Cutting

I met a woman last night who told me about a phenomenon known as “cutting”.

If you thought bulimia was pointless and stupid, you better come up with some more derogatory words for this one.

“Pointlesser” and “stupider” are not words.

Each year, women do immeasurable damage to their credit to soothe their aching self-esteems. Apparently, they also slice themselves up. Gross.

“Cutting” is defined as self-inflicted scratches or cuts — enough to break the skin, done to assuage intense psychological distress or cope with upsetting and overwhelming emotions.

Manslation: Wah!

“Wah” is the sound a baby makes when it’s crying.

“Cutting” is no different than anything else women do when they’re emotionally overwhelmed or distressed. I once saw a woman kick the side of her car because she couldn’t figure out how to open the trunk. Is that called “toe stubbing”? Are there any signs I need to watch out for, like a refusal to wear fucking sandals?

Another time, I heard a woman complaining about men while she was eating. Here’s a tip, honey. Put down the fork and men will be nicer to you. No one pays to look at graffiti, but I’ve seen The David six times and it still drops my jaw.

When men are “emotionally overwhelmedâ€? we do one of two things: pull an all-nighter, or punch someone in the fucking mouth — or drink like ten beers. Who cares which because all of them solve the problem. Give me one problem that can’t be solved in any of those ways. I will punch myself in the mouth if you can. Problem solved.

Speaking of solving problems, this is how to solve “cuttingâ€?: don’t pay any attention to it. I researched this “cuttingâ€? phenomenon this morning and found a bunch of websites that look like someone drew them with neon fucking crayons. That can only mean one thing: they’re targeted to teenage girls.

Teenage girls do anything and everything because they think it’s cool. That’s why they act so stupid all the time; because they think it’s cool. No human being — not even a woman, could be as dumb as a teenage girl acts. If you show them a Stop sign, they’ll ask what it tastes like. If you give them a plastic plate of spaghetti, they’ll throw it all over the floor. Give them a problem, and they’ll cut an ‘F’ in their arm for ‘Failure’.

Men are better than women.

In all seriousness, “cuttingâ€? is on the rise among teens. If you know anyone who suffers from “cuttingâ€?, then don’t pay any fucking attention to it exactly like I said.

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