How Do I Deal With a Vegetarian?
The following question was sent to me by diamatik. If you would like to ask me a question, submit it via the Contact Dick page or post it in the forums.
“My girlfriend is a Vegan. What the fuck do I do when I want to eat, make her sit there? Won’t my em-man-imotions make me feel guilty?”
Yes. Make her sit there. Women lead long and un-lustrious lives spent primarily in various states of sitting there. True, they spend a lot of time on their backs during childbirth and activites which are inevitably childbirth related, but the true nature of womankind is to sit down and shut the fuck up.
Women are like Jesus, except instead of twelve stations of the cross, they have twelve positions for sitting there. Except because they’re women and lazy there are actually only three different positions and also, unlike Jesus, women don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves.
First of all, yes, your man-emotions will tell you to give half a shit about the welfare of your girlfriend.
“Is she hungry? Would she feel bad watching me eat meat? Would she feel bad if I accidentally dropped a fork off the table and requested another one and then first fork would feel neglected in some way? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever thought.”
Using your emotions when it comes to women is like using a chainsaw to cut a loaf of soggy bread. It’s overkill. Women don’t know the definition of empathy. They can appreciate it as much as they can appreciate a Ferrari or a pistol — or how awesome it would be to cut a loaf of bread with a chainsaw. It’s not because they don’t know very much either; it’s because empathy at its core cannot be understood by the female invertebrate slug brain. You can sit there and explain it to her until her big fat female friends come over and you’ll never make a dent.
Deal with women vegetarians the same way you deal with woman anything-ians.
Woman “lesbians” for example. Just hit on them non-stop. They love that kind of treatment. Actually, that’s the most reason women become “lesbians” temporarily; they haven’t gotten enough male attention in their lives.
If you’re dealing with a woman vegetarian, make her eat meat. They all want to. Obviously, “make” is a word you can define at your own man-discretion. Entice, coerce, bribe; they’re all the same fucking word. It’s your will and as a man your will is your prerogative.
The suffixes of “ians” and “isms” and “ists” are reserved for men. Just like the prefixes of Mr, Sir, and Dr. Women have no place with any of them around their piddly little names. It’s like that hilarious internet picture of the donkey attempting to haul about 2 tonnes of packing shit only to have itself lifted about ten feet in the air. Women are exactly like that with their meaningless -isms and -ians. They’re exactly like that except they’re not hilarious at all. They’re just a pain in the ass.
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I would just like to point out not every vegan cares about the fact that others eat meat, wtf happends to the farm animals etc. Some (probably very few) like me just plain dont like meat, and dosen’t try to “convert” others. like you see those vegan bitches at PETA do.
diamantik, why care if she’s a vegan? unless she’s annoying you to stop eating meat aswell just let her keep at it. Probably leaves more money for you to buy beef for :D
Funny.
There are only male vegans. Women vegans just want attention. They don’t even understand why they’re vegans nor can they note the myriads of hypocrisies found elsewhere in their lifestyles.
-Dick
Yes. Poor malnurished things. Alas, such it is with women left to their own devices, especially concerning nutrition. They need nutritional suplements.
The kind that only a man can provide.
Has anyone, at any time, seen a Vegan that actually LOOKED healthy? I haven’t. Every Vegan I’ve ever seen looked like pale, sickly people. I don’t think that is a coincidence either. They also never seem to smile and laugh.
This doesn’t make an iota of sense. There are men who are vegans too.
I don’t agree with the views of vegans or vegetarians but it is really daft to start criticising them. Who cares what they decide to eat or not? Provided they don’t start proselytizing to me and others, it doesn’t matter.
Moreover, it is not a specific gender issue to be a vegan, so what’s the point in making an issue over women being vegans and not men?
Lukasz, I disagree. It’s far cheaper to feed vegans than people with balanced diets. It’s also far more efficient, which is why it’s cheaper. That said, even eating some meat is far more enjoyable than chewing herbs noly like the next herbivore. That is until you start to factor in the indispensable nutritional supplements imposed by such a diet. Which would logically balance the cost, intuitively speaking.
Alas, excessive indulgence in meat leads to higher risk of heart attack and strokes as well as gout, not in the least a pleasant condition. The health risks associated with excessive meat in the diet outweigh those of no meat at all.
Then again, large brained cognitively superior, short intestined mammels would logically have higher, more elaborate optimal nutritional needs than a cow, for instance. Also, having 4 stomachs is somewhat of a prerequisite for a successfully making due on a vegan diet.
Correction, dear sir,
If you take one stance, you should take it for EVERYTHING, not be a
BUTT MONKEYWOMAN and have it be convenient when it suits your needs.Because that is the very nature of women.
Vegans are walking contradictions just like most women, they twist things to suit their needs at the time.
More animals are harmed by farming practices, even organic ones than by slaughterhouses each year.
They should learn all the facts before they demonize people for eating the way humanity has for centuries. Vegetables are meant to complement your diet, everything in moderation and balance.
Where were the vegans when thousands of wild animals had to be slaughtered to make way for their yuppie suburban homes? How many wolves, coyotes and mountain lions were displaced? How many rats?
If you take one stance, you should take it for EVERYTHING, not be a BUTT MONKEY and have it be convenient when it suits your needs.
Witness two more reasons why men are better than women. They can apologize and even compromise if needed.
No need to adjust anything, just wanted to clear something up. The addendum you gave will suffice.
Touchy feely isn’t being emotional, it’s being emotionally stunted by too many fairy tales.
My apologies, diamatik. I can edit the article if you’d like.
-Dick
That’s very well said, diamatik. Especially the alliteration: scruples… scrotums.
-wolfe
It seems that I was a bit misunderstood. My man-emotions had nothing to do with it. This was 100% about manners. I am a man of honor, and not a woman-like hypocrite. I think women should know their place. I think that men are better than women, and in recognition of our innate superiority to them we have invented chivalry as a more appropriate form of affirmative action.
I cannot be a good man and tell a woman the truth about men being better than women and then turn around and withhold the chivalry (i.e. treating them as if they could possibly be equal). I am, and will always be, a gentleman at heart. If some want to call that touchy-feely emotional shit, then so be it. But I have integrity and I shall stand up for that which I believe, with both words and action.
As we all know, there are other genders (which I shall not name here) that say they are equal to men, but then backtrack to requesting the good-old chivalry when it suits them. This brazen lack of scruples can only come from those who lack scrotums.
I love making vegan bitches eat the sausage…
they get it in the mouth and they just gotta have more..
fucking stupid vegan whores.