Girl Bands Are Shit
Throughout history, musical prodigies who were all men have revolutionized music, leaving exotic new tapestries of sound behind for the world to enjoy. That’s called immortality and it’s completely off-limits to women.
In order to join the ranks of the immortal, you have to give the world something that can’t eventually cash a social security check. Women can’t do that. As a man, reaching your potential may take longer than 9 months.
But there’s another type of musician that’s equally important to music. Bands. Even though most of them suck, most bands are not the worst of the worst. Most bands are not girl bands.
Girl bands are shit.
Fuck Teamwork
Being in a band is like being in a cockblocking competition. Your weapon is your instrument, and your foe is every other man on Earth. Since the only cock women have ever had to block to get what they want is their husband’s, women don’t know the first thing about being in a band.
Competition is the spark plug of greatness.
Without musical competitiveness among band members, you end up with a mess lacking in conviction and full of trial and error. Girl bands are like middle-management teleconferences. Everyone wants to look as busy as possible, no one is actually doing anything, and it’s all out of sync because technology isn’t magic.
A fuzz box won’t make a girl a star. Only a penis will do that. See Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, or Heather Mills for an explanation.
Boyfriends
All girl bands have at least a hundred songs about their ex-boyfriends. The second girls learn to talk, boys are all they want to talk about. The second girls learn to write, boys are all they want to write notes about. If girls could learn to piss in the snow, guess what they would be pissing. Boys.
The reason girl bands who are successful are over-hyped monsters created from focus groups, is not because of marketing. It’s because “real” girl bands shoot themselves in the vagina with truckloads of repetitive and immature emotional horseshit. Not even PT Barnum could sell a “lesbian”-looking trio from Silverlake who don’t think it’s cool to put on mascara or lip liner while they sing half their songs about what it feels like to be used up sperm dumpsters.
At least the Spice Girls had snazzy boots.
Too Complicated
There are only three instruments that women can play with any kind of competence. Their voice, their hips, and a bass guitar. Everything else is way too complicated.
Until the four bass quartet is an actual thing anyone wants to listen to, girl bands can go fuck themselves.
No smoking in bars? How about no girl bands.
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March 29th, 2008 at 5:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Why are black men and girls so different? Let’s let the prison statistics speak for themselves, shall we?
How… stupid…
A hall of fame really would increase the reader base - we’d get even more repeat readers, everyone is happy! I’m not a genius for saying that, anyone could think of that but I do say that Dick should move it to the front of his agenda. I mean, new update… or linking the great comments and phone calls to his front page?
At least knowing he would do so eventually would be enough.
March 29th, 2008 at 5:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Funny and clever; I don’t get it, but it still feels funny.
March 29th, 2008 at 7:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: ffeb999821c00
um yeah you are a little late there chicky.
March 30th, 2008 at 9:43 am - IP Man-Hash: e69d77ab32047
I think about doing that every week or so.
-Dick
March 30th, 2008 at 6:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0846d4797ee37
And van Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Robert Johnson, Fats Weller, Muddy Waters, Dizzy Gillepsie, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, Thelonious Monk, the rest of the all-time great jazz musicians, Buddy Guy, the rest of the all-time great blues musicians, The Band, Bob Dylan, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Pearl Jam, Radiohead, DMB…
That list goes on and on.
March 31st, 2008 at 2:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: a74c88570a16c
There are only three instruments that women can play with any kind of competence. Their voice, their hips, and a bass guitar. Everything else is way too complicated.
you missed the skin flute, that makes 4
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1ace054919063
The only one I disagree with Joanna Newsom. She’s pretty good.
April 4th, 2008 at 2:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 9342b2aa308e5
What bullshit. Women have had every opportunity to excel musically both as instrumentalists and composers. In the western world at least since the renaisance women were more likely than men to have musical training particularly in the upper classes.
Joplin and Jett at best could be described as superior to their female peers.
Unfortunately in the arts it is innovation which really counts. Women simply aren’t that good at innovation.
As with maths all composition ultimately requires is pen, paper and a brain. You can give a woman pen and paper but you can’t make her think.
April 5th, 2008 at 8:07 am - IP Man-Hash: d0c43bae1ac42
Sorry I missed that post.
Hell yeah. The Hall of Raving Feminuts…..
April 7th, 2008 at 1:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: b85706f8fa39d
O.. My.. God.. this is just too pathetic… I mean c’mon guys.. well then referring to everyone with a little guts in his pants and has not crammed them into his egocentric brain; its not about the gender, its not about whether the owner of the guitar has brests or a cock; its what comes out of mouth and mind, not where the hair is or which hormone is produced.
You pussy’s are no more than common racists, justifing their own ideas with the moral of prestations that YOU have not even preformed. You go on about other mens achievements, but have YOU individually achieved more than my(and not only mine) disaprovement?…
You think you are better than they, well consider yourself the neo-nazi racists of today’s society. And yes there are many more, but that only makes it even more pathetic than it already is. If you disaprove of women, try living without one, or as one yourself;) Never judge anything you haven’t experienced.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: cca296c54725b
what can I say, just love the comment of mr Justice… see, there are men who can still think reasonable!
April 7th, 2008 at 2:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: b85706f8fa39d
haha omgXD no really xD if they are superior to women, then about every man with a little guts and sense is ultimately superior to you xD Cmon folks, this is a historical arguement.. shit happens.. we fools dropped the bomb on hiroshima.. but maybe the presidents wife came into the room screaming NUKE THEM ALL! who can tell…
And of course; when suddenly the art of music is no longer an arguement, all of the sudden its about ‘the innovation’. Well listen to this; if men are better at +, that means women are better at - ; if men are better at A, then women are better at Z. Everything has its counterpart, and when men are better at one, then women are better at another. And the dividance in whether one or another is best, is more a guess than something that is clearly to say. And appearantly someone gave you a computer and internet, but you still arent able to make reasonable thought nor discussion
April 7th, 2008 at 3:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 528566bf64603
Mr Justice, maybe if you were actually a real man, your arguments would make a little more sense.
Rambling lunatic.
April 7th, 2008 at 4:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: ce4e0fa60436e
That’s the only thing you’ve said that makes sense.
April 7th, 2008 at 9:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: e6d9a84b24f74
Um, what about the mother of The Blues, Ma Rainy?
April 7th, 2008 at 11:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 69d423ee30df2
White Rabbit just would not be the same without Joplin singing.
April 8th, 2008 at 4:23 am - IP Man-Hash: e79123de8eeb6
HA! What’s funny is that you actually provoked these retarded women to think you’re an asshole. Truth hurts.
April 8th, 2008 at 4:43 am - IP Man-Hash: cca296c54725b
at least he tries to think, your head is just all emptiness
April 8th, 2008 at 4:45 am - IP Man-Hash: cca296c54725b
oh by the way, he said, YOU’RE not able to make reasonable thought nor discussion, so really, then how pathetic are you if you can’t even read !!!
April 8th, 2008 at 6:13 am - IP Man-Hash: 6526a778fc65e
ughhhhh. joanna newsom’s voice sounds like a cat stuck in a meat grinder.