Fuck Marriage
This is a very important and very special MenAreBetterThanWomen because it’s a treatise on my favourite topic: marriage. The conclusion is this:
Do not get married!
Do not do it now. Do not do it later. Do not do it for looks. Do not do it for money. Do not do it for sex. Do not do it because people want you to. Do not do it because a woman wants you to. Do not do it because The Bible says to do it. Do not do it to have children. Do not do it for tax purposes. And especially — the most important reason of all reasons every thrown into a reason oven and baked on Man degrees for a day and a half — do not get fucking married for love!
There’re three reasons why you shouldn’t get married, and when I say three I mean there are about a fucking billion reasons why not to get married. That’s one for every skin cell of the woman you’re dating that’s going to turn into a wrinkled mess inside of 20 years.
There are three big reasons though.
1. It’s against your manstincts.
When in the whole universe of fuck has a man’s manstincts ever been wrong about anything. I’ve seen a man punch through a wall twice in a row using his manstincts and not hit a single fucking stud. I’ve seen a man win 30,000 American Dollars at a Black Jack table using his manstincts. My cousin had a dog who wandered over 100 miles home from a stranger’s house in the course of two weeks. Guess what gender that dog was. I’ll give you a hint. It had a fucking dick.
Men’s manstincts are never wrong. That’s because men’s brains are super-charged with experience, a special lubricating coating I call Think Juice, and about 60 times the processing power of women. Women don’t have the brains to have instincts. They barely have the fucking brain power to walk upright. That’s probably why women used to wear gloves.
2. You don’t have to.
Have you ever seen one of those tags on the bottom of a mattress that says “Fuck Off. Don’t Remove This Tag”? I’ve never seen one, but I’ve seen plenty of comedians talk about them so they might as well be real for the purposes here. You know what happens when you remove one of those tags? Not a fucking thing.
How about this. Have you ever walked on grass where a sign said “Do Not Fuck Around on the Grass” or had a fourth pint when woman said you shouldn’t have a fourth pint?
Fucking of course! That’s called being a goddamn man. And what happened after you perpetrated that shit? Absolutely nothing. That is exactly what happens when a women threatens you with anything in exchange for marriage.
I’ve seen the fucking The Rock. I’ve seen every movie starring Nicholas Cage like six times because he’s the most mantastic actor of the day. I remember the part where his hot girlfriend threatened him with a break-up if they didn’t get married.
Scary huh? She was awfully hot.
The I also remember the part in The Rock when Sean Connery had hair and the US President didn’t sound like a fucking hillbilly. The Rock was a piece of fucking fiction. Real women never follow through on anything in their goddamn lives. Only women who are written by men do that. If a woman ever threatens you over a missing ring, tell her to go fuck herself. She won’t. Women are too sex crazed to stop coming back for it over some fucking ring. Please. We’re talking about the gender who’d fuck Lionel Ritchie because he can sing. You think they can cut off sex on tap over a dowry. Fuck you.
3. Plausible Deniability
If you go into a bank with a ski mask on a gun in your pocket, you’re probably going to get stopped at the door — or sent into some kind of fucking man trap, I don’t know. I don’t run a bank. Better yet, if you see someone in the middle of the street crack a beer, unbelt, and then drop their pants to the ground; guess what. They’re about to do something fucking stupid.
That’s what getting married is. You’re signing a fucking binding — a Fuck You binding contract in an imaginary, somehow non-sexist world where women have no earning power past 30, that says you will support their ass out of pure benevolence and with no expectation other than getting harangued by a raging fucking bitch about 6 years passed her prime.
Do not go into a bank with fucking ski mask on and a sack of potatoes in your pocket. Do not pull down your pants in public if you aren’t about to do something funny. Do not get married unless you can look in the mirror and say this:
“Hello, <your name said derisively>. Five years from now, I want to indefinitely support an adult woman long after she has stopped fucking me, started fucking as many other guys as possible, and always, always acts like a raging bitch.”
Trick question. You can’t say that because you’re a fucking man.
Related Articles:
Pages: « 8 7 6 5 4 [3] 2 1 » Show All
fuck you
Appreciated, Sweet Chilli.
-Dick
You mean mantastic!
Dude, you are a fucking legend, just strolled across this site, absolutly fantastic, top marks!
Okay, that went way above my hear there.
I THINK ITZ ALL ABOUT HUNTING IN PAIRS……….
lol
diamatik
I find truth amusing at times and bloody painful at other times.
Sometimes they do. If the “Nice Guy” has a fat bank account, she will have very long conversations about how much he spends on her. She love sthat because it will make all her friends jealous, and thus hate her. I know that it doesn’t make sense to a man to revel in your friends hating you, but its women we’re talking about here.
And the anguish they inflict upon themselves by being with a jerk adds to their store of beloved gossip…”Nice guys” don’t exactly make for long phone conversations with girlfriends, ya know!
Nice thoughts there, lhook10. Perhaps this may explain why the idiots are attracted to jerks. They prefer the anguish of being in a relationship with a man who treats them like shit.
Here’s a possible explanation, Billy.
Women are conditioned to believe that ANYTHING worthwhile has to have a level of PAIN involved. Not necessarily physical pain, but even the SIMPLEST of tasks has to be made as DIFFICULT as possible. For example:
You’re at home watching the game, and you run out of beer (you lose man points right there; you should have properly stocked up beforehand). So you get up at halftime (assuming American football or basketball is your thing) and you say to wifey or g/f, “I’m going to the store, do you want anything?” Of COURSE she’s going to want or “need” only a “couple” of items, so you make a mental note and make the beer run. You get the beer and the “needed” items, and make it back just time for the second half. You sit down, crack open your cold one, maybe some chips (hey, they had a sale on Doritos), and enjoy the third quarter. The game gets interesting in the fourth quarter,with three or four minutes to go, when you-know-who calls out, “I need ______.” ” Quite naturally, you ask, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS WHEN I WENT OUT THE FIRST TIME?” She replies, “I didn’t know we were out of ________”. Which is, of course, utter BULLSHIT. You end up with a broad with an attitude because you waited until the game ends to go back (you lose man points again because you didn’t chuck her the keys and say, ” I’ve had 10 beers, I can’t drive-YOU get it), becuase she “needed” the forgotten item right then and there!
Another example:
Think about the music a lot of women listen to…there’s a song that goes “No Pain, No Gain”….another one that goes “Hurts So Good” …this one is NOT sung by John Mellencamp-totally different song..many of these “pain-filled” songs are sung BY women FOR women (as the two mentioned are; they are blues songs, but you guys can mention any number of top-40 pablum that falls in the same category)…the pain and suffering is a sign of love to them!
It is all about self imposed misery: a woman simply CANNOT be happy for ANY reason! Any endeavor HAS to be painful to a woman to be worthwhile; whether it’s a side effect of bearing children or something like that, I don’t know. This is why women will pack 3 suitcases for a weekend trip, this is why women stress over what to wear when going out, this is why women agonize over whether they should choose the beige purse or the tan purse (WHAT’S the FUCKIN’ DIFFERENCE!?)
Hopefully, this serves as an explanation, if not THE explanation! Peace!
Of course they would protest and complain. It’s talking about ending the financial success of many women. Marraige is the key to gain financial rewards. How else can they get a new car, house and have someone else pay for it all?
Ignore the bullet points of the following article at your own risk.
The Forbes.com article that ignited a firestorm of protest (even after it was yanked) from American Cuntery……
Point: Don’t Marry Career Women
By Michael Noer
How do women, careers and marriage mix? Not well, say social scientists.
Guys: A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman with a career.
Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women–even those with a “feminist” outlook–are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.
Not a happy conclusion, especially given that many men, particularly successful men, are attracted to women with similar goals and aspirations. And why not? After all, your typical career girl is well-educated, ambitious, informed and engaged. All seemingly good things, right? Sure…at least until you get married. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. Sound familiar?
Many factors contribute to a stable marriage, including the marital status of your spouse’s parents (folks with divorced parents are significantly more likely to get divorced themselves), age at first marriage, race, religious beliefs and socio-economic status. And, of course, many working women are indeed happily and fruitfully married–it’s just that they are less likely to be so than non-working women. And that, statistically speaking, is the rub.
To be clear, we’re not talking about a high-school dropout minding a cash register. For our purposes, a “career girl” has a university-level (or higher) education, works more than 35 hours a week outside the home and makes more than $30,000 a year.
If a host of studies are to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble. If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy (Journal of Marriage and Family, 2003). They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do (Social Forces, 2006). You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do (Journal of Marriage and Family, 2001). You will be more likely to fall ill (American Journal of Sociology). Even your house will be dirtier (Institute for Social Research).
Why? Well, despite the fact that the link between work, women and divorce rates is complex and controversial, much of the reasoning is based on a lot of economic theory and a bit of common sense. In classic economics, a marriage is, at least in part, an exercise in labor specialization. Traditionally men have tended to do “market” or paid work outside the home and women have tended to do “non-market” or household work, including raising children. All of the work must get done by somebody, and this pairing, regardless of who is in the home and who is outside the home, accomplishes that goal. Nobel laureate Gary S. Becker argued that when the labor specialization in a marriage decreases–if, for example, both spouses have careers–the overall value of the marriage is lower for both partners because less of the total needed work is getting done, making life harder for both partners and divorce more likely. And, indeed, empirical studies have concluded just that.
In 2004, John H. Johnson examined data from the Survey of Income and Program Participation and concluded that gender has a significant influence on the relationship between work hours and increases in the probability of divorce. Women’s work hours consistently increase divorce, whereas increases in men’s work hours often have no statistical effect. “I also find that the incidence in divorce is far higher in couples where both spouses are working than in couples where only one spouse is employed,” Johnson says. A few other studies, which have focused on employment (as opposed to working hours) have concluded that working outside the home actually increases marital stability, at least when the marriage is a happy one. But even in these studies, wives’ employment does correlate positively to divorce rates, when the marriage is of “low marital quality.”
The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen their mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase they’ll meet someone they like more than you. “The work environment provides a host of potential partners,” researcher Adrian J. Blow reported in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, “and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals.”
There’s more: According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, highly educated people are more likely to have had extra-marital sex (those with graduate degrees are 1.75 more likely to have cheated than those with high school diplomas.) Additionally, individuals who earn more than $30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.
And if the cheating leads to divorce, you’re really in trouble. Divorce has been positively correlated with higher rates of alcoholism, clinical depression and suicide. Other studies have associated divorce with increased rates of cancer, stroke, and sexually-transmitted disease. Plus divorce is financially devastating. According to one recent study on “Marriage and Divorce’s Impact on Wealth,” published in The Journal of Sociology, divorced people see their overall net worth drop an average of 77%.
So why not just stay single? Because, academically speaking, a solid marriage has a host of benefits beyond just individual “happiness.” There are broader social and health implications as well. According to a 2004 paper entitled “What Do Social Scientists Know About the Benefits of Marriage?” marriage is positively associated with “better outcomes for children under most circumstances,” higher earnings for adult men, and “being married and being in a satisfying marriage are positively associated with health and negatively associated with mortality.” In other words, a good marriage is associated with a higher income, a longer, healthier life and better-adjusted kids.
A word of caution, though: As with any social scientific study, it’s important not to confuse correlation with causation. In other words, just because married folks are healthier than single people, it doesn’t mean that marriage is causing the health gains. It could just be that healthier people are more likely to be married.
That sounds more like a better episode of The Twilight Zone.
-Dick
I love that!
Assuming it is not a lie, I am surprised this person remembered an after-school special with this theme. Watching an after-school special? Outcasts and rejects? Mattering to someone? Obviously, the show made an impression her. As they say, if the shoe fits.
Why is MISchief and MISery the only things women can create?
It saddens me that they aren’t good at anything else.
Every German man, woman and child should seek you out and beat you to a bloody pulp for what you wrote.