain.
March 11th, 2008 at 12:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: fe4cb0cdd6f8b
Yea, a day at school is so exhausting. Seriously, your guy is out there breaking his back to bring home the bacon and all you do is complain about making his life a bit comfortable. Forget about cleaning the house, guys don’t really care that much for it and you are projecting your own needs on him. Typical.
It’s not like school is hard or requires alot of hard work. If it does you probably don’t have talent for it and should consider a different “career”.
March 11th, 2008 at 12:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
@Keb-
First and foremost in order for a relationship to work BOTH WAYS happily there needs to be input from both ends, and trust me there is more to a relationship than sex which is how I know my boyfriend cares about more than just sex. Someone who only wants sex would not stay faithful to the same person for over 5 years, they would just do whoever whenever.
@Risk-
I take it you never attended university. First and foremost I am taking additional courses which means I have more work than someone who goes fulltime. Also, once I get home I do cook for my guy, and then I go and do homework until bedtime, and yes that gets exhausting. My guy gets to come home and do what he wants every evening, so he has more free time than me. Yes he is on his feet all day which is why I dont mind cooking him food, etc, BUT what I mean by I have needs to is like I need affection when it doesnt involve sex, or perhaps Id like some time to relax and not have to worry about his tasks and mine (if I dont remind him he forgets-appointments, things that need to be done, bills that need to be paid, etc.) I’ll admit though, I have learned something from skimming through the article by victorianlady… I mean I’m not going to just slave over him and not be appreciated in return.. but I think I’ll try harder… ah nevermind I dont need to share my plans with you. Anywho… so how are your girlfriends doing these days?
March 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: fe4cb0cdd6f8b
I’m attending my last year at university right now. If you have to study until bedtime, you are doing something wrong.
What does your boy do? I’ve done some heavy manual labor in my days and that really wears you out. Studying you can recover fairly quick from.