Fat Girls Are Obsessed With Marriage
Fat girls are obsessed with marriage. Their big fat mindsets are warped around the concept of “get all you can”, like a lumped wad of peanut butter and jelly sandwich around the Star Wars thermos inside your lunch box.
For a woman, marriage is an all you can eat buffet of free shit. The ring goes on and the wish list starts cranking out like a broken fax machine; each request more undeserved than the last.
The fatter they are, the more they want their docking-pass to that buffet. Remember that inside every skinny girl, there’s a fucking behemoth just dying to get out.
The biggest fear of every married man is going to bed next to a prom queen and waking up next to a blue ribbon sow.
I get my bacon from the butcher, thank you very much.
How Fat Can She Go?
A great way to tell how fat your future spouse is going to be, is by gaging just how obsessed she is with your wedding. If she can’t go a day without mentioning it, expect a spare tire. If she can’t go a meal, expect a spare truck tire. If she can’t go ten minutes without fiddling with her engagement ring, you’d better stock the Bridal Suite with a few cartons of Tasty Cakes and Ding Dongs. Otherwise, you might not get out alive.
Bridal magazines are also something to beware of. Women can consume entire trays of cookies while reading bridal magazines and not even have noticed. They fall under some kind of fat-hypnosis while looking at pictures of floral patterns and matching white flowers to white gowns. Wedding magazines are like activity coloring books for kids. There’s no words and nothing of any educational value, except with bridal magazines, the only activity that gets done is eating.
When a woman awakes from her stupor, only crumbs remain to tell the tale.
Every wedding planner adds at least twenty pounds to your future ex-wife’s girth; every limo adds two. Every time you have the “DJ vs band” conversation, you just put your 40-year-old self in the sack with a another chin.
Dick Tip
Here’s a Dick Tip for those of you confused enough to get married in the upcoming year. Just like you can put adultery in a prenup, your spouse cheating on you with her friends Ben and Jerry can also be grounds for divorce. Put a ten pound leash on her. Just because it’s on, doesn’t mean you have to yank the shit out of it. It’s called being honest and setting a precedent. When it comes to fatness, you need to start doing both as soon as possible.
Fat girls are obsessed with marriage in the same way poor people power the lottery. Being valued as a person is something a fat girl has given up on long ago. And why shouldn’t she? Even if some fat broad has just as much personal worth as she thinks she does, everyone would still rather have the skinny version around — even the environment would appreciate that. Rarely does one need to “weigh something down” in this modern world.
Fat girls power the Infernal Machine of desperation and hype that drives the wedding industry. Skinny girls don’t really need a wedding. They’re skinny. They can get free shit without a ring. Skinny girls only think they need a wedding because fat girls have been cramming the fantasy down their throats since the day they were born — as soon as they realized the donuts weren’t taking.
Fat girls are like zombies. They have no purpose but to infect all others with their fatness. Don’t leave your daughters alone with them.
If N. W. Ayer can make diamonds a key ingredient in marriage, I can make marriage something only fat girls do. All I need is a billion T-shirts and a silo of glitter.
Related Articles:
Pages: « 9 8 7 6 5 [4] 3 2 1 » Show All
Unless she knew you didn’t want a relationship in the beginning, then I can’t blame her. I woulda been full on cut if I was with some guy and then he turns around and go’s “Nah, I don’t like you, nice booty though. Catch ya round”.
Jen, she got so pissed because she pulled that “Why won’t you be WITH me” shit!! We’d only fucked a few times, and it was fun, a good time was had by all, but she wanted a (ewwwww, I just threw up in my mouth!!) RELATIONSHIP!!! I said no (which she already knew) got pissed, flipped out, threw out the pizza then kicked me out.
I totally agree with TruthSayer, when it comes to competition women get all fucking stupid and fuzzy. They feel bad that they will win a race against another woman with one leg, so they let the one-legged woman win. Then they all hug and cry when the race s over.
With men, you just sack up!! It’s always a competition, but in the end we don’t feel the need to hug or cry, we just enjoy that fact that we are number 1, roister in it, go have some beers then go fuck some chick.
MansVoice, do women ever REALLY win anything?
Exactly. If women cannot reach the level of competition that a man plays his game, they shouldnt be talking shit about equality.
Yeah, women are fucking delusional. They think that if they bang their heads against a brick wall contineously, it will eventually give way. Fuck. Men > Women.
I am a fatass man looking for a super model wife. Will trade my dog for a hot piece of ass since I cannot get laid on my own this is my last option. Fellows please join me in a MAN prayer so that the lord will remove these man breasts from my chest. I often find myself licking my nipples due to lack of sex. I do believe you twits are contributing too women not wanting to give up their Hot Pockets. Thanks for making it harder for the fatman. Nanananananana….FATMAN!
Michelle Wie lost her mind when she had the gall to step up to the man plate.
You call that a “she”? She looks like she just swung out of a tree in the Amazon jungle or something.
*D3C*
<
When a woman wins(the 1%), it will be the talk of every.single.woman for the next ten centuries. Look at marie curie, case in point? Wow, just wow. Classy, ladies.
Mansvoice is right-on!
Ladies is time for a dose of mantruth - The real story of aging Bobby Riggs loss to Martina Natrilova from anyone who knows Riggs was he the consumate hustler and lost on purpose to build up another payday on the rematch but the rug licking box munching Natrilova wouldn’t play the rematch (typical feministic backstab). Serena and Venus Williams played the 100th ranked man in the world right after he had played 18 holes of golf and showed up with a beer and he smoked them both 6-1, 6-1. A few years later when there was a woman entering men’s golf controversy they asked Serena about the level of men vs. women in tennis and she replied; “I’m not going to touch that one.” Another typical sidestep of the gender that can’t face the truth.
That is one reason the title of this website is so fucking funny to me. Men like to compete to see who is the best. I am not competitive at all. I don’t care if I win or lose, because I don’t often feel anything special or satisfying when I win, and I don’t feel any thing particularly stinging when I lose. I feel something special when I snuggle up with a good book.
Problem: Women get fatter the more sex they have IF you fuck them in their vaginas.
Cause: Their bodies begin to prepare for pregnancy. The girl might know you’re wearing a condom & that she’s on the pill but her ‘biology’ is none-the-wiser.
Solution(s): Let her swallow after you’re done fucking her in the ass.
The goal of feminism and most of the hating bitches on this site is to occupy their fat asses because no man will share his fantastic, speed fueled, invention making life with her.
I believe the goal of feminism is for women to gain treatment as equals to men without actually having to perform equally to men. It’s sort of like psychological welfare if you will.
Well, I am fine with competition C. I embrace it, I endorse it and I most certainly welcome it. Women talk a big game but when they lose(which happens 99% of the time), they go out in an unfashionable way. They will be in a state of constant denial. Pulling the equality card is lame. Only the weak do that.
Women just dont get it. When you lose, you lose. Women are treated as equals only because of the graciousness of men. There, I said it. Let me repeat it again: Women are treated equally because of men’s graciousness. Are they worthy? Oh-please, dont make me laugh my balls off.
When a woman wins(the 1%), it will be the talk of every.single.woman for the next ten centuries. Look at marie curie, case in point? Wow, just wow. Classy, ladies.
OK, this is another stupid thing that feminism has done- it’s pointed to here in what truthsayer says-
It puts pressure on women to be like men and compete with them. It says that if you don’t want to do that, then you are not a real woman. It tries to make women more like men and men more like women. It redirects certian standards for men, and women both towards some retarded goal of…I’m not really sure what the goal of feminism is anymore…
In a nutshell, this explains why men are better. Men love to compete and be “better” than the other man”. Equality is for the weak; there is only the strong and the weak… and ever too often, it is the weak who guise their surrender by playing the “equality card”. WOMAN UP if you really wish to compete and beat men.
HAHHAHAHAHA. Much agreed. Men > Women. Rip-pwned.
Why do women hate America and Capitalism?
The answer brings us back to why women don’t evolve. Women HATE to compete.
Men thrive on competition. Literally. Competition makes us stronger, faster, smarter and just plain better. Better than women, better than those who don’t compete and better than our former selves. Men just keep getting better.
Women’s growth on the other hand stagnates because of the evolutionary and economic strategies they employ i.e. cooperation and socialism. When you try to make everyone the same then no one can be better.
Women know this and they know that if their fantasy of equality ever came true that the world would come screeching to a dead stop and we’d all fall off. Which is why women only hate competition when it’s their turn to play the game. They love to watch men compete but they prefer to remain on the sidelines. They’re all cheerleaders at heart, running around in circles, slowly spelling words one letter at a time, and screaming at the top of their lungs about nothing important. When the game is over the score remains the same as always. Men > Women
Women don’t need reasons to do outlandish shit.
Aren’t you going to tell us WHY she threw the pizza in the yard? Does she just hate pizza or what?
That is a hilarious story. Welcome to the site, BB&MB.
-Dick