The Dick Guide: An Incompetent Truth
Every day, I get another question from a young man who clearly doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. That’s to be expected in this modern age of Kim Possible and Dr. Cuddy. On TV, women don’t fuck up constantly the way they do in real life — at least not on the channels men watch. The only way to discover the Incompetent Truth is by living life or by listening to someone with a set of balls.
That’s why I’m writing this guide. I’ve got the balls, I’ve got the stamps on my passport, and I would love to fuck a 17 year old girl without getting sent to prison.
That was a pun. Besides, vicarious rape is still legal.
That was another pun.
Is it okay to cry?
No, it’s never okay to cry.
Unless it’s after something really moving, right?
No.
My girlfriend said something outrageously stupid and I…
There’s no reason to finish that sentence. The biggest mistake a young man can make is having a girlfriend. Girlfriends are like dead rats. You can barely do anything fun with them, and once they sink their teeth into your arm, it’s a messy and brutal enterprise to pry them loose. Grab your manliest crowbar.
Girlfriends are a bigger drain on your time than alcohol, marijuana, and masturbating, combined. Even alcoholics can function 20% of the day. People stoned off their asses become carpenters and avant-garde chefs. Baloo-ing the Bear reduces stress, depression, and will eventually give you some hilarious stories. On a long enough time line, everyone gets caught.
Girlfriends, however, are Waste Incarnate, crammed into pants made for someone half their size and twice their price.
A girlfriend is like a garbage disposal of life. You step up, you dump your garbage in — garbage like roses, stuffed animals, and “I see my unborn puppies in your eyes,” and then you walk away. You don’t stand over the garbage disposal and wait for it to shoot out a Pepsi or an original thought. Expecting that for whatever reason — especially because television told you to while it wasn’t selling Tag body perfume — is a loss of Man Points.
Women on TV act reasonable and interesting for the same reason Snuffleupagus has a cardboard cock. He isn’t fucking real.
Next time you’re forcing the sink to chug down a plate of rotten chicken, try to imagine it with a pair of tits. That’s your girlfriend. And if you stand there trying to reason with the garbage disposal like a dumb fuck, it’ll suck down your dreams, your soul, and the shirt off your back.
Next time you’re spending time with your girlfriend, think about this: you could be learning about “options” right now; how to sell them, how to buy them, and how to get so rich off them that in twenty years you could rent this stupid slut’s daughter by the hour. That’s a man plan.
Women in high school are at their peak. Think about it. Every man in history has wanted to fuck a high school girl. Even gay men want to fuck high school girls. I don’t know why, but obviously I don’t really understand how gayness works. Also, grown up women and women in high school both:
1. Work shitty minimum wage jobs.
2. Don’t own a house.
3. Spend most of their time chatting about stupid nonsense.
4. Buy whatever car they think is the cutest.
5. Can’t handle alcohol.
Women in high school and full grown women are exactly the same. Your potential as a man is limitless. The only difference between the whore handling your father’s calls and the whore in Home Ec is that yours has more customers. That means higher prices! It’s called supply and demand, and you can learn all about that while you’re learning about “options”.
When you’re done, break up with your girlfriend. She’s wasting your time.
And when you’re done with that, try a Gummi worm pizza. They’re Manlicious.
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How much child support did she stiff you for anyway? It’s clearly obvious that some woman screwed you royally, ( not screwed in the literal since because I don’t know anyone that would SCREW you in the sexual sense, well not without carefully placing a brown paper sack over your head down to your knees). I pity you, are you gay? Is that the reason you hate women? If you’re gay it’s okay, come out of the closet!! There has to be a good explanation for your statements on Dr. Phil DICK, or are you just normally a moron??????
If God isn’t on our side he’s not God.
*Waves Banner of Agreement*
Dishes out manpoints to MansVoice.
@ Anon: Male professors own women professors.
@ Leanne: “I’d like to see you survive without us even in your constant view to oggle at.”
Women are on earth for two things: Bedroom, Kitchen.
Gay men wont be bothered with women. Just because we proclaim superiority doesnt mean we are gay. Acknowledging a ferrari is a better vehicle than a bicycle is in no way “stupid” or “wrong”. It is FACT.
You are a moron. Do you even know what the word “pun” means? Go back to school, get an education (from mostly female professors), and then maybe, MAYBE you might have some credibility. Until that happens, you’re just a pussy blowhard. Oh wait, you’re a dick…
Are you gay ?
Because seriously, to seem to hate women this much you must be gay, as no woman would want to be with a man like you.
Is that why you hate us so much ?… Cause no-one wants you ?
You crack me up with your ‘men are better than women’.
I’d like to see you survive without us even in your constant view to oggle at.
“Women in high school are at their peak. Think about it. Every man in history has wanted to fuck a high school girl. Even gay men want to fuck high school girls. I don’t know why, but obviously I don’t really understand how gayness works. Also, grown up women and women in high school both:
1. Work shitty minimum wage jobs.
2. Don’t own a house.
3. Spend most of their time chatting about stupid nonsense.
4. Buy whatever car they think is the cutest.
5. Can’t handle alcohol. ”
I’m 17 & in comprehensive & you’re theories are plain shit.
& i seriously think you have something wrong with you. Like seriously.
i could rant about how WRONG you are all year.
but i won’t.
Go women.
Dick, do you know what a pun is? Perhaps you should look it up.
God also says a woman is not allowed to teach, nor is she to exercise authority over a man and must remain silent in the congregation. Anything she wishes to know she should question her husband at home. The following verses are quoted for those wishing to see this in writing. (1 Cor: 14: 33-35) & (1 Tim: 2: 11-14)
Superb responses by the ladies. Almost every response is a reaffirmation of what this website claims.
Thanks Dick. Its like I said in the forum, you will one day be remembered as the Susan B. Anthony of our time (but you won’t have to suck cocks to get recognition like she did.)
God also said that women should adhere to a man’s leadership. Do you buy that “Anon C.”?
I saw you briefly on Dr. Phil, and have read the comments here on this website, and can only shake my head in pure amazement at the pure vitriolic attitudes portrayed here, from both sides. How incredibly sad. The lack of compassion on both sides is deplorable. Even the person who was using God as a cudgel - is that truly a WWJD attitude? Yeah, yeah, I know, who cares about religion… who cares what He would think… but I do… and I hope each and every one of you - regardless of whether you believe or not - can take a step back and realize the attitudes portrayed here are what starts that seed for violence that our world is seeing with more and more frequency all the time… God help us all.
Ah Johnny, so what you are saying is we should put up with women’s bullshit to get laid? Typical beta attitude. Women, in Dick’s words, line up to date jerks or real men.
Lol
Queer.
‘course you cant get laid. If y’all go around thinkin yer better when women, and you go on national TV and basically call women cheating whores, NONE ARE GONNA WANNA FUCK YOU.
God yer dumb! Seriously. Im not even kidding. Maybe you should actually sit down with a girl.
Why stop there? Why Stop at women? Go Ahead, think yer better then black people, or Asian people. Why not go chill with the KKK?
Excellent. Join the discussion forums if you get the chance:
http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/forums/
*Hands a beer to David*.
Join the club, this site *IS* the truth.
Nice to have you on board. Uneducated? Yeah, just because we didnt take literature to major in doesnt make us “uneducated”.
The horribly uneducated? Well I just have an honours degree in applied maths. Hate to think that represented me as “horribly uneducated”. Worse still I think that this site represents the truth, and nothing but the truth.
Everytime same story - open mouth and place foot firmly in. We NEED their comments as living testimony to the foolishness that is woman
This should be in bold. All women “visitors”, kindly read before posting.
Same though I am not Mensa-smart( I have not been sent for a test yet) but I am honest and frank enough to admit I am not genius level smart. However, I take university core modules at college level which says alot. I think Dick is a hero, he deserves a medal. If he was english, he should have been knighted.