Watch Out Pedestrians! It’s Danica Patrick!
“Hi. Um, you know, it’s really, really unfortunate what happened today. Thoughts and prayers are with him, with his family and hopefully he can get back on the track soon and be able to do what he loves. Thank you.” - Danica Patrick
What the man in question “loves” is not getting hit by race cars — specially race cars driven by professional cocktease and race car driver Danica Patrick.
Last week, Danica Patrick proved once and for all that women do belong in professional car racing. They belong in the winner’s circle in a bikini, blasting cheap champagne all over celebrating men with awesome mustaches.
Women do not belong in the drivers seat. Women never belong in the driver’s seat.
Last week, Danica Patrick hit a pit crew member at Indianapolis Motor Speedway with her race car. She was going like a million miles an hour and also messed up his face with her back wheel. If the pit crew member in question had been a woman, he would probably be dead — or at least suing over a fucked up face.
“You don’t like to see that kind of thing, but, you know, it’s not Danica’s fault, it’s not anybody’s fault,” said Marco Andretti, Danica Patrick’s teammate and apparent co-conspirator in the murder of my good friend Personal Responsibility.
We’ve all said something stupid to cover for a woman’s mistakes. Well maybe not all of us. Not me for example, but either way, that’s why MenAreBetterThanWomen.com exists. On this website, we don’t have to praise women for their fuck ups. We can call a spade a spade and we can call a woman a vagina life-support system.
“Wrong place, wrong time,” said Mitch Davis, Dale Coyne Racing’s chief mechanic.
“Wrong place, wrong time, wrong gender,” said Dick Masterson.
Is it a coincidence that the only car going AWOL through the human herd of a crowded IndyCar pit was driven by a woman? Is it a coincidence that women get in more accidents per mile driven than men? Is it a coincidence that women look at how expensive your shoes are before deciding if they’re going to fuck you?
No. Women are whores.
“In this case, there isn’t anything differently that Danica could have done.” said Brian Barnhart, president of the IndyCar Series.
Yes there is. She could have gotten knocked up by a millionaire at 17 and never driven again. Chuck Buckman sure would be a lot happier today and his head would be a lot less lumpy.
But what if these guys are right? What if crashing a car into a person really wasn’t Danica Patrick’s fault? Even though it’s everyone’s fault in the real world even if they’re drunk.
I think I’ve figured out what these men are saying. Obviously, the powers that be removed the brake pedal from Danica’s car years ago and replaced it with a second gas pedal. We all know women drive slow as hell. The only reason Danica Patrick places in these races at all must be because instead of brakes, she has an extra gas pedal. The harder she wants to stop, the faster she goes.
If all that insane nonsense was true, then yes, it there was nothing Danica could have done differently.
“It’s no one’s fault” didn’t fly for Bill Buckner or Joey Buttafuco, and it will never fly on MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
When “better” becomes a dirty word, “fault” is next in line. Fault defines “betterness”. In order to undermine basic valuations of “betterness”, fault must be discounted.
Men are better than women. Electricity, medicine, and penicillin is our fault. It’s Danica Patrick’s fault her car ran into a fleeing person. Cars are better than people at moving around, Danica. Or did you not learn that at the age of 16 when your parents pulled you out of school and shoehorned you into the European racing leagues because they realized the potential cash cow of a woman race car driver who wasn’t afraid to sell out between the ages of 23 and 27.
Danica Patrick cheats. She’s 100 pounds lighter than all the other drivers and that makes her car 100 pounds faster. The loss of muscle mass does not cancel out the weight advantage. These people are driving high performance machines, not Flintstone mobiles.
She also hits people and then does her impression of that retarded Miss Teen USA contestant.
While we’re congratulating Danica Patrick on being the first woman to win an IndyCar race, let’s also congratulate her on being the first woman to brutalize a pit crew member with a thousand pounds of steel and fiber glass. If Bill Buckner can’t get away with blowing the World Series, why does Danica Patrick get away with committing the worst female driving disaster in history?
It’s because she’s a woman. As long as women can cry and look good in a bikini, they’ll never have to deal with my friend Personal Responsibility. And that’s a good thing, as he is a very crude man.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/racing/05/09/danica.strikes.crew man/
http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080509/SPORTS0107 /80509042/1052/SPORTS01
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Feminism always burdens men for woman’s hopelessness.
By the insurance industry’s own statistics (an organization run primarily by men) women are deemed to be better drivers. This is evidenced in part by the fact that women as a group have lower rates than men. As well if you were to add up the number of times that men have wrecked their race cars (formula one , NASCAR, etc ) the number would be staggering. One women hits one men who was not paying attention and standing in the lane, and you have the audacity to claim that its the woman’s fault? Could it be perhaps that he was the idiot who was standing where he shouldn’t be?
Of course there was some lame excuse for this stupidity, a woman was involved. If this were a male driver, he would be called an idiot, moron and marked as a danger to all- rightly so. This is exactly why a male is not going to do such a thing: he knows the consequences.
No, it’s always the driver’s fault for hitting a pedestrian. Were she at her station, a near-death experience would rather be a burnt salad and a day in the naughty box.
Women are commies.
Anyone blaming Danica for hitting the crew member is a moron that doesn’t know a damn thing about racing and what goes on in the pits. It is the responsibility of a crew member to stay clear of of all cars pulling into the pits.
The accident didn’t even occur during a race but during practice when there are a lot more people in and around the pits. The rules are not so tight at those times but still anyone along the pit lane has the responsibility to stay out of harms way.
If you don’t want to believe it then read what Mario Andretti said about the incident. You’re a fucking moron Dick M. Probably gay as well.
“Her teammate, Marco Andretti, commented on how congested pit area was during Friday’s practice session after he was second quickest during Friday’s session at 226.710 miles per hour. Scott Dixon was the fastest at 225.968 mph.
Andretti had a clear view of what happened.
“It’s a dangerous situation; a crowded pit lane, a lot going on,” Andretti said. “You don’t like to see that kind of thing but it’s not Danica’s fault. Stuff happens. Racing is dangerous. We’re very concerned and hopefully it will turn out good.”
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/racing/05/09/danica.strikes.crew man/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
I can’t see the video myself so I hope you’re fucking kidding me. I’m thinking about the whole thing and that doesn’t seem possible.
Dude’s reaction time was pretty slow. The crew member should know better than anyone that if you see a driver coming at you like that you jump you’re happy ass out the way.
Danica thought she was driving her mini van with the “soccer mom” bumper sticker
“It’s not her fault.”
Yes it fucking was. I’m sick of this cuntry giving women pussy passes every time they fuck up or shoot their husbands in the back while sleeping.
She gets away with it ’cause her “fuck-me” meter’s up in the sky. I bet the pit crew member who got hit is still waiting for his compensated deserved blowjob. Someone has to turn those engines on. Vroom!
On a side note, Danica had to suck a lot of dick to actually BE in IndyCar Racing. I mean, it’s the only possible explanation…
dude you are a fucking right, made me think about a lot of things.
Holy shit… who pulls into a pit like that? dude got fucked up! she didnt even swerve out of the way either she just plowed his ass over.
“Wrong place, wrong time,” said Mitch Davis, Dale Coyne Racing’s chief mechanic.
“Wrong place, wrong time, wrong gender,” said Dick Masterson.
hahaha, love it
Sorry, I had to repeat this:
“Women do not belong in the drivers seat. Women never belong in the driver’s seat.”
DIck, you’re fucking awesome. This article kicks ass!!
I’ve heard that jarbrain is a manhole pretending to be a military man. Is this true?
I’d recommend a link to your article on the world’s greatest jet pilot. Other than that, I have nothing to criticize other than the wait. Great read per usual, inspiring and original.
Oddly (indeed) my kid sister was on a pit crew for several years, and I’m happy to report no male drivers ever tried to mow her down.
I’d say it’s poor reaction time-what’s with that guy’s shuffle? I’m sorry, he looks like he’s bound and determined to be struck by something before the sun goes down that day. (how’s ’bout an impact wrench?) Probably would hurt less. Remember, for women, ‘defensive driving’ is mistaken for a psychiatric term.
It probably would have helped the situation if she hadn’t been a woman, and therefore unfit to be sitting behind the wheel of -any- car– especially one that goes a million miles per hour.
I won’t pretend to know how the sport of racing works, but I hope she lost some points or some shit for this.