It’s Just Coffee. Settle the Fuck Down.
I like my coffee like I like my women: cheap and brought to me by another woman. And just like women, coffee is nothing to get excited about.
Coffee is like a penis. It’s a tool a man uses to get the job done as quickly as possible. It’s not a reason to wake up in the morning and it’s not a philosophy.
In that case, coffee is exactly like a penis because that’s what both are to women: a reason to live.
Men are better than women at coffee. First of all, women make shitty coffee. The man-invented coffee maker does a perfect job of making perfect coffee. Then women go and fuck it up with two packs of sugar and a half pint of cream. Why not just drink caffeinated honey, you big fat fucks?
Also, women are simple and retarded.
Simple and Retarded
When men drink coffee, it doesn’t become the focal point of our personalities. It’s just coffee. Settle the fuck down. Men are complex and interesting and there are better things in the world for us to base our personalities on. Faster things. Louder things. Things that are immortalized in bronze and steel. Men cost more than $3.65 plus tip.
Women are simple and boring. They only mature enough in their crappy lives to embrace a handful of simple and boring things. Things like dogs and babies and weddings. Weddings are so simple women can actually plan them with little help from men. That’s because you can’t fuck up a wedding. Weddings are already permafucked.
Women have the maturity level of circus freaks. If they’re not bored out of their skulls sitting at a nice restaurant with nothing interesting to say and no one to give a fuck about it, then they’re ecstatic with mania. Women only have two levels on their emotional thermostat: Dead and Crazy. That’s why they obsess about the simple trinkets in their lives — like coffee — with the tenacity of spoiled two year olds.
Also, women are full of shit.
Full of Shit
When a man is busy, he gives off the impression that he is busy. When a woman is an abject failure at life, she compiles a universe of quirks and preferences to give off the impression that she’s busy. An obsession with coffee is a perfect example of this.
Coffee is the first and easiest shortcut to martyrdom. After all, if a woman is so dangerously addicted to coffee, doesn’t that mean her daily struggles and Woman Workload require almost a man-sized supply of energy?
Any woman who is obsessed with coffee is trying to tell you something:
“Appreciate me for how hard I work at looking like I’m working hard.”
Man Zen.
Self-Obsession is easier than Self-Improvement.
Coffee is to women what boobs are to men. No matter what’s happening around us, we’re still partly thinking about boobs. The same goes for women and coffee. The difference is that a man-brain can be divided into many different tasks. Dividing a she-brain is like trying to fold a CD in half. If you try to, make sure you don’t wear protective goggles because that would be a loss of Man Points.
Asking a woman to embrace anything more complicated than “beans plus heat equals coffee” is like expecting a couch to fit in your buddy’s Civic. Asking a woman to obsess about nostalgia and sloth, however, is like not asking her anything at all and letting her continue about her daily business — which was obsessing about nostalgia and sloth.
Coffee is about putting fire in your brain so you can get off your ass and start pounding rivets. It’s not meant to be enjoyed.
“What’s a rivet?” says a woman.
Rivets are like men. They hold the world together.
Case Studies in the Self-Obsession and False Martyrdom of a Female Coffee Obsession:
Mommy Needs Coffee!
Busy Mom!
Coffee Mom!
*Listed in order of fatness
Leave it to a mother to think of a way to “need” a break from the permanent vacation of motherhood.
Related Articles:
March 10th, 2008 at 2:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: fb1de3c77ad9c
I would say nicotine is WAAAY more addictive than coffee. Then again, I don’t smoke. I’ve had maybe 4 or 5 cigs in my life, and I am more prone to drink something than inhale a cigarette.
Honestly, I’m more into energy drinks that are carbonated and have more caffeine than a cup of coffee. Plus, it doesn’t stain your teeth like coffee does.. though I’m sure the sugar in it doesn’t help. Sugar-free Red Bull ftw!
March 10th, 2008 at 2:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4173595bd3788
Right, you’re staying here for our benefit. That’s nice kiddo.
March 10th, 2008 at 2:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4173595bd3788
I’m hoping to just stick to water sooner or later. All the crap they put into food theses days. I mean, I was reading through the forum, and while I already knew about microwaves I never thought about the plastic wrapping. But would you happen to know if water explodes in a convection oven like it can in microwave? I know they work similar to a microwave but really don’t know about them.
March 10th, 2008 at 2:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4Xs8HWN6UyE
Points of interest:
March 10th, 2008 at 2:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
It’s funny because I try to picture what you morons are like (because in real life men LIKE women except for if they are gay… so in the real world you are either gay or you LIKE women) I picture you guys to be huge losers, who probably do not have a job and if you do have a job its a shit-job, I’m assuming you were either dumped or divorced or if you are in a relationship, it’s a shit-relationship. You probably do nothing but go on youtube all day, play video games, and scratch your ass. I’m assuming you barely shower too and you probably smell bad. You probably hate women because you are huge losers and most girls snicker at you as you walk by… I would not be shocked if you have long greasy sick-ass hair, are fat, and old, and no one wants you. That is how I picture you.. haha.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Please watch the instructional video before further posting. Thanks in advance.
Note:
File homoerotica under ’shit nobody cares about’ - since you’re so good at imagining us, just imagine us holding a placard that says “We do not want to talk about that.”
March 10th, 2008 at 3:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
I think most of us are just regular guys who have been polarized to varying degrees by a system with manifestations that are unfair to men; some have polarized moderately, others radically. For example, the manifestation that peevs me is that women want equal pay and rights (which I am completely for) but without equal responsibility (men still have to pay for the dinner, diamond rings) etc. I’m tired of women wanting equality but still wanting their girl perks. My guess is that they can’t think to lose the perks b/c its too honed in their psyche by evolution.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
We’ve already said that. We know that feminism has some positive aspects in theory, but then so does fascism and communism - that has already been stated by you in fact.
Please watch the instructional video before posting. Thanks in advance.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
Doubt: Your getting tedious. Grow the fuck up.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
Note the presence of ‘Anglo’ in ‘Anglo-American’, ass-hole… you are not writing in Chinese.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
To the contrary, women are essential… I always need new heads for my growing collection!
March 10th, 2008 at 3:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
I’ll watch the video just not yet. Then I’ll post again once I watch it. I actually respect what you guys just said, which would have been nice if someone said something like that in the first place without making me, personally, feel attacked. And I agree about the dinner and ring thing… to an extent. Like I buy my guy dinner and other things… I’m very traditional thought when it comes to the ring business BUT I don’t want anything fancy or expensive if that means anything at all. I also do not understand why you feel polarized. I feel as though men have it way easier than women. Like getting a job.. men naturally seem to have more skills… I HAVE to go to university because otherwise Id never find a decent paying job I enjoy. Also I feel as though as long as men have a great personality then they can pretty much get any girl. Girls on the other hand feel pressure to have to look ‘hot” enough. Women are physically weaker resulting in being more prone than men to violent spouse abuse, rape, mugging… in the summer (I use my school gym in the winter) I was planning on jogging before work at 6am, but I am deathly afraid to… not many people are out at 6am and its dark out… Im afraid something will happen… like those are just some examples. I am by no means huge feminist… like, I just see men and women being equal as people… we are different creatures though… I dont know. But anyway how do you feel polarized?
March 10th, 2008 at 3:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
Besides, cunt… what’s wrong with being gay, anyway? I thought you said you weren’t a bigot, somewhere back there.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a074b6031993
I feel polarized by feeling angry with women when I wish I did not. Everybody here probably feels a great deal of anger toward women, to the point of absolute hatred.
As one author (Thomas Ellis) said, to paraphrase: some guys get great luck with women and marry girls that are and remain wonderful wives, but its not many. Most guys just have girls that get what they want out of the relationship (security and children) and don’t give what the man needs (affirmation, lots of sex with a woman that takes reasonably good care of themselves and does not go psychotic).
To get a great view of the male perspective, I highly recommend Thomas Ellis’s book “The Rantings of a Single Male.” The book may me realize that I may be not most of the problem as my ex-girlfriend tried to make me believe.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
You moron,
I never said ANYTHING was WRONG with being gay. I said in the REAL WORLD you are either gay or you LIKE women… learn to read you dumbshit.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
Partly by evolution, also by culture - the well-described Anglo-Saxon ‘Little Princess’ Syndrome.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a074b6031993
Thats simply not true, Kelly. I can easily see how you can be a heterosexual and although you first like women, they mistreat you so that you hate them–but you will still be a heterosexual; thats nearly impossible to change. In parallel, I suspect there are plenty of hetereosexual women out there that hate men.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
I think men need more in a relationship then what you listed… based on something I am experiencing right now. But I think the frustration goes both ways…. sometimes I wish guys could open up more and talk about things because things get settled faster when they get talked about… things like that. It is definately a 2-way thing.. men cant just expect affirmation and sex from women and not give the woman what she needs emotionally. A relationship needs to be based on MANY things…. otherwise its not even really a relationship. And yeah, maybe I’ll read that book…. MAYBE… I hate reading haha.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9d6081fe783db
I will concur with no manhole. I don’t hate women at all. As I have said before , what I hate is the bullshit that certain women surround themselves with.
Derogatory (yet somewhat truthful) statements about men are willingly accepted by society at large (eg. men think with their dick, men are poor communicators etc.), however, when as a man I say derogatory, yet just as truthful statements about women, (poor spacial skills, lack of logic etc) I am labeled as a sexist pig.
If women want to be equal, then take equal responsibility. If you get pregnant, guess what, its just as much YOUR fault as it is mine. If you get fired, its not sexism, maybe you were just imcompetent.
A great documentary to watch is “The Human Sexes” on google video.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6539484611803108670&q=human+s exes&total=2558&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=2
Another thing that irritates me is that modern feminism is destroying feminism itself. As George Carlin said in one of his comedy routines. ” Men do lots of stupid things………but the best that Feminists can do is act like men.”
There is nothing wrong with being feminine (which doesnt mean that you cant play sport, or be an engineer etc.) the thing that shits me the most is when you pretend that you are not female, and you will not admit your weaknesses as a female, but create elaborate excuses to cover up your behavior. In the modern world where you want to be my equal….that shit doesnt fly.
You have a choice as far as I am concerned.
1. Admit your frailties and stop trying to break into areas that are male dominated for a reason. (Just like certain areas are female dominated….but nobody questions that do they).
2. BE MY EQUAL, which means accepting all that comes with equality. People will judge you, put you down, and you will have to meet certain requirements to take part. If you fail to meet the requirements, it means that you as an INDIVIDUAL are lacking, and you shouldnt pull the sexist card.
A great example is the army. I have nothing against a women being in the forces. But if you choose to do it, then you will damn well be a soldier. Which means no preferential treatment because you have a vagina. Cut your goddamn hair short (like shaved head short…..the enemy cant pull it in a fight and helmets fit better), be able to lift a certain load (if you cant carry your equipment and weapons….you are a hazard to the platoon), and you no longer have “monthly problems” or “female problems” because you are a soldier. ( No I am not in the army, but from other soldiers I know these things to be a problem).
The time of men nodding and smiling at your attempts to become better and more powerful citizens is at an end. Men have been emasculated for too long by women, and women have started to become too masculine. The time of women getting a free ride because of their gender is over. Women have made the game of equality a serious battle, so men, are starting to battle seriously. Men dont get it easy (despite the truth about a patriachal society), so why should women?
I may not agree that men are better than women; but I do agree that we are different, and that there is nothing wrong with those differences, and if you want to be my equal, then you will have to work for it. I have had to work for it, I have to continue to work for it, so why should you get a free ride as a woman?
March 10th, 2008 at 3:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
PS:
I dont think you should let one bad relationship turn you against women altogether. Women are diverse and you’ll find one that suits who you are.