Female Tourettes Syndrome
I’ve mentioned Female Tourettes Syndrome in the past, and because it is one of the biggest reasons why men are better than women, I thought I would commemorate this Labor Day by expanding on the topic.
Labor Day is a very manly holiday, after all. Labor Day is why Father’s Day is bullshit. You don’t celebrate two Halloweens or two New Year’s. When compared to a day honoring labor, Father’s Day is redundant.
If there was a day dedicated to buying three times as much crap at a 50% off sale, or spilling fancy candle wax all over the carpet, then we wouldn’t need Mother’s Day.
Female Tourettes Syndrome is a woman’s inability to keep her mouth shut. It manifests largely in three ways.
Endless Fucking Questions
If there’s a stupid question about any topic, then a woman will imagine it and ask it with the confidence of Sherlock Holmes.
“I’m going to the store,” you might say. “Why?” asks a woman, stupidly. This is due to her Female Tourettes Syndrome.
FTS prevents a woman from being quiet and thinking about something before she starts flapping her scone-hole about it. Men are great philosophers, diplomats, and authors, because we can sit back and think about what’s going on before speaking. We can answer all the stupid questions on our own. Women make lousy all of the above’s for the same reason they make lousy lovers while you’re staying at your parents’ house during Christmas: they can’t keep their fucking mouths shut.
I’m going to the store to buy something. Why the fuck else has anyone ever gone to the store? To look around?
Endless Fucking Speaking
Women are like those tightly-coiled spring door stops with the little rubber bit on the end. You give them one little prod and they erupt with obnoxious sounds like a broken fan belt. Those things are fun as hell until you’re 12. Female Tourettes Syndrome.
The secret to getting laid is to rev up the talking part of a woman’s brain like it’s a bicycle flipped upside down. The speech and sex sectors of a she-brain are right next to each other. It doesn’t take anything more than timing to get them spinning like tops. Female Tourettes Syndrome.
Men speak in well-timed spikes of brilliance. That’s the heartbeat of commerce. Women speak like lawn darts: huge arcs that no one gives a fuck about unless it’s coming down on your head. Female Tourettes Syndrome.
Endless Fucking Complaining
No matter how good a woman has it, you’d never be able to tell by the way she talks. Women hate happiness. That’s why they don’t like taking their tops off at football games and why they like puppies so much. Puppies piss all over everything. That does not equal happiness.
Even if a woman married a millionaire and had ten kids by five different guys, she’s as far from happiness as an innocent man on death row. Despite that she’s living every woman’s dream.
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One of the many, many reasons I got divorced again was the endless questions (why,why,why,why).
Several Christmases ago we had family over. Everyone was enjoing pleasent conversation, Christmas music, libations etc.
My (then) wife was in the kitchen and I had to go to the can to drop the atlantic cable.
She actually screamed my name so loud that everything in the room came to a schreeching halt like one of those old EF Hutton commercials .
She yelled “XXXX where the hell are you”
My reply, muffled through the thick wooden door “I’m in the bathroom”
“what are you doing”?
Unbelievable!!.
This didn’t require a phi beta cappa from Harvard to figure out.
What the fuck did she think I was doing in there, baking a cake??
FTS in spades!
-Banzai
In conclusion, men solve problems. Women, create problems for themselves and in their lives.
nicely done, i especially like the last statement you made, women are never happy period.
Shit Chris Rock said it the best “you cant make a woman happy, i’ve never met a happy women in my life, women always complainin about somethin, women like to complain, women save up shit to complain about, “oh he dont even know that i know ima get his ass on that shit next month”.
They like fuckin complaining, they love it, no matter what you do she’ll be mad, you could fuck a woman with a diamond dick and make her cum 10 times she’ll still complain, “why u make me cum so hard”.”
No matter what you do your woman is mad at you.
-If you work all the time “Why you always work all the time, you aint never home, you always leavin me, i hate this shit.”
-If your home all the time “why you all up under me, let me get some fuckin room to breath, damn stop sweatin me, i hate this shit.”
-If you make more money than her “Fuck you, I wanna make decisions too, you aint my fuckin daddy i dont need you to take care of me, i hate this shit.”
-If she makes more money than you “You broke mutha fucka, you never have no fuckin money, fuck this shit, i dont wanna make all these decisions, i need to be takin care of, i hate this shit.”
The illogical bullshit continues.
MABTW: Welcome to Feminist Dystopia!
- Timbaland ft Keri Hilson - The way i are
This is a tremendous idea.
-Dick
Female notion of entertainment.
- Marc Romboy vs Booka Shade - Everyday day in my life (Martin landsky remix)
Men should at all times carry with them a picture of a starving African child and when the woman is about 5 minutes into her ranting and raving about something ….just calmly reach into your pocket and hold up the picture.
-FIN
Endless Questions…
Women expecting Men to provide all the answers for them on a shiny silver plate, as usual. You’ll never see any guy doing this to a woman. Men MAKE it happen…women let it happen.
Endless Speaking…
Like cheap wine, there’s never much point in having too much of it, or any. A smaller amount of quality wine will always be far more preferable.
Endless Complaining…
The entitlement problem, incarnate. You never see starving africans bitching about their fucked up life. They appreciate anything and everything that helps, whatever it might be. If anyone has a “right” to complain about shit, it’s probably them. This goes for blind people, torture victims and anyone else who genuinely drew the short straw in life. Western women are NOT in that category…complaining is unacceptable.
I have to remember that one.
Holy shit, Dick! Didn’t you know that women have this thing called ‘window shopping’? That is where they go to the shops and look around and not buy anything.
I’ve tagged along on quite a few of these excursions in a shameless attempt to get laid (which failed more often than not).
One cannot over emphasize the accuracy of your rant
Touché
Class just class