Watch Out Pedestrians! It’s Danica Patrick!
“Hi. Um, you know, it’s really, really unfortunate what happened today. Thoughts and prayers are with him, with his family and hopefully he can get back on the track soon and be able to do what he loves. Thank you.” - Danica Patrick
What the man in question “loves” is not getting hit by race cars — specially race cars driven by professional cocktease and race car driver Danica Patrick.
Last week, Danica Patrick proved once and for all that women do belong in professional car racing. They belong in the winner’s circle in a bikini, blasting cheap champagne all over celebrating men with awesome mustaches.
Women do not belong in the drivers seat. Women never belong in the driver’s seat.
Last week, Danica Patrick hit a pit crew member at Indianapolis Motor Speedway with her race car. She was going like a million miles an hour and also messed up his face with her back wheel. If the pit crew member in question had been a woman, he would probably be dead — or at least suing over a fucked up face.
“You don’t like to see that kind of thing, but, you know, it’s not Danica’s fault, it’s not anybody’s fault,” said Marco Andretti, Danica Patrick’s teammate and apparent co-conspirator in the murder of my good friend Personal Responsibility.
We’ve all said something stupid to cover for a woman’s mistakes. Well maybe not all of us. Not me for example, but either way, that’s why MenAreBetterThanWomen.com exists. On this website, we don’t have to praise women for their fuck ups. We can call a spade a spade and we can call a woman a vagina life-support system.
“Wrong place, wrong time,” said Mitch Davis, Dale Coyne Racing’s chief mechanic.
“Wrong place, wrong time, wrong gender,” said Dick Masterson.
Is it a coincidence that the only car going AWOL through the human herd of a crowded IndyCar pit was driven by a woman? Is it a coincidence that women get in more accidents per mile driven than men? Is it a coincidence that women look at how expensive your shoes are before deciding if they’re going to fuck you?
No. Women are whores.
“In this case, there isn’t anything differently that Danica could have done.” said Brian Barnhart, president of the IndyCar Series.
Yes there is. She could have gotten knocked up by a millionaire at 17 and never driven again. Chuck Buckman sure would be a lot happier today and his head would be a lot less lumpy.
But what if these guys are right? What if crashing a car into a person really wasn’t Danica Patrick’s fault? Even though it’s everyone’s fault in the real world even if they’re drunk.
I think I’ve figured out what these men are saying. Obviously, the powers that be removed the brake pedal from Danica’s car years ago and replaced it with a second gas pedal. We all know women drive slow as hell. The only reason Danica Patrick places in these races at all must be because instead of brakes, she has an extra gas pedal. The harder she wants to stop, the faster she goes.
If all that insane nonsense was true, then yes, it there was nothing Danica could have done differently.
“It’s no one’s fault” didn’t fly for Bill Buckner or Joey Buttafuco, and it will never fly on MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
When “better” becomes a dirty word, “fault” is next in line. Fault defines “betterness”. In order to undermine basic valuations of “betterness”, fault must be discounted.
Men are better than women. Electricity, medicine, and penicillin is our fault. It’s Danica Patrick’s fault her car ran into a fleeing person. Cars are better than people at moving around, Danica. Or did you not learn that at the age of 16 when your parents pulled you out of school and shoehorned you into the European racing leagues because they realized the potential cash cow of a woman race car driver who wasn’t afraid to sell out between the ages of 23 and 27.
Danica Patrick cheats. She’s 100 pounds lighter than all the other drivers and that makes her car 100 pounds faster. The loss of muscle mass does not cancel out the weight advantage. These people are driving high performance machines, not Flintstone mobiles.
She also hits people and then does her impression of that retarded Miss Teen USA contestant.
While we’re congratulating Danica Patrick on being the first woman to win an IndyCar race, let’s also congratulate her on being the first woman to brutalize a pit crew member with a thousand pounds of steel and fiber glass. If Bill Buckner can’t get away with blowing the World Series, why does Danica Patrick get away with committing the worst female driving disaster in history?
It’s because she’s a woman. As long as women can cry and look good in a bikini, they’ll never have to deal with my friend Personal Responsibility. And that’s a good thing, as he is a very crude man.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/racing/05/09/danica.strikes.crew man/
http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080509/SPORTS0107 /80509042/1052/SPORTS01
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My thoughts exactly. That story stinks to high heaven. I’ve been driving a car for 24 years never been hit and have never hit anything, unless I wanted to.
You’re full of shit. If people are smashing into you right and left, you’re doing something fucked-up. My sister-in-law claimed the same thing to her parents and she turned out to be full of shit.
Guess what I have been in 4 car accidents in the last 7 years…how many were a man’s fault…um all of them
1. I was backing up and a MAN tried to drive a full size truck around a compact car and destroyed the back end of the vehicle
2. I was parked and a MAN hit my car and drove off
3. I has at a stop sign and gues what a MAN didn’t noticed I was stopped and drove into the back end of my car.
4. A MAN driving a dump truck crossed the center line and hit my car
hmmm all of these accidents were caused by MEN!
On a seperate incident a drunk driver (A MAN) tried to do circus acts with his car and flipped his vehicle on its top into my in-laws driveway and almost totaled another vehicle that was parked.
“Unfortunately, if you’re a young male, this can mean bad news for your wallet. Generally, males between the ages of 16-25 pay more for auto insurance than females the same age. Here are some gender behaviors auto insurance actuaries predict will occur behind the wheel:
Males typically drive more than females. The more miles you drive, the higher your chances are for accidents and auto insurance claims.
Young males take more risks behind the wheel. (Insurance companies charge inexperienced drivers— both male and female— higher auto insurance rates since they’re more likely to file an auto insurance claim or get a speeding ticket sometime during their young driving careers.)
Young adult males push their limits behind the wheel. As a result, they’re more likely to drive when tired and fall asleep behind the wheel.” From Esurance.com
SUck on it dumbass
I have to agree somewhat. I know two great women who drive with sense…and I was in a car adciddent with one when another woman crashed into us.
Backwards.
In a Jeep.
PAST A RED LIGHT.
She literally crossed the light, thought she wasn’t across, and drove backwards into us a few inches from the driver’s seat. I tell you if we weren’t in a SUV instead of a regular car the sane woman driver would have been fucked. So when I remember that and see ms Patrick….yeah not much of a streach at all.
Oh man, I love your articles Dick. Freaking hilarious, and mostly true at the same time.
Since i’m on your website i’ll give you credit and say it’s all true. But still, I can’t help but laugh so hard. Keep it coming man, you’re doing a great job for the human race.
It seems to be one extreme or the other with women drivers- they either drive like complete maniacs, in a rush to go nowhere, with complete disregard for traffic laws, OR they’re going 30mph in a 50 zone, driving purposelessly in the way of those who ACTUALLY have places to go (Not to mention all those times they try and enter the one way streets going the wrong way).
By the statistics that I’ve compiled on my daily commute, I’ve concluded that women are dumber than shit.
>>but then if women had been running the world instead of us, there wouldn’t be a world for them to run.
Amen, brother. Look out your window, which was probably installed by a man, in your dwelling which was also probably built by a man. Everything you see out there was either invented by a man, or actually made by a man. Streets; sewers under the streets; cars; sidewalks; houses; electrical wires; stores; the airplanes flying overhead; if you take away everything that was invented or made by a man, you have some loose debris and cheap trinkets lying in the mud. And, there won’t be much food to eat.
For forty years vicious man-haters have deliberately ignored everything good men do, to concentrate on the bad things a few men do. Brothers; don’t let them do it to you any more. If you are doing something bad, stop it. Chances are, you aren’t. So, take pride in the good things men do.
For forty years, we have heard how much better than men women are. Not only aren’t men in the Anglosphere not as bad as the women say; collectively women in the Anglosphere don’t even deserve their men. If you don’t believe me, come to the Third World and ask the women here, heh, heh.
I am not a woman-hater. At least not exactly. However, most women in the Anglosphere today are rather hateful. And, if a woman is hateful and I choose to hate her, that does not make me a woman hater as such. That is an example of an intelligent response to stimuli.
Here in the Third World, of an estimated 40 women who live near me, IMO 3 of them are sane and rational. That is an unbelievably high ratio. And, the other 37 almost all cook; clean; scrub; care for the children; and give their husbands sex once in a while.
Nearly 100 years ago, a woman drove a car across the US, and all the dearies made a big deal about her achievement. So what if the car was designed and made by men, and her support crew was all male. She was empowered!! What a heroine!!
Only a vagina does.
Back when she was busy running people off the public roads, her driving instructor taught her not to “over-correct.”
You forgot to rank her ass (arse if your English).
She doesn’t impress me. Danica’s got an average face, no rack at all, decent legs and too thick around the middle (see S.I. swimsuit 2008 model pictorial). I give her a 5.5 out of ten but age will drop her rating fast. Who cares about her driving skills? Now if she could cook I might be impressed.”Iron my shirt bitch”.
I wouldn’t let her drive me anywhere (avoiding at all cost women driving while you are in the car is one of the older Hammer posts). I’m not sayin I would bitch slap her with my penis if she tried to get the car keys but I would sure as hell opt out of that ride.
Exactly
The roads would be a safer place for us all if Congress finally did something good for the country by banning women from ever driving an automobile. Ahh, perfect utopia…
Hey Dick, love the site! She is not driving a Formula 1 car that is a very, very different beast, she or any other woman for that matter could not handle a F1 car in their wildest dreams!!
I dont really know much about Nascar but when he says in the above news report ‘the biggest name in the sport’, I assume he means in the same way that Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Floyd Mayweather, Mika Hakkinen etc are in their respective sports?
Is she ranked at the top in her sport?
Women are boring, you don’t have to tell us that. We undertake more, take more risks. If women were running the world it would be a safer place, for sure, but then if women had been running the world instead of us, there wouldn’t be a world for them to run. We’d all still be sitting in a tree in Africa. And they’d all be saying: I’m not going down that tree, it’s dangerous, there’s lions out there. Gotta think about my insurance rate.
I’m not linking you, Matt, I’m linking the whole wide world in a magnanimous gesture of sharing manformation :-)
“Besides being a role model, drivers have to have the ability to drive competitively. Although highly touted in her Rookie season, Patrick’s best finish was fourth in the Indy 500, where I’ll admit she did become the first woman to lead the Indy 500 in its almost 100 year history.
And yet that doesn’t make her a good driver. Why, you might ask. The IRL series is much different than NASCAR, not only the open wheel type of cars, but the mechanics that go into making this race car. These cars are made of “money” and are not mandated the same way as NASCAR does. Often times one team consistently wins because of the quality of the engine they are able to use, not the ability of the driver. It doesn’t take a good driver to keep a great car at the front of the race; however, it does take a great driver to make a good car a winning car. And Patrick has had the best of equipment, even admittedly favored over her teammates. And as of yet, Patrick has not shown she can “race” in the IRL series.”
LMAO
Damn great catch, Dick. This bitch needs to get off the track and show us her rack.