Fuck Marriage
This is a very important and very special MenAreBetterThanWomen because it’s a treatise on my favourite topic: marriage. The conclusion is this:
Do not get married!
Do not do it now. Do not do it later. Do not do it for looks. Do not do it for money. Do not do it for sex. Do not do it because people want you to. Do not do it because a woman wants you to. Do not do it because The Bible says to do it. Do not do it to have children. Do not do it for tax purposes. And especially — the most important reason of all reasons every thrown into a reason oven and baked on Man degrees for a day and a half — do not get fucking married for love!
There’re three reasons why you shouldn’t get married, and when I say three I mean there are about a fucking billion reasons why not to get married. That’s one for every skin cell of the woman you’re dating that’s going to turn into a wrinkled mess inside of 20 years.
There are three big reasons though.
1. It’s against your manstincts.
When in the whole universe of fuck has a man’s manstincts ever been wrong about anything. I’ve seen a man punch through a wall twice in a row using his manstincts and not hit a single fucking stud. I’ve seen a man win 30,000 American Dollars at a Black Jack table using his manstincts. My cousin had a dog who wandered over 100 miles home from a stranger’s house in the course of two weeks. Guess what gender that dog was. I’ll give you a hint. It had a fucking dick.
Men’s manstincts are never wrong. That’s because men’s brains are super-charged with experience, a special lubricating coating I call Think Juice, and about 60 times the processing power of women. Women don’t have the brains to have instincts. They barely have the fucking brain power to walk upright. That’s probably why women used to wear gloves.
2. You don’t have to.
Have you ever seen one of those tags on the bottom of a mattress that says “Fuck Off. Don’t Remove This Tag”? I’ve never seen one, but I’ve seen plenty of comedians talk about them so they might as well be real for the purposes here. You know what happens when you remove one of those tags? Not a fucking thing.
How about this. Have you ever walked on grass where a sign said “Do Not Fuck Around on the Grass” or had a fourth pint when woman said you shouldn’t have a fourth pint?
Fucking of course! That’s called being a goddamn man. And what happened after you perpetrated that shit? Absolutely nothing. That is exactly what happens when a women threatens you with anything in exchange for marriage.
I’ve seen the fucking The Rock. I’ve seen every movie starring Nicholas Cage like six times because he’s the most mantastic actor of the day. I remember the part where his hot girlfriend threatened him with a break-up if they didn’t get married.
Scary huh? She was awfully hot.
The I also remember the part in The Rock when Sean Connery had hair and the US President didn’t sound like a fucking hillbilly. The Rock was a piece of fucking fiction. Real women never follow through on anything in their goddamn lives. Only women who are written by men do that. If a woman ever threatens you over a missing ring, tell her to go fuck herself. She won’t. Women are too sex crazed to stop coming back for it over some fucking ring. Please. We’re talking about the gender who’d fuck Lionel Ritchie because he can sing. You think they can cut off sex on tap over a dowry. Fuck you.
3. Plausible Deniability
If you go into a bank with a ski mask on a gun in your pocket, you’re probably going to get stopped at the door — or sent into some kind of fucking man trap, I don’t know. I don’t run a bank. Better yet, if you see someone in the middle of the street crack a beer, unbelt, and then drop their pants to the ground; guess what. They’re about to do something fucking stupid.
That’s what getting married is. You’re signing a fucking binding — a Fuck You binding contract in an imaginary, somehow non-sexist world where women have no earning power past 30, that says you will support their ass out of pure benevolence and with no expectation other than getting harangued by a raging fucking bitch about 6 years passed her prime.
Do not go into a bank with fucking ski mask on and a sack of potatoes in your pocket. Do not pull down your pants in public if you aren’t about to do something funny. Do not get married unless you can look in the mirror and say this:
“Hello, <your name said derisively>. Five years from now, I want to indefinitely support an adult woman long after she has stopped fucking me, started fucking as many other guys as possible, and always, always acts like a raging bitch.”
Trick question. You can’t say that because you’re a fucking man.
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May 9th, 2007 at 7:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 86eb606003de6
If i find good advice, i couldn’t care less if if the writer calls himself Bozo the Clown. Obviously you are too stupid to recognize good advice, so i recommend you just get married and find out the hard, painful, and expensive way.
May 10th, 2007 at 1:12 am - IP Man-Hash: d8f92aef8a49e
For goodness sake this is supposed to be a humour site, lighten up! Can’t you tell I was ribbing you?
May 10th, 2007 at 4:52 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Humour site? This website has changed my life for the better. You have no idea how many things I learn from here daily. The only humour on this site is watching the fems come on here, bitch and moan and contradict themselves (especially when they claim our posts are full of grammar and spelling errors whilst their own is fraught with them).
May 10th, 2007 at 5:33 am - IP Man-Hash: d8f92aef8a49e
This site is listed under google statistics as a humour blog
This blog, as quoted by wolfe in the man forums is:
May 10th, 2007 at 7:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 5864566b9fcca
I’m Baaaack. But seriously, I didn’t mean to sound so intense above, but it just gauls me to no end to know that women always seem to make out after the divorce. I know that there are statistics that show otherwise, but I’m talking about real world stuff. How do women learn to score though, I’ve asked myself that for years. It’s done from mental telepathy, osmosis or simply handed down from generation to generation. My first ex wife didn’t work outside the home or inside the home. She didn’t go to school, was older than Iwas and had two kids. She honestly believed that a two income family was “me” with two jobs! Boy, what a loser she was. Soooo glad to be rid of her. I understand that she has married twice since me (good for me, bad for our bretheren). There seems to be some inate knowledge passed down from mother to daughter (something no man ever gets to hear about) part of that Ya-Ya- sisterhood that teaches trechery and how to get the man by the short hairs but in order for it to work, they must get that ring on their finger at any cost! they must prostitute themselves, go through humiliting and degrading acts or do whatever it takes (we men view those things simply as great sex HeHe) But the objective or “grand prize” is the promise of marriage. IT’s not that they are proud of their “catch” much like a eastern seaboard fisherman after a months long trip, but to show the world that they single handedly duped another unsuspecting schmoe. That ring shines through like a beacon in the night and says “I’m such a great piece of ass that no man can resist my spell and he trys to escape, FUCK him because I get everything he will ever be or own”. It announces this to all the women who see it- they know, also next time when your out-and-about notice the karat size of the rings on a womans finger. There is an inherent coralation to the the size (karat) of that diamond to the great sexual ability of the woman wearing it! I once saw a diamond on the hand of a woman the size of a Volkswagon and figured that to earn that one, she had to be able to suck the chrome off of a bumper hitch, no kidding. I that it must be required viewing to watch Eddie Murphys “RAW” video before a man contemplates marriage. Eddie, if your reading this, you are a man wiser than your years! You and Dick should get together and compare notes. -Banzai
May 10th, 2007 at 4:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
Good advice, lee.
-Dick
May 10th, 2007 at 7:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8939167ceb0ba
Good advice, lee.
-Dick
thanx, i wish i found your site years ago. Now i feel i must spread the word and prevent as many others i can from making the same mistake i did.
May 10th, 2007 at 9:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: e36376410e1aa
Well the best way to do that is to link to mabtw.com from as many places as you can.
-Dick
May 10th, 2007 at 9:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: 71eaeac99a872
I agree. This site is totally humourous, unfortunately after a while you come to realise that most of the male posters here are completely humourless.
May 11th, 2007 at 1:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 760a91233a652
That’s not for you to decide. See, you fascists are always trying to impose your little judgement and reigime on us. Fuck off, we aren’t interested - and we’re stronger, bigger, and smarter than you, so we might just return the favor. By which I mean impose our own will back onto you. Do unto others…
May 11th, 2007 at 5:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 6ec6c2ab6784a
If this site ceases to entertain you, you would always leave and never return. Cunt.
May 11th, 2007 at 6:05 am - IP Man-Hash: 356b2e2244d02
Where would she go? She knows as well as we do that all websites designed for women are utter shite.
She hasn’t said a damn thing to discourage men from coming here. Quite to the contrary, she has proved numerous times that men are way fucking better than women.
For that, I thank her.
Silly Y-def.
May 11th, 2007 at 6:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 6ec6c2ab6784a
Don’t you get it? Female is an angel and superior to all of us rapist taliban. She only comes here to help us, and she has a way better and active social life than all of us.
May 11th, 2007 at 12:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: c84cf03fe9f40
I agree. This site is totally humourous, unfortunately after a while you come to realise that most of the male posters here are completely humourless.
I fart in your general direction!!!!!
May 11th, 2007 at 7:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: eb3c8bcd8d7a5
You were? (shoots self mitt der luger). How come i didn’t find that the least bit funny? Oh, i got it, you must be female. That explains all, ok im no longer peeved.
May 11th, 2007 at 7:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: c406e944e31e4
Actually, I’ve never said I was an angel or superior to any person, it is you and every man on this website that instead incorrectly believes they are superior and who can’t seem to stop themselves from constantly saying it and telling each other. Who are you trying to convince? Women or yourselves? If you were so superior why aren’t you out living your perfect life, with your subjucated, trained girlfriends, rather than attempting to convince me and everyone else here that you are superior and without emotional problems?
May 11th, 2007 at 8:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 760a91233a652
Because this is a forum of logic and knowledge, a strange and abstract subject to the female race. We are but poor, paultry disenlightened MEN. Yes, a lowly creator, a walking dildo who also functions as a carpenter, repair man, mechanic, electrician, banker, programmer, construction worker, police man, manager, philosopher…
But, alas, you continue to bludgen us with your own dildo of shallow opinions. Yet you come here with a closed mind, unable to process any view but your own. This is what screwed over the public school system - the idiotology that we all MUST be equal. Red will never be green, tall will never be short. You can’t expect a 16 year old girl to go out and save the world except in a shitty Lifetime propiganda special. But we are taught this double-think bullshit.
Anyways, what does bring you to a site where you are not welcome and you cling to illogical and unsupported views? We back up our philosophy with hard evidence. You just bring up irrevelant questions. Guess what? No one did anything living in a fantasy world. Every now and then we get the truth out so that a five year old boy does not have to live under the false pretense that somehow he is inferior to a girl. That just fucks up your mind and thought waves. That’s how serial killers and perverts are made. A love for the superior femme race.
May 12th, 2007 at 1:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Female, I come in peace!
May 12th, 2007 at 1:27 am - IP Man-Hash: c406e944e31e4
SonyAD, that isn’t a wallaby.
May 12th, 2007 at 1:29 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
It isn’t? Sure?
Damn.
- benassi bros feat sandy - light (original version)