Fat Girls Are Obsessed With Marriage
Fat girls are obsessed with marriage. Their big fat mindsets are warped around the concept of “get all you can”, like a lumped wad of peanut butter and jelly sandwich around the Star Wars thermos inside your lunch box.
For a woman, marriage is an all you can eat buffet of free shit. The ring goes on and the wish list starts cranking out like a broken fax machine; each request more undeserved than the last.
The fatter they are, the more they want their docking-pass to that buffet. Remember that inside every skinny girl, there’s a fucking behemoth just dying to get out.
The biggest fear of every married man is going to bed next to a prom queen and waking up next to a blue ribbon sow.
I get my bacon from the butcher, thank you very much.
How Fat Can She Go?
A great way to tell how fat your future spouse is going to be, is by gaging just how obsessed she is with your wedding. If she can’t go a day without mentioning it, expect a spare tire. If she can’t go a meal, expect a spare truck tire. If she can’t go ten minutes without fiddling with her engagement ring, you’d better stock the Bridal Suite with a few cartons of Tasty Cakes and Ding Dongs. Otherwise, you might not get out alive.
Bridal magazines are also something to beware of. Women can consume entire trays of cookies while reading bridal magazines and not even have noticed. They fall under some kind of fat-hypnosis while looking at pictures of floral patterns and matching white flowers to white gowns. Wedding magazines are like activity coloring books for kids. There’s no words and nothing of any educational value, except with bridal magazines, the only activity that gets done is eating.
When a woman awakes from her stupor, only crumbs remain to tell the tale.
Every wedding planner adds at least twenty pounds to your future ex-wife’s girth; every limo adds two. Every time you have the “DJ vs band” conversation, you just put your 40-year-old self in the sack with a another chin.
Dick Tip
Here’s a Dick Tip for those of you confused enough to get married in the upcoming year. Just like you can put adultery in a prenup, your spouse cheating on you with her friends Ben and Jerry can also be grounds for divorce. Put a ten pound leash on her. Just because it’s on, doesn’t mean you have to yank the shit out of it. It’s called being honest and setting a precedent. When it comes to fatness, you need to start doing both as soon as possible.
Fat girls are obsessed with marriage in the same way poor people power the lottery. Being valued as a person is something a fat girl has given up on long ago. And why shouldn’t she? Even if some fat broad has just as much personal worth as she thinks she does, everyone would still rather have the skinny version around — even the environment would appreciate that. Rarely does one need to “weigh something down” in this modern world.
Fat girls power the Infernal Machine of desperation and hype that drives the wedding industry. Skinny girls don’t really need a wedding. They’re skinny. They can get free shit without a ring. Skinny girls only think they need a wedding because fat girls have been cramming the fantasy down their throats since the day they were born — as soon as they realized the donuts weren’t taking.
Fat girls are like zombies. They have no purpose but to infect all others with their fatness. Don’t leave your daughters alone with them.
If N. W. Ayer can make diamonds a key ingredient in marriage, I can make marriage something only fat girls do. All I need is a billion T-shirts and a silo of glitter.
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November 13th, 2007 at 9:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: fc467dde80cb2
If a perverted mind gets me through a physics major, I’d hate to have whatever you’re having.
*D3C*
November 13th, 2007 at 9:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: fc467dde80cb2
Feel sorry for myself, like every woman should.
*D3C*
November 13th, 2007 at 10:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 36db0c7b65d25
Claire,
What would you do it you were a guy for a year? I’d build one of those kit cars.
November 13th, 2007 at 10:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7b55501cead9a
Heh, physics major? I am impressed. Good luck with it.
November 13th, 2007 at 10:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
If I was a guy…first I’d pee standing up. Work out like crazy, then act like king shit. I’d go to a bar pick a fight with a bigger guy then me (of course he’d have to do something first) then once I win (coz i’m kick-ass strong) get praised for being tough. Then get the girls to buy me drinks, coz they’re dying to get in my pants, naturally. Then, hmmm, uh, OH!! I’d parade around the streets with no shirt on. That’s all I can think of for now.
November 13th, 2007 at 10:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
I took physics and got bored. God it is BORING. (No, I’m not discrediting anyone that does it) I’m so much happier doing sociology and human behavioral studies. And all that stuff that naturally goes hand in hand. I LOVE it.
November 13th, 2007 at 10:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8c8553e6cee5f
@ Clair: If you were looking for Dr Phil episode 2, go to the forums. There are links there which contain allow you to either download or view the episode. Dick was great.
November 13th, 2007 at 10:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Ok, thank you.
November 13th, 2007 at 10:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: fc467dde80cb2
.
Whatever makes you feel good about yourself Clair.
Thanks MansVoice. You obviously understand the importance of such a wonderful subject as physics.
*D3C*
November 13th, 2007 at 10:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 36db0c7b65d25
Hey, I liked physics a lot in highschool. I tok an oceanography class when I was getting my undergrad, and I use a lot of the physics stuff in it. I’ll probably pick up some books when I have time in a couple of years.
Clair, If I were a guy, I would also walk around without a shirt all the time. I would get into lots of fights too, and they would be really really bloody.
I would do all the magical mind control tricks that guys do to girls that we don’t understand the workings of. Like when they look at you a certain a for a split second and all of a sudden your crotch starts tingling, and you can’t think for five whole minutes.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
What do you enjoy about physics so much?
November 13th, 2007 at 11:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Lol. So true. :P
November 14th, 2007 at 12:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 90e246a2b8264
CODERCH WOULD RATHER GET PIERCED THOUGH THE NUTS THAN GET MARRIED TO A WOMAN!!!!! I WILL NEVER TIE THE KNOT AND HAVE KIDS!!!! LIKE ACHILLES, WHEN I DIE I WILL BE EITHER REMEMBERED BY EVERYONE OR BY NO ONE!!!!! CODERCH CUTS NO DEALS AND MAKES NO PRISIONERS!!!! CODERCH FOR LEADER OF THE WORLD!!!! ALL BOW DOWN AND BEND OVER FOR CODERCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P Coderch
November 14th, 2007 at 6:35 am - IP Man-Hash: f28400cbeab00
panamanian (speak spanish)
November 14th, 2007 at 6:45 am - IP Man-Hash: f28400cbeab00
hey cut the crap with physics (i’m and engineer… so physics is the basic of my shit)
2.. clair… if i were a girl for a year… what i’ll do is go to colombia for extremely cheap touch ups (you know, new racks, lypo… all the shits) then after i spend all my credit on becoming a super sexy whore i’ll hang out with the stupid old guys who can’t handle a bitch like me on the clubs…. so they can pay 900 times what i spent in making my body so desirable….
then when someone ask me what i do for living i’ll tell them i’m a physics college proffesor (so they’ll think i’m smart XD)
belive me… in one fucking year i’ll have more money than donald trump and bill gates together
November 14th, 2007 at 6:53 am - IP Man-Hash: 1252893d0f4f5
CODERCH NEEDS TO STOP TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON AND ALSO I DONT THINK HE NEEDS TO WORRY ABOUT MARRIAGE BECUASE NO ONE WANTS TO MARRY A PERSON THAT IS BAT SHIT CRAZY
November 14th, 2007 at 6:57 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Sounds like fun I guess…don’t you think it would lead to self esteem issue though? And wouldn’t you be afraid of getting getting ur drink spiked and then raped by these guys that are spending all this money on you who you don’t/wont put out for?I mean, u r a woman now, ur substantially weaker. Plus don’t u think that’s kinda mean?
November 14th, 2007 at 7:18 am - IP Man-Hash: 36db0c7b65d25
el caballo estan comiendo una zanajaria. I know a little bit.
Somethings I learned from this website:
Boob jobs may make you feel better about yourself, sure…But the reasons behind WHY that’s true are sssosoooosososooso very fucking fucked up. Just because it works doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for you.
November 14th, 2007 at 8:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 2c8448dad3d5f
Well, you’d make a good high school football player, or even a decent Frat Boy.
But what would you do if you were a *man* for a year? Obviously, you have little idea of what it is to be a man.
November 14th, 2007 at 3:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 25ac63bcc2056
It explains everything from the smallest particle to objects as big as the biggest suns (ie the whole universe). Personally I can’t understand why people WOULDN’T be interested in the world around them.
*D3C*