It’s Just Coffee. Settle the Fuck Down.
I like my coffee like I like my women: cheap and brought to me by another woman. And just like women, coffee is nothing to get excited about.
Coffee is like a penis. It’s a tool a man uses to get the job done as quickly as possible. It’s not a reason to wake up in the morning and it’s not a philosophy.
In that case, coffee is exactly like a penis because that’s what both are to women: a reason to live.
Men are better than women at coffee. First of all, women make shitty coffee. The man-invented coffee maker does a perfect job of making perfect coffee. Then women go and fuck it up with two packs of sugar and a half pint of cream. Why not just drink caffeinated honey, you big fat fucks?
Also, women are simple and retarded.
Simple and Retarded
When men drink coffee, it doesn’t become the focal point of our personalities. It’s just coffee. Settle the fuck down. Men are complex and interesting and there are better things in the world for us to base our personalities on. Faster things. Louder things. Things that are immortalized in bronze and steel. Men cost more than $3.65 plus tip.
Women are simple and boring. They only mature enough in their crappy lives to embrace a handful of simple and boring things. Things like dogs and babies and weddings. Weddings are so simple women can actually plan them with little help from men. That’s because you can’t fuck up a wedding. Weddings are already permafucked.
Women have the maturity level of circus freaks. If they’re not bored out of their skulls sitting at a nice restaurant with nothing interesting to say and no one to give a fuck about it, then they’re ecstatic with mania. Women only have two levels on their emotional thermostat: Dead and Crazy. That’s why they obsess about the simple trinkets in their lives — like coffee — with the tenacity of spoiled two year olds.
Also, women are full of shit.
Full of Shit
When a man is busy, he gives off the impression that he is busy. When a woman is an abject failure at life, she compiles a universe of quirks and preferences to give off the impression that she’s busy. An obsession with coffee is a perfect example of this.
Coffee is the first and easiest shortcut to martyrdom. After all, if a woman is so dangerously addicted to coffee, doesn’t that mean her daily struggles and Woman Workload require almost a man-sized supply of energy?
Any woman who is obsessed with coffee is trying to tell you something:
“Appreciate me for how hard I work at looking like I’m working hard.”
Man Zen.
Self-Obsession is easier than Self-Improvement.
Coffee is to women what boobs are to men. No matter what’s happening around us, we’re still partly thinking about boobs. The same goes for women and coffee. The difference is that a man-brain can be divided into many different tasks. Dividing a she-brain is like trying to fold a CD in half. If you try to, make sure you don’t wear protective goggles because that would be a loss of Man Points.
Asking a woman to embrace anything more complicated than “beans plus heat equals coffee” is like expecting a couch to fit in your buddy’s Civic. Asking a woman to obsess about nostalgia and sloth, however, is like not asking her anything at all and letting her continue about her daily business — which was obsessing about nostalgia and sloth.
Coffee is about putting fire in your brain so you can get off your ass and start pounding rivets. It’s not meant to be enjoyed.
“What’s a rivet?” says a woman.
Rivets are like men. They hold the world together.
Case Studies in the Self-Obsession and False Martyrdom of a Female Coffee Obsession:
Mommy Needs Coffee!
Busy Mom!
Coffee Mom!
*Listed in order of fatness
Leave it to a mother to think of a way to “need” a break from the permanent vacation of motherhood.
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March 10th, 2008 at 3:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
Learn to write clearly, you mean… After all, you implied that if a male doesn’t like women, gay or not, he must be a bum on the fringes of society. Certainly, that marks out all gay men as fringe-dwelling bums. A strange assumption, as I am guessing their IQs and incomes are probably somewhat higher than the average in most Western nations. Let’s face it, there are very few deadbeat, lumpen-prole gay males. Consider their domination of the media, fashion, and so on.
March 10th, 2008 at 4:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a074b6031993
Perfectly said, at least for me, thanks. Check out Thomas Ellis’s book if you haven’t. Its funny and on target.
March 10th, 2008 at 4:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
A fine post. One thing I hate about women is the way they try to infiltrate male-exclusive institutions like military academies, the fire services or even the Freemasons; yet continue to exclude males from female-exclusive institutions of every kind. Their hypocrisy is sickening.
March 10th, 2008 at 4:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
@Stonemonkey-
Okay, see, I agree with every single thing you just said… no lie.
I’ll admit though, sometimes I say things like “men are simple” and I don’t mean it as an insult I just think sometimes men underanalyse and women overanalyse and it causes a lot of unnecessary fights… but thats a 2 way thing and I am envious that I cant be as laid back as a guy…
And you said we should “admit our weaknesses” like??? I will admit we are hormonally retarded and physically weak… but as human beings we are no less than men. I actually think women should not even be in the army as far as your comment goes. We are not biologically built for that at all. And I dont think women should get free rides either. I feel as though we do have to endure a lot more when it comes to child-birth, periods, hormones, etc… and guys should be more sensitive to such issues intead of running off when he finds out a woman is pregnant… Im pretty traditional though, if I had it my way (in todays society, financially, this is not an option) I would much rather stay home and raise kids and take care of things around the house. I adore the old fashioned roles of men and women.
March 10th, 2008 at 4:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
@Muzalon-
I agree with you too. Although there are a lot of things more men do now.. like nursing, etc.
March 10th, 2008 at 4:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
You know, you’re not such a bad sort. At least you stand and fight your corner, which I admire. Most women on here like Maria the Pariah are just weak pussies who blubber and run when the IQ demanded for serious debate soars much above 105. I admire courage in anyone, even a woman.
March 10th, 2008 at 4:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9d6081fe783db
I never said that you were less than men, simply that you should admit your weaknesses (just like men should), and not try to cover them up with law, political correctness or social movements.
March 10th, 2008 at 4:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
Well I suppose I understand where you guys are comming from now, and you understand where I am comming from too. I think you would discover that a lot of women arent like how you men describe them and not all women stand for everything that feminist movements go on about either. You should really just take the time to get to know people for who they are. And I am sorry if you have personally felt your lives feel oppressed due to women, but not all women are bad, hehe.
March 10th, 2008 at 5:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
What part of jump off a skyscraper can’t you understand?
March 10th, 2008 at 6:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6e7093b0efb6b
Wow, Commander scott was right.
March 10th, 2008 at 10:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4a18fe3d18f88
STILL can’t believe USA is only in third, and New English is fourth. I mean with the BBC and that bitch Oprah…
March 10th, 2008 at 10:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9342b2aa308e5
@Kelly…
You’ve entered this environment in the same way many women do. You misunderstand it’s purpose and the social realities that created it.
Like most of western culture, particularly women, you view the slightest insult to women too personally and with outrage. The result is always confrontational.
Maybe you’d be better served by recognising that there is a great deal of satire here aimed particularly at the extremes given us by half a century of shallow, simplistic, feminist agit prop.
Could I suggest you seek out Glenn Sacks’ website or Feminist Critics and view a more reasonable discourse in action.
Don’t desert MABTW however. If you view it in the right way it can actually be a lot of fun.
BTW many of your comments, particularly those starting with “you men”, are actually extremely sexist. Unfortunately feminist indoctrination has made sexism a one way thing. Feminism has caused us to lose sight of the fact that men are just as subject to sexist attitudes as are women. By forcing us to focus on only one side of the equation the chains that bind men have been tightened. And a very good case can be made that historically those chains were always far heavier for men.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:03 am - IP Man-Hash: f55041088bb61
A woman’s never said anything original in my presence… so I can’t see why you guys would even engage in a dialog with these bitches.
Women are just sex objects, a fleshy lump of thighs and pussy and wet lips, faces that look good covered in semen, soft smooth skin that doesn’t grow as much hair as the skin that we men have, your cock feels good in their mouths and asses and cunts, it feels good to dominate and occupy a woman’s most private holes with a rough blood filled boner in and out of her fucking smartass face, ass or cunt, so that is why we keep them around.
We want to fit in and be normal, so we tell them we love them and take them for a walk or to dinner, but we don’t want to watch their choice of tv show, nothing, their music sucks, women’s personalities don’t exist really.
We just need to fucking find a woman who keeps her idiot ideas out of your face and your head. Women need to shut the fuck up and beg for us to choose them as our lifelong blowjob givers…that about covers it.
I love looking down and seeing some moron slut’s head bobbing up and fucking down, with the very orifice that produces the speech that she uses to communicate with the world, to tell her mother she loves her, better yet her father, and that mouth is STUFFED to the limits with erection. I love it… there is nothing more relaxing than taking some slut down a peg.
God I hope you’ve had your Gardasil. Bitch.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:33 am - IP Man-Hash: 8138b486d1809
You know even as a man, I’ve never really understood other men’s inclination to get off on degrading women..or thinking that they are degrading them. Why would you think that just because the woman has a cock in her mouth, that she finds this degrading? If she did, she wouldn’t be doing it. You’re not getting one over her by having her blow you. You’re the one that perceives a dick in your mouth as degrading and you’re projecting that onto her. A lot of women like giving head. The one’s I know, anyway. Maybe I’ve just got a nice cock though.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:52 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aba00bf66121
Bill’s never had a blow-job, he’s getting all his material from the porn he’s addicted to & relies on to make him feel like a “real man”…….
it’s very sad really, poor guy .. well no …. I’m lying …. it’s fucking hilarious !
March 11th, 2008 at 3:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 8138b486d1809
Hmmm Bored you’ve brought up a good point - there is a market for porn which shows women being degraded, not that those girls are very good actors, but I digress - my point is that men do get off on thinking that they are forcing women to do something against their will. They are therefore getting off on feeling dominant and all powerful - like a “real man” as you succinctly state. This just proves that men who degrade women or who would like to, are only attracted to this kind of stuff because they have a neurotic insecurity that they themselves are weak. The only way they can feel better about themselves is to “dominate” somebody weaker. I don’t think all the man on this sight are like that, but plenty of them obviously are, and they cannot see just how obvious their neuroses are. It is, as you say, both sad and hilarious.
March 11th, 2008 at 3:36 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aba00bf66121
Nicely put Michael, and absolutely spot-on about the neurosis, it IS so obvious.
March 11th, 2008 at 3:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 8138b486d1809
neuroticmenarebetterthanwomen.com?
Yea. No.
Man the fuck up, would’ya fella’s, it’s getting embarrassing. Actually, it’s beyond that now. This site is a joke. But now it’s on you men.
March 11th, 2008 at 3:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 8138b486d1809
I pity the poor bastards that have already made a phone call to 1800 Dick.
March 11th, 2008 at 3:58 am - IP Man-Hash: a8deb0829f560
It’s men like you that make women say shit like “men think with their dicks.” You are disgusting. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that my boyfriend likes me for more things than just by “body parts.” Perhaps this is why you will never be happy with a woman and no woman will ever respect you, pig.