Vicarious Prostitute
There’s a hilarious show coming out this fall on ABC that I’m really looking forward to. It’s called Commander in Chief. And it’s about a delightfully mismatched pair of political pundits who get into all kinds of outrageous, wacky shenanigans.
I haven’t read anything about it, but I’m sure that’s what it’s about. The reason I know is because the show is about a woman (Geena Davis) being president. And if there’s any more fertile ground for outrageousness or shenanigan, then it’s probably got something to do with drunken Leprechauns.
Let me tell you why I will love this show.
This show is going to give us our first chance to ask the questions that everyone wants to know about a woman being president. Just like how the Brady Bunch asked the question, ‘would anyone give a shit if a family of dudes moved in with a family of broads?’ It turns out the answer was no. It was no for that, it will be no for this. No one gives any kind of a shit.
We also might get an answer for the age old dilemma of putting a woman in any kind of position of power that we men can actually say out loud without getting stoned. What happens when she’s on her period?
Will civilization be over in less time than it took The Lord or Gozer the Gozerian or Whoever The Fuck You Want to build it in the first place? Probably. That means the series will play very much like 24, except instead of hours it will be days. And as a man, I love a good suspense. It lets me exercise both my powers of deduction and my powers of talking during a show at maximum capacity.
Granted, I personally have never seen a woman act like any more of a shrill cow during a special part of the month, but it allegedly happens. Even scientists say so.
Mostly I’m thrilled about this fictional show of a woman being president for the same reason I’m thrilled every time there’s a new documentary on Hugh Hefner or a new Batman cartoon series. I will never be Batman. In fact, no man will ever be Batman. The lawsuits Batman would have to cover to continue his vigilante crusade would be outrageous — especially to enforce the thousands of Non Disclosure Agreements that he would have scattered across half of China and the Silicon Valley to support his cache of gadgets and doodads.
What I’m saying is, remember when Geena Davis made that movie about women pretending to play baseball? You know what happens when women today start to get uppity and want to start petitioning or whining or whatever women usually do as a first step to the Major League Baseball president to subsidize them an actual league of their own? They just go to Blockbuster and they fucking rent the actual A League of Their Own, and that’s as close as they ever get. If there was a similar movie about crying and whining and club-footing your way through a season about basketball, then there would be no fucking WNBA. And wouldn’t that be great.
That’s why there’s the Oxygen network and Women’s Entertainment. So women can sit back on the couch and enjoy a bag of Doritos instead of actually doing any of the bullshit that those channels sell by the trough.
And that’s why I think this is going to be a great show.
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August 8th, 2005 at 1:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 46d8304bbb9af
You’ve already written about a female president.
Is it that you’re to stupid to remember this?
Or that you have run out of things to say so you’re just starting again?
August 15th, 2005 at 5:27 am - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
Remember when Hillary threw a lamp at Bill when she found out he had been probing Monica Lewinski’s tonsils with his pork stick? Imagine this: Hillary (or any other woman) is president and commander-in-chief. She receives word that North Korea has an army massed on the 37th parallel, and intelligence reports suggest an attack on the south is imminent, likely to be supported by tactical nukes. Hillary has PMS. I’ll leave it up to you ladies who, by the way, are not allowed on this site, to speculate on what happens in the oval office. Here’s a hint: the various aides, chiefs of staff, and flunkies consulting with the president had better be wearing football helmets because the knicknacks are going to fly.
August 20th, 2005 at 5:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 46d8304bbb9af
Jimbo, unless you are a woman you have no idea what pms feels like. so why don’t you do your gender a favour and just shut the fuck up.
August 20th, 2005 at 5:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: a0c7c73d83830
Uhoh! Speak of the devil. Am I right men?
By the way. Why do you put all that extra nonsense on your name Nicole? It’s embarassing.
-Dick
August 22nd, 2005 at 4:45 am - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
Note my post above, then note Nicole’s reply to it. I rest my case.
August 22nd, 2005 at 11:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 90732515db7b8
Not all women get PMS. I’m just perminantly moody and bitchy.
August 25th, 2005 at 8:07 am - IP Man-Hash: ac62c77584632
I guess that makes you a bitch then, Horty. What a surprise. A bitch who can’t spell.
-Dick
August 26th, 2005 at 10:28 am - IP Man-Hash: fc0a1f47284ec
Well if you’re bitching about my spelling you should speak to my brother, he’s much worse than me. Yes, the word bitch could be used as a noun for me.
April 27th, 2007 at 1:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7008012dd84e5
Being drunk is not an acceptable reason to escape the criminal charge of “driving while under the influence”
yet.. women.. can murder and blame it on being on the rag.
Why?
April 28th, 2007 at 9:46 am - IP Man-Hash: aaaa8e6ade09a
We dont’ care to sepak to your brother about spelling. Being male he would make more sense than you even with poor spelling. It’s a male thing. We already know you’re a bitch, nothing left to prove. Now run along and play with your barbies.
April 28th, 2007 at 11:37 am - IP Man-Hash: d4fa8b220332f
Before she jumps on your ’speak’ spelling mistake, I’ll intercept her. It’s because in about a minute of reading, I -knew- what he meant. And thats superior to what you said which was just crap.
June 3rd, 2007 at 10:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6a7de0d3ef70b
Jesus christ. Don’t fail up the site with your inane garbage. If you actually had the ability to read, or comprehend the first paragraph, dick is talking about a fictional show, not real life. There’s a difference between fantasy and reality and it’s clearly obvious that you can’t distinguish it. Also, they arent even the same article, nor do they cover the same topic. I guess the conclusion wasn’t enough to give it away…
October 26th, 2007 at 11:15 am - IP Man-Hash: b0b75d7283eaa
guys have pms all the time, it’s called testosterone and we go through our whole lives with it
October 26th, 2007 at 11:16 am - IP Man-Hash: b0b75d7283eaa
guys have pms all the time, it’s called testosterone and we go through our whole lives with it
May 10th, 2008 at 11:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 81f420217d258
The only reason men have hormones is to make whores moan.