Dick’s Voicemail #9

Remember to pick up your signed copy of Men Are Better Than Women at OprahisGoingtoShit.com. Each signed book comes with a limited edition 8×10 of yours truly.



Download the audio

Related Articles:

95 Responses to “Dick’s Voicemail #9”

  1. Michael Says:

    Each signed book comes with a limited edition 8×10 of yours truly.

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL goddamn you are one big fucking attention whore, aint ya.

  2. dazedandconfused Says:

    That story at the end was totally fucked. What’s worse is he knew her for 7 years, and even after she got rid of the baby she still lied. And women wonder why there’s a marriage strike.

  3. Klink Says:

    Michael said:

    Each signed book comes with a limited edition 8×10 of yours truly.

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL goddamn you are one big fucking attention whore, aint ya.

    The man has a right to be. He’s got a book which he is selling as well as a website for all men to view. He has money rolling in and a legion of fans who respect not only him but the words that he speaks. Nothing wrong with that is there?

    How many of us here can actually say we are getting paid doing what we like to do, or rather, getting paid for telling the truth? Give the man a cigar and a pat on the back.

    I’m really enjoying these voice mails, especially when a vast majority of the women who call up prove Dick’s words to be true time and time again.

    I feel sorry for the man at the end who had to deal with the bitch of a woman who had the abortion. Since when the hell did women all of a sudden get all the rights for a child? It takes two people to bring a child into the world, and to have a woman practically scream out ‘It’s MY body, I do what I WANT!’ is nothing short of ignorant, arrogant and down-right selfish.

    Cuddos to the man for dumping the bitch.

  4. Solomon Says:

    If I was capable of crying instead of getting shit done I’d shed a tear for that guy. And he is no anomaly. This shit happens all the fucking time. (Never ever)X10exp100 give a woman money.

  5. Cam Says:

    That guy from Ontario should get together with the other fella that got swindled out of the abortion money and sue the damn whore. If that doesnt fly then become pals with some huge butch dyke, tell her the story and get her to hang a licking on that miserable douche. No pun intended.

  6. Mangeek Says:

    so what’s the next voicemail topic?

  7. Dick Masterson Says:

    Michael said:

    Each signed book comes with a limited edition 8×10 of yours truly.

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL goddamn you are one big fucking attention whore, aint ya.

    It’s reasonable to assume that anyone who would go out of their way to obtain a signed copy of my book would appreciate a value add.

    -Dick

  8. Women Smasher Says:

    http://southernstudies.org/facingsouth/2008/04/facing-south-exclusive- dc-nonprofit.asp

  9. doubt Says:

    manhole said:

    [TL;DR]

    What the fuck is she talking about?

  10. Ryan Says:

    I would like Nicole, Female, Claire, et al. to come out of the woodwork and defend that women in that last story of this voice-mail. I would love to hear what they have to say about that…

  11. fudgebutt Says:

    That last story was horrifying. Props to the dude, I hope he kept it together during what must have been an insane time of his life.

  12. whiskeytits Says:

    Dick, you’re fucking brilliant. You have over 100 comments on almost every blog entry, over a million hits on your website, talk show appearances, radio spots… and a whole bevy of inflamed, offended women shaking their angry little fists like it’s going to change something. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, including you (and that whole slew of uppity chicks), and nothing will ever change that. Keep up the good work, Dick. This is goddamn fine entertainment.

    And yeah, I have a vagina.

  13. Arbalest Says:

    Ryan said:

    I would like Nicole, Female, Claire, et al. to come out of the woodwork and defend that women in that last story of this voice-mail. I would love to hear what they have to say about that…

    Let me do that for you: “liek omg it’s teh hiz faultz for havingz teh phallus and not keepingz teh woman sastifiedly good lolololol11!!!!1111!!!!fag”

    Within 24 hours of this we’ll have three of them. Watch.

  14. Dick Masterson Says:

    whiskeytits said:

    This is goddamn fine entertainment.

    And yeah, I have a vagina.

    Apparently you have tits too.

    -Dick

  15. Zoot Allures Says:

    Men - Never marry a woman (a longtime solution to a temporary problem) travel with a woman ( on a business trip once the Co. stupidly sent a women along with me. She completely screwed up the rental car arrangements and missed a connecting flight while I had a smoke. After that I just ditched her. It was worth getting fired for. Talk about beyond redundant and useless) and for God’s sake Don’t EVER share your wealth or your property with a woman.
    I’ve been divorced for 10 years and serial monogamy is the only way to go. As soon as she starts in with talk about our ‘relationship’ Game Over. I dump the bitch.
    As soon as she starts expecting ‘attention’ other than being kind to her and having sex with her and wants gifts - Game Over. Dump the bitch.
    Same with her finding creative ways to spend my time and money. Game Over.
    Believe you me, at my age the world is SWIMMING with still attractive women who are hornier than a fluffer in a Seka movie.
    All you men have to do is stay single until at least your mid-’30’s and then Let The Games Begin.
    After that, free whores and watching the real life misery of your married friends should be enough to keep you unmarried and happy for life.
    There’s just nothing like a horned-up MILF sucking her thumb and calling you Daddy.

  16. Jaden Says:

    Selfish bitch deserved more than a slam in the face. My heart goes out to that guy. Not only is she a murderer but she’s a two faced lying slut who’s not even good at being slick. I hope the abortion was painful as shit. What kind of fucking monster allows someone to burn their child alive inside of them and then pull it out by ripping its limbs apart. A life is a life. Makes no difference where it is. It’s just as alive in your fucking stomach as it is outside. You wanna know why women get abortions? Because they don’t want stretch marks and a loose pussy. You know why they don’t breastfeed? They don’t want saggy titties. You Know what I’m fucking seventeen, and I had a baby last year. I could never be selfish like that damn bitch. I took time off of high school to take care of my responsibilities, and I still breastfeed. Atleast the bitch was in college.

  17. whiskeytits Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Apparently you have tits too.

    -Dick

    Yes, yes I do. And frequently, whiskey.

    mabtw.com readers: Please figure out how to correctly spell “woman” (hint: it’s pluralized as “women”).

  18. Matt Says:

    American women make my dick soft.

  19. Drew Says:

    i cant believe that bitch swindled his friend’s roommate into thinking the kid was his then aborting it, god why do women think abortion is their decision alone? you gave up the right to decide for a child’s life yourself when you fucked the guy, at that point its 2 peoples’ decision.

  20. Arbalest Says:

    god why do women think

    Stop right there, they don’t think, they feel, obviously. She felt like doing what she did and that’s all.

  21. mitch Says:

    Dick,
    How did that gender reassignment surgery work out for you? You still look a little feminine if you ask me. (But I guess you didn’t)

  22. doubt Says:

    manhole said:

    [TL;DR]

    Ironically, she’s a transexual. And a nazi. Yes it doesn’t make sense, just nod and move on.

  23. Dawn Says:

    whiskeytits said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Apparently you have tits too.

    -Dick

    Yes, yes I do. And frequently, whiskey.

    mabtw.com readers: Please figure out how to correctly spell “woman” (hint: it’s pluralized as “women”).

    FINALLY, a woman who is on here to not moan, bitch and complain. We can curse our damn womanhood together, because I too have penis envy, haha
    And I have to agree with you- this is the greatest website. EVER. haha, I love it. And watching all the enraged women shoot off their mouths and making absolutely no sense is the best kind of entertainment I could ask for.

  24. Michael Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    It’s reasonable to assume that anyone who would go out of their way to obtain a signed copy of my book would appreciate a value add.

    -Dick

    It’s also reasonable to assume you’ve got 6 dicks, cause only someone with that many could be so full of himself.

  25. Mik3_D Says:

    Michael said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    It’s reasonable to assume that anyone who would go out of their way to obtain a signed copy of my book would appreciate a value add.

    -Dick

    It’s also reasonable to assume you’ve got 6 dicks, cause only someone with that many could be so full of himself.

    Michelle, has a bit of penis envy it seems.

  26. whiskeytits Says:

    Michael said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    It’s reasonable to assume that anyone who would go out of their way to obtain a signed copy of my book would appreciate a value add.

    -Dick

    It’s also reasonable to assume you’ve got 6 dicks, cause only someone with that many could be so full of himself.

    I heard that motherfucker has, like, 30 goddamn dicks.

  27. dbossnirvana Says:

    whiskeytits said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Apparently you have tits too.

    -Dick

    Yes, yes I do. And frequently, whiskey.

    mabtw.com readers: Please figure out how to correctly spell “woman” (hint: it’s pluralized as “women”).

    Try and pronounce this:
    “Eye d0N7 6!v3 @ fUk”

    Seriously, no women allowed, go touch your useless vaginas and shut the fuck up. No one cares about your useless lives.

    ps. Pluralize my cock.

  28. Panda Says:

    whiskeytits said:

    Michael said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    It’s reasonable to assume that anyone who would go out of their way to obtain a signed copy of my book would appreciate a value add.

    -Dick

    It’s also reasonable to assume you’ve got 6 dicks, cause only someone with that many could be so full of himself.

    I’m retarded!

    No women allowed.

  29. Matt Says:

    women in business suits is like when dogs wear outfits… its fucking rediculous and hilarious

  30. Rick Says:

    Woman. just shut up and show us these tits you speak of.

    whiskeytits said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Apparently you have tits too.

    -Dick

    Yes, yes I do. And frequently, whiskey.

    mabtw.com readers: Please figure out how to correctly spell “woman” (hint: it’s pluralized as “women”).

  31. Rick Says:

    I’ve visited your myspace, and I retract my tits request.

    Rick said:

    Woman. just shut up and show us these tits you speak of.

    whiskeytits said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Apparently you have tits too.

    -Dick

    Yes, yes I do. And frequently, whiskey.

    mabtw.com readers: Please figure out how to correctly spell “woman” (hint: it’s pluralized as “women”).

  32. whiskeytits Says:

    dbossnirvana said:

    whiskeytits said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Apparently you have tits too.

    -Dick

    Yes, yes I do. And frequently, whiskey.

    mabtw.com readers: Please figure out how to correctly spell “woman” (hint: it’s pluralized as “women”).

    Try and pronounce this:
    “Eye d0N7 6!v3 @ fUk”

    Seriously, no women allowed, go touch your useless vaginas and shut the fuck up. No one cares about your useless lives.

    ps. Pluralize my cock.

    Cocks.

  33. Jos Says:

    Rick said:

    I’ve visited your myspace, and I retract my tits request.

    Rick said:

    Woman. just shut up and show us these tits you speak of.

    whiskeytits said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Apparently you have tits too.

    -Dick

    Yes, yes I do. And frequently, whiskey.

    mabtw.com readers: Please figure out how to correctly spell “woman” (hint: it’s pluralized as “women”).

    tits and pussy enough all over the internet, in endless variations, just pick your choice, four letters and 2 mouseclicks is all thats needed, no begging or asking required, no money involved, free and available at all times.
    Porn is where western women are good for these days, they make horrible wives and girlfriends always looking for your money. Even for porn you can’t do much with a western women, most are too ugly and/or fat.
    Western women aren’t women anymore, they are raised like psychotic princesses, they dont have any dignity left, all are whores. But why do we see so much guys (i don’t recognize real men in them) swarming around girls for their pussy? They look like addicts desperately begging for a shot. All we can do is forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing.

  34. Muzalon Says:

    Jos said:

    Rick said:

    I’ve visited your myspace, and I retract my tits request.

    Rick said:

    Woman. just shut up and show us these tits you speak of.

    whiskeytits said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Apparently you have tits too.

    -Dick

    Yes, yes I do. And frequently, whiskey.

    mabtw.com readers: Please figure out how to correctly spell “woman” (hint: it’s pluralized as “women”).

    tits and pussy enough all over the internet, in endless variations, just pick your choice, four letters and 2 mouseclicks is all thats needed, no begging or asking required, no money involved, free and available at all times.
    Porn is where western women are good for these days, they make horrible wives and girlfriends always looking for your money. Even for porn you can’t do much with a western women, most are too ugly and/or fat.
    Western women aren’t women anymore, they are raised like psychotic princesses, they dont have any dignity left, all are whores. But why do we see so much guys (i don’t recognize real men in them) swarming around girls for their pussy? They look like addicts desperately begging for a shot. All we can do is forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing.

    Plus, it is well known that Western women are crap at sex, anyway. How can women who hate men enjoy sex? Not possible.

  35. jarbrain Says:

    Jaden said:

    Selfish bitch deserved more than a slam in the face. My heart goes out to that guy. Not only is she a murderer but she’s a two faced lying slut who’s not even good at being slick. I hope the abortion was painful as shit. What kind of fucking monster allows someone to burn their child alive inside of them and then pull it out by ripping its limbs apart. A life is a life. Makes no difference where it is. It’s just as alive in your fucking stomach as it is outside. You wanna know why women get abortions? Because they don’t want stretch marks and a loose pussy. You know why they don’t breastfeed? They don’t want saggy titties. You Know what I’m fucking seventeen, and I had a baby last year. I could never be selfish like that damn bitch. I took time off of high school to take care of my responsibilities, and I still breastfeed. Atleast the bitch was in college.

    Oh. So would you concede that there is a need for discipline and a scourge in ‘The House of Women’ ? If so, I know a nice madame I can hook you up w/ ‘cus that’s the best they’ve got in the way of maternal upbringing.
    All this repetitive bitching, whining, misconduct, ect….lands in the ear of a man/men. All of this is actually just, “I hate you ‘cus you’re not my mommy!”
    Ofcourse not, they’re men. Brilliant Dick (once again): abortion rights = full responsibility.
    If you didn’t have the integrity, responsibility and common sense to raise your daughter properly-don’t think a man can clean up your mess later.
    Worse lie a woman ever told me: “I’m your best friend”
    Hench ‘em all.

  36. man killer Says:

    u are all shit and no balls come on dick whats wrong ur wife got u cleaning like the bitch u are

  37. u r all gay Says:

    HA HA HA IT IS SOOO FUNNY B/C THIS SITE IS FOR GAY GUY HA HA HA AND THIS DICK GUY NEEDS TO STOP FUCKING MEN THAT COME ON THIS WEBSITE U AL NEED SOME PUSSY BUT ALL R ALL GAY TO GET SOME PS GET A LIFE!!!!!!! PSS ONE WITH A WOMEN PSS ONE WITHOUT A DICK!!

    Try and pronounce this:
    “Eye d0N7 6!v3 @ fUk”

    Seriously, no women allowed, go touch your useless vaginas and shut the fuck up. No one cares about your useless lives.

    ps. Pluralize my cock.

  38. u r all gay Says:

    dick is gay

  39. u r all gay Says:

    DICK LIKES DICKS

  40. u r all gay Says:

    EVERYBODY ON HERE MUST NOT BELIVE IN GOD FOR TWO REASON GAY TOLD US NOT TO BE GAY TOLD US TO LOVE EVERYBODY

  41. u r all gay Says:

    I MEAN GOD
    TOLD US!!1

  42. u r all gay Says:

    UR MOTHER MUST HAVE BEEN WHORES MOSTLY DICKS HA HA

  43. u r all gay Says:

    UR MOTHERS MUST HAVE BEEN WHORES MOSTLY DICKS HA HA

  44. u r all gay Says:

    I AM LEAVING THIS GAY SITE I HAVE A LIFE!!!!!!!!1

  45. jarbrain Says:

    u r all gay said:

    I AM LEAVING THIS GAY SITE I HAVE A LIFE!!!!!!!!1

    Any person who could allow your behaviour (above):
    1.) Feels sorry for you, because you are obviously not in control of your own behaviour and therefore, disordered.
    2.) Is St. Richard, the beneficent.

  46. jarbrain Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Michael said:

    Each signed book comes with a limited edition 8×10 of yours truly.

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL goddamn you are one big fucking attention whore, aint ya.

    It’s reasonable to assume that anyone who would go out of their way to obtain a signed copy of my book would appreciate a value add.

    -Dick

    What! Where and when will you next be signing & greeting? Where is that posted now?

  47. Panda Says:

    Dick, you need to do a book signing tour.

  48. man killer Says:

    if you know dickmatic is a twat let me see you say ooohh raaahh

  49. BrokenJohnny Says:

    u r all gay said:

    I AM LEAVING THIS GAY SITE I HAVE A LIFE!!!!!!!!1

    Yes, and it would seem it consists of overcompensating for your own latent homosexuality.

  50. doubt Says:

    manhole said:

    (She loses composure easily; I’m beginning to see the logic for this whole draft thing*.)

    We’re counting on it!
    *Not that I believe that you should have the right to vote without having to fight these wars of excess. If I had my way, the military would have its male and female branches, so we could at least avoid all of that faggotry and have a few inexperienced broads to send to the front lines. They’ll learn.

  51. Muzalon Says:

    doubt said:

    manhole said:

    (She loses composure easily; I’m beginning to see the logic for this whole draft thing*.)

    We’re counting on it!
    *Not that I believe that you should have the right to vote without having to fight these wars of excess. If I had my way, the military would have its male and female branches, so we could at least avoid all of that faggotry and have a few inexperienced broads to send to the front lines. They’ll learn.

    They could use women for mine-clearing duties - women running across the minefields to clear a path for the valuable male soldiers sounds good to me.

  52. doubt Says:

    Too obvious. We need a more darwinesque approach.
    I mean, mine (you mean IED) clearing? That’s just fucking boring. Nah, let’s keep this fair and equal so this could last - two-pronged assaults leave, etc.

  53. doubt Says:

    Biggest lie I’ve ever heard? Video games ‘train’ children to use firearms. Second biggest? ‘He’s gay.’
    The problem with this world isn’t that the good people aren’t doing enough - they’re pulling more than their share. No, it’s that these manholes can not sit down and shut up and instead have to fuck everything up for the humans.
    It’s easier to do nothing than it is to do something. But then again, they aren’t called manholes for nothing.

  54. CallMeCowgirl Says:

    Hi Dick,

    Just wanted to say I’m a big fan, and this is officially my favourite website ;) Very enlightening…thanks for the eye-opener! xox

  55. Commander Scott Says:

    American and Canadian women are frigid castrating bitches.

  56. Muzalon Says:

    Commander Scott said:

    American and Canadian women are frigid castrating bitches.

    And that’s being optimistic about it. They need to be bayoneted through the neck, IMHO.

  57. Nobody loves Dicky. Says:

    BrokenJohnny said:

    u r all gay said:

    I AM LEAVING THIS GAY SITE I HAVE A LIFE!!!!!!!!1

    Yes, and it would seem it consists of overcompensating for your own latent homosexuality.

    Here’s a male “genius” for you……uh, dude, most of the dudes on this sick site hate women so where do you think they are getting sex?
    No wonder why your own mother probably thinks you are shit.

  58. Nobody loves Dicky. Says:

    Muzalon Says:

    May 5th, 2008 at 1:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4144e596343d7
    Commander Scott said:

    American and Canadian women are frigid castrating bitches.

    And that’s being optimistic about it. They need to be bayoneted through the neck, IMHO.

    Geez, advocating violence on the internet. NOT nice you worthless piece of shit. NOT nice. Maybe you should be put in prison so scum like you gets a sharp stick up the arse? LOL now that would be FUNNY…..

    Do the world a favour, shit, stick a knife in your neck……nobody would care if you died. Seriously, NOBODY. And don’t you know it?
    Hmmm…….

  59. Nobody loves Dicky. Says:

    Commander Scott Says:

    May 5th, 2008 at 1:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3e8d1e2b2a4c4
    American and Canadian women are frigid castrating bitches.

    Boys like you are pieces of shit. No wonder why your mothers let your daddy’s beat the living hell out of you when you were youngun’s.

    Don’t blame women for the fact you are a fat, ugly, bloated piece of garbage. Do the world a favour and off yourself.

  60. Nobody loves Dicky. Says:

    Muzalon Says:

    May 4th, 2008 at 1:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 4144e596343d7
    doubt said:

    manhole said:

    (She loses composure easily; I’m beginning to see the logic for this whole draft thing*.)

    We’re counting on it!
    *Not that I believe that you should have the right to vote without having to fight these wars of excess. If I had my way, the military would have its male and female branches, so we could at least avoid all of that faggotry and have a few inexperienced broads to send to the front lines. They’ll learn.

    They could use women for mine-clearing duties - women running across the minefields to clear a path for the valuable male soldiers sounds good to me.

    Are you some dirty spic? Seriously, what a coward you are boy.

    It must suck to be you…..imagine no women wants your ugly, cowardly, freakly little body…….. LOL
    Die. Just die. No one has cared since birth, prick.

  61. Billy Says:

    Nobody loves Dicky. said:

    They could use women for mine-clearing duties - women running across the minefields to clear a path for the valuable male soldiers sounds good to me.

    Are you some dirty spic? Seriously, what a coward you are boy.

    It must suck to be you…..imagine no women wants your ugly, cowardly, freakly little body…….. LOL
    Die. Just die. No one has cared since birth, prick.

    Another women proving she has no heart or brains. That is why you would be perfect for mine clearing duties. If it weren’t for a strong male libido nobody would want your dumbass.

    After giving birth they are totally useless.

  62. Arbalest Says: