How Do I Deal With a Vegetarian?
The following question was sent to me by diamatik. If you would like to ask me a question, submit it via the Contact Dick page or post it in the forums.
“My girlfriend is a Vegan. What the fuck do I do when I want to eat, make her sit there? Won’t my em-man-imotions make me feel guilty?”
Yes. Make her sit there. Women lead long and un-lustrious lives spent primarily in various states of sitting there. True, they spend a lot of time on their backs during childbirth and activites which are inevitably childbirth related, but the true nature of womankind is to sit down and shut the fuck up.
Women are like Jesus, except instead of twelve stations of the cross, they have twelve positions for sitting there. Except because they’re women and lazy there are actually only three different positions and also, unlike Jesus, women don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves.
First of all, yes, your man-emotions will tell you to give half a shit about the welfare of your girlfriend.
“Is she hungry? Would she feel bad watching me eat meat? Would she feel bad if I accidentally dropped a fork off the table and requested another one and then first fork would feel neglected in some way? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever thought.”
Using your emotions when it comes to women is like using a chainsaw to cut a loaf of soggy bread. It’s overkill. Women don’t know the definition of empathy. They can appreciate it as much as they can appreciate a Ferrari or a pistol — or how awesome it would be to cut a loaf of bread with a chainsaw. It’s not because they don’t know very much either; it’s because empathy at its core cannot be understood by the female invertebrate slug brain. You can sit there and explain it to her until her big fat female friends come over and you’ll never make a dent.
Deal with women vegetarians the same way you deal with woman anything-ians.
Woman “lesbians” for example. Just hit on them non-stop. They love that kind of treatment. Actually, that’s the most reason women become “lesbians” temporarily; they haven’t gotten enough male attention in their lives.
If you’re dealing with a woman vegetarian, make her eat meat. They all want to. Obviously, “make” is a word you can define at your own man-discretion. Entice, coerce, bribe; they’re all the same fucking word. It’s your will and as a man your will is your prerogative.
The suffixes of “ians” and “isms” and “ists” are reserved for men. Just like the prefixes of Mr, Sir, and Dr. Women have no place with any of them around their piddly little names. It’s like that hilarious internet picture of the donkey attempting to haul about 2 tonnes of packing shit only to have itself lifted about ten feet in the air. Women are exactly like that with their meaningless -isms and -ians. They’re exactly like that except they’re not hilarious at all. They’re just a pain in the ass.
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September 15th, 2006 at 11:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Indeed diamatik.
Fel[l]atio-tations? Rampant penis envy, ey?
September 15th, 2006 at 11:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 88c1e58dc3ca7
whore indeed.
as in, who’re you to make such advanced, higher thinking even, accsuations…[not really but i wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, rather than doubting the benefit herein...]
so it seems that given the choice you would prefer that dead-fish-of-a-peachfish over one as wonton-ly fiesty as myself…
…’cause you know you just simply cannot wave that ‘magic wand’ of yers’ and make all of us she’s disappear
…though you do try, don’t you.
…choose her; the more eloquent one, i would, but i’m not going anywhere…
…because timing is everything that isn’t c[l]ocks mister.
September 15th, 2006 at 11:29 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
(yawns), what was that? Oh, don’t tell me, I don’t care. Now go peddle your wares elsewhere.
September 15th, 2006 at 11:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Senseless rambling elevated to the putative rank of philosophy, wisdom even. ‘Tis but another of the woeful ‘accomplishments’ of feminism and its equally moronic less evil prerequisite precursors.
Sadly, try as you might, feminists can never forge beyond the level of intellectually inept penile mock referencing with their rebukes, whatever the coating or flavour, their intelligence or education. Evidence this is your rampant penis envy seeping through your typing fingers.
F. Y. I., any syllogism (though your senseless word play rambling hardly qualifies) that doesn’t hold water after translation to another language is intellectually fallacious.
September 23rd, 2006 at 6:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2f2d948528fdf
ok so im a vegetarian and all but im not all crazy-psycho about it. i dont care what other people do, or what other people believe in.
September 23rd, 2006 at 6:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2f2d948528fdf
the reason girls go lesbian is because you act like jerks and treat us like nothing. i hate how guys can be with all these girls at once and his friends will be like ‘way to go’. if a girl does that she’ll get called a whore. why are WE treated like that? and that thing about how we’re “cheating whores”. i beg to differ. i think guys are usually the ones doing that stuff but see they get away with it bc society in general is like ‘oh thats not cheating, he’s doing what any other guy would do’. not cool.
September 23rd, 2006 at 7:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 05bdcb82f843a
I think partly what you’re observing is the stupidity of youth. Adult men don’t generally pat each other on the back for womanizing. Indeed, when I discovered that a former co-worked had cheated on his wife with her sister in his wife’s parents’ home, my reaction and the reaction of the men who knew about it was, “God, what an asshole.”
Also, before condemning this as exclusively a masculine trait, you might want to read the Canada Globe and Mail story, “Mommy’s Little Secret“. It’s quite an eye-opener.
September 23rd, 2006 at 7:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2f2d948528fdf
yeah, when guys are older and all, they really Grow Up. thank god haha. when im talking, its mainly not in the world world, but the high school world. ehk.
September 23rd, 2006 at 7:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2f2d948528fdf
by the way we’re on the subject of men vs women in society and all that jazz a lot in sociology class (possibly my favorite class this yr…) and its quite interesting. i love that class. very discussion based.
September 23rd, 2006 at 9:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5f25557f12b69
Hey sandra, fuck off.
-Dick
September 23rd, 2006 at 9:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1a4ed84419c7b
discuss that, bitch.
September 24th, 2006 at 12:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Earnestly Sandra, this is not an appropriate place for little girls to seek empathic discussion let alone relationship or emotional advice.
Please go away, or there will be hell more swearing at you than this. Unless, of course, that doesn’t phase you out in the least.
September 24th, 2006 at 5:36 am - IP Man-Hash: c7a298151bcdd
phase me? thats stupid. i just posted a lot last night because i was bored. gheez sorry if i ruined your people’s “manly fun”
September 24th, 2006 at 7:08 am - IP Man-Hash: 05bdcb82f843a
Cute, Sam/Pete/Ted/Elitist Prick, but clearly not the same Sandra. As usual, the IP Man-Hash reveals the poser every time. :)
September 24th, 2006 at 8:05 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Her siblings, perhaps?
September 24th, 2006 at 8:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 05bdcb82f843a
Not based on the Man-Hash. Just a troll. She’s been here before, usually attempting to disguise herself as a man.
September 28th, 2006 at 3:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Hehe, the vegan cunt trap. Was she the one with the traditional ‘fagots’ greeting?
I guess my remark about squaring homosexuality with fathering was a tad coarse, but nowhere near her rampant hate of queer.
September 28th, 2006 at 8:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 54f297af1830d
Good observation sandra. Most men aren’t fully mature until their early twenties. Of course that’s because they have much further to go. Women are generally fully mature in their mid teens. Unfortunately they rarely advance beyond that. This is why feminists always seem to behave like fifteen year olds.
February 28th, 2007 at 8:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7611d2e551981
How to help a vegetarian?
Eat a salad, take a shit in a plate and give it to them. It contains no by-products, and reminds me of Fondue.
Rarely does a veg-head do anything but bitch. Sounds womanly, kind of like Moby (sorry, had to say that).
The don’t like cows getting killed, but they will clear out a forest worth of vegetables and probably think it is cool too. Definitely womanly.
I eat meat. MEAT. MEAT as in: MEAT
I am the penultimate killer, I AM the top of the food chain. My food cannot run faster than the MAN created weapons that kill it. I enjoy that.
Veg-heads: Don’t bruise the lettuce.
MEAT: Don’t try to run, you will still die, and I will eat you anyway. Oh well, don’t say I didn’t warn you, just as long as I don’t bruise that shoulder steak area with my bullet of natural selection.
Veg-heads: I am concious of the environment, and cows fart a lot polluting the atmosphere (refer: “atmosqueer”) with heavy emissions of methane like my wife.
MEAT: That cow was goddamned tasty. Any more? Fuck. Let’s go fishing.
Veg-heads: Killing animals is wrong.
MEAT: I wrongly killed that cow, I meant to hit that deer instead. Plus, the cow was weak, it never created weapons to fight back. MEAT wins.
Veg-heads: I like lettuce.
MEAT: I like green things too, like Benjamin or Washington. I once wiped my ass with some oak leaves. They were not green, but I was really only out for the instant gratification thing. It was a going back to nature thing.
Veg-heads: All life is interconnected.
MEAT: That is why you use a Ginsu to seperate the tendons and all that interconnecting tissue.
Veg-heads: I love (blank)
MEAT: I have to go shit, that Triple Meat with Cheese is making a turtle head pop out. Time to make the doughnuts. PREPARE FOR BATTLE!
February 28th, 2007 at 10:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3fb3d0709ff44
I’m not sure if anything like this has already been posted but I don’t understand how anyone can become a vegetarian, or worse yet a vegan, because they feel sorry for the animals.
Its especially troubling when vegans/vegetarians equate the suffering of animals with that of jews during the reign of nazism, systematic starvings under Stalin, etc. In no way are cows, chickens, and so equal to humans. There is a natural hierarchy to the animal kingdom. Just as one wouldn’t mind billions of bacteria being killed by anti-biotics to save a human life, mosquitos being sprayed to save human lives by preventing the spread of malaria, or rats being exterminated to insure diseases aren’t transmitted by the fleas etc. on them, people should not mind the slaughtering of farm animals to provide sustinence for humans.
None of these vegans/vegetarians look healthy; they are all skin and bones. They pop handfuls of pills on a daily basis just to get the vitamins, nutrients, and fatty acids they would otherwise be getting from a balanced diet. If only modern medicine had not come so far, survival of the fittest would be well-capable of taking care of the supremacist pussies that refuse to eat meat.
It frustrates me to no end that these dumb cunts think they are superior because they have higher moral standards etc. that will not allow them to eat meat. All these dumb feminists are the same. They think they are kinder and more sensitive than men, or that they have better morals because of shit like this. Silly feminists, go on thinking that not killing animals makes you morally superior, while your at it maybe you should murder more unborn children, destroy more families, or perhaps castrate more men. Your twisted morals sicken me.