They told me it was impossible. They told me it was too expensive. They told me it was the stupidest thing they’d ever heard.

They were wrong.

Hold onto your man beans, fellows and gentlemen, while I present the ultimate plan for the ultimate fund raiser: The Man Billboard.

The Man Billboard is an erection in the name of manliness. It’s an erection in the name of that special majority of the commuting workforce who actually get the job done every day — and bust their man ass doing it. That majority is called ‘men’. The Man Billboard is also an erection in the face and hair of the of all those chubby-ankled secretaries — those worker she-bees and profemtionals, who do little more at work each day than text message their boyfriends and annoy workmates with perfume, heels, and fuck-ups.

A penny saved is a woman fired.

Most importantly, the Man Billboard is an erection for you: the loyal readers of MenAreBetterThanWomen.com

Feast your eyes on the majesty — the harmony of art and logic what comprise a ‘fuck You’ to 51% of Earth. Then feast your eyes on the donation meter because only you can make it happen.

When I first envisioned the Man Billboard more than a year ago, they told me it was impossible. I’m not talking about women here. Of course women told me it was impossible. Women think losing twenty pounds or getting married after 30 is impossible. Here’s a marriage tip for women over 30: shut the fuck up and quit chopping your hair off at the shoulder. That looks old. Women probably don’t even understand that billboards can be purchased at all. As usual, women prefer an imaginary world. In this case, one where billboards grow naturally and are aware of upcoming movies.

Advertising companies told me it was impossible. And as business usually does, it makes sense. By accepting my money, any advertising company would be subject to a rain of Molotov Tampons or other silly female retaliations — perhaps a barrage of burning paternity suits for children the advertising company didn’t father. If “not my sperm” doesn’t hold up in court anymore, why should “companies don’t have sperm”?

But thanks to me, that’s all changed.

By leveraging the mighty marketing arm of Simon & Schuster — who are owned by CBS, the channel that airs Dr. Phil — I have been given the rare opportunity to erect manliness in a major metropolitan area. All that’s needed is your help.

The goal is $6,000. I will explain why below.

$5,000 – $10,000

If donations total in this range, the Man Billboard will be erected high above the streets of a major metropolitan area for one month. Whenever I think of it, I like to imagine such a manly gesture flying high above the picket line at an abortion clinic. The symbolism is clear. Women can hold signs, but manliness will always fly high in the sky without effort, keeping an eye on everything and consoling women who are making the right decision.

$11,000 – $25,000

This will erect the Man Billboard in a high demand area and/or within sight of a freeway for one month. Think of someplace that typically has a 60-foot tall man in his underwear. Now think of getting some real manliness in that place. Men are better than women.

$25,000+

Time square, the Sunset Strip, just like when having a son, the sky is the limit with this kind of cash.

Manclusion

We’ve all had a good bit of fun over the years here at MenAreBetterThanWomen.com, but now it’s time to take that fun to the world. Give a dollar, give ten, take a collection hat around your office or army base, do whatever you can to fly manliness high and proud.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 30th, 2008 at 11:58 am and is filed under Manspirations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.