Dick Masterson’s 2009 Man Challenge
I was getting so many text messages from hot babes on New Year’s Eve that my phone overloaded and permanently shut down. At least that’s what the technician at the Verizon store told me and I have no reason to doubt him. Not only does that mean I am 100% right when I say women love being told their place in life — especially hot women — but it also means that it’s a new year, and thus time for a Dick Masterson Annual Man Challenge.
Congratulations to all of you who passed my Dick Masterson’s 2008 Man Challenge. It was a tough one and by my estimation only two of you actually passed, but you all had fun trying.
Now buckle up your boners, gentlemen, because even you two returning gladiators are going to need an extra set of nuts to beat this year’s Dick Masterson’s 2009 Man Challenge.
As I explained last year, new year’s resolutions are for ladies. They’re for people who get as much personal satisfaction out of intending to better themselves than actually doing it. Women think buying a guitar and playing a guitar is the same thing. Women think not enjoying the blowjob she drunkenly gave her coworker during the Christmas party makes her a faithful wife.
If she didn’t like it, it didn’t happen.
1. Don’t ever argue with a woman: Man Point Day Off
Women are like a broken clocks with tits. When 11:37 rolls around, she seems like the smartest set of tits on Earth. But that’s why God only intended sex to last 14 minutes. Otherwise, women would have all day to call the shots instead of just the time it takes to give your junk a sink bath.
Women are always wrong. Women get lucky from time to time and act like complete cunts about it, but remember this: even if a woman is right, she’s wrong.
You see, women don’t use logic like men do. And without logic, you can’t be right. You can only be a lucky pain in the ass. Without logic, you can’t be reasoned with or convinced in any way. You can’t understand the difference between feelings and rational thought, beyond the fact that both are coming out of someone’s mouth, and if that’s all it takes to be a good argument, I might as well start calling my cock Henry Kissinger! Actually, I am going to do that now.
Nicknaming your own penis: +200 Man Points
When you argue with a woman, you are effectively saying you have nothing better to do today than waste your time. Check your penis at the door, kemo sabe. She’s not listening, she won’t do shit if you don’t do what she says, and nothing in the world will make her happy. A freeze on your Man Points for the rest of the day is your penalty for being a jackass.
2. Find a wild stripper: +3,000 Man Points
Strippers exist in the wild. That is to say, strippers are out there walking around like normal women: shopping, buying books, looking at celebrity gossip on the internet, whatever else women do. I know this to be true in theory, and I have personally seen it!
To complete my Dick Masteron’s 2009 Man Challenge, you have to find a wild stripper! Bag her, tag her, and make sure to find out where she works! She won’t want you to know because the last thing she wants is your grinning ass showing up with a hard on and her real name, but that’s the best thing about being a man. Who gives a fuck what women want?
3. Kill an animal: +1 Man Points per pound
Animals are meant to be killed by human men. It doesn’t matter if you’re going to eat them or stuff them full of candy and play a practical man-joke on kids. Shoot a pig, buy a fur, send a dog to the pound, it doesn’t fucking matter. As long as you killed for reasons that fall between providing a slight convenience and “yucks”, you did the right thing.
Because really, what more noble goal is there than providing slight convenience?
Animals are just like computers. They have no soul and no mystical sense of anything beyond what goes in their stomachs. “Animal rights” is a profitable misnomer invented by women just like every other “humanitarian” movement that all follow one simple theme:
Bitches will get uncomfortable if they can’t feel the end of their leash.
Women are like dogs. If they can’t feel you yanking on their emotional leash and telling them to calm the fuck down about shit they don’t understand, they’ll lose their goddamn minds. Have you ever met a woman who was a humanitarian crusader? Did she seem happy to you? No. She seemed wound up tighter than Tex Avery at a tit factory.
Do her a favor. Aim for the stray cat.
4. Pick up a check: +18% Man Points
The Pick Up Artist community has turned thousands of young men into silly cheap-shits. Their “The Game” plan is simple:
1. Don’t pay for shit.
2. ?
3. Pussy!
But that’s like switching from live bait to dynamite when you’re fishing in the bathtub. Here’s a straighter line between points U and P:
1. Stop dating chicks that aren’t going to fuck you!
But in the end, they’re half right. If you’re shooting booty calls out of a cannon, the appletini’s are going to add up. And so are the Planned Parenthood receipts. My point is, fine, don’t pay for women, but do pay for men because Dick is getting a bit sick of picking up the tab every fucking time.
Money is an aphrodisiac. Paying for drinks, paying for movie tickets, paying for any bullshit no matter how cheap it is will get a lady’s humper pumping. That’s a guarantee. But more importantly, using a calculator when the check comes is a loss of fucking Man Points. Counting your tax out in 1’s is a loss of fucking Man Points. Asking for change when the group is bigger than 5 people is a loss of fucking Man Points. A surprise missing 120 dollars on the New Year’s Eve tab is a loss of everyone’s fucking Man Points except mine. Fuck you cheap assholes.
But in all seriousness, always pay for a girl’s abortion. Or make sure you physically see the receipt.
5. Have two threesomes with the same girls: -50 Man Points
Anyone can have a threesome. I’ve had like seven. You can catch two “lesbians” on a bad day. You can guilt your wife into it after she dings your new car. Whatever you want. But having two threesomes with the same two chicks? Forget about it. That’s a man challenge. Even with hookers, having two threesomes with the same two chicks requires a level of cunning and manipulation so great, Machiavelli himself would give you a congratulatory blow job. But that’s the thing about getting a blow job from Machiavelli. What’s he after?
Getting your cock passport stamped in threesome town can be a treacherous affair. Imagine if they had a type of cocaine that only worked on emotions. Actually, don’t imagine that. I’ve seen it and I hated every second of it. Having a threesome is like carrying two early-90’s computer monitors across a tightrope over a swimming pool. In other words, it’s precarious as fuck — and not as sexy as you thought it would be — but the only thing you stand to lose is personal relationships with women, and who gives a fuck about those!
Having a threesome is a subtraction of Man Points because seriously, fuck you.
Send me an email if you manage to topple this year’s Dick Masterson’s Man Challenge. I will post a log of the year’s manliest man men below.
And also, stay tuned to SuperFrat for the thrilling conclusion of my Dick Masterson Chauvinist Detective saga. As you can see in the strip below, my pants have come off. That’s when I mean business.
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fuck haha im 15 and iv gott 1-5 in my pants haha im doin this speech bout why men are better than woman and its funny shit…..
BROTHERS, ALL MEN IT”S TIME TO PAY BACK THESE CUNTS FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE! BRING IN THE WORLD OF EXTREME MALE SUPREMACY NOW!!!!
Dick, you are my guru. And I want to tell the guys who visit your site that the traits of foreign women are identical to American women – they also nag you to death and cannot do anything significant on their own – so, in case you were thinking of switching to another nationality of women – don’t – it makes no difference. They all eventually just become an unpleasant bossy burden with an irritating whine.
Single?
So true.
Most men I know are abused grievously by their women, but they do nothing back. Women are spoilt brats who get away with far too much these days. We should at least admonish their bad behaviour, as and when it occurs, so that they understand that is isn’t acceptable.
Surely that is still legal.
Try it, end result, divorce. That’s why men aren’t my friend.
I had a 3some with a girlfriend and a random hooker and got the girlfriend to pay the hooker – even though she was pretending to be drunk. How many man points does that score me?
ALL MEN SHOULD AGREE WITH THIS AND ALL WOMEN SHOULD PRETEND TO HATE IT, BUT KNOW IT IS TRUE
You’ve assigned everyone in the world to a stereotype based on their gender. You’ve constructed an identity for everyone based on their genitalia and what society has supposedly ascribed for them. I feel like this is unfair as well as wildly ethnocentric.
I’ve encountered a number of women who do have traits that you’ve described; I’ve also, however, met a number of men who have those similar traits. I don’t feel like the generalized statements you’ve made do little justice or truth to anyone.
You say you don’t hate women like that makes it better, but to degrade women in the way you do must require some degree of hate and disgust.
I’m glad I’ve never encountered anyone outside of the internet who shares your views.
Anna: Just because men don’t feel now is the right time to say it to your face, doesn;t mean the men you know don’t share our opinions, many do. Men quite often don’t even need to voice it to each other, merely a look at each other when women have displayed some of their ‘nature’ is enough.
Generalization sucks when the shit is hitting you doesn’t it. Men have been putting up with it for decades. Example: ‘Men are dogs’ *Every woman within earshot nods*
Oh boo hoo.
But for how many THOUSANDS of years have women had to put up with Men’s crap? Let’s just take a look at Ancient China. A woman’s worth was in how small her feet were after years of painful binding before marriage and after marriage, it was if she could bear a son. I’ll give the ancients leeway for not knowing that men are responsible for the gender of the child–But they still practice that old ideal today.
And yes, generalization does such when shit hits the fan. But I can personally guarantee that with this one man, how the entire women population views men has just plummeted into the ground and further down.
Maybe if men like Dick over here took the time to get their heads out of their asses, they’d realize how much women actually do for them and how much bullshit like this only makes you end up dying cold and alone. And hopefully by the barrel of my rifle.
Put up with mens crap? What like everything you take for granted in your own home that MAN invented. I could go on, but your post indicates how ignorant you are so I won’t bother. I will add, I believe a womans vagina’s PH level has an impact on certain sperm does it not? Being without a woman in your home brings the opposite effect of wanting to put a gun in your mouth I can assure you. Stress free, peaceful. *Smile*
And there you have it. Female ignorance at its show-stopping BEST.
Dumb bitch says: “But for how many THOUSANDS of years have women had to put up with Men’s crap?”
Men’s CRAP? Like letting these bitches off the Titanic first?
Only a woman is STUPID enough to not realize that women have always enjoyed “PRIVILEGED” status throughout history….. and only that very same cunt will fight and struggle to LOWER HERSELF to “equal” status where she now gets to realize what its like to get her fucking hands dirty and fend for herself, because we’re not fucking doing it anymore.
Then the miserable cunt THREATENS WITH A RIFLE that unless a man embraces her, he will die “old and alone”.
Can’e speak for anybody else, but dying cold and alone is INFINITELY better than LIVING with a cunt like this.
Nicely done bitches.
This “equality” think is tantamount to looking down the barrel of your OWN rifle. All you gotta do now is pull the trigger.
We don’t even care enough to do THAT for you.
BRUTAL.
I smile whenever I hear a woman complaining about work and moaning that she’ll be too old for kids soon.
I say “You are already too old, you get 25 years past your first period, then your eggs are too hard-shelled to be viable, and you traded it in for some crap career that you’d ditch in about a second if you could, but you can’t. You have to keep working until you are 70 and then retire and die with your cats”. Then the true horror of their situation dawns on them.
Then they try to deny it, in the way only women can, but when I say that the media always shows 40 year old hollywood stars having babies but never mentions IVF and egg donors, the color runs from their faces and they get depressed for 3 days. Works every time. Women are simple and predictable creatures once you figure them out. They are much more alike than men are.
Feminism = destruction of women. Pretty simple. Funny how these fools support their own destruction, and with such enthusiasm too. They even think women started feminism. Most people will go to their graves never knowing the real truth.
I also know women who have turned into Lesbians just from going to women’s studies classes for 6 months as part of their university courses. Their mothers even warned them against it, but to no avail. They deserve Darwin awards for stupidity.
Why are women so easy to destroy? Why are they all so spoilt and rotten?
“You can’t blame a woman for what she does wrong in exactly the same way that you can’t blame a DOG for what it does wrong. Its a Man’s fault for not training it properly.” – Dick
YOU are directly contributing to training them properly by saying those thing that clock them in the face with reality.
The REST of the media, television and movies – and the men who want blowjobs – are all telling them LIES.
As you said, Feminism = destruction of women. Most women think feminism is dead and gone in the 60s and they don’t even realize what it MEANS.
I have banged PLENTY of women who are feminazi bitches right to their core – and they are completely unaware of it.
When I even mentioned “feminism” in American Culture as destructive , they all maintained they are not feminists – without blinking.
Hence the book….
“The Cultural Devastation of American Women. The strange and frightening decline of the American Female.” – by Nancy Levant
Women don’t want to know.
Because the opposite “SOUNDS” BETTER.
Its better to LIE to a woman for that reason.
And even they will agree.
As far as I know gay men are still men and yet some of them act a lot more like women than most women do themselves. So what does that say for gender problems?
And dykes immitate men, your point is? If you actually have one and aren’t putting into script what you usually do with your mouth, chatter.
My point is that you might as well thrash those men because they act like women instead of just focusing on legitimate women.
And what of the dykes?
Personally, I have little thought on gay men other than they need not concider me as a challenge.
I’ve got a problem with 3.
That is horrible, Dick. Why? Because (fact) serial killers start with animals. I have a feeling there is a disaster waiting to happen.
Yes – but those serial killers were youths when they started with those animals (the guys who post here tend to be older-types; the younger ones tend to do quick “fly-by’s”).
Furthurmore, if some kid ends up poppin’ a squirrel in his backyard after reading this article, can he retroactively become congenitally disturbed, abused, raped, bullied at school, etc.; all things which tend to be precursors to such behavior?
No – and the data on serial killers shows that they (as per definition, in part) almost always have a “cooling off” period in between killings; indeed, waiting for the most opportune time and victim on which to act – hardly the lack-of-reasoning of one who would tend to be swayed by a SATIRICAL article.
AWarBetweenTheSexes?!
Ha!!!WhimminBringNoWeaponsForSuch,IDoSay!!!
I am impressed. You could at least learn to redo the site and post logical arguments.
Why are you pretending that a man needs to do anything or say anything to appease you. Especially since women are not welcome, invited or allowed?
Are you really SO arrogant…. to think if you come over unwelcome or uninvited to someone’s house that you are remotely sane to suggest “he should have straightened up first”??
Fuck off.
Are you fuckin’ stupid. The internet is a free space for people to browse and to say this place is off limits to women is what is arrogant you idiot. If this stupid website is so sacred then maybe you should find a way to block females from accessing computers completely.
Also, if women are so bad and we don’t do anything for ourselves and only do things for money then maybe if you ever have kids you should just drown your daughter if one pops out female. After all that just makes the whole world a better place for you men, now doesn’t it? One less woman you need to worry about.
”Are you fuckin’ stupid. The internet is a free space for people to browse and to say this place is off limits to women is what is arrogant you idiot.”
Actually it’s a very simple yet brilliant piece of marketing on Dicks part. Tell a woman not to do something and like a spoilt teenagre she’ll do the exact opposite, just to prove she has a will of her own even if she doesn’t have the life skill to use it. Allison, don’t put your fist in your mouth.
Men are the exact same way. In fact worse. When they are told not to do something they go all out to do it. Even if it means bodily harm to other people.
Your first mistake is thinking you can tell a man what to do. So the rest of your comment is mute.
This site is all logical fallacy. Dick look at my link, you need help.
2003-10-26 07:40:14
Contact your friend Dr. Daniel Williams MD, cockroach from Dwight Eisenhower hospital at Fort Gordon. He’s a cockroach who has sex with his patients’ families. Such a low life loser who likes to have sex with other married women on their periods and hits them up with this lame line: “Baby, I see blood all day long so I love you and your period blood.” He’s actually the most ignorant person to ever pass the MCAT on planet earth. Too bad he’s too much of a low life loser to ever amount to much more than a coward. Orthopedics? He should create a penis extension for his one inch johnson.
Man you know exactly what every man wants to say about women
God bless your thoughts
I am shutting this site down.
About damned time.
SHHHH Don’t tell her she might actually fuck off.
ALL THE MEN RISE UP ALL THE BROTHERS RISE UP ANSWER THE BATTLE CALL TRACK THE CUNTS WHO COME ON THIS SITES TO THEIR HOMES LET THEM THINK TWICE ABOUT HW MUCH THEIR CUNTS CAN BLEED I HAVE FORMED A HUGE ARMY OF FRIENDS AROUND THE WORLD WE ARE GOING TO DESTROY THESE CUNTS IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME! ALL THE MEN START RECRUITING OTHER BROTHERS AROUND THE WORLD YOUR FRIENDS FAMILY WORKMATES THE TIME IS NOW! THE EARTH WILL BLOOD WHEN WE MAKE THESE FUCKING CUNT WHORES BLEED STABBING VICIOUSLY THERE’S NO STOPPING US CUNTS! EVERYTHING YOU CAN SEE WITH YOUR EYES BELONG TO MEN SO TAKE IT BACK! FIGHT NOW! STAND UP NOW! STRIKE NOW! 3 BILLION MEN HUNTING YOU CUNTS DOWN WHERE CAN YOU RUN WHERE CAN YOU HIDE! CHAINSAW RIPPING YOUR CUNTS OPEN FOR ALL THE BILLIONS OF BABIES ABORTED! ALL CUNTS WILL PAY!
you earn the respect of every hetro-sexual male on the planet. i hang on to every word you speak. i wish i could express myself the way you do. women are just whores and nothing else. “god save the king”
p.s. oh yea, he is a man too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yur just a sad dumb ass mother fukker go suck ya muddah yu dumb ass dick face
Your awesome man! Love this guy!!!!
You’re a fag
I pity you, Dick. And mixed with my pity is a kind of amusement. Let’s say you’re actually right, that men are better than women …
… So what?
You’re only human, as is everyone else, male or female. Sooner or later, you’ll end up in the ground, silent and with nothing more than your coffin to keep you company. What will you have accomplished or changed?
Not a damn thing. And I’m actually starting to giggle at the thought of you, smug behind your shades, thinking you’ve lived a worthwhile existence when you’re just another waste of space trying to use controversy to muscle his way into the public eye.
Tick tock, Dick. Tick tock.
1) WHY SO SERIOUS?
2) STFU.
3) PROFIT!
must say you have a one of a kind blog.