Fat Girls Are Obsessed With Marriage
Fat girls are obsessed with marriage. Their big fat mindsets are warped around the concept of “get all you can”, like a lumped wad of peanut butter and jelly sandwich around the Star Wars thermos inside your lunch box.
For a woman, marriage is an all you can eat buffet of free shit. The ring goes on and the wish list starts cranking out like a broken fax machine; each request more undeserved than the last.
The fatter they are, the more they want their docking-pass to that buffet. Remember that inside every skinny girl, there’s a fucking behemoth just dying to get out.
The biggest fear of every married man is going to bed next to a prom queen and waking up next to a blue ribbon sow.
I get my bacon from the butcher, thank you very much.
How Fat Can She Go?
A great way to tell how fat your future spouse is going to be, is by gaging just how obsessed she is with your wedding. If she can’t go a day without mentioning it, expect a spare tire. If she can’t go a meal, expect a spare truck tire. If she can’t go ten minutes without fiddling with her engagement ring, you’d better stock the Bridal Suite with a few cartons of Tasty Cakes and Ding Dongs. Otherwise, you might not get out alive.
Bridal magazines are also something to beware of. Women can consume entire trays of cookies while reading bridal magazines and not even have noticed. They fall under some kind of fat-hypnosis while looking at pictures of floral patterns and matching white flowers to white gowns. Wedding magazines are like activity coloring books for kids. There’s no words and nothing of any educational value, except with bridal magazines, the only activity that gets done is eating.
When a woman awakes from her stupor, only crumbs remain to tell the tale.
Every wedding planner adds at least twenty pounds to your future ex-wife’s girth; every limo adds two. Every time you have the “DJ vs band” conversation, you just put your 40-year-old self in the sack with a another chin.
Dick Tip
Here’s a Dick Tip for those of you confused enough to get married in the upcoming year. Just like you can put adultery in a prenup, your spouse cheating on you with her friends Ben and Jerry can also be grounds for divorce. Put a ten pound leash on her. Just because it’s on, doesn’t mean you have to yank the shit out of it. It’s called being honest and setting a precedent. When it comes to fatness, you need to start doing both as soon as possible.
Fat girls are obsessed with marriage in the same way poor people power the lottery. Being valued as a person is something a fat girl has given up on long ago. And why shouldn’t she? Even if some fat broad has just as much personal worth as she thinks she does, everyone would still rather have the skinny version around — even the environment would appreciate that. Rarely does one need to “weigh something down” in this modern world.
Fat girls power the Infernal Machine of desperation and hype that drives the wedding industry. Skinny girls don’t really need a wedding. They’re skinny. They can get free shit without a ring. Skinny girls only think they need a wedding because fat girls have been cramming the fantasy down their throats since the day they were born — as soon as they realized the donuts weren’t taking.
Fat girls are like zombies. They have no purpose but to infect all others with their fatness. Don’t leave your daughters alone with them.
If N. W. Ayer can make diamonds a key ingredient in marriage, I can make marriage something only fat girls do. All I need is a billion T-shirts and a silo of glitter.
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November 14th, 2007 at 4:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 36db0c7b65d25
Yeah, its the study of everything in the whole universe. How fascinating It’s in every other science too. I like the light and sound stuff- the waves. In oceanography, the waves were cool too. Very specific study of wave movement to that field.
November 14th, 2007 at 9:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: ae179e9967da1
Nope. That’s why we date 18 year olds.
I would royally fuck up my life, and my boyfriend’s as well.
Physics is not boring. Physics is not for girls. Girls can not comprehend physics any more then they can comprehend behavioral studies or sociology or oceanography.
I’m gonna be completely honest here and say that I’d rather be married then have my nuts pierced. I mean, if we’re really talking literally… Other than that, being that a girl’s shelf-life is 23, marriage makes about as much sense as riding a bicycle with the seat removed.
I bought the nomarriage.com e-book. It is absolutely worth it. I read it every night just to keep reminding myself not to get off course. One of the things he says in the e-book is to have a signed lease or sublet agreement with your live-in girlfriend and pay for everything for her with cash, otherwise she can cry common-law and you’re fucked paying alimony or losing your own house to your ex-girlfriend!
November 14th, 2007 at 10:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: dd54a06b85169
I’m going to be serious with this post.
Dick, I have to say don’t knock the fat chicks completely!! LET ME FINISH!!! Like I said before, they give GREAT head and are more uninhibited in bed than skinny chicks. They know they are fat, and you know they are fat, so they have nothing to lose. PLUS, they are sometimes more appreciative than skinny chicks. I’ve had some hot ass, skinny chicks that were fucking lame in bed, because they were hot and we both knew it, so they felt like they didn’t have to do much. Fat chicks are mostly there to please you!!!
And let me clarify: FAT CHICKS ARE ONLY FOR FUCKING!!!!! Do not try to have a relationship with a fat chick, they have so many issues, it’s just, well, sad. ALMOST!!!!
A true and funny story, I fucked this fat chick once, then we ordered pizza, she flipped out and threw the whole pizza out the front door of her house into the front yard!!! Seriously!!! I laughed my ass off, she threw me out and that was that!!!
If I was a woman for a year? (I really thought about this one):
The first thing I would do would be find the manliest man (or five) that I could and fuck him (or them).
Then I would simply act like all women do and get big boobs and try to suck the life and money out of every man that crossed my path!!!
After that, I’m pretty sure I would be totally bored (having a female brain and all) after a month or so, then I would probably end up going crazy and getting locked up!!!
Marriage is for suckers!! If you fall for that whole “till death do us part” bullshit then you will get what you deserve.
I’m single and all of my married friends say to stay that way. It’s like they become people that they really aren’t (after marriage). They really just want to go out with the guys, but they have to stay home with their kids, or go to this kids birthday or that kids birthday. And they are miserable.
And IF they get to go out EVER, it is with strict rules: They HAVE to be home by 2:00am, they have to call “home” and check in every two hours, or their wife is just blowing up their cell phone wanting to know where they are and what they are doing!!!
No thanks!!! It’s like Eddie Murphy said (back in the day) this pussy’s on lease with an option to buy!!!! I prefer to keep it that way!!!!
November 15th, 2007 at 12:02 am - IP Man-Hash: e36376410e1aa
That is a hilarious story. Welcome to the site, BB&MB.
-Dick
November 15th, 2007 at 8:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 1252893d0f4f5
Aren’t you going to tell us WHY she threw the pizza in the yard? Does she just hate pizza or what?
November 15th, 2007 at 9:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 0264d76590fb0
Women don’t need reasons to do outlandish shit.
November 15th, 2007 at 11:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 03bafb28a232f
Why do women hate America and Capitalism?
The answer brings us back to why women don’t evolve. Women HATE to compete.
Men thrive on competition. Literally. Competition makes us stronger, faster, smarter and just plain better. Better than women, better than those who don’t compete and better than our former selves. Men just keep getting better.
Women’s growth on the other hand stagnates because of the evolutionary and economic strategies they employ i.e. cooperation and socialism. When you try to make everyone the same then no one can be better.
Women know this and they know that if their fantasy of equality ever came true that the world would come screeching to a dead stop and we’d all fall off. Which is why women only hate competition when it’s their turn to play the game. They love to watch men compete but they prefer to remain on the sidelines. They’re all cheerleaders at heart, running around in circles, slowly spelling words one letter at a time, and screaming at the top of their lungs about nothing important. When the game is over the score remains the same as always. Men > Women
November 15th, 2007 at 11:38 am - IP Man-Hash: f32d1ac5471cf
In a nutshell, this explains why men are better. Men love to compete and be “better” than the other man”. Equality is for the weak; there is only the strong and the weak… and ever too often, it is the weak who guise their surrender by playing the “equality card”. WOMAN UP if you really wish to compete and beat men.
HAHHAHAHAHA. Much agreed. Men > Women. Rip-pwned.
November 15th, 2007 at 11:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 36db0c7b65d25
November 15th, 2007 at 11:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 36db0c7b65d25
OK, this is another stupid thing that feminism has done- it’s pointed to here in what truthsayer says-
It puts pressure on women to be like men and compete with them. It says that if you don’t want to do that, then you are not a real woman. It tries to make women more like men and men more like women. It redirects certian standards for men, and women both towards some retarded goal of…I’m not really sure what the goal of feminism is anymore…
November 15th, 2007 at 11:52 am - IP Man-Hash: a4d09f925fa82
Well, I am fine with competition C. I embrace it, I endorse it and I most certainly welcome it. Women talk a big game but when they lose(which happens 99% of the time), they go out in an unfashionable way. They will be in a state of constant denial. Pulling the equality card is lame. Only the weak do that.
Women just dont get it. When you lose, you lose. Women are treated as equals only because of the graciousness of men. There, I said it. Let me repeat it again: Women are treated equally because of men’s graciousness. Are they worthy? Oh-please, dont make me laugh my balls off.
When a woman wins(the 1%), it will be the talk of every.single.woman for the next ten centuries. Look at marie curie, case in point? Wow, just wow. Classy, ladies.
November 15th, 2007 at 11:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 03bafb28a232f
I believe the goal of feminism is for women to gain treatment as equals to men without actually having to perform equally to men. It’s sort of like psychological welfare if you will.
November 15th, 2007 at 1:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0264d76590fb0
The goal of feminism and most of the hating bitches on this site is to occupy their fat asses because no man will share his fantastic, speed fueled, invention making life with her.
November 15th, 2007 at 4:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf1f8818f8ec7
Problem: Women get fatter the more sex they have IF you fuck them in their vaginas.
Cause: Their bodies begin to prepare for pregnancy. The girl might know you’re wearing a condom & that she’s on the pill but her ‘biology’ is none-the-wiser.
Solution(s): Let her swallow after you’re done fucking her in the ass.
November 15th, 2007 at 5:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 36db0c7b65d25
November 15th, 2007 at 5:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 36db0c7b65d25
That is one reason the title of this website is so fucking funny to me. Men like to compete to see who is the best. I am not competitive at all. I don’t care if I win or lose, because I don’t often feel anything special or satisfying when I win, and I don’t feel any thing particularly stinging when I lose. I feel something special when I snuggle up with a good book.
November 15th, 2007 at 5:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7381abe25f9d0
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When a woman wins(the 1%), it will be the talk of every.single.woman for the next ten centuries. Look at marie curie, case in point? Wow, just wow. Classy, ladies.
Mansvoice is right-on!
Ladies is time for a dose of mantruth - The real story of aging Bobby Riggs loss to Martina Natrilova from anyone who knows Riggs was he the consumate hustler and lost on purpose to build up another payday on the rematch but the rug licking box munching Natrilova wouldn’t play the rematch (typical feministic backstab). Serena and Venus Williams played the 100th ranked man in the world right after he had played 18 holes of golf and showed up with a beer and he smoked them both 6-1, 6-1. A few years later when there was a woman entering men’s golf controversy they asked Serena about the level of men vs. women in tennis and she replied; “I’m not going to touch that one.” Another typical sidestep of the gender that can’t face the truth.
November 15th, 2007 at 6:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7586d57fa190e
You call that a “she”? She looks like she just swung out of a tree in the Amazon jungle or something.
*D3C*
November 15th, 2007 at 6:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: 24ca0b053e563
Michelle Wie lost her mind when she had the gall to step up to the man plate.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4e5f55f1ca283
I am a fatass man looking for a super model wife. Will trade my dog for a hot piece of ass since I cannot get laid on my own this is my last option. Fellows please join me in a MAN prayer so that the lord will remove these man breasts from my chest. I often find myself licking my nipples due to lack of sex. I do believe you twits are contributing too women not wanting to give up their Hot Pockets. Thanks for making it harder for the fatman. Nanananananana….FATMAN!