The Laws of Women

[wolfe]

*this post will be periodically edited by me to reflect changes based on comments.*
It strikes my fancy that this might be an interesting topic to discuss and refine over some months.

I suggest that we should be able to formulate approximately 10 laws (I'd limit it to 10; if God managed the 10 commandments to describe a basic moral code for the human race, we should be able to manage 10 laws to describe women. We are not God, but then, women are simpler to characterize than a basic moral code.)

I also suggest that we feel free to orient this towards behavior that we observe on this website, but that the laws should still be broad (no pun intended) in scope.

When (re)formulating the laws I suggest we should be guided by the following principles:
- the suggested law must be observable (e.g., "Women cannot think" is a bad law since we have yet to observe the workings inside their heads; "Female thought produces chaos" is a much better law since it is observably true, though it still tends to fail on the basis of explicitness. "Female attempts at thinking produce chaos" is better yet in that it makes no unprovable assumptions about female thought, though still is inexplicit.
- The law must be useful. "Women are annoying", while perhaps true, offers no guidance or implied solution. "Annoyance rises according to the inverse square of the radial distance from a woman" is impressively precise (though perhaps untrue) and offers a solution.
- the suggested law must be sufficiently explicit so as to have meaning, yet still quite broad. "Women are crazy" is too vague.
- The suggested law should always be as brief as possible while still conveying the meaning. A short concise statement is preferable to a long verbose one.
- The law should be some sensible balance between plain English and elegant writing. Metaphor, simile and other manly devices are welcome, provided they do not detract from the meaning. Flowery prose is not welcome.
- Parentheses are to be eschewed at all costs. Manly brackets only. (see Evilpundit's comment in http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/women-hate-gay-men/)

Please feel free to suggest modifications to the above principles and guidelines as you see fit. Also, I welcome suggestions as to laws, and will add them once we have adequately discussed them and feel they are well worded and applicable. By the same token, if you object to an existing law (sorry ladies, this is man-talk only), speak up and say why. I also suggest we feel free to name Laws after the original proposer if in general agreement to do so.

I propose the first two laws. I am reasonably happy about the wording of the first (I feel it is self-evidently true) as it's fairly concise, but I'm open to revisions and improvements. I am not overly happy with the wording of the second as it is lengthy, but I see no clear way of greatly shortening it without concomitant loss of meaning.

[Female]

OMG I take back what I said about you sounding like a decent person in another forum. How tragic you men can be.

[wolfe]

Female, your posts were the direct source of inspiration for me posting this. If you hadn't posted the way you did, I'd never have formulated these ideas. When I first came here, I thought Dick was exaggerating ridiculously to make a point.

I still think he's exaggerating, but I no longer think it's ridiculous. Post here another few weeks and I'll probably no longer think he's exaggerating.

-Wolfe.

[Female]

Well I don't want to inadvertently cause you to have any more incorrect assumptions on women so I'll fill you in on my plans. Arguing points with you all has been increasingly tiresome for the past week and I don't intend to do much more, if any, after tonight. The only reason I have continued to post is because dick et al told me to fuck off and put me in a double bind. That is, if I listened and left, then that would mean I LISTENED to you, and ACCEPTED your advice, which would would appear in some way to be in support of your views that men are better than women and women should do what their told.
I can and willl fuck off in my own good time. That time has come.

Have fun 'bitching' about women. You're all so much more feminine than you realise in that respect. Kudo's to you all, except Christian, who is just a bitter little shit.

[DickMasterson]

From another forum topic, wolfe came up with this addition:

[wolfe]

Yes, I like that. I think I prefer it as a corollary, since it is somewhat connected, and I like the idea of making the laws as clear and universal as possible. (By the same token, I am tempted to reword current Law 2, characterizing a woman’s insults as a corollary of Law 1). Perhaps later.

Your corollary prompts me to reword Law ‘3’ slightly, and to add a corollary of my own.

[wolfe]

I add to law 2. f) age making him irrelevant (either too old, too young, or both)

I've noticed women asking Christian, Dick, and myself our ages. This is not without purpose in their minds...

wolfe.

[Female]

and what purpose would that be? It is far easier to communicate with someone when you know their age, although, I personally think it's better to be kept wondering or to be told a straight out lie (men are great at the latter, but I don't need to write it down to keep it in mind cause it's hard enough forgetting it).

Hell, if you're 50, just say your 35, sounds so much better & you're far enough away from being an 'invisible' person. Even though I can't see you and you are 'invisible'. How paradoxical.

[Big Al]

[Female]

[Female]

dick, can you please fix the quoting button? It's making me look like an idiot.

[Big Al]

[wolfe]

I missed this gem of interchanges. A wonderful economy of words, Big Al.

Your response "I don't think it's the quoting button that's doing that, sweetheart." A good 1940's ring to it. It's the "sweetheart" that really does it, lifting it beyond a pedestrian response.

As for law 3, total masculine kudos to Dick for at least the inspiration of the "words" portion.

Al, did you choose your name based on the South Park character? or something else entirely?

Best,
-wolfe

[Big Al]

[wolfe]

I didn't sense that from you, I simply thought it might have been chosen for ironic reasons (e.g. BGA was your antithesis).

-wolfe.