Fat Girls Are Obsessed With Marriage
Fat girls are obsessed with marriage. Their big fat mindsets are warped around the concept of “get all you can”, like a lumped wad of peanut butter and jelly sandwich around the Star Wars thermos inside your lunch box.
For a woman, marriage is an all you can eat buffet of free shit. The ring goes on and the wish list starts cranking out like a broken fax machine; each request more undeserved than the last.
The fatter they are, the more they want their docking-pass to that buffet. Remember that inside every skinny girl, there’s a fucking behemoth just dying to get out.
The biggest fear of every married man is going to bed next to a prom queen and waking up next to a blue ribbon sow.
I get my bacon from the butcher, thank you very much.
How Fat Can She Go?
A great way to tell how fat your future spouse is going to be, is by gaging just how obsessed she is with your wedding. If she can’t go a day without mentioning it, expect a spare tire. If she can’t go a meal, expect a spare truck tire. If she can’t go ten minutes without fiddling with her engagement ring, you’d better stock the Bridal Suite with a few cartons of Tasty Cakes and Ding Dongs. Otherwise, you might not get out alive.
Bridal magazines are also something to beware of. Women can consume entire trays of cookies while reading bridal magazines and not even have noticed. They fall under some kind of fat-hypnosis while looking at pictures of floral patterns and matching white flowers to white gowns. Wedding magazines are like activity coloring books for kids. There’s no words and nothing of any educational value, except with bridal magazines, the only activity that gets done is eating.
When a woman awakes from her stupor, only crumbs remain to tell the tale.
Every wedding planner adds at least twenty pounds to your future ex-wife’s girth; every limo adds two. Every time you have the “DJ vs band” conversation, you just put your 40-year-old self in the sack with a another chin.
Dick Tip
Here’s a Dick Tip for those of you confused enough to get married in the upcoming year. Just like you can put adultery in a prenup, your spouse cheating on you with her friends Ben and Jerry can also be grounds for divorce. Put a ten pound leash on her. Just because it’s on, doesn’t mean you have to yank the shit out of it. It’s called being honest and setting a precedent. When it comes to fatness, you need to start doing both as soon as possible.
Fat girls are obsessed with marriage in the same way poor people power the lottery. Being valued as a person is something a fat girl has given up on long ago. And why shouldn’t she? Even if some fat broad has just as much personal worth as she thinks she does, everyone would still rather have the skinny version around — even the environment would appreciate that. Rarely does one need to “weigh something down” in this modern world.
Fat girls power the Infernal Machine of desperation and hype that drives the wedding industry. Skinny girls don’t really need a wedding. They’re skinny. They can get free shit without a ring. Skinny girls only think they need a wedding because fat girls have been cramming the fantasy down their throats since the day they were born — as soon as they realized the donuts weren’t taking.
Fat girls are like zombies. They have no purpose but to infect all others with their fatness. Don’t leave your daughters alone with them.
If N. W. Ayer can make diamonds a key ingredient in marriage, I can make marriage something only fat girls do. All I need is a billion T-shirts and a silo of glitter.
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There goes Dick again with more man-brilliance to shove in your cavernous man-noggin. As a man haven’t you ever wondered why the fuck skinny women hang out with useless fucking jabba the hut junkets with “juicy” plastered across their 1 acre wide ass so-called friends?
Why do skinny chicks “need” to hang out with fat chicks?
1 reason is to give a little bit of ego-boosting another is to listen to all their complaints about men not “loving” them for who they are instead of looking at their bodies.
I personally love that bullshit phrase–fat women always use that one: “I just want to be loved for who I am”.
We do women, we do “love” you for who you are, you are fucking 100 pounds overweight and that’s like putting a nuclear waste symbol over your flatulent, inner-tube gut that says “get the fuck away from me I’m hazardous waste!”
We love you for who you are because any man worth his salt sees a women like you and loves the fact that he can make a split second decision not waste a fucking second of his time talking to your overweight ass!
Fat chicks already gave up on caring about what people think of them, they just rephrase it as sort of reverse psychology: “love” me for who I am-bullshit–which tells men that you, the fat women, do not give a fuck what we tell you to do or not do for your own good.
In case you didn’t recognize my point by now it is fat women are fucked, they mind as well all jump off a cliff!
ahaha
Wait wait wait.. hold up a sec there… Dick clearly stated “If she can’t go a day without mentioning it, expect a spare tire. If she can’t go a meal, expect a spare truck tire. If she can’t go ten minutes without fiddling with her engagement ring, you’d better stock the Bridal Suite with a few cartons of Tasty Cakes and Ding Dongs. Otherwise, you might not get out alive.” So contrary to your statement, because his fiance doesn’t care, she’s probably NOT fat, and he can actually expect his new wife to only have a “spare tire”. Thus he can expect MINIMAL fatness. Stupid woman hating bull fag. Didn’t anyone tell you, dicks are for chicks. Stop spreading hate, and go find some love on match.com, just stay away from eharmony, they discriminate against gay people.
Some Woman
Fucking grow up.
-Darkspace
I am a woman and don’t see why all these cunts have their panties in a twist. This is a very funny site. And as much as I hate to admit it you were right about alot of things. Women get married for money. They do not know when to shut the fuck up,and buying them crap is the same as them charging men twenty bucks. In other words they are whores. Which is sad because it makes working women like me who have a future look bad. Not all women are money hungry whores,just most are.
Well fucking done.
-Dick
Dick, I linked this article to a blog that a fat girl wrote… here was the response I got:
What the FUCK is that?
First off, absolutely not. I’m sorry that you wasted your time to write or even copy & paste that irrelevant bullshit into my blog. You must have been confused thinking that you have a right to do so, but then again who can be surprised what with your pretentious attitude & bullshit superiority complex against the rest of the world. I’m sure you were laughing the whole way thinking that somehow you were a badass while you did it.
Guess what? No one wants to put up with your displaced hostility. I get the jealousy thing. Keep telling yourself things like that aren’t an important part of life, okay? The more you try to convince yourself, the more people like me will be there to remind you that you’re only pissed because you realize that being such a fucking tool that no one would ever want you for the long haul & that by downplaying important life situations that you’ll never find yourself in, makes you feel better in your pathetic life.
I’m sure the boys of girls of myspace think you’re oh so important & intellectual with your nihilistic bullshit. I’m not everyone else & I don’t buy your bullshit. Grow the fuck up.
It amused me, to say the least. Seems like a lot of women just don’t “get Dick”
Men are better than women because… we have fucking cocks.
Hi All,
Wow….what a great site!
I will keep this short. I was a ‘true believer’ and I was with the one woman for 23 years, raised her two kids from a previous marriage, raised our two as well. As soon as that woman poped out the second baby it was “what, me work? why should I do that when I’ve got a man to work for me.” and she has refused to go back to work the last 14 years. She had an IT Degree and a great job in a global IT company on good money…and she quit and never went back to work again….she figured I would do the honourable thing and stay for the kids, and she was right…..
We have been in finanical disarray because of the expenses etc….and when I finally put my foot down…22.5 years too late….and cut off the money she promptly attacked my in the Irish court system wanted 100% of the marital assets.
The real ’surprise’ to me was that every single one of her useless woman friends is supporting her and I am just shit out of luck for all I have done for this woman and her two ungrateful daughters…even her own adult son has called her “the poster child for anti-femminism”.
One result of my experience is that I am committed to making sure young men everywhere learn two important lessons from my life experience, if they are willing to listen:
1. Do not get legally married under any circumstances.
2. Do not have a baby with a woman.
By having a baby you are handing over all your power not to mention most of your income for 20 years. If you want a baby, use a surrogate or adopt one and take 100% responsibility for the baby yourself.
And by the way, having raised 4 children I can tell you it is over-rated. My kids will not even pick up the phone to answer my calls despite the fact I earned and paid for every piece of food they have ever put in their mouth, every stitch of clothing on their back, the roof over their head and the education they will use for the rest of their life.
Learn those two things and you have just learned the two things that will make you more money than anything else you could ever learn.
I have made over USD1M in the last 5 years and there is not a cracker left. I have earned over USD130K every year for the last 13 years and at 44 the bitch is trying to leave me penniless despite me raising her kids and my own…and despite here refusing to work these last 14 years…..and not one woman thinks there is anything wrong with this picture….
THAT is how disgusting these women are…and every single one of them is the same (except your mum and mine)….
And a site like this is a great place for a man who was ‘one of the best’ who got screwed over and was not assisted by one woman to post and warn young guys just do not go down the same path…..
Indeed, go and get the snip to make sure no woman can put holes in the condom and get babies by you.
Yes…I was stupid to believe that I might be paid some respect for what I had done these last 20 years….I got none…and those young men who read this….you have been warned…do not make my mistake……you just got USD1M worth of advice…I recommend you use it!!!!
Well we inject women with testosterone in order to increase their libido and responsiveness during sex so what John said is actually totally true. I bet it is totally possible that John had zero training in this regard but his mantastic manbrain was able to deduce this secret of life. A woman would never have realized this fact unless a man had discovered it and told it to her…….this site never ceases to amaze me.
Men should NOT get married EVER. The mangina named Zach has failed to realize what a fucking idiot he is because if his “fiancee” does not care for the glitz and glamour why is she insisting that they get a legal marriage certificate? As we real men know, in order to have him by the balls until she finally decides to get rid of him and take away all his hard earned material possessions in addition to making him pay alimony and child support for the rest of his pathetic life.
Let’s not kid ourselves here. We men must INSIST that the legal marriage contract is absolutely OBSOLETE. This is the only way we can protect the future of the human species.
so true
as a result of pure boredom/alchohol i indulged in a harrowed fantasy of parking my cock in a fat chick, and her eagerness kept me around for a couple of weeks
i thought everything was okay until she “jokingly” picked a honeymoon destination and named our children
needless to say within a few days she wasn’t sure if i was still alive, and to this day i hope she refers to me as “the one that got away”… unlike any of her meals which never, ever fucking got away
maybe one day she can marry her self-esteem and become a skinny woman, then i might get back in touch and see what her hopes and dreams can do for me
ah, memories….
Seeing how research has found out that a woman’s orgasm is more of the mind shutting down then pleasure, I say men.
and it makes me wonder…women have multiple orgasms, so who’s better? hmmm.
Women have some dose of testosterone. Many women enver have orgasms. Those whores love the attention they get from being… whores.
It’s alright Doubt. For what it is worth, I would not send any of my boys to school in that t-shirt. For the simple fact I wouldn’t want their teachers to have it out for them….
I’m sorry about that last post, I must have taken it out of context. I now see that you were criticizing the school system, not placing your children up in some figurative mockery of our values. Ah well, we all make mistakes…
So you’d use - USE - your children and make them SUFFER just to prove a point. You are a horrible mother.
If I bought one of your t-shirts for my boys and sent them to school in it, I wonder how long it would take for the teacher to give me a call? School starts at 8:05am, so probably 8:15am. I should just do it…
My sister is getting married. This is going to be her Bridal Shower gift ;D
Click on it.
-Dick