Double and a Half Jeopardy
I watched an episode of Jeopardy tonight and saw a woman completely embarrass herself in a national way with her womanly stupidity.
Typical. She didn’t even make it to Final Jeopardy because she fucked up all her money. What the hell kind of a way to play Jeopardy is that? Jesus.
I felt bad for her in a way, but I felt even worse for myself for being deprived an evening of mantertainment that only a cut-throat, three-way round of Jeopardy can provide. Watching Jeopardy when a woman is playing isn’t three-way or cut-throat at all. It’s just another ridiculous trouncing of women by men. That’s certainly not mantertaining. It’s just another day in a gender war where one side is armed only with obnoxious opinions and the other side discovered fire, tamed dogs, and invented birth control pills.
Jeopardy with a woman is like getting a three chambered peanut with only two nuts inside. The third one doesn’t provide shit and doesn’t even look that good. Actually, it looks kind of gross and makes me not want to eat any of the nuts at all. Ken Jennings had a smile that could light up your day. All the women on Jeopardy look like they just shit themselves.
With the aim of proving men are better than women, I, Dick Masterson, have personally conducted a bit of research. I call it Dick Takes on Jeopardy.
Dick Takes on Jeopardy
Using my brain in the way that only a man can, I have calculated statistically the role women have played in the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions over a 15 year period between 1985 and 2000. The Jeopardy Tournament of Champions is like the World Cup of knowing things. If you want to find out who is the best slam dunker, you have a slam dunk contest. If you want to find out who is smarter, men or women, then you have a knowing shit contest. What’s so fucking hard about that? You can also have a Change Your Own Fucking Tire Then contest, but what’s the point? Women think Lefty Loosey is a way to remember Lucy Liu is left-handed. She isn’t.
Here is what I discovered based on 15 years of Jeopardy data.
Women make up 20% of Jeopardy Champions.
Women make up 14% of Jeopardy Champion Finalists.
Women don’t know shit about shit.
Even the two times women have won the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions, one was only by a dollar, so that doesn’t even count. I have found ten dollars just lying on the street and I don’t know what element soap is made out of or what ancient civilization invented fetish wear. Does that make me a Jeopardy champion? The answer is: no.
Obviously, I do know those things I just said I didn’t. I’m a man and like all men I know or at least am familiar with everything. I just don’t know them off the top of my head, and that’s what Jeopardy is all about. It’s a fast-paced game just like it’s a fast-paced world. That’s exactly why women fucking fail at it.
Here’s a practice round of Jeopardy for you.
The answer is, this is the same as your cock turning into a raspberry scone.
What are the odds of a woman being a Jeopardy champion, Alex? Or is the Jeopardy part even necessary?
Daily fucking double.
Science has proven men have higher IQ’s than women. Now entertainment has proven men know more shit than women. It must be all the extra brains we men have. Either that or those little buzzers Jeopardy contestants have to use are sexist. I doubt that very much.
Remember every fucking episode of Gilligan’s Island or Moonlighting when it looked like they were finally going to get off, but then nothing happened. Everything was set up perfectly and then, stupidly, it was ruined. Fuck, that was annoying. It wasn’t as annoying as women on Jeopardy though.
Jeopardy Gender Statistics
| quarter-finalist women | semi-finalist women | finalist women | female winner? | |
| 1985 | 3/15 | 1/9 | 0/3 | Fuck No |
| 1986 | 0/15 | 0/9 | 0/3 | Fuck No |
| 1987 | 0/15 | 0/9 | 0/3 | Fuck No |
| 1988 | 4/15 | 3/9 | 1/3 | Last Place |
| 1989 | 3/15 | 2/9 | 0/3 | Fuck No |
| 1990 | 2/15 | 1/9 | 0/3 | Fuck No |
| 1991 | 3/15 | 1/9 | 0/3 | Fuck No |
| 1992 | 2/15 | 2/9 | 0/3 | Fuck No |
| 1993 | 6/15* | 4/9* | 2/3 | Fuck No** |
| 1994 | 3/15 | 2/9 | 1/3 | By 1 Dollar |
| 1995 | 1/15 | 0/9 | 0/3 | Fuck No |
| 1996 | N/A | 3/9 | 0/3 | Fuck No |
| 1997 | 5*/15* | 4/9* | 1/3 | Fuck No |
| 1999 | 4/15 | 1/9 | 1/3 | Last Place |
| 2000 | 6/15* | 2/9 | 1/3 | Barely |
| 20% | 19% | 15% | 13% |
* Two women were in the same game.
** One man is all it takes.
If 13% of Jeopardy Champions are women, then men are 74% better than women.
Jeopardy Tournament of Champions
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March 2nd, 2007 at 9:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 6597403bb0b5b
He’s struck back with a vengeance, indeed, man-fucking-tastic!!
March 2nd, 2007 at 11:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 7611d2e551981
That………is…………man-grooving-ball-slapping-meat-eating-awesome-FUCKING-’t astical.
Don’t deny the numbers baby, deny the game.
March 2nd, 2007 at 4:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 73f9de907ea55
women just try jepardy because they cant win the lottery, and they cant find a man that will put up with their shit! But they dont win Jepardy either lol so ya a whore can keep sellen her pussy across the street cuz shes got no brains.
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: bef4e58261dee
I curious about the final statement: “If 13% of Jeopardy Champions are women, then men are 74% better than women.”
What math was used in that calculation? I seems to me that 100% - 13% = 87%
Either Dick Masterson is a woman trying to be a man and (true to form) failing, or he is a man’s man and knows more shit than I.
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: d3d27d3c064a4
Now, Michael, please observe carefully how men do math; the right way!
If 13% of Jeopardy Champions are women, then 87% are men, and those are the basic facts. This means that men are therefore;
i.e 74% better than women at being Jeopardy champions. I hope that helps you out, Michael.
March 2nd, 2007 at 6:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: bef4e58261dee
Right. Pardon me as I sulk away in shame. It was a fool’s mission to attempt to find flaw in such obvious logic. My brain has clearly been compromised by womanly thought patterns. I must do honorable thing and commit seppuku to prevent this horrible disease from spreading.
March 2nd, 2007 at 6:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6597403bb0b5b
You need a proper katana to do it. Using a kitchen knife won’t work. But if you get one, you have to make a cross cut after writing a death poem.
(Yeah I know you were probably joking but I love Japanese culture)
March 2nd, 2007 at 6:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: d3d27d3c064a4
No need for self inflicted disembowelment there, Michael. You may have lost a chunk of man-points there, but you’ll gain them back eventually. We all make mistakes, and it takes a man to admit it. Men admit their errors and try to learn from them and make themselves better. Women, well, they just refuse to acknowledge their fuck-up and thus continue fucking up, thereby causing women to be the cluster-fucks you see today.
Just remember that although some men may be better than you at some things at some time, you will always be better at everything than every woman all the time.
March 2nd, 2007 at 6:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6597403bb0b5b
And there is a wise philosophy to go with this. There is always someone better than you.
March 2nd, 2007 at 6:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 73f9de907ea55
Are you japanese? no your just a fucking idiot.
March 2nd, 2007 at 6:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6597403bb0b5b
Let’s be cool about this jon. We’re men, we only get pissed or emotional when it actually fucking matters. Right?
March 2nd, 2007 at 6:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 73f9de907ea55
True ill let a woman get emotional.
March 2nd, 2007 at 7:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6597403bb0b5b
Mantastic.
March 3rd, 2007 at 10:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 73f9de907ea55
women suck at double jepardy like the hoes can suck crome off a bumper.
March 3rd, 2007 at 11:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 71fa363b8ceaa
Anytime I see a woman on Jeopardy, I change the channel. It’s brutal. Unlike women, Dick’s calculations are right on the money. In fact, how can women go on Jeopardy when they can’t even play Scrabble properly? Most women try to slap letters together like a rotten piece of ham, mayonnaise, and old bread and get all giddy when they think they made a word. I’ve played against chicks who’ve put “words” like LOL, ROTFLMAO, piggylee, or some other shit I’ve never heard of, nor would I need to look up a dictionary to find because I’m a man and men know their language. When I see crap like that, I walk away speechless.
March 3rd, 2007 at 1:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 23500eaac44c3
Speechless….now if only we could teach women to be speechless, then the world would truly have peace.
March 3rd, 2007 at 4:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 73f9de907ea55
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006600199,00.html
March 3rd, 2007 at 5:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 73f9de907ea55
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/men/menu/articles/0,,166973 _525871,00.html
March 3rd, 2007 at 5:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 73f9de907ea55
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/1027382592313_2279 1792/
March 3rd, 2007 at 5:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 189e15ac5b76c
Damn good find there, jon.