I get countless emails and comments from irate women bemoaning my spelling and grammar. What the fuck do irate women know about spelling and grammar? Compared to other genders, female literacy rates are appallingly low. That’s why I’m taking it upon myself to declare June “Female Literacy Month�? and offer the following incentive for women to improve their abysmal spellsmanship.
As of July 1st 12 noon, the woman who finds the most spelling mistakes on this website, made by yours truly, will be given her choice of $50 or I will purchase a video game for a starving child. I’ll leave the choice up to her, so I think we all know which she’s going to pick.
Women are so fucking selfish.
Maybe female illiteracy is why women can’t figure out how to use birth control. To women, “Take one pill every day,” looks like, “Take a handful of pills every few days and believe in Jesus.” Well Jesus isn’t a big fan of birth control so fuck you. If women could read The Bible, they would know that.
I haven’t made a single spelling error on this site. Manjoyment, mantivities, and mangasm aren’t misspelled words. If I see them in a submission, it is automantically disqualified. There are also more rules.
Female Literacy Month Rules
1. All submissions must be emailed to me no later than July 1st, noon GMT.
2. All words must be accompanied by the URL on which they appear.
3. In case of a tie, the earliest submission is the winner.
4. Lists with correctly spelled words will be disqualified.
5. Italicized words and words with “man�? in them are not misspelled and will be disqualified.
6. Since women don’t know how to use dictionaries, a man is allowed to verify the misspelled words, but not help find them.
7. All participants must be under 190 pounds for liability purposes. I don’t want to get any of you fatties so excited your hearts explode.
8. The choice of a selfish $50 or a video game for a starving child must be clearly marked in the submission.
9. The video game might be Gears of War, but it also might be Nintendogs.
Like when it comes to fighting for peace in the Middle East or apologizing for spilling my beer all over my pants last weekend, I expect women to be a no show on this one.
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