Either Shut Up or Don’t — But Please Do
Women have a real problem when it comes to speaking. The problem is that they do it. If women could just keep their fucking mouths shut, they wouldn’t get into any trouble in the first place.
Say goodbye to wife battery, say goodbye to mugging probably, say goodbye to violence against women in general.
Women can’t shut the fuck up though. But you can’t ever hear them either, so what the fuck?
If you try to have a conversation with a woman anywhere but The Cone of Silence, you are completely fucked. Women mumble. They mumble in life like they mumble in their dreams. It’s just a bunch of half-assed meanderings and abortions that seem like sentences and thoughts, but aren’t.
It’s not because women have no confidence like you’d think at first. You’re a man after all and the simplest explanation is always the most correct one. We’re talking about women, however. That means the correct explanation is the one that’s as stupid as possible.
In order to have no confidence, you have to have some kind of notion of confidence. Women don’t so that’s right out the window. So is the fact that women don’t know what they’re talking about. When women don’t know what they’re talking about, they talk twice as loud. Fuck, the less a woman knows, the louder her voice gets. That’s why when they’re talking about relationships and fucking them up, you can hear them over a dinner party of 15 — and especially when it comes to the subject of sexual dysfunction.
The truth is women are offended you can’t read their minds. If you could they’d call you a pervert or a child molester or something like that. It doesn’t matter because it’s impossible anyway and as a man I don’t waste my time opining on impossible bullshit. Women are offended you can’t read their mind, so they talk as low as possible to punish you for it.
Women also mainly learn to speak while shopping. During shopping, you can’t walk around shouting and singing like you can on a playground or a pub. Shopping is bullshit. It’s not about living life or having fun in any way, but since women all hate themselves and each other, they grow up doing it.
Conclusion? Women are conditioned like dogs to mumble. Try teaching a dog not to sit when you say sit. You can’t. Just buy hearing aids or better yet ignore every fucking woman who ever opens her mouth. It’s not like anything worth a shit is going to come out.
Related Articles:
July 5th, 2006 at 6:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: b6faf0e8d18af
Ok, bulches is not a word.
Lol
July 5th, 2006 at 9:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1e9bc0ac8f114
yeah you are right dick… men NEVER mumble
i hate girls
women suck.
July 6th, 2006 at 9:23 am - IP Man-Hash: 5950bb08d3016
I have the same problem with my SO. Everytime she says something important she is never facing me and I can’t hear shit that she says. Also she likes to do this when we are in separate rooms. God forbid I should ask her to repeat herself, in the past this would lead to fights and her telling me to get my ears checked even though she always had the TV volume up WAY louder than me.
Having a man brain I involved her male-family at a function and used it to my advantage and we all agreed that she mumbles when she talks. After a long discussion about man-logic I told her that everytime she does this I will tell her to stop mumbling and actually face me when she talks to me.
That stopped the fights about repeating and me not hearing well, but she still doesn’t face me.
I guess you can’t teach a female new tricks.
July 6th, 2006 at 12:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Oh yes. Must remember to put the fingernail files back exactly where & the way they were. Then quietly remove myself from there and make like it’s raining and the happytreefriends must’ve been up to nogood.
July 6th, 2006 at 1:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
You want real fun, try a 12-year-old daughter heading directly into being a teenager. The girl can’t so much as order food at McDonald’s without having to repeat herself a couple of times.
It won’t work with an SO, obviously, but with my daughter, I’ve found that repeating back what it sounds like she said will piss her off so bad that she’ll start actually opening her mouth when she talks.
When she says something unintelligible and I repeat it back to her as, “Is ha di gah bih farblesouth?” it almost always leads to a clear restatement of: “I said, ‘It’s hard to to talk with marbles in my mouth!!’”
Also, repeating a few lines of “Alice’s Restaurant” is usually good:
“That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff, you’ve got to learn to speak loudly and clearly all the time, so that people can hear you!”
And then there’s my middle school drama teacher’s admonition: “Drop your jaw and enunciate!”
When she’s really unintelligible, I’ll make her repeat back the phrase “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope,” as quickly and moving her mouth and lips in as exaggerated a fashion as possible.
You got to work on them young, or they’re ruined for life.
July 6th, 2006 at 9:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Unlike Dick, I’ve never seen a woman do that to the world at large. I’ve only ever seen them do it to their Significant Others.
I always thought that it was just female rudeness, but Dick’s theory that women are offended because you can’t read their minds may well be right.
-Big Al
September 19th, 2006 at 3:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: 494c480d0f622
Women have a huge problem shutting the fuck up. And they really do expect us to read their minds. I once had a Female get mad at me because I didn’t GUESS what she wanted to eat… ummm… how in the FUCK was I supposed to know what she wanted to eat?
Women act like fucking children.
September 19th, 2006 at 3:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
We have all been through that shit.
June 10th, 2007 at 4:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: de7fd53f10710
This is totally wrong. Women don’t speak too quietly…they speak too LOUDLY. Whenever I’m in public, it’s ALWAYS the cunt’s voice that’s louder than everyone else’s, including guys. Cunts have to speak louder, cuz otherwise they can’t attract attention to themselves, which is their mission in life.
June 10th, 2007 at 4:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: de7fd53f10710
ps. my post was in reply to the “women mumble” complaint above. I fully agree with the other posters who are saying that cunts should generally shut the fuck up a lot more.
July 10th, 2007 at 4:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
uh wow, what a shitty parent for talking about your own child in such a demeaning way. you don’t deserve your daughter. perhaps she mumbles because she wasn’t taught how to speak properly or politely? maybe it’s YOUR fault.
July 10th, 2007 at 4:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
so you are basing your entire opinion about womyn on this one experience? please seek help.
July 10th, 2007 at 4:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
so go gay and shut it
July 10th, 2007 at 4:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
Unlike Dick, I’ve never seen a woman do that to the world at large. I’ve only ever seen them do it to their Significant Others.
I always thought that it was just female rudeness, but Dick’s theory that women are offended because you can’t read their minds may well be right.
-Big Al
to help you out, maybe whoever you’re thinking about didn’t feel like you communicated enough with her or you weren’t sensitive enough to her needs.
July 10th, 2007 at 4:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
so have women dealing with men. you guys are NOT unique. but i guess this is a good place to let our your e-man-tions
July 10th, 2007 at 5:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 45a19a6365772
You’re majoring in English? What a waste of a university slot and tax-payers dollars. It’s like you are the walking - wobbling - embodiment of the quota system.
July 10th, 2007 at 5:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
lol, nice name. did your boyfriend finger you in the bumhole too hard today for you to be in an especially bad mood? i’m sawwy :(
i guess you live in a bubble, but everyone (m/f) has the ability to be obnoxious and loud at any given moment.
July 10th, 2007 at 5:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
does that turn you on or something? i know where you went to find that out so don’t think you’re special.
July 10th, 2007 at 5:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 160e0041dcad8
You are a flaming homophobe.
July 10th, 2007 at 7:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
You are a flaming homophobe.
how so? am i bashing gays? NO. i’m bashing YOU. i know “manly men” can’t stand the thought of being called gay, right?