It’s Just Coffee. Settle the Fuck Down.
I like my coffee like I like my women: cheap and brought to me by another woman. And just like women, coffee is nothing to get excited about.
Coffee is like a penis. It’s a tool a man uses to get the job done as quickly as possible. It’s not a reason to wake up in the morning and it’s not a philosophy.
In that case, coffee is exactly like a penis because that’s what both are to women: a reason to live.
Men are better than women at coffee. First of all, women make shitty coffee. The man-invented coffee maker does a perfect job of making perfect coffee. Then women go and fuck it up with two packs of sugar and a half pint of cream. Why not just drink caffeinated honey, you big fat fucks?
Also, women are simple and retarded.
Simple and Retarded
When men drink coffee, it doesn’t become the focal point of our personalities. It’s just coffee. Settle the fuck down. Men are complex and interesting and there are better things in the world for us to base our personalities on. Faster things. Louder things. Things that are immortalized in bronze and steel. Men cost more than $3.65 plus tip.
Women are simple and boring. They only mature enough in their crappy lives to embrace a handful of simple and boring things. Things like dogs and babies and weddings. Weddings are so simple women can actually plan them with little help from men. That’s because you can’t fuck up a wedding. Weddings are already permafucked.
Women have the maturity level of circus freaks. If they’re not bored out of their skulls sitting at a nice restaurant with nothing interesting to say and no one to give a fuck about it, then they’re ecstatic with mania. Women only have two levels on their emotional thermostat: Dead and Crazy. That’s why they obsess about the simple trinkets in their lives — like coffee — with the tenacity of spoiled two year olds.
Also, women are full of shit.
Full of Shit
When a man is busy, he gives off the impression that he is busy. When a woman is an abject failure at life, she compiles a universe of quirks and preferences to give off the impression that she’s busy. An obsession with coffee is a perfect example of this.
Coffee is the first and easiest shortcut to martyrdom. After all, if a woman is so dangerously addicted to coffee, doesn’t that mean her daily struggles and Woman Workload require almost a man-sized supply of energy?
Any woman who is obsessed with coffee is trying to tell you something:
“Appreciate me for how hard I work at looking like I’m working hard.”
Man Zen.
Self-Obsession is easier than Self-Improvement.
Coffee is to women what boobs are to men. No matter what’s happening around us, we’re still partly thinking about boobs. The same goes for women and coffee. The difference is that a man-brain can be divided into many different tasks. Dividing a she-brain is like trying to fold a CD in half. If you try to, make sure you don’t wear protective goggles because that would be a loss of Man Points.
Asking a woman to embrace anything more complicated than “beans plus heat equals coffee” is like expecting a couch to fit in your buddy’s Civic. Asking a woman to obsess about nostalgia and sloth, however, is like not asking her anything at all and letting her continue about her daily business — which was obsessing about nostalgia and sloth.
Coffee is about putting fire in your brain so you can get off your ass and start pounding rivets. It’s not meant to be enjoyed.
“What’s a rivet?” says a woman.
Rivets are like men. They hold the world together.
Case Studies in the Self-Obsession and False Martyrdom of a Female Coffee Obsession:
Mommy Needs Coffee!
Busy Mom!
Coffee Mom!
*Listed in order of fatness
Leave it to a mother to think of a way to “need” a break from the permanent vacation of motherhood.
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March 10th, 2008 at 6:43 am - IP Man-Hash: 9342b2aa308e5
Had your fat bum handed to you on a platter eh?
Face it Kelly. You’ve proven your own sexism on several occasions. You’ve devoted several thousand words - “huge long things” indeed - to saying absolutely NOTHING of substance. Now it’s pointed out to you you run off and hide. How very womanly of you.
Your last post is that of somebody making a very cowardly and undignified exit. If you were a man you’d understand this Kelly.
I guess with you being a woman and all we should really excuse you.
March 10th, 2008 at 6:49 am - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
John I’m not a Muslim but you don’t have to be a traitor to admire traits of your enemy, all you need is a skull that functions.
It is not the natural path of all success to breed destruction of self - all we need is a little conflict. The Arabs obviously aren’t sufficient unless Bin Laden has been cooking up something special in his time laying low.
March 10th, 2008 at 7:00 am - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
Kelly you spout lies and hubris like only an arrogant cunt can.
You can’t even admit wrong doings of your own sisters.. you can only lay blame on men in all circumstances.
That is why you will not die of old age.
March 10th, 2008 at 7:59 am - IP Man-Hash: 4173595bd3788
I thought the kid left last time? I guess no one believed her crap in real life so she had to come back here for attention. You think parents would keep track of their kids better.
March 10th, 2008 at 8:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
For a minute there I thought I was reading a proposition from Leibnitz…
The lower grades of women are not even fit for killing.
March 10th, 2008 at 9:02 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
Wake up and smell the…….coffee……LOON!!!
March 10th, 2008 at 10:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 43c2d55198f31
No matter what I say you will call me racist, sexist, cunt, whore, etc… so whatever. I don’t even feel angry anymore. I’m not sure what exactly I have said that makes me a racist, whore, cunt, sexist, a loon, but I’m pretty sure I’m not any of those things. I’m not racist or sexist because first and foremost I do not judge people based on their appearance. I never even realized by roommate was half black until my boyfriend pointed it out. I never realized one of my friends was native until she pointed it out. Even as a child skin colour was not something I noticed, and even now race means nothing to me. I am definately not sexist either… I don’t judge people based on their sex or gender, I have male friends, female friends, gay friends, lesbian friends… whatever, who cares. I look at people for WHO they are on the inside. I try to find good qualities even in the meanest people. I am studying to be a Social Worker, why? Not for the money that’s for sure, not because it is the only thing I can do (seeing how I was planning on being a Psychologist) but because I want to help people in society, and if I want to help people does it make sense for me to be sexist and racist, especially living in the Maritimes where it is extremly diverse, no.
Now, as far as a “whore” goes… or whatever, I have been faithful to the same man for over 5 years… so not sure how that makes me a whore. And stop calling me “kiddo” I am 20, what is your point? Have you been living on your own since you were 16? Did you grow up next door to protitutes, drug dealers, thugs, etc? People tell me all the time I am extremely strong, many people are shocked I wound up graduating with high honours, and am now in university. I have never touched a drug, stolen, and I barely drink alcohol.. despite everything.
My theory is you have probably has bad experiences with women in the past.. and that is why you are so bitter. I have had bad experiences with men too though… wont go into details here… but I know many caring men too. And yes, girls are hormonally retarded… yes we are moody and what not but is that ground to want to take away our rights and degrade us? Can you honestly say all u men on here do not have one single healthy relationship with a woman??? seems hypocritical to me.
Anyways… I am tired of fighting. You don’t know me at all, all you know is that I am a female therefore I am trash. Makes no difference to me, I have people who love me, and I like my life… and a lot of things in my life would have been EASIER if I was born a man.. I worked extremely hard for everthing I have. So, I’m done fighting. If my point still hasn’t gotten across then it never will.
March 10th, 2008 at 10:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 4173595bd3788
Poor you, kiddo. Stop complaining.
March 10th, 2008 at 10:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 43c2d55198f31
Poor me??? I’m not looking for pity, hence the reason I said I LIKE my life… I’m just pointing out the fact that I’m not just some spoiled “kiddo” you seem to think I am. Does it ever get exhausting harvesting so much hate in your heart?
March 10th, 2008 at 11:10 am - IP Man-Hash: 4173595bd3788
Actually it gets tiring watching kids like you lie for attention. Really, making up long stories for attention must get tiring for a kid. You should focus more on living than telling stories.
March 10th, 2008 at 11:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 4173595bd3788
But meh, lie as much as you want, kid. Just do it somewhere else we have better things to do then read grade school dribble. Goodbye kiddo, hope your life gets to a point where you don’t have fake a personality over the internet.
Anywho, someone mentioned something about coffee and health before the kid got us off track, anyone feel like explaining?
March 10th, 2008 at 11:26 am - IP Man-Hash: fb1de3c77ad9c
I recently read something about drinking 3 cups or so of coffee a day helps cut back risks of diabetes? I could be wrong but I think it was that. They are finding ways how coffee really does more help than harm for the body. Of course, this is without all the cream and sugar in it too.
March 10th, 2008 at 11:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 4173595bd3788
I figured as much. About caffeine though, I know it’s addictive and all, but is there like a scale to how addictive it is? Or a comparison to other addictive products like say, nicotine?
March 10th, 2008 at 11:36 am - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
Anglo-American women are indeed spoiled… they are set on pedestals they do not deserve. This is why a blind eye is turned to their racism, sexism, fascism, anti-Semitism, hypocrisy, idleness, avarice, cruelty, intolerance and other countless faults.
You are undoubtedly the most evil cunt that has ever posted on here.
March 10th, 2008 at 12:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4173595bd3788
Just ignore the kid, the coffee is much more important then her.
March 10th, 2008 at 12:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
I’ll admit I’m guilty of the whole coffee thing. I feel that I’m addicted to it. Not so much to loose my head over it or feel I need coffee to be a busy mom. I drink it in the morning to give myself a good kick in the butt to get the house work done. Then once the house is all good and clean, sometimes I reword myself with a couple cups of coffee.
March 10th, 2008 at 1:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
Evil??? What are you talking about. I’m also CANADIAN! NOT AMERICAN! HUGE DIFFERENCE!!!! Anywho, glad to see you’re still a moron.
March 10th, 2008 at 1:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
Oh, and I never once lied about anything… if I was going to make something up I’d make something up better than that.
March 10th, 2008 at 1:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4173595bd3788
Weren’t you leaving?
March 10th, 2008 at 2:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
Well I was trying to be mature about it, but looks like you never did learn how to grow up.