Fat Girls Are Obsessed With Marriage
Fat girls are obsessed with marriage. Their big fat mindsets are warped around the concept of “get all you can”, like a lumped wad of peanut butter and jelly sandwich around the Star Wars thermos inside your lunch box.
For a woman, marriage is an all you can eat buffet of free shit. The ring goes on and the wish list starts cranking out like a broken fax machine; each request more undeserved than the last.
The fatter they are, the more they want their docking-pass to that buffet. Remember that inside every skinny girl, there’s a fucking behemoth just dying to get out.
The biggest fear of every married man is going to bed next to a prom queen and waking up next to a blue ribbon sow.
I get my bacon from the butcher, thank you very much.
How Fat Can She Go?
A great way to tell how fat your future spouse is going to be, is by gaging just how obsessed she is with your wedding. If she can’t go a day without mentioning it, expect a spare tire. If she can’t go a meal, expect a spare truck tire. If she can’t go ten minutes without fiddling with her engagement ring, you’d better stock the Bridal Suite with a few cartons of Tasty Cakes and Ding Dongs. Otherwise, you might not get out alive.
Bridal magazines are also something to beware of. Women can consume entire trays of cookies while reading bridal magazines and not even have noticed. They fall under some kind of fat-hypnosis while looking at pictures of floral patterns and matching white flowers to white gowns. Wedding magazines are like activity coloring books for kids. There’s no words and nothing of any educational value, except with bridal magazines, the only activity that gets done is eating.
When a woman awakes from her stupor, only crumbs remain to tell the tale.
Every wedding planner adds at least twenty pounds to your future ex-wife’s girth; every limo adds two. Every time you have the “DJ vs band” conversation, you just put your 40-year-old self in the sack with a another chin.
Dick Tip
Here’s a Dick Tip for those of you confused enough to get married in the upcoming year. Just like you can put adultery in a prenup, your spouse cheating on you with her friends Ben and Jerry can also be grounds for divorce. Put a ten pound leash on her. Just because it’s on, doesn’t mean you have to yank the shit out of it. It’s called being honest and setting a precedent. When it comes to fatness, you need to start doing both as soon as possible.
Fat girls are obsessed with marriage in the same way poor people power the lottery. Being valued as a person is something a fat girl has given up on long ago. And why shouldn’t she? Even if some fat broad has just as much personal worth as she thinks she does, everyone would still rather have the skinny version around — even the environment would appreciate that. Rarely does one need to “weigh something down” in this modern world.
Fat girls power the Infernal Machine of desperation and hype that drives the wedding industry. Skinny girls don’t really need a wedding. They’re skinny. They can get free shit without a ring. Skinny girls only think they need a wedding because fat girls have been cramming the fantasy down their throats since the day they were born — as soon as they realized the donuts weren’t taking.
Fat girls are like zombies. They have no purpose but to infect all others with their fatness. Don’t leave your daughters alone with them.
If N. W. Ayer can make diamonds a key ingredient in marriage, I can make marriage something only fat girls do. All I need is a billion T-shirts and a silo of glitter.
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I’m going to be serious with this post.
Dick, I have to say don’t knock the fat chicks completely!! LET ME FINISH!!! Like I said before, they give GREAT head and are more uninhibited in bed than skinny chicks. They know they are fat, and you know they are fat, so they have nothing to lose. PLUS, they are sometimes more appreciative than skinny chicks. I’ve had some hot ass, skinny chicks that were fucking lame in bed, because they were hot and we both knew it, so they felt like they didn’t have to do much. Fat chicks are mostly there to please you!!!
And let me clarify: FAT CHICKS ARE ONLY FOR FUCKING!!!!! Do not try to have a relationship with a fat chick, they have so many issues, it’s just, well, sad. ALMOST!!!!
A true and funny story, I fucked this fat chick once, then we ordered pizza, she flipped out and threw the whole pizza out the front door of her house into the front yard!!! Seriously!!! I laughed my ass off, she threw me out and that was that!!!
If I was a woman for a year? (I really thought about this one):
The first thing I would do would be find the manliest man (or five) that I could and fuck him (or them).
Then I would simply act like all women do and get big boobs and try to suck the life and money out of every man that crossed my path!!!
After that, I’m pretty sure I would be totally bored (having a female brain and all) after a month or so, then I would probably end up going crazy and getting locked up!!!
Marriage is for suckers!! If you fall for that whole “till death do us part” bullshit then you will get what you deserve.
I’m single and all of my married friends say to stay that way. It’s like they become people that they really aren’t (after marriage). They really just want to go out with the guys, but they have to stay home with their kids, or go to this kids birthday or that kids birthday. And they are miserable.
And IF they get to go out EVER, it is with strict rules: They HAVE to be home by 2:00am, they have to call “home” and check in every two hours, or their wife is just blowing up their cell phone wanting to know where they are and what they are doing!!!
No thanks!!! It’s like Eddie Murphy said (back in the day) this pussy’s on lease with an option to buy!!!! I prefer to keep it that way!!!!
Nope. That’s why we date 18 year olds.
I would royally fuck up my life, and my boyfriend’s as well.
Physics is not boring. Physics is not for girls. Girls can not comprehend physics any more then they can comprehend behavioral studies or sociology or oceanography.
I’m gonna be completely honest here and say that I’d rather be married then have my nuts pierced. I mean, if we’re really talking literally… Other than that, being that a girl’s shelf-life is 23, marriage makes about as much sense as riding a bicycle with the seat removed.
I bought the nomarriage.com e-book. It is absolutely worth it. I read it every night just to keep reminding myself not to get off course. One of the things he says in the e-book is to have a signed lease or sublet agreement with your live-in girlfriend and pay for everything for her with cash, otherwise she can cry common-law and you’re fucked paying alimony or losing your own house to your ex-girlfriend!
Yeah, its the study of everything in the whole universe. How fascinating It’s in every other science too. I like the light and sound stuff- the waves. In oceanography, the waves were cool too. Very specific study of wave movement to that field.
It explains everything from the smallest particle to objects as big as the biggest suns (ie the whole universe). Personally I can’t understand why people WOULDN’T be interested in the world around them.
*D3C*
Well, you’d make a good high school football player, or even a decent Frat Boy.
But what would you do if you were a *man* for a year? Obviously, you have little idea of what it is to be a man.
el caballo estan comiendo una zanajaria. I know a little bit.
Somethings I learned from this website:
Boob jobs may make you feel better about yourself, sure…But the reasons behind WHY that’s true are sssosoooosososooso very fucking fucked up. Just because it works doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for you.
Sounds like fun I guess…don’t you think it would lead to self esteem issue though? And wouldn’t you be afraid of getting getting ur drink spiked and then raped by these guys that are spending all this money on you who you don’t/wont put out for?I mean, u r a woman now, ur substantially weaker. Plus don’t u think that’s kinda mean?
CODERCH NEEDS TO STOP TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON AND ALSO I DONT THINK HE NEEDS TO WORRY ABOUT MARRIAGE BECUASE NO ONE WANTS TO MARRY A PERSON THAT IS BAT SHIT CRAZY
hey cut the crap with physics (i’m and engineer… so physics is the basic of my shit)
2.. clair… if i were a girl for a year… what i’ll do is go to colombia for extremely cheap touch ups (you know, new racks, lypo… all the shits) then after i spend all my credit on becoming a super sexy whore i’ll hang out with the stupid old guys who can’t handle a bitch like me on the clubs…. so they can pay 900 times what i spent in making my body so desirable….
then when someone ask me what i do for living i’ll tell them i’m a physics college proffesor (so they’ll think i’m smart XD)
belive me… in one fucking year i’ll have more money than donald trump and bill gates together
panamanian (speak spanish)
CODERCH WOULD RATHER GET PIERCED THOUGH THE NUTS THAN GET MARRIED TO A WOMAN!!!!! I WILL NEVER TIE THE KNOT AND HAVE KIDS!!!! LIKE ACHILLES, WHEN I DIE I WILL BE EITHER REMEMBERED BY EVERYONE OR BY NO ONE!!!!! CODERCH CUTS NO DEALS AND MAKES NO PRISIONERS!!!! CODERCH FOR LEADER OF THE WORLD!!!! ALL BOW DOWN AND BEND OVER FOR CODERCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P Coderch
Lol. So true. :P
What do you enjoy about physics so much?
Hey, I liked physics a lot in highschool. I tok an oceanography class when I was getting my undergrad, and I use a lot of the physics stuff in it. I’ll probably pick up some books when I have time in a couple of years.
Clair, If I were a guy, I would also walk around without a shirt all the time. I would get into lots of fights too, and they would be really really bloody.
I would do all the magical mind control tricks that guys do to girls that we don’t understand the workings of. Like when they look at you a certain a for a split second and all of a sudden your crotch starts tingling, and you can’t think for five whole minutes.
.
Whatever makes you feel good about yourself Clair.
Thanks MansVoice. You obviously understand the importance of such a wonderful subject as physics.
*D3C*
Ok, thank you.
@ Clair: If you were looking for Dr Phil episode 2, go to the forums. There are links there which contain allow you to either download or view the episode. Dick was great.
I took physics and got bored. God it is BORING. (No, I’m not discrediting anyone that does it) I’m so much happier doing sociology and human behavioral studies. And all that stuff that naturally goes hand in hand. I LOVE it.
If I was a guy…first I’d pee standing up. Work out like crazy, then act like king shit. I’d go to a bar pick a fight with a bigger guy then me (of course he’d have to do something first) then once I win (coz i’m kick-ass strong) get praised for being tough. Then get the girls to buy me drinks, coz they’re dying to get in my pants, naturally. Then, hmmm, uh, OH!! I’d parade around the streets with no shirt on. That’s all I can think of for now.
Heh, physics major? I am impressed. Good luck with it.