Girl Bands Are Shit
Throughout history, musical prodigies who were all men have revolutionized music, leaving exotic new tapestries of sound behind for the world to enjoy. That’s called immortality and it’s completely off-limits to women.
In order to join the ranks of the immortal, you have to give the world something that can’t eventually cash a social security check. Women can’t do that. As a man, reaching your potential may take longer than 9 months.
But there’s another type of musician that’s equally important to music. Bands. Even though most of them suck, most bands are not the worst of the worst. Most bands are not girl bands.
Girl bands are shit.
Fuck Teamwork
Being in a band is like being in a cockblocking competition. Your weapon is your instrument, and your foe is every other man on Earth. Since the only cock women have ever had to block to get what they want is their husband’s, women don’t know the first thing about being in a band.
Competition is the spark plug of greatness.
Without musical competitiveness among band members, you end up with a mess lacking in conviction and full of trial and error. Girl bands are like middle-management teleconferences. Everyone wants to look as busy as possible, no one is actually doing anything, and it’s all out of sync because technology isn’t magic.
A fuzz box won’t make a girl a star. Only a penis will do that. See Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, or Heather Mills for an explanation.
Boyfriends
All girl bands have at least a hundred songs about their ex-boyfriends. The second girls learn to talk, boys are all they want to talk about. The second girls learn to write, boys are all they want to write notes about. If girls could learn to piss in the snow, guess what they would be pissing. Boys.
The reason girl bands who are successful are over-hyped monsters created from focus groups, is not because of marketing. It’s because “real” girl bands shoot themselves in the vagina with truckloads of repetitive and immature emotional horseshit. Not even PT Barnum could sell a “lesbian”-looking trio from Silverlake who don’t think it’s cool to put on mascara or lip liner while they sing half their songs about what it feels like to be used up sperm dumpsters.
At least the Spice Girls had snazzy boots.
Too Complicated
There are only three instruments that women can play with any kind of competence. Their voice, their hips, and a bass guitar. Everything else is way too complicated.
Until the four bass quartet is an actual thing anyone wants to listen to, girl bands can go fuck themselves.
No smoking in bars? How about no girl bands.
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March 24th, 2008 at 7:10 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
log(x)*sin(x)=ans
log is exponential. Exponential increases, in a predictable sinusoidal way, to clarify.
Didn’t manhole promise to ignore me?
March 24th, 2008 at 7:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
What’s -ED stand for?
March 24th, 2008 at 7:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
Hannah Montanna is not a girl band. sheesh. she’s a pre-packaged creation of the disney channel.
there are some, not many, but some girl bands that rock-
the breeders
luscious jackson
L-7
the go-gos (okay, they may not rock, exactly, but…)
kurt cobain said that the breeder’s first album, pod, was one of his all time favorite records.
and while you say all girls write/sing about is boys- i would submit that a huge percentage of songs by boy or girl bands are about love- either how great it is or how much it sucks.
March 24th, 2008 at 7:22 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
Here you go:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logarithm
AND
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sine_wave
As you can see, a log function does not oscillate, it just increases (or decreases)–it does not go up and down like a sine wave. In the context of your writing you should have just said sinusoidal. -ED
March 24th, 2008 at 7:25 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
add Bangels to that list. Breeders rock.
March 24th, 2008 at 7:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 9e9d6bb9e8596
Damn doubt. If you are in college, you need to get your money back.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
‘:\
March 24th, 2008 at 8:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Log(x)*sin(x)
Exponential increases. What’s so hard about it? If it were just sin, it would just go up. Rather, it goes up and down with increasing fluctuation as values rise.
Please don’t make this hard on me.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:38 am - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
The only “girl-bands” worth anything simply have girl vocalists.
And I can only think of 3 with any success:
Paramore, Evanescence, Lacuna Coil.
Too bad all Amy Lee whines about anymore is what a drunk her loverboy from Seether was - same old story of an arrogant bitch trying to change a bad boy. If he stopped self destructing she’d say he was too soft and find another bad boy to fill the void in her crotch.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 6bf519bbb4681
Your right on the money here Dick. All these girls bands really su…. ah…. well except The Bangles, they were pretty damn good. But other than them, all the rest really su…. ah, well except The Go Go’s, they rocked. But all the rest really su….. okay you have to admit, Bananerama were some pretty hot chics, and they could sing pretty good. But other than those, all the rest really su…. ah…. hey we can’t forget The Roaches. Weren’t they lesbians? Okay all the rest really su… oh wait a minute, The Waitresses really rocked too, and they didn’t just sing about whales and cocks. Did you ever notice the good girl bands named themselves after animals, insects and fruit? What with that?
March 24th, 2008 at 8:51 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
y = sin(x) is sinusoidal…always…which means is oscillates. Also, with increasing value of x, the amplitude of the wave (top of the peaks, bottom of the valleys) does not increase. As for y=Log(x)*sin(x), it’s sinusoidal as well but the amplitude of the wave increases with greater value of x.
One thing you can do to convince yourself of this is open an excel file, have increasing integers (or whatever) of x on one column, and calculate sin(x) in the next column, and plot x vs sin x. When I’m in doubt about what a function look like, I model it on Excell. Cheerio.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:53 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
TaTu= pseudo-lesbian duo:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T.A.T.u.
Great dance/pop.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 21b6ef3e0a30a
we need a boy band come back.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 21b6ef3e0a30a
Im serious too.
March 24th, 2008 at 9:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 1aeab17b0b2fb
The only female that ever contributed to music, (besides Yoko) was D’arcy from Smashing Pumpkins, and although her bass skills were just par, she did a damn fine job.
And why are you brothers arguing math when we need to be discussing woman’s inherent inferiority?
March 24th, 2008 at 9:10 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
Improving math and analysis skills is very manly.
March 24th, 2008 at 9:10 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
I heard that The New Kids On The Block are coming back…..
March 24th, 2008 at 9:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 1aeab17b0b2fb
In that case, thank you for looking out for your fellow man. (Looking out for your fellow man is equally manly.)
March 24th, 2008 at 9:24 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
I think I see what your trying to say. A lot of times its useful to eliminate detail for the sake of clarity. “Logarithmic sinusoidal” may be exactly correct for what your trying to describe, but it may confuse the reader. You actually sound better if you had just said “Sinusoidal”, or better yet, “historical events occur with a regular periodicity”, or something like that.
Just a suggestion. Clarity is very manly. I’ll drop this annoying line.
March 24th, 2008 at 9:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
ew. you mean like menudo or back street boys? no we don’t.