The Dick Guide: An Incompetent Truth
Every day, I get another question from a young man who clearly doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. That’s to be expected in this modern age of Kim Possible and Dr. Cuddy. On TV, women don’t fuck up constantly the way they do in real life — at least not on the channels men watch. The only way to discover the Incompetent Truth is by living life or by listening to someone with a set of balls.
That’s why I’m writing this guide. I’ve got the balls, I’ve got the stamps on my passport, and I would love to fuck a 17 year old girl without getting sent to prison.
That was a pun. Besides, vicarious rape is still legal.
That was another pun.
Is it okay to cry?
No, it’s never okay to cry.
Unless it’s after something really moving, right?
No.
My girlfriend said something outrageously stupid and I…
There’s no reason to finish that sentence. The biggest mistake a young man can make is having a girlfriend. Girlfriends are like dead rats. You can barely do anything fun with them, and once they sink their teeth into your arm, it’s a messy and brutal enterprise to pry them loose. Grab your manliest crowbar.
Girlfriends are a bigger drain on your time than alcohol, marijuana, and masturbating, combined. Even alcoholics can function 20% of the day. People stoned off their asses become carpenters and avant-garde chefs. Baloo-ing the Bear reduces stress, depression, and will eventually give you some hilarious stories. On a long enough time line, everyone gets caught.
Girlfriends, however, are Waste Incarnate, crammed into pants made for someone half their size and twice their price.
A girlfriend is like a garbage disposal of life. You step up, you dump your garbage in — garbage like roses, stuffed animals, and “I see my unborn puppies in your eyes,” and then you walk away. You don’t stand over the garbage disposal and wait for it to shoot out a Pepsi or an original thought. Expecting that for whatever reason — especially because television told you to while it wasn’t selling Tag body perfume — is a loss of Man Points.
Women on TV act reasonable and interesting for the same reason Snuffleupagus has a cardboard cock. He isn’t fucking real.
Next time you’re forcing the sink to chug down a plate of rotten chicken, try to imagine it with a pair of tits. That’s your girlfriend. And if you stand there trying to reason with the garbage disposal like a dumb fuck, it’ll suck down your dreams, your soul, and the shirt off your back.
Next time you’re spending time with your girlfriend, think about this: you could be learning about “options” right now; how to sell them, how to buy them, and how to get so rich off them that in twenty years you could rent this stupid slut’s daughter by the hour. That’s a man plan.
Women in high school are at their peak. Think about it. Every man in history has wanted to fuck a high school girl. Even gay men want to fuck high school girls. I don’t know why, but obviously I don’t really understand how gayness works. Also, grown up women and women in high school both:
1. Work shitty minimum wage jobs.
2. Don’t own a house.
3. Spend most of their time chatting about stupid nonsense.
4. Buy whatever car they think is the cutest.
5. Can’t handle alcohol.
Women in high school and full grown women are exactly the same. Your potential as a man is limitless. The only difference between the whore handling your father’s calls and the whore in Home Ec is that yours has more customers. That means higher prices! It’s called supply and demand, and you can learn all about that while you’re learning about “options”.
When you’re done, break up with your girlfriend. She’s wasting your time.
And when you’re done with that, try a Gummi worm pizza. They’re Manlicious.
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Feminism is a fraud. It made women believe it was for them, to benefit them and women really believe this to be true or at least want to believe. That’s not the puropse of the feminism, it is to misslead woman so they wont be competent about men therefore they will be unhappy and unsatisfied. This way they are just an easier target for companies who sell stuff. More money can be made on unhappy women than happy ones. That’s why women shop so religously, cos that’s the main purpose of feminism. It is basically the biggest business there is, just not a specific business like selling books or ideas but a foundation for a much bigger scheme, where the bigest victims are women, because they are robed this way out of ever raching whats important form them. Feminism does one more trick it points to men as the ones who women should blame for the way things are and at the same time spreads an idea that men cant speak about this issues, so there is no one “NO KNIGHT”, so to speak, to save them. Because men are out of the picture this way this pathology can spread itself, just like the cancer. Insted of making their life emotionally meaningfull women turn into maniac cuntzombies, which they hate and don’t know who to blame for, men? themself? or both?
Women: Maybe the better idea is to blame something else, or insted of blaming and live by blaming, just stop listening to feminism. Also keep in mind that todays feminism has nothing in common with the feminism as it started. Todays feminism is just using you and originally it was supposed to benefit you, therefore todays feminism is not feminism but pseudo- feminism. And the truth is I was not the first one who said it. It was a woman a feminist who was the one of the first ones who back in 60′ were starting this movement together with other women and men.
The only benfit you can have out of the way things are today is by stealing or trying to steal men/s money, so you can buy more things you don’t really need to wipe out your tears. But soon even this wont work, because the world is constantly changing, You dont have to make men your victims because you are the victims of the Social Matrix and pseudo-feminism. Soon men will refuse to be your victims anyway, and you can’t stop this. So insted of concentrating on protecting the system which is screewing you up, ask us men we know the solution, what to do.
Allow me finish that sentence. Just for fun.
“Before women had equal rights . . . .” –>> THEY HAD SPECIAL RIGHTS.
So the question is –>> “Why the fuck would women fight tooth and nail to LOWER their status to ‘EQUAL’ . . . . when throughout history they were always glorified and given SPECIAL privileges”.
If the TITANIC were sinking today,
It would not be “women and children first”.
It would be “WHOEVER COULD GET TO THE LIFE BOAT THE FASTEST”.
I wish to congratulate women everywhere - who proudly think they accomplished something with feminism - for handing over the right TO DROWN ONE OF YOU AND USE YOU AS A LIFE RAFT.
Feminism is a screaming failure.
LMFAO!
I have to agree with the not getting a girlfriend thing. All of my friends who have been in relationships have been hurt by their woman, but have never hurt the woman they’ve loved. I have never met a more barbaric, self-centered, and cruel group of people than women. Let me share some “man wisdom” about the so called “equality” in this country we call the United States. Before women had equal rights, they were treated as delicate creatures, expected to do nothing but cook, clean, and keep children in line. Men were never treated this way back in those days. The men fought the wars, worked the rough jobs, and made important decisions, and were never treated delicately like women. Now, supposedly we’ve made women “equal”(they can get the same job as a man). Here’s the problem. Women still expect to be treated as delicate and fragile, but want to have every right that a man does(right to work wherever she pleases, freedom from sexism). So, logically, if men and women are equal, since women have their rights and are expected to be treated like royalty, shouldn’t men get the same kind of loving and forgiving treatment from society? In theory, if we were equal, yes. Is this a reality? No. We still have to work our asses off only to be treated like shit by shitty women. We are equal before the law, but not before society. Women act like rough, wretched men and are still treated as angels. Men act like men and are treated like men. Sounds like sexism to me.
I have now read every single post on this site and I can only say one thing. Dick, you are my hero. I have found new light in your thoughts. Thanks for saying what we all have known our whole lives. Mantastic
Do you go around worshipping sexual organs? Wtf is wrong with you?
So does this mean you worship dick?
You want a man to do your thinking for you? I think you just burned yourself Amber.
thats why your a virgin
Also have something to add Amazons is the first real incounter of feminism they would kill only males and cut theirs penis off and shove them into the mouths of who they cut them off from the truth is we need each other do not resort to genocide here!
I have something to say to beth or whatever her name really is. Look What I really think is men in a way really are better, but women have their fine points but Number1. Most of the time women are to emotional Number2. Hilary played the gender card which angers me she is setting up boundaries between genders which I knew she would I hypothosized that she would, when she started running for presidential office. And what annoys me is how the double standard like if a man is raped by a teacher(female) they do not take is as serouisly as if it had happend to a member of the female gender. And in medival era men are the only ones that went to war women and children would just be shielded by the man. And men can say women are whores but can still be a headrosexual just because you call a women a hoe or such dosen’t mean you do not enjoy them because the word love holds no meaning women only like two things is he cute? is he rich(money)? No one cares really about each other I live in florida and there are pimp’s hookers prostitutes or strippers and tons of crime and such but where did the love go? Women along the lines turned on their shield (men) have done so much feminism is fucking dumb because what if men do the same More Men’s Rights! women are too sensitive most of the time they thought they didn’t have equal rights and were juged unfairly but that is not true we in times are always juged unfairly gender or race dose not matter but I am not sexist just tired of the sensitivity Tho in my opinion women are works of art. And also I admit women are creators of life but also I think Dick sees women as pets because he dosen’t hate women but makes issues of inferiority well can be viewed as inferiority. And also I think dick made this website cause he is tired of the female baggage cause it is also the issue of African Americans (Black) Blacks don’t feel equaled to white but that is not true And tv television shows, I saw a Television series that is only about African Americans and It is just about daily life people (Black) just getting jobs and being sucessful I mean do they have to broadcast it that they can be sucessful we know they can be they are still realing from past hatreds. When can be bury the Hatchet? This is sensitive that all it is Defending and attacking.But about the pet thing I said I meant that as you have a dog you love him but in your mind your family comes before him you don’t value him as much in truth all life should be valued equally.
Schools have been catering specifically to girls for almost twenty years now. At least they’ve been trying to. According the US News and World Report, despite the educational system trying to cater specifically to young girls, the girls are in worse trouble than ever, becoming more violent and highly sexual at younger ages. Young boys, however, rallied in the adversity of a system that now largely ignores them, and are doing better than ever.
And as far as women being looked over for jobs? Well I know that if I had a company, I would probably pick the man over the woman, but not because she has a vagina. It would be because…
The man is far more likely to be competent, the man is far more likely to be on time, the man is far more likely to have some semblance of loyalty and work ethic for the job at hand, and I have a far smaller chance of having to deal with eventual maternity leave.
I would hire the man because he is BETTER FOR THE JOB. Men are naturally awesome workers (as well as naturally awesome everything else.) Who wouldn’t want the man?
Hell, even ask women. Your average women who calls for a repairman and find she received a repairWOMAN is disappointed.
Don’t know.
Just amused me.
You really believe that? I sure as hell don’t. My dad who is a senior vice president of a company told me he *does* prefer hiring men *BUT* this is only when the tasks involved require physical work. Why? This is because women today cannot handle the simplest of manual labour. Move a bunch of boxes? No, my nails will break. Climb up that ladder? I am afraid of heights.
What kind of bullshit are you trying to pull? I sure as hell don’t believe women are discriminated against in getting jobs. Its fair competition. If the man gets it, it is because he is more competent in some way or another.
Clair every damn country is founded on laws. Most of them favor women. We have discussed this over and over.
I don’t hate America. I hate no country. However, I am biased and love mine most. But the rest are equal.
Anyway, so I’m assuming that is all you have,right? Why are you getting you knickers in a twist anyway? I’m just curious. I wanna hear what you have to say.
Is that all we have? The court system basically fucks every guy out their every way. This has all been explained to you a thousand times before.
What you need to do is comprehend a world beyond your own instead of passing off advice. Hate America because your country follows the stupid bs we do here.
Necro fight the power for what?
Lol, ok.
Neither am I.
Fight the power!
So what you’re saying is that men are having troubled getting hired, in a male dominated sector? Ok then, I can’t argue with where you are, it doesn’t happen here though.
So we have 3 examples where men are disadvantaged more so than women. Is that all we have?
Hiring practices for anything government related. The best applicant regardless of gender or color should be hired. In the US quotas are met.